Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 152

152.

Ah, damn it, guilt.

I acted like I knew what ‘Prophecy’ meant to Prophecy, all high and mighty. I set fire to the prophecy archive in my head, leaving only the rude things I had done.

‘…Should I teach you this? If it’s in the form of memory, you might be able to control it.’

[Think you can?]

‘Your tone has gotten awfully cheap, Gijisaeng. I really want to emulate you.’

If the past, present, and future all exist in one person, the concept of freedom would be hard to establish. You’d just be executing predetermined actions.

Gijisaeng, question. You said the possibilities are all twisted. Then what are the possibilities in Prophecy’s head?

I clicked my tongue, staring at the empty air where there was no answer. …You lie so well with that silver tongue.

[I do not lie.]

Reserving that for now.

“This alone is enough as compensation for helping you.”

Answering the Prophecy in front of me is the priority. I couldn’t keep watching that desperate expression; the answer was already decided.

“…Wow, seriously.”

Prophecy grabbed his head again. My answer must be changing the possibilities again.

[You are like a bug in a well-designed game system! And I’m spreading the bug.]

How proud. You damn thing.

“Wait a second…. What is this? This is a first.”

Prophecy turned serious, and then he laughed.

“There are blank parts in my memory. …I can’t remember anything.”

His smile gradually widened. Seeing that smile reminded me of Prophecy when he was with the members earlier. He looked like he was about to go crazy again like then, so I got up and took a step back.

More than that, why did the possibilities that were so clear suddenly disappear? Am I that small but reliable bug?

[If it were another old man instead of me, there would have been a disaster!]

“Ah… Augh, ugh.”

Prophecy curled up and started groaning, his headache getting worse. My body moved reflexively, and I supported Prophecy’s body.

“…Are you alr…….”

“Shh. This is the happiest moment of my life right now. Sorry, but just for a moment. So this is what it feels like… falling off a cliff.”

To say such terrible things so casually.

“…Ah, this is no joke. As soon as I get back, I need to get Junseong *hyung* [older brother or male friend] to prophesy the parts I don’t remember.”

“Then, will he believe you?”

“Yes, yes. That’s exactly it. Just imagining it makes me thrilled. Just you wait, Lee Junseong.”

Wow, his last name is Lee. I just found out.

* * *

Prophecy and I sat down for a while and came up with several hypotheses about what happened. Circumstantially, it was clear that I was making the future invisible, but why?

Combining the information Gijisaeng gave me and the information Prophecy gave me, I came to one conclusion.

‘Ah… I’m really a reliable bug, a small plague in this world.’

What happens is calculated in real-time with the rule of possibility, but for some reason—actually, I think I know why—at least the possibilities for me aren’t being properly tallied, so there’s a possibility of error, and that error leads to Prophecy’s headache…….

“No, if we go that way, it’ll look like you did something wrong to me.”

During the long conversation, Prophecy and I dropped honorifics.

“Well, still, as a result.”

“Shut up. I’ll decide that. It’s so foolish to feel guilty for nothing.”

“……You’ve always been like that.”

“That’s my true self that only Junseong *hyung* knows.”

He says Junseong, Junseong, with every other word; it’s giving me a headache.

“In the first place, how do you know my situation? I’d be curious even if it were me.”

“…Even if you didn’t know.”

“I knew it when Momoji got too philosophical. That was too much, and the points you feel guilty about are too much too. Just everything.”

Momoji was… quite fun…….

“I’ll answer in advance. It wasn’t.”

Oh dear. This is being tallied accurately again. It’s just a capricious rule.

[It’s proof that the world is fundamentally irrational! Of course, it’s the irrationality we created.]

I don’t know how sad Kant would be. Father of rationality, you were wrong.

[I can hear Nietzsche cheering from the next room! Adorno is drinking with him too!]

Don’t pretend you have friends, Gijisaeng. I already feel sorry for you without that.

[I can feel annoyed without your help, you damn Jihwa!]

“…Anyway, thank you.”

A thank you out of the blue while I was having a useless conversation with Gijisaeng. It’s burdensome.

“…I didn’t really do anything.”

To feel proud of a thank you, you have to have done something, but all I did was mess around with experiments.

“I can’t help it if you think that way; it’s just that your existence itself is appreciated. I still, still don’t know why, but yeah.”

Saying that, Prophecy got up and held out his hand.

“Just change it once. The memory has disappeared from my head now, though.”

I took his hand and stood up with him. So, what do I have to change? What if it’s an area I can’t change in the first place? I want to avoid giving hope and not being able to fulfill it.

“So, what do I have to change?”

“Heh, it’s exciting to say that it’s a chance I can only use once in my life.”

Everything excites him. My heart won’t be able to take it.

“Prevent me from breaking up with Junseong *hyung*.”

I nodded. I can understand that Junseong is more precious than family in his life. But.

“I’ve never been in love, so I don’t have the ability to solve relationship problems.”

If I give relationship advice, eight out of ten conclusions will be ‘break up.’

“Huh?”

Prophecy’s expression was bewildered. The world is wide, and humans are born alone, so what’s so strange?

“…No, I said it weirdly. It’s not that kind of breakup.”

“Ah, is that so?”

“……Yeah. Just stop me from leaving TOT.”

Hmm, I never thought I’d hear such a request in my life. A simple choice can be a lifelong wish for some people.

“……Okay. I’ll definitely help you.”

