Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 194

I had a sinking feeling, even before he spoke. Was this going to be another chain of issues, ready to explode in a few months? I composed myself, careful not to betray my lack of enthusiasm.

“I hear your OST [Original Soundtrack, a song made for a drama or film] is going to be a guaranteed hit.”

And just like that, my composure crumbled, replaced by immediate doubt.

“…Why would that be?”

This time, Soohyun laughed heartily, clapping a few times.

“Why else? Because of you guys—no, because of you.”

“I’m not that great of a person.”

“But the song you made is supposed to be amazing.”

Soohyun, looking a bit tired, pulled a chair over and sat down, gesturing for me to do the same.

“Thank you.”

“Oh, look at you, so polite. Anyway, you keep getting nominated for composer awards even though you’re from an idol group.”

“It’s just for publicity. We submit my name because there might be issues if I’m not nominated based on the metrics, but they probably don’t actually intend to give it to me.”

“No, it just means you’re doing a lot of solo work. That’s already pretty impressive. Besides, I was shocked when I heard the OST this time. Seriously, I was wondering if our drama, even though it’s low-budget, could get some promotional boost from the OST.”

“Doesn’t the OST usually become popular *after* the drama is a hit?”

“The competition is fierce this time. Ugh, looking at the other dramas, they all give me a headache. If I fail miserably two times in a row, I might get depressed. Jain strongly recommended this script, so I took it, but I’m starting to wonder if I chose the wrong one.”

*Well, I can’t say anything. I hate playing the prophet.*

[If you rely on me, being a prophet isn’t an exaggeration! A 90% success rate!]

*Quiet. Seems like you don’t have much to do these days. Acting up like this even in hard mode.*

[I’m hurt. Gijisaeng is going to cry.]

*…Really, how did I change so much? This is closer to madness.*

“I’m confident in this song.”

“Really? I haven’t heard it yet, but the director keeps saying it’s great, *really* great. He’s the type who likes hearing compliments but hates giving them.”

*I don’t like that type much. Breaking the principle of equivalent exchange.*

“I see… I feel a bit relieved. By the way, did you know who we were going to use in Hamin’s place when you guys moved to another project?”

*Why would I care? It’s Hamin’s place anyway. Who would dare covet it?*

“You don’t seem interested at all. But listen anyway.”

Soohyun seemed playful. *What’s so funny?*

“It was Park Woojin.”

*Oh my, what am I supposed to do with that information? I’m still not interested. …Wait, something’s strange. Isn’t something off with the prophecy of the prophecy? The prophecy clearly stated that he was ‘in a position to be harmed’ due to the chain of scandals, so why is he in this only safe zone…? The prophecy of the prophecy doesn’t calculate my actions well, so, um…*

“Oh, you seem a little interested now?”

When even a single possibility of error arises in a framework of fixed ideas, that possibility can consume all thoughts. Like when writing a paper, the moment you think, ‘This part, the logic is vague,’ the entire paper seems flimsy. Like a well-constructed building collapsing from a small foreign object.

*‘…This is uncertain.’*

Of course, with a high probability, the prophecy of the prophecy calculated that ‘Jidonghwa chooses this drama,’ leading to the conclusion that ‘Park Woojin is harmed.’

But if, just maybe, I’m driving Chae Hamin into a corner.

If such a thing could happen with a very small probability, like the probability of surviving a lightning strike unscathed.

That would be, really, awful.

Gijisaeng.

[Is sulking.]

Gijisaeng.

[Is really, really sulking.]

Sorry, Gijisaeng.

[That’s not something you can just brush off! I’m hurt! Hmph! I’m going to go cry! I’m currently hugging Present!]

*What are you even saying, you crazy bastard? Present is right here.*

I left Gijisaeng, who wasn’t responding, alone for a moment. *Yeah, I’ve been treating Gijisaeng badly. Since I think of it as myself, I’ve been a bit too harsh. Why is it so difficult to treat a being that is the same yet different?*

[That’s because you treat yourself as insignificant. Anyway, I’m really going to go hug Present!]

