Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 256

In the studio at dawn, Chae Hamin is asleep on the sofa, which is more like a bed since it has a mattress attached, while I’m working through the night.

Seeing me getting less sleep as my personal song work dragged on, Chae Hamin declared, ‘This won’t do!’ and has been coming to the studio to sleep on the nights I work late.

It’s his determination to send me to the hospital if I collapse, a parent-like mindset that has given up on the wish for me to ‘work moderately’ and just wants me to work healthily.

At first, I didn’t know I would have to stay up for days like this. I thought I could finish if I focused for a few days.

I didn’t know that the work of changing sounds was such a labor-intensive task because I had never done it before.

In reality, it was unbelievably hard labor to tweak the sounds little by little, change the tones, and find the sound I liked.

But finally, after numerous trials and errors, I succeeded in turning all the members into instruments.

To do this, I listened to ‘all kinds’ of sounds from the members and realized things.

If Lee Hyunjae’s laughter is as clear as a flute, Seokjun’s is as dull as percussion.

Lee Hyunjae’s crying sounds like the cynicism of an old college student disappointed in the world, while Seokjun’s sounds like that of an elementary school student on the day his dog died.

If Ryu Ideun’s sigh is like a middle-aged rock singer sighing at dawn, Chae Hamin’s is like a bright boy’s one gloomy day.

When humming, Chae Hamin is like a happy dog, and Ryu Ideun is like a crawling snake. On the other hand, when angry, Chae Hamin is like a snake eyeing its prey, and Ryu Ideun is more like a dog trying to protect its owner.

In addition, I learned what each vocal characteristic in various emotional states felt like.

In everyday life, I naturally paid more attention to the meaning than the sound, but when I approached it purely as a ‘sound,’ there were unfamiliar things scattered everywhere.

So, I prided myself on knowing the members’ voices the best, but the more I listened, the more new things I realized.

I guess there’s nothing as arrogant as being sure of something.

While mechanically moving my hands while stringing together random thoughts, finally…

“…It’s done.”

A song that replaced all the instruments with the members’ ‘sounds’ worked with voice editing technology.

You might be able to tell it’s a human voice if you listen carefully, but I tried to express it as naturally as possible.

I saved the final version as a file and wrote the title.

‘Self-Portrait (自畫像)’. [The Chinese characters literally mean ‘self-picture’.]

I changed the ‘picture (畵)’ character to the ‘speaking (話)’ character. It doesn’t fit perfectly into Chinese grammar, but there’s no other way. I majored in philosophy.

I pressed enter and rubbed my eyes.

Damn, I’m sleepy. I’ve been on edge throughout the work period.

I turned my head. I saw Chae Hamin, who was sleeping so deeply that I wondered if he could even hear me if I collapsed.

There’s no space on the single bed, and I think I’ll collapse from drowsiness before waking him up and going to the dorm.

Well, I have no choice. I leaned the chair back as far as possible and lay down.

* * *

But when I opened my eyes, why was I on the bed?

I’m one of the most sensitive sleepers in our group, competing with Ryu Ideun.

“…Hamin?”

I got up from the sofa, looked down, and saw Chae Hamin collapsed like a scene from a while ago.

Why is he sleeping on the floor?

“…Donghua?”

Surprisingly, Chae Hamin opened his eyes after I called him just once. It’s an unofficial world record.

Chae Hamin jumped up and looked around like a beast awakened from hibernation. Then he tilted his head once.

“Uh, why am I sleeping on the floor?”

Since last time, why are you asking me that?

Looking at Chae Hamin’s dazed expression, I burst out laughing.

“I think I moved you here and you went down to sleep.”

“…Ah! That must be it.”

I sat on the bed and stretched. I finally got a good night’s sleep after a long night of work, so my mind is clear.

Chae Hamin also got up, patted his waist, and sat next to me.

“So, is the song finished?”

“Want to hear it?”

I’m going to get final approval from the members anyway.

“Wow! You never let me listen to it!”

I’m sorry to the members who recorded, but 90% of the work was listening to your voices, so there was nothing to let you hear.

Chae Hamin made a fuss, got up, quickly sat in my seat, put on his headset, and looked at me.

‘Play it!’, I feel like I can hear the sound without saying anything.

Even though I’m imagining it as a work aftereffect, the detail is ridiculous.

I unlocked it and immediately played the work.

The sound echoed from the speakers, Chae Hamin took off his headset with an awkward expression, glared at me for a moment, and stopped.

The speaker didn’t care and poured out all the members’ humming.

When recording, I didn’t match any harmonies, but I manually cut the sounds in between to match the harmonies.

However, the sounds that were not completely cut out popped out here and there like dissonances, and the cut parts were connected a little unnaturally, making me feel uneasy. Like the radio waves on TV are unstable.

The sound gradually changed into electronic sounds and turned into synth riffs.

I don’t know how hard I tried to express the process of changing voices into electronic sounds naturally.

“…Wow, is this our voice now?”

“Yeah.”

I suffered for exactly 3 days.

Seokjun’s dull beatbox was almost changed to drums with post-correction. However, I deliberately left a short sound of inhaling to let people know it was human.

The chorus of this song starts from the beginning.

It’s titled Self-Portrait, but the most important part is all made up of these guys’ voices.

