Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 21

21.

While eating the snacks Chae Hamin bought, we told him everything that had happened over the past four hours, except for Ryu Ideun’s tears.

True to his nature, Chae Hamin showed emotional empathy to Ryu Ideun and burning anger towards that idiot.

‘Chae Hamin is probably better at empathizing than I am.’

Chae Hamin even cried, as only he could.

Then, Seokjun came out to get some water, saw Chae Hamin, and asked what was wrong, surprised. After hearing the story again, Seokjun also started crying, as only he could.

Then, Kim Hyun-jin and Lee Hyun-jae, who are the same age, came back from practice, drenched in sweat, and asked what was going on. As expected, they started crying.

As the atmosphere continued with the kids crying for him, Ryu Ideun initially tried to stop them, saying he was okay, but eventually, he choked up and sniffled along with them, overwhelmed with emotion.

Amidst that chaotic situation where everyone except me was crying in unison, I chewed on the fish cake in the tteokbokki [spicy stir-fried rice cakes] and thought.

‘…Delicious.’

I can’t eat spicy food properly unless it’s a holiday, so I need to eat quickly.

* * *

After eating, I returned to my room and called Gijisaeng.

‘Gijisaeng, quest complete.’

[Quest ‘Trust’ completed!

You have shown trust to others, albeit insufficiently. Rewards will be provided.

Reward: Fragment of Possibility, 1 Question Ticket]

…The explanation that it was insufficient is a bit much. I did my best.

The Fragment of Possibility will probably show what Ryu Ideun went through, like before, and what is the 1 Question Ticket?

[Provides one answer to your question. However, if it is impossible to answer, the use will be canceled.]

I sighed once and nodded roughly. I should check the Fragment of Possibility first. That way, I can choose what question to ask based on more information. …I hope this time it’s not as negative an ending as Chae Hamin’s.

‘…I’ll use the Fragment of Possibility.’

* * *

I shuddered briefly at the sensation of floating in the air, which I felt when I saw Chae Hamin’s possibility. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.

‘This is… our company’s conference room.’

“Ideun, are you… really sure about your decision?”

Ryu Ideun nods slightly. He looked as exhausted as someone who had been walking without water for three days.

‘That idiot, I was hoping, but he really is quitting.’

But I don’t understand. This situation could have been changed because of me? He had already made up his mind, and just me listening to him changed things? Is that such an important point for Ryu Ideun?

“Well, we’re mostly to blame for not responding properly at the beginning, so I can’t really stop you……”

Team Leader Jang Haejin nods regretfully.

‘…The initial response wasn’t good either.’

“Did you tell the kids everything?”

Ryu Ideun hesitated and then answered.

“…I’m about to.”

‘…He hasn’t even told them.’

So, Ryu Ideun couldn’t confide his worries to the people he practiced with in the first place.

‘But why me?’

“Then, I’ll be going.”

The moment Ryu Ideun got up from his seat and greeted Jang Haejin, the scene in front of me suddenly flickered.

And what I see is a room. Probably Ryu Ideun’s room. Looking around, I see Ryu Ideun sitting on the sofa, drinking beer.

‘…Ryu Ideun is drinking beer? That health freak?’

And there was chicken in front of him.

‘Ryu Ideun… fried food……?’

It’s hard to believe, but if you look closely, there’s even a cigarette on one side of the table.

Ryu Ideun puts down his beer glass and bites down on a cigarette, lighting it without even caring that he’s indoors. Ryu Ideun, exhaling smoke, stares blankly at the TV. A singer was dancing on a glamorous stage.

Ryu Ideun sighs and exhales smoke again, then picks up the remote and turns off the TV.

‘Wait. That on his wrist… are self-harm scars.’

The main psychological factor of self-harm is self-punishment.

There are cases where people recognize their mistakes and, when they regret them so much, they self-harm to relieve that regret and guilt.

So, Ryu Ideun hates himself for running away from the survival show, but he doesn’t dare to try again, so he’s punishing himself… crazy bastard.

And the scenery in front of me shatters in an instant.

* * *

Waking up from the dreamlike experience, I gasped for breath. It was hard to breathe in the last part.

After taking a few deep breaths to stabilize my breathing, I kicked the bed and started hitting Ryu Ideun, who was lying next to me, looking at his phone carefree.

“Donghwa hyung [older brother/male friend], no, Donghwa! Why! Why! Wait, stop hitting me, hey! Stop! Please!”

Although it may only be a possibility, I am enraged by the excessive stupidity Ryu Ideun has shown, and I am only wielding the rod of love, hoping that Ryu Ideun will grow.

After hitting him for about two minutes, I thought it was enough and replied to Ryu Ideun.

“Ideun hyung, humans sometimes make choices they regret.”

“Why are you using honorifics again, and what are you saying after hitting me like this?”

“And among humans, there are those who have ideals that they can never give up. And there are humans who make the strange choice to give up those ideals and regret it for the rest of their lives, thinking only of those ideals. And you are that kind of person.”

…This is my own experience, so it’s true.

After thinking for a while, rubbing his shoulder, Ryu Ideun replies seriously.

“…What are you talking about?”

Ha, you idiot.

“…If you ever say you’re giving up on becoming a singer again, I’ll kill you with my own hands.”

I was exhausted from seeing the Fragment of Possibility, so I just spat out those words and went straight to bed.

I thought I heard some noise from Ryu Ideun’s side as I fell asleep, but I ignored it neatly.

* * *

The next day, the team combination survey for the 4th competition was over, and we all gathered in the practice room, surrounded by cameras.

“Okay, everyone! The survey is over. You’re curious about who you’ll be on a team with, right!”

Team Leader Jang Haejin is busy with a lot of work, so this time the director is proceeding from behind the camera.

“Yes!”