“Um, what’s wrong? You look a little pale. You seem anxious.”

What should I do? Should I ask Hwayang to investigate the people who are scheduled to appear in this drama, and if there seems to be a problem, quietly eliminate them before the incident breaks out? Then, if it’s not reported in the news before the drama airs, no one will know.

But that would leave too much debt. Then, Hwayang must know a route for illegal organ trading, right? Um, humans definitely have parts that exceed the minimum required…

“No, I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, junior? Aren’t you imagining something dangerous? You’re giving off a vibe of not caring about the means or the methods.”

My thoughts were cut off by Soohyun’s words. I just smiled subtly.

Unlike our leader, who is still over there making empty compliments and subtly praising Chae Hamin, I might be like my mother, who was endlessly open to her people, and because I grew up in a situation where I couldn’t choose the means or the methods from a young age.

The means must be just, and the result must be right. Isn’t that what desirable behavior means?

Then, I guess I can’t be a desirable human being in the first place. I realized it when I helped Yoon Sungho. That dirty means and unjust results are sometimes better.

That person is more precious than the beliefs I hold. If I protect my beliefs, I’ll remain a desirable human being, but I won’t be able to live.

Um, if Chae Hamin finds out, I’ll probably get scolded again for trying to take responsibility for everything alone. But for now.

“Excuse me, senior.”

“Yeah? You’re a little scary. I don’t commit crimes.”

“Does this drama have a cast list?”

* * *

“Donghwaaaaa.”

The way he calls my name is getting longer and longer, Hamin. Stop calling me so much.

“I’m tireddddd, bring me water!”

“…Okay.”

You bastard.

I poured a glass of water in the kitchen and presented it to Chae Hamin, who gulped it down happily. Finally emptying the glass, Chae Hamin stroked his chest as if his fever was finally going down, and sighed, “Hoo.”

“So, Donghwa.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s it this time?”

I was really going to take the glass and leave the room without a word.

“You.”

Until Chae Hamin grabbed my arm and pulled me down to sit on the floor.

“Why.”

Chae Hamin pressed down on my shoulder with his hand.

“Are you going to run away? I’m dying of curiosity, Donghwa.”

Um, let’s calm down. At this rate, my plan to sell my organs might fail.

Did he sense something? Nonsense, that can’t be. No matter what, it’s Chae Hamin. This isn’t ignoring Chae Hamin, but believing in the actions Chae Hamin has shown so far.

“Um, just in case, I’ll take the glass.”

Ryu Ideun, who had come in at some point, smiled as he took the glass. Ah, that expression, that expression that seems to boast that he landed a hit. Damn it, Ryu Ideun.

Ryu Ideun, with a good sense and skilled in conversations with others. A person who gives infinite trust to his people and is willing to rush into dangerous situations with them. He had one weakness.

‘Donghwa is suspicious.’

Ryu Ideun had been thinking that while watching the strange Jidonghwa from earlier. Why on earth would he need ‘a list of everyone appearing in this drama’?

Even after hearing Soohyun’s senior say, ‘Hey, junior. How am I supposed to remember all that?’, he smiled and left, then started texting on his phone. No matter how he looked at it, he seemed to be planning something dangerous. Was he planning to bury a few people?

‘Donghwa sometimes tries to handle plans too perfectly, so his sense of ethics flies away….’

Whether he was anxious about whether the drama would really succeed, or if he suddenly calculated something and there was an error. He had chosen it with him, but it was also true that he was able to choose it entirely thanks to the information provided by Jidonghwa, so knowing his personality, he couldn’t stand seeing the members suffer because of him.

The lovely younger brother he knew was a human who would commit a crime if the probability of not getting caught was 100% and if it would help someone he cared about. The reason why he needed the list was a problem that he could find the answer to without thinking about it for long.

