Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 19

19.

‘Why is everything so calm?’

With the team member announcement just two days away, I was blankly passing time in the dorm on this sudden day off when that thought occurred to me.

‘It’s too peaceful; what could be so urgent?’

“Dong-hwa! What do you want for lunch?”

“…Anything you want to eat?”

“Hmm, I feel like eating mushrooms today.”

…Scratch that peaceful comment. A war is about to break out on our plates.

While Chae Hamin and I were debating the menu, Lee Hyunjae came in and joined the menu selection debate, and in the end… we decided on chicken breast salad.

“There weren’t any other options to begin with.”

I nodded slightly at Lee Hyunjae’s resigned tone.

“Still, I’m satisfied that we can add mushrooms.”

Like some crazy herbivore. Why that squishy stuff, of all things?

“But where did Lee-Deun hyung [older brother/male friend] go?”

…Come to think of it.

“Lee-Deun hyung took a call earlier and ran out?”

…This is a bit unsettling. It feels like things are about to get urgent, so I should eat quickly.

* * *

While Chae Hamin left to practice, I was left alone, waiting for Ryu Lee-Deun to return. The fact that it’s taking a bit of time makes me slightly uneasy.

And finally, Ryu Lee-Deun returned to the dorm with a noticeably stiff expression, as expected. On the other hand, he also looked like a beaten puppy.

I looked at Ryu Lee-Deun, who was sitting blankly on the bed, staring into space, and asked,

“…What’s wrong?”

Ryu Lee-Deun sighed for a moment and then blurted out.

“I’m going to drop out of the survival show.”

…Trust doesn’t mean I have to believe this, right?

“Why?”

“There’s a rumor about me online, apparently.”

Ryu Lee-Deun was spitting out each word with all his might.

“…What kind?”

“…Do you want to see?”

I took the phone that Ryu Lee-Deun handed me.

‘What kind of site is this again?’

…Is it just some kind of issue board? I quickly scanned the post.

[Exposing The Next Niche Trainee Ryu Lee-Deun.]

I used to be a trainee with Ryu Lee-Deun at Niche Entertainment. Thinking about those trainee days still makes my hands and feet tremble. During our trainee days, I was constantly subjected to violence by Ryu Lee-Deun.

At first, we got along as fellow trainees, not like that. But after Ryu Lee-Deun repeatedly failed to make the debut team, our relationship began to change.

(Omitted)

The rest of the content was roughly about how Ryu Lee-Deun and I were close as brothers at first, but Ryu Lee-Deun took out his anger on me as he repeatedly failed to debut.

Towards the end, he uploaded a photo of him and Ryu Lee-Deun, saying it was a photo taken when they were close.

…What kind of bullshit is this? The evidence is just a friendly photo that I could take right now, but how does that become evidence of violence?

‘I’m suddenly getting angry. Did Giji-saeng [a parasitic being] give me this quest thinking I would believe such a shoddy post?’

“…This is obviously a lie.”

“…Yeah, it is, but the public opinion isn’t good.”

I turned my eyes to the comments and started reading.

Comments

(Omitted)

―Where did all the people who were sucking up to Ryu Lee-Deun’s warm hyung image go? Warm hyung my ass ㅋㅋㅌㅋㅋ [laughter]

―ㅅㅂ [f*ck] Who can’t spew nonsense without confirmation?

―Are you not tired of 빨ing [sucking up to] a violent criminal?

―The fact that this kind of controversy has surfaced is a problem in itself. Drop out quickly before you harm the team.

―ㅇㄱㄹㅇ [I know, right] Why would my 새끼 [darling/baby] want a controversial guy on the debut team?

―Wow, wouldn’t hitting someone with that body be attempted murder?

―ㄹㅇㅋㅋ [real/true, laughter]

―There’s a reason why Ji Dong-hwa didn’t want to work out with him ㅋㅋㅌㅌㅋㅋㅋ [laughter]

―I believe in Ryu Lee-Deun

―A religious person has appeared~ Does believing heal the victim’s heart~ Just dropping out quickly is the answer~

(Omitted)

Hmm, there are a lot of pointless words.

The fans of the other trainees don’t want to harm the team that will debut soon, and the rest just seem to be having fun. I don’t know what’s so fun about this, though.

“…Did the company tell you to leave?”

If that’s the case, I’ll leave too.

“No, they said they would respond together.”

“Then why?”

“…Well.”

…What is he saying?

As I was momentarily speechless, Ryu Lee-Deun nodded once and spoke. His expression was similar to that of someone who had made up their mind just before falling off a cliff.

“…Actually, I think I know who wrote it.”

“…Then it’s even easier.”

Defamation and spreading false information, right? Let’s engrave how sweet the hammer of the law is in their minds, hyung.