Amidst the cheerful answers mainly from the younger kids, Chae Hamin, who was sitting next to me, was also shouting. His mental age seems similar, so it shouldn’t be a big problem.

“Are there any trainees among you who want to be on the same team?”

Then, they started saying names one by one…….

“Donghwa hyung!”

Kim Hyun-jin.

“Trainee Ji Donghwa!”

Ryu Ideun.

“If I could― be with Donghwa hyung― again, it would be a great― honor.”

Seokjun.

“Donghwa and I have never been on a team together!”

Chae Hamin and many others called out my name.

‘…Why?’

Isn’t it tiring to work with someone like me?

…Wait, I’m the last one in terms of position. In this case…….

“Trainee Ji Donghwa, who has received the most love, who would you like to be with?”

It’s awkward to say.

I thought for a moment, receiving everyone’s attention, and then answered.

“…If possible, I would like to be on a team with everyone.”

Then everyone sighed and started throwing out a word or two.

“That’s no fun!”

“Donghwa, just say it’s me.”

“Donghwa hyung! How could you abandon me!”

Ryu Ideun, please throw away the title of hyung.

I just smiled and mentally gave everyone the middle finger.

Anyway, then the team member list was revealed, and I was assigned to Team A. And the guy on one team is…….

“Donghwa! We’re finally on the same team!”

Get away, rabbit.

“Donghwa hyung, we’re on a team again!”
You get away too, dropout.

“Donghwa hyung, I missed you.”

…Lee Hyun-jae, why do you miss me?

* * *

“Everyone, sit down!”

The song selection meeting is led by the dropout. We sat around a round table.

“So, this competition is about covering our seniors’ songs, right?”

“Yeah, it’s a sign of respect for our seniors, and it’s good.”

“But we can’t freely choose the songs!”

The dropout is a dropout, but he’s good at leading.

“…Is it another lottery?”

“As expected of a Korea University student! That’s right. Who wants to pick one?”

And then came the silence. I’m not the type to step up in these situations, and Lee Hyun-jae and Chae Hamin aren’t the types to take on important roles, so…….

“…You pick, Hyun-jin.”

“…Is it okay for me to take on such an important role?”

“Everyone is great, so it doesn’t matter what you pick.”

“Then I’ll pick one!”

Kim Hyun-jin pondered for a long time (I wanted to tell him that there was no point in pondering in terms of probability, but I managed to hold back.) and finally picked one.

“I’ll reveal it!”

And the paper that was unfolded had the phrase ‘TOT―Twilight’ written on it.

No, Dongseok clearly said that we would be covering the songs of seniors who ‘dominated the past.’ Aren’t they a group that is dominating the current generation?

More than that… I’m seeing this song for the first time. If I, who have been steadily studying idol culture, don’t know the song, then it’s definitely not a hit song.

While I was lost in thought, Chae Hamin reacted quickly.

“It’s TOT seniors’ debut song!”

Oh dear, I remember now. It’s a song that failed because of its excessive concept. The concept was definitely…….

“…Wounded Beast.”

“Oh, Donghwa knows it too!”

Based on the concept of a wounded beast, it’s a very subcultural song with the theme of being scared of the world and locking oneself in darkness due to a past wound.

In addition, the stage costumes matched torn shirts and pants with wound makeup.

However, the big problem was that, since it was their debut, the members looked young and innocent, unlike the beastliness of the concept, so it was to the point where it looked playful rather than immersive.

‘It’s ruined.’

I wanted to create a stage that would help Chae Hamin at least once before being eliminated from the survival show, but with this song, I have no idea what to do.

“…Should we watch the stage first?”

* * *

“Isn’t it okay to go with the concept as it is? It’s so cool!”

You’re not a dropout for nothing, Kim Hyun-jin. Would that concept even suit your youthful but childish face?

“I don’t think it’s bad either.”

…Where did the honor student Lee Hyun-jae go, and who is this dropout?

I held back the sigh rising from within as much as possible and looked at Chae Hamin.

“It’s really cool, but I’m not sure if it suits us. It seems like it’s a concept that only seniors can pull off.”

Hamin, even those seniors couldn’t pull it off.

Ji Donghwa, let’s think. A concept that reveals a young image while maintaining a slightly melancholic atmosphere… what could that be?

“Still, Wounded Beast! It’s so cool. Like a werewolf!”

…Oh, werewolf?

I was listening absentmindedly and suddenly caught myself.

“…That’s not bad?”

“Huh? What is?”

“Werewolf.”

“Yes?”

“…Werewolf.”

“Ah… yes.”

…Hyun-jin, are you trying to fight me right now?

* * *

After a full 20 minutes of explanation, I got the concept confirmed by the kids. While Chae Hamin and the kids were learning the choreography, I sat down in the studio, planning to bring the first arrangement by tomorrow morning.

What we want to express is not beastliness, but boyishness, and the wounds that such a boy receives because he is different from others. In order to capture that concept, we need to reduce the anger and intense images from the original song and highlight the pitiful and mournful atmosphere.

While I was worried about what instrument to use, listening to all the string instrument sounds and scoring them one by one, I heard someone knocking.

If someone is knocking on my studio at this time, it must be Lee Hyun-jae.

When I opened the door, Lee Hyun-jae, as expected, came in naturally with two coffees.

As always, we were silent for a moment, and then, as always, Lee Hyun-jae started the conversation by opening his mouth first.

“…I hope I can debut with you, hyung.”

…I’m sorry, but I’m planning to be eliminated this time. It’s about time the fans get tired of my personality and leave.

“Well, I might not be able to debut either.”

Then Lee Hyun-jae tilted his head and asked.

“Hyung, you’re pretty much confirmed for debut, aren’t you?”

…What’s the basis for that, tell me honestly.