He doesn’t admit it in words, but it was all visible that he especially cherished Chae Hamin. He seemed to be plotting something in the hope that Chae Hamin would safely appear in the drama, even if it was only for the first few episodes.

That guy, he’ll definitely choose to cut his own flesh [make a great sacrifice]. You can tell just by looking at him when he’s composing. He’s the type who would sell his organs if the benefits he could get were greater.

‘But actually, one or two failures are okay, aren’t they? We’ll keep trying, and Donghwa’s songs are good. It’s not necessary to succeed perfectly.’

A person who debuted relatively late at the age of 21. So he’s relatively used to failure. He failed several auditions and then got into Nietzsche. So when Jidonghwa is obsessed with perfection, Ryu Ideun only clings to effort.

Just effort and just success, a truly desirable person. What he was taught by his father, who is a police officer, and his sister, who is a passionate reporter, still remains in his nature.

Ryu Ideun believed that the members could grow more by overcoming failures.

Jidonghwa didn’t want to see the members walking a difficult path because of him.

These two’s values were bound to be different.

So again, Ryu Ideun’s weakness. Ryu Ideun, who easily conveys his thoughts to anyone and easily persuades them, didn’t have the talent to persuade Jidonghwa.

‘When you listen to him, everything seems plausible… And he’s not the type to reveal all the information.’

Besides, he’s the type who has those dream-like prophecies. You can’t help but believe him.

But, just a little, I’m okay with everyone suffering together. All the members would be okay with it too. I don’t know why he doesn’t hesitate to choose to cut his own flesh.

Isn’t he treating himself too insignificantly? I wish he would cherish himself a little more. I was glad that it had decreased recently, but why is he like this this time, our Donghwa.

“What is it, hyung [older brother or male friend]?”

“No. It’s nothing.”

Ryu Ideun just mumbled to Jidonghwa, who asked slightly sullenly, feeling his gaze. He knew his weakness well.

Therefore, he opened his phone and went into a private chat room with Chae Hamin. He still hadn’t forgotten his mother’s words that humans originally live by complementing each other’s weaknesses.

* * *

“I’m curious, Donghwa. I’ve received a report that you’re trying to suffer alone again.”

“…Who?”

“It’s a secret, of course!”

*What secret, it’s Ryu Ideun.*

“And that you’re trying to commit illegal acts!”

*No, it’s legal. I was just planning to provide information if anyone committed a problem and quietly handle it. I’m not planning to commit any illegal acts when collecting information, Hamin.*

“How can you do that… You can’t do illegal things….”

Chae Hamin was sitting in front of me in a pathetic posture. What is this? Is this how a child who hurt their parents feels in a novel? Why do I feel so guilty?

“Tell me what’s going on, Donghwa.”

“Um.”

I sat up straight. Because I was uncomfortable. I could feel the will that he had no intention of letting me go in Chae Hamin’s eyes and the firmly closed door. All I can do is escape through the window, but if I jump from the 11th floor here, I’ll definitely die.

“It’s just that, I was wondering if there might be someone in this drama who could cause problems.”

I didn’t want to lie to Chae Hamin for this reason, so I decided to tell the truth.

“…Hey, of course that could happen, Donghwa.”

That’s right, it could.

“Um, but, I strongly recommended that you go out in this drama.”

“Yeah. I was so grateful that you worried about me.”

*…No, if I’ve said this much, can’t you understand? Thanks to you, I’ve become accustomed to saying what’s on my mind, but I’m secretly a weak person, Hamin.*

“So, if something goes wrong, it’s my responsibility.”

Chae Hamin nodded and listened intently before frowning. A face that says what nonsense, different from the expression of incomprehension that Chae Hamin usually showed.

“What does that mean? I wish I was only smart enough to understand what you’re saying….”

*No, you’re not that stupid.*

“Why is it your responsibility? I’m the one who decided to appear.”

“…But.”

“Shh! Just a moment. Difficult stories are not allowed. I’m really, stupid, I want to understand all your heart, but it’s hard when difficult words are mixed in.”