Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 208

Oh dear, saying that out loud makes it sound like I was pressured into it.

“The Chairman said to make it clear to the Vice President that it was of your own volition.”

Ugh, this is giving me a headache. The Chairman, anticipating even my inner thoughts and issuing instructions, and the person relaying them without hesitation, are both remarkable in their own ways.

“Vice President?”

The other members’ gazes locked onto Chae Hamin, who was glaring at the secretary with a displeased expression. I wasn’t sure what the members were thinking, but it didn’t seem to concern me, so I grabbed Ryu Ideun’s ear.

“…Ideun, this concerns you.”

“…Huh?”

“It’s about you.”

“Oh? Ah, yes, thank you. I’m Ryu Ideun, the leader of Blossence.”

Ryu Ideun, not understanding the situation, put on a polite smile and extended his hand, as if to move past it for now.

I watched their friendly handshake and mouthed ‘Absolutely not’ to the secretary. The secretary covered her mouth with her hand and chuckled a few times.

“Ah, I would have crawled on the floor to accept it if it were me.”

“Hyung [older brother or male friend], let’s go quickly, our vacation time is running out.”

Chae Hamin frowned at the secretary’s words, looking displeased. Lee Hyunjae and Ryu Ideun were startled by the reaction and whispered to each other.

“It looks like Hamin’s father is making Donghwa and Hamin compete to be his successor.”

“…Wow, that makes sense. I think you’re right.”

“What should we do? Whose side should we take?”

“Well, let’s see who has the best chance of winning and choose that person.”

No, you guys. Chae Hamin is just respecting my decision. Of course, I know they’re just joking.

“Let me guide you. This is the entrance.”

As we turned right following the secretary’s guidance, we were greeted by a shark. What the heck? Why is there a stuffed shark? And it’s even carefully fixed inside a glass box.

Everyone was silent until I approached, wondering what the intention was, and I vividly felt that it was a real shark, not a sculpture. Reading the panel, the title was ‘Impossible Physical Death in the Hearts of the Living.’

…It was an installation art exhibition.

The placement seemed intended to startle us. The shark’s mouth was positioned to be immediately visible as soon as we turned the corner, and the distance was close. Was the goal to make us feel like we were about to be eaten?

“Uwaaaaaah.”

I heard a strange noise from behind. Chae Hamin was startled and tightly grabbed Ryu Ideun’s arm.

Seokjun also hid behind Lee Hyunjae—the fact that he thought he could hide with that size was more surprising than the shark—and screamed.

“Well, it’s a good thing today isn’t the exhibition’s opening day yet.”

Yeah, otherwise, it would have been a nuisance.

“W-what, a painting, isn’t it? Is it a real shark?”

Chae Hamin was surprised and gradually approached, standing next to me. Then, he grabbed my sleeve again, making a bizarre expression.

“Why put a baby here……”

Chae Hamin was subtly furious, as if grinding his teeth. It’s not easy to see Chae Hamin getting angry at life being preserved as art.

“The title is profound… ‘Impossible Physical Death in the Hearts of the Living,’ I don’t even know what it means.”

The secretary, who had been quietly watching us, explained as if she were a curator.

“It can be interpreted in two main ways. One is to make the audience think about death by being overwhelmed by the overwhelming size, and the other is to think about their own death by looking at the death of a being that is huge and can easily kill them. That’s what the artist intended.”

Philosophy is quite close to art. Sometimes philosophy explains theories through art, and conversely, art creates styles based on philosophy. The existence of aesthetics, a branch of philosophy, shows that close relationship.

Maybe that’s why, it wasn’t too difficult to understand. However, our Hamin, who wasn’t close to studying, was confused somewhere between a blank expression and anger.

“So, you’re saying to think about death?”

Lee Hyunjae nodded seriously and squatted down in front of the shark’s mouth, looking up inside the shark’s mouth.

“I don’t know. I’m too young.”

“Well, that’s true, not many people live thinking about death on a daily basis.”

Unfortunately, I do. When you study philosophy, you hear about death way too often.

“Perhaps that’s why this work was created. To allow you to experience something you don’t usually experience.”

The secretary then stepped back so we could appreciate it fully, standing in a polite posture. Too bad, unfair labor.

“What do you think, Donghwa? Do you feel something?”

“…You want to make idol music with this?”

“It’ll be a hot topic as soon as we release the song.”

And our career will go up in flames, you jerk. It’ll make us think about the death of our group.

* * *

The exhibition hall was structured like a maze. Several rooms were intertwined, making it impossible to know where I was in the space.

The only thing to focus on in the narrow space was the installed artwork, and the atmosphere of each room was different, completely captivating our attention.

Conceptual art pieces were also placed here and there, sometimes causing the members to give up on understanding. Works like a water cup installed on the wall with the title ‘Oak Tree,’ or a work that filled a fairly large wall with one person’s name, were enough to make your head hurt.

“Ugh, I thought it would be a normal exhibition.”

“Yeah, the feeling is a bit different from the art exhibitions I imagined. I came with the intention of seeing pretty pictures.”

“Still, Donghwa seems to be having a lot of fun. His expression……”

“…It’s the same, isn’t it, Hamin hyung [older brother or male friend]?”

“No, it’s obvious he’s excited.”

We were currently in a giant junkyard. A wire fence was installed around the center of the room, making the inside look like a garbage disposal site.