And when the chorus ends.

Around the age of ten when my name sounded unfamiliar

I didn’t know the mirror was broken even when I looked at it

Around the age of twenty when I hated that my name was me

When I looked in the mirror, I broke it with my own hands

Chae Hamin knew all my past stories, so he instantly covered his mouth. He had an expression that he didn’t expect this to be the theme of the lyrics.

However, around the age of twenty, or rather twenty-one, Gisaeng and Chae Hamin are the only ones around me who know that I hated myself so much that I broke the mirror and got a scar on my cheek, so no one else knows exactly what that means.

Pre-chorus, I refined the members’ crying and laughter to create a single accompaniment.

It’s a part that draws the atmosphere before going into the chorus, so it’s not excessive and calm.

Self-portrait, me who couldn’t speak, my name

Something I’m doing for the first time in a while

Self-portrait, me who didn’t know who I was, my portrait

A question I’m answering now

Silence, and then a word echoes.

(Who are you.)

It’s Ryu Ideun’s voice.

I used what Ryu Ideun asked in a serious voice when he saw me not giving specific instructions during the recording.

Maybe Ryu Ideun didn’t know that the joke he said without thinking would be used like this.

Breaking the short silence, various sounds are added and a hopeful and bright chorus follows.

A chorus that captivates the ears based on future bass. It’s the best answer I’ve prepared.

The things that make up my name, the voices of the members and the song I wrote, the memories we recorded together, all of that.

When I had a hard time hearing my name

I thought there was only me in the mirror

Now that I like that my name is me

I realized you were in the mirror when I looked at it

When I look in the mirror, I realize that there are members, my younger sibling, company staff, and fans.

The fact that I am living reminds me of their existence.

I wrote it with the hope that everyone I am grateful for would understand the meaning contained in the lyrics.

Self-portrait, me who couldn’t speak, my name

Something I’m doing for the first time in a while

Self-portrait, me who didn’t know who I was, my portrait

A question I’m answering now

(Who are you!)

Pre-chorus.

Instead of Ryu Ideun, Chae Hamin’s voice came out, saying the same thing when he saw me without clear instructions.

“Wow… it’s me.”

Chae Hamin was looking at the ceiling, but when the chorus started, he smiled contentedly and wiggled his fingers. He slowly closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair.

Watching him hum along to the chorus, I felt a little excited too.

“Not only that, but this chorus is all you and the other members.”

“It feels weird, really. Something’s strange. I don’t know what it is. It feels like I’ll know if I listen closely, so it’s a little scary!”

He says it’s scary, but he’s grinning, so it’s definitely not scary. I know what his voice sounds like when he feels scared.

Bridge before moving on to the last chorus.

The people who gave me my name were the ones who taught me about life

And what filled my name

(Who else.)

I recorded the answer I gave when Ryu Ideun and Chae Hamin jokingly asked who I was, and attached it, and the last chorus flowed.

If the previous chorus was hopeful and cheerful, this one is refreshing and refreshing.

That’s because the main sound has been changed to Lee Hyunjae’s voice.

At the end of the chorus, the electronic-like voice slowly returns to the members’ voices.

Unlike the beginning, I didn’t deliberately cut or modify it, so there were dissonances mixed in between, but it wasn’t too uncomfortable.

Just like there are dissonances between the owners of the voices, but it’s not uncomfortable.

“…Amazing.”

Chae Hamin muttered like someone in a fantasy.

“From beginning to end, is it all our voices?”

“Yeah.”

He opens his mouth blankly as if he’s lost for words.

“Quick, let’s go let the other kids hear it!”

Then he jumped up and urged me, stomping his feet.

“Aren’t they sleeping? Wait a minute.”

“Huh?”

“…What time is it now?”

I opened the taskbar of the computer I had closed.

’10:23′.

Oh my god.

“…We’re late for practice.”

Of course, I thought it would be dawn because I woke up. This is the most unfortunate time that this room doesn’t get sunlight.

“Hehehe.”

Chae Hamin let out a foolish laugh.

“It’s your first time being late.”

“I know.”

In my entire life, I’ve taken sick days, but I’ve never been late because I overslept.

“Hehe, Donghua told me all his secrets, and now he’s even late with me.”

“…Um, proximity breeds imitation.”

After all, there is wisdom in old sayings.

“Donghua, I know that much.”

Genius, Hamin.

* * *

When we arrived at the practice room, Ryu Ideun was holding a gavel in one hand.

Unlike last time, he was standing solemnly with a hammer in one hand, looking like he was about to smash our heads at any moment. He’s also in good shape, so Thor came to mind.

“Our darlings.”

…Crazy bastard.

“Ideun arrived here at 8 o’clock. Even if the official practice is at 10 o’clock, it’s an unwritten rule to gather early!”

Chae Hamin expressed ‘I’m sorry!’ with his whole body with a dejected face.

I had nothing to say either, so I bowed my head even though Ryu Ideun’s third person [referring to himself in the third person] was a little disgusting.

“I made several phone calls and even went to the studio, but there was no answer even when I knocked, so I gave up and came back and picked up this gavel of justice.”

Ryu Ideun’s grinning face felt a little scary for the first time.

“Now, let’s hear it. Why are you late!”