Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 11

11.

The day after the stage, I went to the practice room with the others who had been selected for the team.

The confirmed team members are me, Lee Hyunjae, Ryu Ideun, Park Woojin, Kim HyunJin, and Lee Inbang—one of those rude little bastards from before.

Of course, Kim HyunJin only watched from the sidelines, but the first impression is already ruined.

Two people who are awkward with me, one I personally dislike, and one machine.

Is this what they call a dream team? Nightmares are definitely a ‘dream’ too.

Still, at least Ryu Ideun is there, so something will come of it, whether it’s good or bad. Ryu Ideun is the oldest of the trainees at 22, so he played a role in controlling the atmosphere before I and Chae Hamin came.

Our team entered the practice room for the first meeting. Then Lee Hyunjae grabbed me before going in and asked to talk for a moment.

‘Ah, my social skills score must be lacking.’

But Lee Hyunjae doesn’t say anything after bringing me here.

“…Why?”

“…Hyung [older brother/male friend, used respectfully], to be blunt, why did you pick me?”

‘Because you seemed the quietest.’

Ha, I’m really debating whether to just spit it out.

“…I told you.”

“Was it really because of my singing ability?”

You had a touched expression back then too. Are you the type to be moved by lies?

“…Yeah.”

“…I’m, uh, not confident.”

“Confident?”

“I was so nervous on stage last time… I barely sang. Maybe, uh, this time too…….”

Hmm, so that’s why he was 10th. So he called me out to announce that he’s not confident he can meet my expectations because he’s too nervous.

I really don’t know what to do. I expected it on my own, so what am I supposed to do if he reacts as if it’s some heinous act?

I want to ignore him because it’s annoying, but if I do, he’ll lose more confidence, and if he does, we’ll lose the competition, and if we do, I might not even know why I’m in this messed-up situation because I failed to complete the quest.

So let’s just tell him the objective facts.

“So you’re worried you won’t meet my expectations?”

“…Yes.”

“…It’s not your duty to meet other people’s expectations.”

“…Pardon?”

“Expectations are something others do on their own, so rather than feeling burdened, it’s better to just ignore them and do your own thing.”

“…That’s, not easy, to do as I please.”

Lee Hyunjae, who spoke haltingly, seemed to have recalled something he didn’t want to think about, and mumbled as if he had lost confidence.

Hmm, he must have had a hurtful experience not meeting the expectations of his parents or acquaintances. If so, the stress seems severe, but seeing as he can’t escape it, it’s highly likely to be his parents or family.

Anyway, I’m just studying psychology from books and don’t have a license, so if I say something as help, there might be side effects, so let’s just tell him my life’s creed.

“Um, you are needed first for your world to exist.”

It’s ridiculous to have to say this obvious thing, but.

“…Pardon?”

“Just like you can’t be sure that something is delicious or that I exist here until you confirm it, you are needed first for the world you see to exist.”

Even after saying this much, Lee Hyunjae still looks like he doesn’t understand. I have to say it directly for him to understand.

“If you have to choose the one important thing in the world you live in, it’s you, not other people’s expectations. You can’t completely ignore others. But you have to prioritize yourself.”

Only then does Lee Hyunjae nod slightly, as if he understands.

I’ve pulled out 3 days’ worth of social skills to try to keep Lee Hyunjae from losing confidence, so I hope he pulls himself together and regains some confidence.

That’s how I’ll get one step closer to the truth of why I’m experiencing this sudden phenomenon.

Then, when I turned my head, Ryu Ideun was standing there with a camera.

‘I’m screwed.’

Given Ryu Ideun’s personality.

“Donghwa, you’re so cool.”

Definitely.

“A brain that could go to Korea University’s philosophy department, outstanding composing skills, and even a warm heart.”

He’s going to tease me. No, what warm heart? It’s an ugly desire to complete the quest.

“It’s definitely a mistake from God.”

I mutter quietly.

“…Why were you there?”

“I was wondering why you weren’t coming in, so I came to see what was going on, and I almost missed this great scene.”

* * *

First, the meeting itself started smoothly. The second competition is a cover song battle. The song is randomly selected by lottery, so there was no room for disagreement from the start. Besides, Ryu Ideun did a decent job of facilitating things.

“Then shall we draw to see which song we’ll cover?”

After saying that, Ryu Ideun holds up the lottery container and looks at me.

“Our kind-hearted Winter Flower will draw to give us hope!”

“…Ryu Ideun, aren’t you afraid of the dark?”

Lee Hyunjae was slightly bowing his head and laughing at the real-life version of my witty answer to Ryu Ideun’s stupid words.

If you think about it, it’s your fault that I’m in this situation, but instead of helping, you’re laughing? And weren’t we supposed to be awkward with each other? Why are you suddenly feeling intimacy?

Ha, whatever. Let’s just draw.

I picked one at random without thinking and unfolded it. I had to show it to the camera first, so I unfolded it without showing it to my side, but the reaction on the other side was lukewarm.

“Wow, what should we do about this?”

Ryu Ideun tilted his head slightly to the right.

“What song is it that’s causing this reaction?”

I turned the paper to my side to look at it.

‘Reminia ― Genie’

Ah, I don’t know it, so it must be a girl group song. I didn’t have time to study girl groups.

But seeing the reaction, it seems like everyone knows it, so I decided to go along with it.

“Um, it seems difficult because it’s a song by our girl group seniors.”

“Since it’s a girl group song, let’s see what other songs there were.”

