Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 107

107.

New Year’s Day, January 1st. Having finished the last year-end stage yesterday, I decided to sleep in. Until 11 AM, no less. There’s a strange charm to waking up late and reading all night after coming home.

I picked up my phone to call Mok-hwa to celebrate the New Year, but I was taken aback by the flood of messages.

…What’s with all this?

I felt a little dizzy from the wave of texts, something I’d never experienced before. I only have notifications turned on for Mok-hwa, so it didn’t interfere with work, but it was too much of a hassle to check them all individually. I just tapped on Mok-hwa’s name at the bottom first.

— Hyung [older brother/male friend]! Happy birthday! (A video of Mok-hwa shouting happy birthday and setting off a cheap firecracker. Kim Hyun-jin seems to have filmed it, as he says congratulations near the end of the video.)

— I want to go and congratulate you in person, but I have practice until tonight, so I can’t… I’m so sorry, hyung ㅠㅠ It’s our first birthday together, and I wanted to celebrate it so much, but I’m really upset and sad, and I had so many plans to hang out with you at home (omitted).

Ah, birthday. Oh, right, it was my birthday.

I read Mok-hwa’s long text message word by word, and only then did I realize that January 1st was my birthday.

I knew that my birthday was on January 1st, but I’ve hardly ever received a birthday text from anyone in the past 10 years, so I didn’t connect the bursting list of messages with the date.

Well, it feels a bit strange.

The custom of celebrating the day a human is born is a custom established under numerous preconditions. Before the establishment of Christianity, in the West, it was believed that evil spirits came on the day a person was born, so candles were lit at night to drive them away, and others gathered to make a noisy commotion so that the person would not be captured by evil spirits. In addition to this, cultures with calendars all celebrated birthdays for their own reasons, or understood birthdays negatively.

…I only know historical facts like that, and I haven’t had anyone celebrate my birthday for so long, except when I was young.

I get up and look out the window for a moment. The world is covered in white snow. My birth flower, the snowdrop, is said to have gained the flower language of hope because it is born in this snow, as evidence that spring is coming soon.

I wonder if I can live as someone’s hope, like that saying. At least for Mok-hwa, I need to be someone they can rely on in despair, a source of hope.

With such meaningless thoughts filling my mind in this sentimental landscape, I headed to the kitchen to clear my head.

When I think about it, the modern custom of celebrating birthdays has strange aspects. All of human life is a journey to death, so it is the same as dying. A birthday is a milestone set on that journey, and evidence that death has not yet been reached. Therefore, shouldn’t a birthday party be not just a celebration of ‘birth,’ but a relief of ‘not dying’? Loved ones gather together, feeling grateful that they are still alive.

…Hmm, this thought is a bit outdated too. I think it’s because I’ve been thinking about Mok-hwa’s birthday since I was young, so the logic is lacking. I’ll have to revise it later.

‘I should just make a cup of coffee.’

Even though I slept in a bit today, the house is empty. Usually, when I’m thinking about this, Chae Ha-min would come and say, ‘You’re thinking strange things!’ and interrupt my thoughts.

Something’s strange. For Chae Ha-min to be out of bed on a holiday when it’s only 11 o’clock.

Maybe Team Leader Jang Hae-jin called them, but I was asleep and couldn’t go.

I came up with various hypotheses, speculating why everyone disappeared at the same time, but then I just got tired of it all and put it aside. Right now, I just want to read a book in the lazy atmosphere of this quiet space.

The book I chose this time is… Ding—!

[There’s an announcement!]

‘What is it, System? Don’t you have any books?’

How dare you break this peace. I should be sharing the same sensibilities to some extent.

Then, as if waiting for it, a siren sounds, tormenting my ears. What are you doing, System? I’m not such a terrible person that I have a hobby of tormenting other people’s reading time.

[Quest! ‘Entering Hard Mode! As long as you live, you will become stronger and stronger!’ has occurred.

You have completed the first main quest and anchored the changed possibility in the world! (Actually, I did about 94.53% of the work!) As a result, you have met the conditions for opening Hard Mode, and the following restrictions are imposed!

Restriction: Prohibition of conversation with the so-called ‘System’. (Exception: I may talk to you if I’m bored!)

This restriction is a measure to minimize the space-time distortion formed due to you knowing my identity. Also, thanks to you changing the possibility, there is not much that is predetermined from now on, so it is difficult to help you.

Unfortunately, I have lost a significant part of my original personality over the years, but I hope you will keep it!]

What, this, really, why have you become so frivolous? I don’t like the way you talk, it’s so slick.

“…Then, is this my last conversation with you?”

[That’s right!]

“When are you planning to be bored?”

[Do you not want to break up with me?!]

…To be honest, there are times when I’m comforted by the silly conversations I have with you.

[Ji Dong-hwa, get a grip! You can’t fall for me!]

I’m serious, but the way you take it, I hope I don’t grow up like that, and I opened my mouth.

“…Please get lost.”

I sighed deeply, and an alert came up immediately, so I checked it.

[Oh dear! Someone else!]

…Damn it.

“Oh, that, Dong-hwa, that, s-sorry, surprise party, because it’s a party.”

Chae Ha-min, who had been sneaking in from somewhere, froze and looked at me, holding a big sweet potato cake in his hand. Well, but you seem to be the most surprised for a surprise party, Ha-min.

“…Ha-min.”

Damn it, I didn’t know that speaking comfortably because there was no one at home would lead to such a misstep. The price of entrusting myself to the lazy energy was quite high. Ji Dong-hwa, think. What is the easiest solution in this situation?

Ding—!

[Should I stop time for you?]

Shut up, System. Isn’t this your fault?