“…I’m just tired.”

I’m speechless once again. What on earth is he trying to say? I’m already getting excited.

“Somehow, the fact that someone I know is interfering with my debut… I’m just tired. I guess this is it for me.”

Hmm, this is a bit hard to understand.

Just some idiot stabbed you in the back, and no matter who it is, you should at least pick up a rock and split their head in two, what…….

“And, I don’t want to cause trouble for you guys either.”

Then Ryu Lee-Deun forced a smile and lay down on the bed.

‘…Is he crazy?’

I knew that saying anything to that incomprehensible figure would only backfire, so I just nodded. Lying down on the bed like Ryu Lee-Deun, I took a moment to sort out my thoughts.

First, Ryu Lee-Deun will definitely regret this decision. He’s more emotional than expected, so he’s acting like this right now, but he’ll regret it, as I saw in Chae Hamin’s ‘fragment of possibility.’

Dropping out of the debut survival show that he participated in as his last challenge because of something like this, is there anyone who wouldn’t regret it?

Second, Ryu Lee-Deun is crazy. It’s hard to understand, but roughly, he’s greatly shocked that someone he knows created a situation where his dream is about to be ruined.

But what does that matter? Unless you’re crazy, there’s no way you’d quit a challenge because of that.

Third, therefore, I can’t persuade Ryu Lee-Deun. As of now, I can only understand that Ryu Lee-Deun is crazy, so persuasion is out of the question. I still don’t really know what he means by being tired.

Therefore, in conclusion, if I can’t change Ryu Lee-Deun, I have to change the situation.

‘I’m glad I read that article about propaganda.’

As soon as I came to a conclusion, I opened my mouth.

“…Lee-Deun hyung.”

Ryu Lee-Deun looks at me with a forced, nonchalant expression. I’m extremely suspicious of what emotions are lurking inside him.

“…Do you remember what you said before?”

“What?”

“That at least you wouldn’t think you were unhappy.”

“…I remember.”

But that’s the kind of answer that says, what good is that now?

“Tell me who that person is.”

“…Why?”

“If possible, in detail what kind of person they are.”

Then Ryu Lee-Deun jumped up from his seat and glared at me.

“…Why are you doing this?”

Hmm, an aggressive reaction. A defense mechanism.

“…I’m trying to keep my word.”

And for a moment, Ryu Lee-Deun became dazed. Like a dog waking up from sleep.

* * *

Ryu Lee-Deun was flustered by Ji Dong-hwa’s expression.

‘Why is he like that…….’

Ji Dong-hwa’s eyes were full of conviction, as if he knew something. I don’t know what he’s convinced of, but Ryu Lee-Deun has faced those convinced eyes before.

‘When I made the final version of the arrangement for the second competition…….’

At that time, those eyes were so trustworthy, but Ryu Lee-Deun himself couldn’t understand why they felt so sharp now. Ryu Lee-Deun tried to shake off the feeling of shrinking back and replied.

“…What do you mean by keeping your word?”

“Just what it says. There are only two things I want you to promise. Give me that person’s information, and wait for a day without quitting.”

“…Why should I?”

Ryu Lee-Deun, feeling that Ji Dong-hwa was just saying whatever came to mind, growled in a low voice with a bit of stubbornness.

Perhaps Ryu Lee-Deun was annoyed by Ji Dong-hwa’s convinced eyes.

However, Ji Dong-hwa indifferently replied as if he didn’t care about Ryu Lee-Deun’s growling.

“…Is there anyone who wouldn’t stop someone who’s hurting themselves?”

‘Hurting myself?’

At Ji Dong-hwa’s cold words, Ryu Lee-Deun felt as if something had been pressed down, and the anger he had been trying to control burst out.

“…Hurting myself?”

“…I don’t understand, so I don’t have the confidence to persuade hyung right now, but in my opinion.”

What do you know, Ryu Lee-Deun thought.

“This, this isn’t hurting myself. I’m just not someone who deserves to debut. So… so I’m quitting.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve failed to debut, how many times now, and I got this last chance, but someone I know is trying to ruin it!”

Ji Dong-hwa still looked at Ryu Lee-Deun coldly with the same expression as before. At those eyes, like a cold judge demanding the truth, Ryu Lee-Deun shouted as if he was possessed.

“I! 시발 [f*ck], How many times have I… failed, if I was someone who deserved to debut, would my acquaintance have done that? It’s just that the world… the world seems to be rejecting my debut!”

Ryu Lee-Deun was already crying as he said that. Tears that didn’t suit Ryu Lee-Deun, who always smiled and insisted on being healthy, so most people would have been embarrassed.

