Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 171

171.

“That was advice for my beloved senior.”

Ji Donghwa, knitting a pink scarf with knitting needles in both hands, looked utterly indifferent. It was as if the force he had shown a little while ago—though it wasn’t even clear if it was a little while ago—whispering in a small voice and threatening that terrible headaches would continue unless I followed his words, had vanished without a trace.

I had no idea what it was. The headache that I couldn’t endure even by tearing at my hair, the headache that made me suspect someone was trying to blow up my head.

And in between, the voice that tempted me as if it were a lifeline. The tone, the intonation, even the timing of the pauses, all sharply dug into the gaps. I felt a kind of revulsion, but the desire to be comfortable became too great, and at the moment I made a ‘resolution to stop the prophecy,’ the pain instantly disappeared.

“What the hell was that, Donghwa?”

It was terrifying. What, how?

It’s irrational. It’s something I’ve never seen or heard of. It was as if the headache that had struck my head was created by Ji Donghwa. Otherwise, it would be difficult to understand why the headache disappeared the moment he achieved what he wanted. The question of whether Ji Donghwa was a cold-blooded person who would torture others could be put aside for later. Because there is one question that must be resolved now.

So, the headache, how?

“Well, this is difficult to explain. Could you wait a moment?”

Then, Ji Donghwa slowly closed his eyes and pretended to think about something intently, and after about ten seconds, he opened his mouth with a pitiful look towards Junseong, who was trembling.

“First, could you promise to fulfill the promise?”

Junseong maintained his composure. He was rational by nature, and what a leader of Ilgun Group needed first and foremost was tact and a certain amount of political power. He was also the one who gave Ryu Ideun social skills lessons.

So, bewilderment took precedence over anger. Why is that so important?

“Is it that important?”

“It’s not that it’s not important. Then, may I ask you a question, isn’t Yaeon important to you, senior?”

Of course, he is important. Junseong, who wears the mask of a celebrity, is one of the few people who takes off his mask. All the members are precious, but Yaeon is a younger brother he cares about more and relies on.

Ji Donghwa smiled and continued as if he didn’t need to hear an answer.

“I’m glad you don’t seem to have a headache now.”

What the hell? Scary. Is he a devil? Is this a threat?

Thoughts flashed through my mind. But I’m glad I can keep a straight face.

“I promise, I’m really going to get angry, Donghwa.”

Seeing the momentarily bewildered expression, Junseong also felt bewildered. He felt like he was looking at a child who didn’t know that what he was doing was wrong. He even had a naive reflection that he wasn’t threatening.

Stay calm, Lee Junseong! The opponent is a devilish junior who doesn’t hesitate to shake other people’s brains with some kind of pain. A cold-blooded person who ignores the affection he has built up so far. Junseong, knowing how much he cares about Donghwa. Sending him a text message every few days to ask how he is doing, answering industry-related questions with all his heart, and opening up his vulnerabilities.

Resentment and a very faint sadness swept over Junseong. Even so, he still holds onto the last leaf, thinking, ‘Donghwa must have a reason for doing that.’

“You must keep it a secret.”

* * *

I didn’t study computers much. In the first place, machines were too difficult. Even if the ‘me’ in the distant future studied computers a lot, I don’t even know what a bug is.

[Fighting! Our Bug! I love you! Our Bug!]

Shut up.

But there is something you can know even if you don’t know computers. That bugs can mess up computer programs. I finished my deep contemplation while knitting when Junseong was collapsed.

How can I screw over everyone except Gisaeng? As a result of reviewing several cases through questions that Gisaeng can answer with silence or no, I came to the conclusion that I have to screw over Junseong now.

As long as Gisaeng is cheering me on, I have no enemies in this kind of thing.

[I wanted to screw them over too! The rules of the world! Originally, the human group must have their freedom suppressed only within the rules they create themselves! In the first place, the possibility is exhausted thanks to our lovely Bug, so now is the chance! Let’s plant more bugs in one person! Now, let’s follow along! Screw you, possibility!]

You’re crazy. Please grow old gracefully. I ignored Gisaeng’s disgusting message that made me feel self-conscious. I already got Yaeon’s permission. Because I sent a short text message to Yaeon saying, ‘Can I say it?’ I omitted all the objects, but I guess he’ll understand.

The subsequent text history was simple.

―Are you crazy, composer? Are you serious?

‘I’m serious.’

―I’ll leave it up to you to believe it later, but I’ll see you as a crazy person, composer?

‘I think it’s okay to lay down a situation where you can believe it.’

―I wondered why there were so many parts I didn’t remember… Actually, you’re smarter than me, so I’ll believe you for now because I can’t choose because I don’t remember.

“Keep it a secret?”

“I’m going to tell my beloved senior Junseong an interesting story, do you have some time?”

Ryu Ideun, I trust you. If you, who created my social skills, are wrong, I’ll lose a precious senior, and you’ll lose a precious life.

The time for a lengthy explanation didn’t take long because I summarized it quite a bit.

“So……”

Junseong listened to all the explanations and lowered his head. I can’t see it, but I guess it’s distorted nicely.