“Hurry up and blow out the candles, give it here, Ha-min.”

I pulled up the corners of my mouth as much as possible, looking at Chae Ha-min with a bright smile that I hadn’t even shown the members a few times. Yes, this is the best I can do.

Then, from behind Chae Ha-min—the sound of breathing is presumed to be Ryu I-deun—I heard a ‘gasp!’ What are you guys doing?

Chae Ha-min finally came to his senses and looked at me with a startled expression, then returned to his usual cheerful self.

“Oh, guys, what should we do? Dong-hwa suddenly accelerated, so we missed the timing to sing.”

Ryu I-deun quickly grasped the situation and walked forward. …By the way, what’s with the glasses that don’t suit you?

“Hyung-nim [term of respect for an older male], please pretend you don’t know—again.”

Some laughter is heard from various places at Seok-jun’s nonsense. I’m somewhat trained in pretending not to know, so I immediately lower my head and focus my eyes on the book.

Then, I heard the sound of footsteps hurrying somewhere, and soon the birthday song spread throughout the living room.

I tried to pretend to be surprised, but for a moment I burst out laughing because it was so funny. Even though I had personally taken care of all the members’ birthdays, why didn’t I think this would happen? The current situation was funny, and in the meantime, I was laughing at my stupidity for not even being able to make basic inferences in the morning. After all, I’m not very smart.

“Hyung, you have to concentrate!”

Lee Hyun-jae shouts during a break while singing in a clear voice. I return to a blank expression and focus on the people in front of me singing.

Even so, everyone looks at me with a smile on their faces. How… how is that smile possible? We’ve only known each other for less than a year, and I’m just a human who has done my best, but how can they look at me with such affectionate eyes?

“Dong-hwa, blow it out quickly! The candle wax!”

“Hyung-nim! Wish, you have to make a wish!”

A society where superstition prevails. It’s a really heartbreaking story.

Nevertheless, I smile slightly and close my eyes. The word ‘wish’ is terribly unfamiliar. I thought about it once during the last Thanksgiving, but wishing for something is really…

Therefore, let’s wish only as much as my pessimism allows.

‘I hope I can receive congratulations from them on January 1st next year as well.’

Wouldn’t that be okay?

* * *

I ate the cake. Unfortunately, I don’t really like overly sweet cakes like the chocolate cake that the members like. I can eat it while enduring it, but it’s similar to Chae Ha-min’s mushrooms.

“Oh, look at our Dong-hwa eating so well, I’m full just watching you.”

Ignoring Ryu I-deun, who is muttering nonsense like a dad, I ate more than usual. It’s embarrassing because it feels like evidence of greed, but when else can I have this experience?

“So, Dong-hwa hyung-nim, what did you wish for?”

I didn’t open my mouth at Seok-jun’s question. I’ve been pushed off the chair by speeding dinosaurs and rabbits during Thanksgiving before.

“Oh, Dong-hwa is embarrassed.”

“Your ears aren’t even red, how does Ha-min hyung know?”

“I’m a Dong-hwa detector, Hyun-jae. Almost a facial expression analyzer.”

“As expected, there’s a reason why you’re roommates?”

I put the last piece of cake in my mouth and took a sip of coffee.

“Dong-hwa hyung, you’re so elegant.”

Quiet, Hyun-jae. I’m not happy that you’re destroying the emotional inspiration I received earlier with your own hands.

“…Thank you.”

And then I fall into the swamp of silence again.

“No, that, uh, oh, you shouldn’t say thank you yet.”

Chae Ha-min laughs awkwardly. ‘Yet’?

“Ha-min hyung-nim, don’t say it yet!”

Ryu I-deun quickly puts his arm around Seok-jun’s shoulder.

And I watch all of that, quietly guessing the situation. ‘Not yet’ thank you, and something you can’t say ‘yet’. Considering the special nature of the day called birthday and the existence of the customary event called a gift that takes place on that birthday, what I can guess is,

‘…I shouldn’t go to the studio today.’

A few weeks ago, there was a problem with the sound of the headphones in the studio. When I contacted the production company, they said that A/S [After Service/Customer Service] was not possible, so I installed one of the cheap headsets that were lying around in the company and listened to it. When I tried to buy it at my own expense, Team Leader Jang Hae-jin came and told me to wait a little longer to buy it, so I thought the company would do it for me.

“…Still, there’s something to be thankful for now!”

Lee Hyun-jae looks at me and quickly changes the subject, thinking that he has already been caught.

“That’s right, that’s right! Dong-hwa, I prepared a watch for you as a gift!”

Ryu I-deun also tries to quickly turn his gaze, noticing my expression. Yes, pretending not to know this much is nothing. I’m fully trained through Mok-hwa.

“We bought it with money we collected among ourselves, so it’s not expensive…”

Ryu I-deun hands over the watch with an awkward smile. I immediately receive it and put it on my wrist.

The time is 1:01. A strange coincidence.

* * *

After the noisy birthday passed and I was back in the studio, I was wearing the watch the members gave me and listening to music with the headphones the members gave me.

Whether Hard Mode is real or not, the notification window of the System, who used to talk to me nonsensically from time to time, is quiet. I too, after a long time, will enter the System’s position. How much will the possibilities of this world have changed by then?

I feel a little scared.

But, even with just the present, there is enough value to live for. The obvious common sense that I am developing an undefined future myself has now become obvious, so I should start thinking about how to screw over Leibniz [German polymath and philosopher].

And at the moment I resolve to live by focusing on the present like that, the door to the studio opens and Ryu I-deun comes in.

“Dong-hwa hyung, we’re going to the archery range next week.”

…Archery? A sport that replaced hunting due to the formation of animal rights?