At that, we unfolded each one and checked the songs, but they were all songs by (presumably) girl groups.

“…Actually, ‘girl group’ was probably omitted before the cover song competition.”

“I feel like the difficulty has suddenly increased. Let’s watch the stage performance once and think about what to do with the concept.”

* * *

Silence lingered for a while even after watching the performance. I don’t really understand why, but it’s better to match the atmosphere. Unexpectedly, it was Lee Hyunjae, not Ryu Ideun, who broke the silence.

“…I have no idea how to create a great performance.”

“Right? If we do it with this concept, we won’t be able to match it, let alone capture the mood of the song.”

Um, that’s true. The content of this song is that today I will be your genie, so shake off your hardships and come to my side to rest.

The lyrics don’t matter, but the song has a unique bright and cheerful atmosphere, so it’s impossible to do it as is.

Inevitably, we’ll have to lower a few keys to match the male range, but if we do, about half of the song’s atmosphere will be cut off, so it will look sloppy.

It’s impossible to change a cheerful song that wasn’t originally made for a male key to a male key.

‘…Arrangement knowledge is so helpful.’

“Then shall we modify the lyrics? In a way that it’s an aggressive lover atmosphere asking to be my genie for just one day.”

Kim HyunJin mentioned a major project as if it were nothing. Considering that I’m the only one who can compose, so I’ll likely have to do the work, or at least participate, it’s better to do something that’s efficient while doing less work.

“I don’t think we necessarily have to modify the lyrics.”

When I said seriously, Kim HyunJin flinched slightly and asked for my thoughts.

“I don’t know exactly what kind of atmosphere you want, but you don’t necessarily have to interpret the genie positively.”

“What do you mean?”

“Genies are mythological beings of Arab descent, with half of them being good guys and half of them having bad hearts. So you don’t necessarily have to see genies as good beings who grant wishes. You can think of it as lying.”

Ryu Ideun nodded slowly at the explanation, as if he had predicted what I was going to say.

“Then what kind of atmosphere should we change the song to?”

If I’m going to participate in the arrangement, it’s hundreds of times easier to work similarly to what I already know in order to do less work.

“Have you ever read Faust?”

* * *

I decided to roughly churn out the first draft of the arrangement overnight, and the other guys decided to stay up all night to learn the choreography and add or modify movements to match the atmosphere we discussed earlier.

The studio rented by the company was so comfortable that I could focus on the song work without thinking.

It’s different from writing a novel and fun, so if I had learned composing in my original space-time, I would have lived happily.

Then I would have been a room composer instead of a room novelist.

I was focusing on the song work for a while when someone knocked on the door. Seeing as they didn’t come in right away, they have basic manners in their head.

“Come in.”

When I opened the door, I saw Lee Hyunjae standing there with a nervous expression, holding an Americano in both hands.

“Oh, Hyung, here, have this.”

“…Thanks.”

When I stepped aside, he took a seat on the small sofa in one corner of the studio.

“…What’s up?”

“We decided to take a break from learning the choreography, so I was wondering if Hyung should take a break too.”

When I looked at the clock at that, 4 hours had already passed. Hmm, no wonder my eyes were blurry.

At that, I also sat down in the studio chair and drank coffee. It’s quiet. I like it very much. Choosing Lee Hyunjae as a member to work with was the right choice after all.

“…Um, Hyung.”

He came because he had something to say.

“I was, uh, grateful this morning.”

“…I didn’t do anything?”

I’m serious. What is there to be grateful for?

“Actually, my parents told me to quit being a trainee if I fail to debut this time.”

“…You’re only eighteen years old.”

…Isn’t it too early to give up on your dreams?

“I’ve been a trainee for 9 years.”

Wow, that’s amazing. He’s devoted half of his life to an opaque dream. By the way, then he’s been a trainee since he was nine or ten years old?

I’ve felt this before, but the idol scene seems to like tormenting young children.

“So, I’ve been doing it for 9 years, and if I can’t debut, I feel like it’ll be too unfair, and I want to show something to my parents who ignore the fact that I want to be an idol, and my few friends around me are joking about whether I’m finally debuting this time, and I’m still in a cold war with my parents, and anyway, the pressure is too much… I completely messed up the stage yesterday.”

If I organize the disorganized words, it means that there are too many things around him that are of no help, so it was hard.

“Then I listened to Hyung’s words, and I think I was able to think differently.”

“Really?”

“Yes, my parents or the people around me, they don’t know the world I live in better than I do. They don’t know the desperation of the dream I’m dreaming of, the heart I’ve endured for 9 years, they don’t know unless it’s me.”

The inaccessibility of personal thoughts to others, also called Descartes’ private theater model, he managed to realize on his own what others learn and know.

“So I’m just going to try to focus on dreaming for now, no matter what others say. Anyway, thank you, Hyung.”

He said that and bowed his head before heading out. I waved my hand briefly and leaned back in the practice room chair as if collapsing.

Dream.

Dream… I feel like I’m going to think of the old days again.

It’s a very difficult word. I’ve never been in a position to dream from my point of view.

If there was one dream, it was to know what can be said to be an eternally unchanging truth in this world, but I myself clearly know that that’s impossible.

And the only thing that can be called a dream is… that child…….

…Wait.

Ha, I fell into useless thoughts for a while. These emotions are usually just pests that eat away at people. I took another sip of coffee and focused on the arrangement again.

Dream or whatever, I need to win the competition and find out why I fell into this place from my original world.