“You want me to believe that?”

Oh dear, Ryu Ideun, is today your last day? Unfortunately, Blossoms will switch to a four-member system.

“Then, I can’t explain that pain.”

The range of truth I mentioned converged to 0. One simple fact is that Yaeon is an existence that lives only as determined. And when he tries to deviate from it, a kind of strange phenomenon occurs.

“Yaeon told you that…?”

“I made a lot of guesses too. It’s hard to say it myself, but I’m a Korea University student.”

I am grateful for the academic cliqueism [tendency to favor those from the same academic background] that Korean society has in times like this. It’s a miraculous word that subtly turns even strange claims into something worth listening to.

“…Why didn’t you tell me, ha, he said he couldn’t.”

“To be exact, I can say it. But you probably wouldn’t believe me more seriously than you don’t believe me now.”

I smiled brightly and continued the words I had prepared.

“Do you remember when I asked you why I could trust Yaeon?”

“Uh.”

Junseong was still burying his head.

“Strangely, and I don’t know why, I’m not affected by it.”

Silence.

“According to my calculations, if you accept all the truth, I think it’s an opportunity to truly believe in Yaeon.”

I paused for a moment. Junseong’s body trembled.

“Or, I’m going to keep coming to give you that pain again. I will visit you whenever I have time, so that pain will come to you like today. If you don’t promise firmly, today will be repeated forever, endlessly.”

I don’t like the saying ‘a tree that is felled ten times’ [meaning persistence will eventually pay off]. What’s the difference between the sentence ‘you can do it until you do it’ and an Indian rain dance? You can’t be sure that you can do it until you do it. You can die trying, or go bankrupt before that, and there are many uncontrollable situations.

But it is clear that humans tend to choose the former between accepting the truth and ignoring the truth in constant pain. Pain is etched into the flesh. If you’ve tasted pain to the point of fainting, you can’t help but be afraid.

[Since you have affected it to this extent, the possibility will recognize Junseong as an error and will not be able to touch him!]

However, expressing one’s will in words is of great significance. What I told him and what Junseong declares with his own mouth that he ‘believes’ are clearly different.

The prayer that religious people utter raises faith in itself. Humans who accidentally commit crimes rationalize their actions in their own words, which tends to reduce guilt. It is no coincidence that so many philosophers were obsessed with ‘language’.

Even if it is a word uttered through a fake threat, the bricks made of language will block the gaps where various worries crawl into Junseong’s head.

[It’s too inhumane!]

It’s good in the end. Think about the pain Yaeon will experience.

[To use Junseong as a means! Kant will cry!]

Instead, Bentham will love me.

[Oh my god! Actually, I like utilitarianism too! Otherwise, I can’t rationalize what I’ve done now. Ah, I feel like my guilt is disappearing.]

You didn’t feel it, that kind of thing.

[…It’s not fun because you’re so quick-witted.]

I stared blankly into the air for a moment and then lowered my head.

“Don’t you think it would be better to promise faith?”

Ah, my conscience hurts. If my mother saw it, she would lower her head and be disappointed. Yaeon, I’m doing so many useless things for you.

But, Junseong was strange. His body, which had been still with his head buried, was slowly trembling.

‘Ah, damn it.’

Tears come out when fear grows. I didn’t mean to make him cry. I don’t know what to do. I raised and lowered my hand, and tried to get up from my seat but stopped. I can’t comfort him, what should I do? It’s the first time in my life that I’ve made someone cry with fear.

For the first time in my life, my brain stopped working. I wouldn’t have been this stupid even when I regressed.

“…Yaeon.”

A word closer to a moan, like a death throe, heard in the midst of tears.

“Yaeon……”

Ah, he’s not crying out of fear.

I collapsed into my seat. My heart hurts, damn it. I want to read a book with Lee Hyunjae. I did something that didn’t suit my personality. I did this under the pretext of a contract with Yaeon, but practically based on my pity for Yaeon.

I guess I’m not very good at suppressing others.

[You were doing well?]

It seems that talent and orientation do not match, damn Gisaeng. Judging from the memo written on my mother’s sheet music, it is the talent my mother passed down, and it is the orientation my mother passed down.

“Yaeon……”

Junseong’s crying grew deeper and deeper. Perhaps, the moment he thought it was the truth, compassion for all of Yaeon’s life welled up. Perhaps, guilt that he, who was the closest, couldn’t recognize it also welled up. Regret, anger, self-disgust, pity, the totality of all those emotions must be shaking Junseong.

Ah, I think I’ve achieved my goal for now, but the aftermath is the problem. What should I do with that?

First of all, Gisaeng.

[Yes, cruel Donghwa?]

…Result briefing.

[A text message will arrive in about 3 seconds.]

Oh dear.

And 3 seconds later, it wasn’t a text message, but a phone rang.

[Oh my, the possibility has passed out and the prediction has failed!]

What, why are you so weak? You seem to be less physically fit than me.

[I’m stronger than you, but it’s because your fist is much stronger than expected!]

Shh. I don’t want to know.