No Recycling and General Waste signs were attached to the wire fence, and there were stairs next to it so you could go up and look down at the inside of the junkyard from above if you wanted. The work was titled ‘Things We Once Loved, Now Trash.’

I slowly climbed the stairs and looked down. Various items were piled up inside the wire fence. Paintings, sculptures, bracelets, and rings that were only visible upon closer inspection. Especially the rings, no matter how I looked at them, seemed to have been made as couple rings.

“This artist asked visitors to throw away items that were precious but no longer useful. It’s a participatory work.”

It was a simple explanation, but quite shocking. The memories that countless people had thrown away had a huge physical presence.

If there is no form, the meaning becomes unstable. Just as there is a huge difference between something that remains simply as a thought and writing that thought down, the artist was expressing the abstract concept of memory by creating a junkyard.

Why did these people throw these things away? Because they gave up on their dreams, broke up with their lovers, or simply because they were no longer needed.

Seeing things that were once cherished being thrown away for countless reasons made me feel strange.

The secretary smiled as she watched me shining my eyes and looking at each item in the junkyard, and then opened her mouth.

“I threw one away too.”

“What did you throw away?”

“A ring around there. I don’t know if you can see it. The artist liked it and said he would keep that ring visible.”

Oh, dear.

“…I see.”

“I felt relieved when I threw it away. I think it’s a very interesting work. I also felt like I was starting anew. The feeling of throwing away might have been the intention of this work.”

Having a souvenir is like having lingering feelings. It becomes a device to remind yourself that you haven’t given up yet. So, that means this work is whispering ‘It’s okay to throw it away’ and helping you shake off your lingering feelings.

“My friend also brought some brushes and paintings and threw them away. He used to dream of being a painter.”

My mouth feels bitter. I don’t know when he came behind me, but Lee Hyunjae was standing there. He rummaged through his pockets and took out a pen from his inside pocket and threw it into the junkyard.

“…Well, I guess so. It does feel relieving.”

No one knows what memories it contains, but it seems he made a resolution to break away from something and start anew.

“Hyung [older brother or male friend], don’t you have anything to throw away?”

Lee Hyunjae asked Ryu Ideun next to him.

“…Well, I want to throw away the diary I had when I was a trainee.”

I was appreciating the work for a while against the backdrop of their conversation when I realized.

I want to write this as a song. I want to leave this junkyard as a song. It sounds a little funny, but I can’t help it because of the physical form of these memories.

I opened my mouth, thinking that I had to share this moment with everyone.

“…I think I got inspiration.”

However, Chae Hamin, who didn’t expect it, was poking the wire fence out of curiosity, and was startled by the casually thrown words.

“R-really? I thought today was a failure. There’s nothing but bizarre things!”

Ryu Ideun’s reaction followed.

“Wait, Donghwa, are you going to interview, saying you were inspired by a junkyard?”

“Yeah.”

I neatly ignored Ryu Ideun’s worried gaze. I liked this junkyard, so I didn’t think I would be ashamed to interview like that.

* * *

And as soon as I returned to the dorm, the days of working began. The days of sleeping on the sofa bed in the studio continued. And when the rough draft was finished, I coordinated schedules with all the members and gathered in the studio.

“Today, we’re going to do feedback.”

“Oh, is it already the first draft?”

“Yeah. Listen to it and tell me what you think.”

When writing a song, I usually decide on the overall feeling first. What impressed me most in this junkyard was the charm of the act of ‘organizing.’

We have no choice but to recall something again in order to organize it. Just like seeing cherry blossoms falling makes us remember how beautiful the moment when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom.

So, the song that was composed with the top priority of evoking the scene of falling flowers will be our title song this time.

Of course, I have to coordinate with the company, but if this song is substandard, I will fix it somehow and make it the title song, so there is no problem.

As the melody like a group of cherry blossoms falling brilliantly ended, Ryu Ideun, Chae Hamin, and Seokjun applauded like crazy. On the other hand, Lee Hyunjae closed his eyes and nodded as if still immersed in the afterglow.

“How was it?”

“Good, good, wow, good!”

“Let’s go with that, Donghwa.”

I shook my head firmly.

“No way.”

“Huh?”

Ryu Ideun and Chae Hamin froze in the same position as when they were applauding, making stupid expressions.

“It’s lacking.”

“Oh, no, the old man building a house mode again…….”

“But, no matter how much I listen, I can’t find it.”

I’ve already heard it dozens of times, but it’s definitely lacking, but it was difficult to know exactly what was lacking.

There are times like this when composing. There are times when there is a lack that you can’t know on your own. But now I know clearly that the members are there to help at times like this.

“So, I want you to help me.”

I handed out a piece of A4 paper that I had prepared in advance to everyone.

“Everyone, five problems each, until you write down something convincing.”

This time, I handed over a pen and got up from my seat.

“You can’t leave.”

And I put a chair in front of the studio door and sat down.

“Absolutely.”

When time is short and there is a lot to do, everything must proceed as planned in order to complete the work efficiently. I planned to finish revising the first draft today, and as Ryu Ideun often says, we are ‘one team’ that depends on each other, so I want you to help me.

“Ah…, Donghwa building a house…….”

Ryu Ideun, clutching his head and writhing.

“It’s better than a rope. It’s comfortable to move around…….”

Lee Hyunjae accepting reality.

“Donghwa, can I talk to the members?”

Chae Hamin, cheerful despite being practically imprisoned.

“Hyung-nim [term of respect for an older male], I’ve been with you since yesterday, ah…….”