Prophecy bit his lip as if chewing it and smiled with difficulty. It feels strange. He’s someone who’s shouting for freedom that’s guaranteed for others.

“Okay. See you later, our composer.”

I sighed deeply, watching Prophecy’s back.

‘It’s hectic.’

I came to perform on stage and found out about someone’s intimate secret; I miss my peaceful daily life so much.

While I was having such silly thoughts, I was walking along, carefully pondering why the streetlights were so bright. Someone suddenly popped out from the darkest place behind the streetlight.

“Donghwa!”

Chae Hamin grabbed my shoulders and looked me up and down. Like a rabbit, he seemed to have dug a hole and hid before appearing.

“…Haa, thank goodness. You’re not hurt anywhere.”

What kind of rabbit sound is this again? As expected of Chae Hamin, who knows my accusing gaze best, he immediately started explaining.

“I was worried. What if you came back hurt somewhere?”

“…Okay.”

The intermediate thought process is completely omitted, but I think I know. Prophecy… must have looked half-crazy. I thought so at first too.

“Let’s go.”

“Did you really just talk?”

What were you expecting to get this reaction?

“Yeah.”

“I thought you’d definitely come back hurt somewhere. I was so worried. Prophecy *hyung’s* expression was kind of crazy.”

“……What was Ryu Ideun doing?”

He should have grabbed Chae Hamin’s ears and pulled him away so he couldn’t dig a hole when I wasn’t there.

* * *

The day before returning to Korea, I quickly lay down in bed since I had to go to the airport early in the morning. Chae Hamin, who was lying in the bed next to me, was trying to find out what we talked about, asking questions.

I can’t answer him, though.

“I’m disappointed! So disappointed! To my best friend!”

“Privacy.”

“It’s a magic word, just like that!”

I pretended to sleep and lay down in bed. Because there’s something more important than making Chae Hamin feel better.

Ding—!

[Are you sleeping?]

Shut up. Where did you learn lines that an ex-lover would say?

[I wanted to try it once!]

…He must be very lonely. How pitiful.

Anyway, can’t I say it now? I think I’ve reached about half of the answer.

[Please wait a moment.]

While I was giving meaningless responses to Chae Hamin, who was muttering something in the dark, as usual.

[It’s not working. Maybe it’s because I’m the youngest in the retirement home, but it doesn’t match at all. What I want to make clear is that it’s the fault of these trash, not my mistake!]

…Haa, I expected it. It must be the site of human experimentation that the managers planted while experimenting with the workings of possibility. Then Cassandra might have been close to the actual truth. Damn bastards.

[Silence.]

It’s not silence the moment you send it as a message. Go read the Korean dictionary.

[I’ve already memorized it all!]

Prophecy, then, has to spend his whole life in that state? I feel like useless thoughts are growing again.

…Let’s put it aside for now. If the time comes when he needs help, Prophecy will ask for help directly.

It’s better to memorize those damn three letters now. The name that will put the sociable puppy in gossip.

* * *

“Hello, I’m Kim Jinhwa! Wow, you’re much more handsome in person than I saw on TV.”

That damn bastard, he’s the one who’s insulting our puppy. I’m trying my best not to be swayed by prejudice, but I wonder if my expression is being properly managed.

“We’re Blossence!”

I greeted him and glanced at Ryu Ideun and Chae Hamin, who were smiling pleasantly next to me.

Puppies are said to have evolved in a human-friendly direction to increase their survival, but this is what’s holding them back.

A variety show with a baseless title of ‘Run Away!’ But it’s a public broadcast and has a decent number of regular viewers. Originally, we were discussing appearing around the time of our comeback, but it was pushed back due to the broadcasting company’s circumstances—a synonym for ‘tyranny.’

Before filming, I went around and greeted everyone, then plopped down in my seat.

“Wow, everyone here is so nice.”

No. That human called Jinhwa over there is planning to plunge you into the quagmire of rumors. But, in the first place, if Ryu Ideun can’t distinguish such a human, how hard is that human hiding his private life? If he put that effort into broadcasting, he would easily take the main MC position.

“It definitely feels a bit more empowering since there are three of us. I wanted to die when I went on the radio alone before.”

“Yeah. Besides, the filming location feels like coming home.”

What nonsense are you talking about?

I smiled at Chae Hamin’s words and looked across the way. …Damn main gate. I’m sick of passing through that main gate on the shuttle bus since I’ve done it quite a bit.

“Filming at Korea University. Donghwa, tell us how you feel about coming to university.”

Unfortunately, I’m not happy at all. Currently, I’m only taking a few morning classes online, so I know these guys are coming to school for the first time.

“First… let’s go. To the College of Humanities and Social Sciences.”

“Huh? Where is that?”

“……A place that sells coffee.”

It’s actually a building with various purposes, but it’s not very meaningful except for coffee, so it’s not a lie. I’m going to be very tired today, so I need to have a cup of coffee first.

“But, Donghwa, isn’t this the first time you’ve come to school in person?”

“I memorized the map.”

That was about 10 years ago. I think this is the first time I’ve used the knowledge from my previous life like this.

“Even if you don’t act like it, you must have been looking forward to coming to school, Donghwa *hyung*.”

I ignored Ryu Ideun’s nonsense and slightly turned my gaze to the side.

…Damn pond. I wonder if the duck couple is doing well. The Department of Philosophy even named them.

“Mr. Aristotle.”

I inadvertently called out one of the names I missed. When I had time between classes, it was my pleasure to sit on the bench there and rest.