Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 228

I Didn’t Plan to Be an Idol – Episode 228 (196/343)

What is life? Sometimes I wonder.

Jeong Kyung-woo stared blankly at the resignation letter in front of him. Sitting on the sofa, drinking beer, he watched a program he had personally edited on TV. On a rare day off, he found himself wondering, “Is this right?”

“Should I switch paths? Maybe just do regular variety shows…”

It’s like saying I’ll abandon my career and start anew, but so what? I belatedly realized that spicy flavors aren’t to my taste – I’m not cut out for this kind of work.

Programs that require malicious editing, or where the PD’s [Production Director, essentially the showrunner] involvement is directly linked to a performer’s career… These are things I can’t handle.

Even just today’s episode. I said I would edit D Group objectively, but I edited it the way I did because I was told to pay special attention to the Waffle Studio people, and even that makes me feel so guilty. Can I handle even worse things later?

“No, I can’t. It’s impossible. Really.”

My resolve is hardening. The words on the resignation letter are becoming clearer. Unless I’m completely out of my mind, how could I do such a thing?

Just giving them more screen time dramatically increases their chances of making it to the finals. Removing negative edits or editing favorably does even more.

It looks like a survival show that gives everyone a fair chance, but in reality, that’s impossible given the nature of the program.

This program is structurally unfair. Contestants with incredible looks, incredible skills, and incredible charm might be free from that structure, but most people are trapped within a predetermined framework, unaware that they are even trapped…

This is the problem with drinking. It makes me overthink.

Jeong Kyung-woo turned off the TV, thinking about the preliminary meeting tomorrow. He hoped he wouldn’t have nightmares while he slept.

* * *

Waiting for Ji Dong-hwa, whom he was supposed to meet separately due to scheduling conflicts, Jeong Kyung-woo sipped his coffee.

Let’s focus. So far, no one has said anything. Let’s just do our jobs properly for now.

Creak.

The door opened, and Ji Dong-hwa entered with a bright smile. It was so different from his usual expressionless face that it felt strange.

“Dong-hwa, you look happy today.”

“Ah, yes. I recently read a book that was interesting.”

I thought he didn’t like small talk, but I guess not. Jeong Kyung-woo perked up and asked,

“What did you read?”

Ji Dong-hwa sat down and met his eyes. But the bright smile from just a moment ago was gone, replaced by his usual cold expression.

“It was a history book about Greece. There was a general named Themistocles in Athens who was exiled by popular vote despite making great contributions in war.”

Oh, the atmosphere is getting heavy.

“So at first, I thought, ‘Ah, people didn’t recognize his talent.’ But later, it was revealed that the majority of the votes in favor of his exile were in one person’s handwriting.”

What is this? This is weird.

“They fabricated the votes. A talented person was exiled because of manipulated votes, and he couldn’t receive the recognition he deserved in his own country. Isn’t that unfortunate?”

“…That’s unfortunate.”

Jeong Kyung-woo felt his voice trembling for some unknown reason. Oh, what is this? It feels like I’ve been caught. It’s impossible that Dong-hwa knows about something that hasn’t even been officially confirmed between us.

“Anyway, it was interesting.”

You don’t look like you’re having fun at all right now, Dong-hwa. Give me back your smile from before. It feels like you deliberately made me ask if you looked happy.

“That kind of thing… shouldn’t happen.”

“Well, since it’s something people do, couldn’t it happen?”

Dong-hwa had a nonchalant look on his face, the very picture of ‘Ah, well, whatever.’ He didn’t seem to agree with what I said.

“No, it shouldn’t happen. Even if it *can* happen, it *shouldn’t* happen.”

“Actually, I think so too.”

Ji Dong-hwa agreed, giving a clear smile again.

Jeong Kyung-woo thought, ‘You’re really sharp, Dong-hwa.’ If you were my blind date, I’d briefly consider betraying my friend before wondering, ‘Is it that serious?’ The reason is purely your face.

“Ah, by the way, did you watch yesterday’s broadcast?”

“…Yes.”

“It was really fun. I know all the behind-the-scenes stories, so it was even more enjoyable to watch.”

The emphasis on ‘behind-the-scenes stories’ wasn’t excessive. A tone that subtly drew attention to it. It’s scarier because you’re smiling.

“It would be even more fun for viewers to know, but I guess that’s the privilege of the performers.”

What the heck? I feel like I’m being warned even though there was no direct accusation. What is it? Starting with a Greek history story and naturally leading to yesterday’s broadcast.

There’s a concept called a free motif in storytelling. It’s when a writer includes parts in the story that aren’t essential to the plot, but this part contributes greatly to constructing the writer’s intention.

It felt like Ji Dong-hwa’s ‘Greek history’ was a free motif, and I felt an unknown fear.

But the power dynamic doesn’t make sense. I’ve never had the arrogant thought that I should be treated better just because I’m a PD, but I’ve never thought of myself as being below the performers either.

There’s no direct mention, not even an indirect one, but why does it feel like you know everything?

I feel like my judgment is becoming clouded. It feels like my thoughts are overflowing, exceeding my brain’s capacity to process them.

“PD, do you think so too?”

A question about whether the episode that aired yesterday was ‘fun.’ It even feels like it contains the hidden meaning, ‘Shouldn’t it *not* be fun?’

“…Well, the more you know, the more fun it might be.”