“For twenty-two years, all I’ve done is be a trainee, I’m tired. I’m tired. The fact that people believe that lie as it is, and that the lie was told by a younger brother I cherished, I’m just, all tired. …I want to quit.”

And perhaps those tears contained the emotions that Ryu Lee-Deun had been suppressing himself through the smile he always wore.

The anxiety of not knowing when he would be able to debut, the obsession with having to do his best even in that anxiety, and the guilt that he was causing his parents pain.

All those emotions were clinging to each drop of tear.

But even so, Ji Dong-hwa still looks at Ryu Lee-Deun with the same gaze as before.

For a while, only Ryu Lee-Deun’s sobs and heavy silence lingered in the room.

Then, when Ryu Lee-Deun’s sobs subsided a little, he opened his mouth and spat out sentences.

“Emotions often erode the mind. That’s why you regret the choices you make at night.”

Ji Dong-hwa stopped talking and looked at Ryu Lee-Deun for a very short time before opening his mouth again.

“…So lift your head and calm down.”

Ji Dong-hwa keeps looking at Ryu Lee-Deun until he lifts his head. Then Ryu Lee-Deun slowly lifts his head.

“First, to summarize, hyung thinks that if you were someone who deserved to debut, you wouldn’t have had to go through this, right, is that correct?”

Ryu Lee-Deun realized for a moment that the words were strange.

Until just now, he was clearly feeling that way… but when it came out of Ji Dong-hwa’s mouth, it seemed illogical.

As soon as he thought that far, Ryu Lee-Deun nodded slightly as if possessed by something.

“And you feel like that cherished younger brother did something similar to betrayal, and that it’s because of your problem… is this also correct?”

Ryu Lee-Deun nods again.

“Then a few questions. First, is he one of the two guys who couldn’t participate in the survival show because of school violence controversy?”

“…How did you know?”

“…Then next. Second, what did you say to him when he left?”

And suddenly, a forgotten memory floats to the surface.

“…It’s right to regret what you did wrong.”

“Third, what did he say?”

“…He got angry.”

In fact, it was far beyond the level of saying he was angry, but Ryu Lee-Deun quietly hid the rest of the story.

“Fourth, you said he was a cherished younger brother, but do you agree that there’s no way to be sure if the other person feels the same way?”

“…Yeah.”

“Then in conclusion, is he an idiot, or is it hyung’s problem?”

For a moment, Ryu Lee-Deun’s head goes blank. Because he’s been answering the questions as if possessed by something, there’s only one choice left to answer.

‘So he, in the first place, didn’t want only he to end up like that… and he was upset that I said that to him…….’

“…He’s an idiot.”

Then Ji Dong-hwa nodded once as if satisfied.

“We have reached the satisfactory conclusion that he is an idiot with jealousy towards hyung and the petty mindset that if he fails, others must fail too.”

Ryu Lee-Deun laughed for a moment at what Ji Dong-hwa said, then suddenly got goosebumps.

‘How did he know something that I had forgotten for a moment… and make me realize it instead.’

“…How did you know, so.”

“That’s not important for now. So is it hyung’s problem that he acted like an idiot?”

Only then did Ryu Lee-Deun realize what conclusion this Q&A was leading to. Then Ryu Lee-Deun also laughed in vain and answered. Finally, his brain starts functioning properly.

“No, it’s not.”

“…Then there’s no basis for saying you don’t have the qualifications to debut.”

Ryu Lee-Deun seems to be quite amused by this pleasant Q&A and even asks a question.

“Why is that?”

“Hyung clearly said, ‘If I was someone who deserved to debut, he wouldn’t have done that’…….”

“He’s just doing that because of jealousy or something, so it doesn’t matter whether I’m someone who deserves to debut or not?”

“That’s right.”

“Then what about the fact that if I was someone who deserved to debut, I wouldn’t have failed to make the debut team so many times? How are you going to refute that?”

“…….”

“You didn’t think of this, did you?”

* * *

Damn it, I almost succeeded!

While listening to Ryu Lee-Deun’s story, I thought I might be able to persuade him, so I tried, but now I’m facing a difficult situation.

He dug into the one part that I thought was difficult to logically refute and hid, he’s quite something.

To apply the logic applied to Ryu Lee-Deun 5 years ago to the current Ryu Lee-Deun, the identity between the two must be premised, but if that premise is questionable…….

Damn it, even I think this is nonsense.

Ryu Lee-Deun, who was watching me as I was momentarily deep in thought, smiled and answered.

“Let’s skip this, so what’s the conclusion?”

He’s merciful. Let’s mix in just a little bit of my greed in the conclusion.

“His name, simple personal information, and hyung will respond with the agency.”

“I understand the last part, but why his name and personal information?”

“Why else.”

Because propaganda needs truth.