Ji Dong-hwa briefly wore a slightly disappointed expression before plastering a smile back on his face. Was that on purpose? Dong-hwa isn’t usually someone who can’t control his expressions.

“That’s right. In the previous story, do you know what happened to Athens after that general died?”

“I don’t.”

“Not long after, the Peloponnesian War broke out, and it effectively collapsed. Looking at it that way, as PD-nim [PD-nim is a Korean honorific title for a producer] said, such a thing shouldn’t happen.”

Jung Kyung-woo paused to catch his breath.

Just an icebreaker. A conversation with no intention other than to get closer.

Really? Was Ji Dong-hwa that kind of person? Even if he wasn’t, what could I say?

Ji Dong-hwa smiled brightly, his eyes crinkling, and leaned forward slightly. A sign of interest in the other person. An indication that he wanted to get closer to you.

“Surprisingly, it’s enjoyable talking with PD-nim. I didn’t even realize how time was passing.”

Icebreaker. Ji Dong-hwa was making it clear to himself. That all of this conversation wasn’t a well-crafted story, but just rambling as it came out.

Jung Kyung-woo shook off the tension in his shoulders, which had unknowingly crept up. What was that, just now? Jung Kyung-woo was simply dumbfounded by the suddenly relaxed atmosphere.

* * *

Last night, I grabbed Ryu Iden by the collar as he returned from work.

“Why again! Why! I didn’t do anything wrong! All I did was say you were a bit unique on the show!”

Ignoring him and continuing to drag him, Ryu Iden spoke again.

“Okay! Sorry! I also said you seemed a little crazy! Sorry for lying!”

I didn’t know that. How is it that even when Ryu Iden is grabbed by the collar for no reason, there’s always a reason to grab him by the collar? You’ve got a talent for that.

But like it or not—usually not—he’s our leader. No one can match him when it comes to social skills.

I told Ryu Iden what needed to be done tomorrow and asked for advice on how to do it.

And after a little time, just the fact that I asked for his help moved Ryu Iden, and he bragged to Chae Ha-min for ten minutes—why?—and Chae Ha-min looked at me and Ryu Iden with betrayed eyes—seriously, why?—in the end.

“Then, like this?”

“Good. Slightly pull your whole body in and lean away from the chair a bit. That way, it visually feels like you’re coming closer, and it feels like you’re getting closer without being overwhelming.”

“Okay.”

I was able to receive all sorts of feedback on what gestures to make in the upcoming conversation. Ryu Iden was so moved that he had finally reached the last part of the paper that he applauded.

“The best disciple I’ve raised.”

“The biggest disgrace of my life.”

“…I’m really hurt, hyung [hyung is a Korean term used by males to address older male friends or brothers].”

“Because you keep doing that, some people think I’m older than you.”

“You talk down to me too! It’s your fault too!”

Even when Ryu Iden gets upset, it doesn’t bother me. He’s like my house dog, so he wouldn’t bite me. Ryu Iden’s resentful eyes turned back to worried eyes, and he patted my shoulder twice.

“No, but do you really need to go this far? If you’re subtly sending signals to the PD-nim, you don’t need to be this meticulous.”

“We can’t give them anything to hold against us. What if you end up leaving HBS [a broadcasting station] later?”

“I hate it where Dong-hwa hyung hates it!”

Don’t act cute. Even a few weeks ago, Eun-gu and Sang-ssi reminded me of you and me, and I wanted to die.

“Shut up. People in our profession should be grateful when they’re called.”

“Oh, right. They said they’re doing Mental Class Season 2.”

“Of course, there might be times when we need to refuse.”

And back to the present. I listened to the PD-nim’s plans for the upcoming broadcast and nodded. All sorts of calculations had been running through my head since earlier, but doing as Ryu Iden said, it suddenly stopped.

I’m good at ruining the atmosphere, but I’m not good at gently resolving it. He’s really amazing.

But he won’t be able to sleep easily tonight. From my analysis, PD-nim is a human who easily suffers from guilt and gets caught up in it. Most humans are like that, but he’s a bit more extreme than others.

Frankly, if it hadn’t been for that situation at the end of the survival show, he wouldn’t have debuted with the rank of first place. He couldn’t overcome his guilt and tried to scout me at HBS.

He’ll worry and worry about how much I know, how I know it if I know it, and how I’ll act afterward if I know it, and in the end, he’ll conclude, ‘I’m trash…’

That alone is a sufficient achievement. First, amplify the guilt of the human who will be editing, but only to the point where he doesn’t resign, and then just follow the demands of the higher-ups without going too far.

Moreover, it’s a great gain that our PD-nim interpreted my words so perfectly that he regards me as a mysterious being.

The more he thinks about what that human is relying on to act like that, the harder it will be to touch me easily, and he’ll subtly be aware of me.

That’s good. Since he has a promise with me, he won’t be able to kill me, our PD-nim is too conscientious.

On the way out after finishing the conversation with PD-nim, I pressed the muscles bunched up in my cheek and opened my phone.

—Even my grandson would get cursed if he made such a request, wouldn’t he?

Tap tap, I cheerfully played with my fingers.

‘I never asked for it.’

The reply came back immediately after sending.

—You sly dog.

Genetics, it seems, are truly amazing, Hwa-yang-ssi [ssi is a Korean honorific suffix].