Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 267

I Didn’t Plan to Become an Idol – Episode 267

Is this some kind of *casu marzu* [maggot-infested cheese delicacy] production experiment? I heard they often add growth substances to help maggots grow better. Is that what’s happening here?

…What kind of educational environment did Simba grow up in? If I were Simba’s parent, I’d easily surpass Mencius’s mother [a reference to the Chinese philosopher Mencius’s mother, known for her dedication to her son’s education]. Ji Dong-hwa’s five moves of school [likely a humorous exaggeration of educational dedication].

I stared at the front gate I had seen once before. Just as memories were about to resurface.

“Professor.”

The filming sign dropped.

A natural smile formed. It’s a habit ingrained in me after spending a considerable amount of time filming this damn show.

“Hello, everyone. It’s Ji Dong-hwa, back again today.”

…Well, thankfully, I won’t have to chew and swallow those damn maggots.

I slowly recalled the previous conversation. I must have been so caught up in *casu marzu* that I missed the details.

The *casu marzu* story started with, ‘Were you originally planning on doing a food experience?’

Since it has the auxiliary particle ‘were,’ *casu marzu* is probably a joke.

If they really feed it to me, I’ll eat it and then hold them legally and socially responsible, making sure it doesn’t even appear in the news.

“This time, we’ve come to meet some animal friends.”

The PD [Production Director], displeased with my bright smile, interjected.

“They’re developing *casu marzu* here.”

Saying what’s already been exposed.

But outwardly, I didn’t show it and wore a broadcast smile.

“That sounds really delicious. I’m excited to taste it after so long. I used to spread it on bread every morning.”

The PD clicked his tongue once.

He must have realized it was pointless to act like he knew everything without being flustered.

“Today, our students are giving back for the professor’s lessons.”

Nonsense.

I’ve never seen them conduct a survey, and if my student were you, you wouldn’t be a student anymore. What are you talking about?

“Are the students perhaps the production staff?”

“Yes!”

They raised a white flag.

“Everyone gets an F. I recommend you drop out.”

Go home and seriously consider whether you’re the kind of person who belongs in this school.

“What’s the point of a professor without students!”

“Then I’ll give up my professorship.”

Then you guys won’t have any meaning either. Fortunately, I’m not alone. How interdependent we are.

“You’re awful.”

Of course, I’m grateful for creating this opportunity.

But I can’t be sure because I don’t think this PD will create content that will help me heal.

“So, why are we really here?”

In terms of the broadcast structure, it’s time to raise the white flag and listen to the explanation.

“Come on, you know.”

“…Really with Simba?”

“The only downside is that he’s grown up a lot. For safety reasons, we can’t roll around with him like we used to.”

I heard from the zookeeper that this research center raises them almost freely once they reach a certain level of growth. It’ll be a safari experience.

However, disbelief naturally sprouts in my eyes. Thanks to filming with this guy for quite some time, I can guess what kind of nonsense he’ll pull.

“Anyway, today is a time for Dong-hwa to heal since he’s been through so much.”

“Are you saying that while offering labor in exchange for seeing Simba or something?”

“Dong-hwa, I think we should get married.”

“I’m against marriage, so please be quiet.”

“That’s right!”

The PD pulled out a piece of paper.

“Here, it’s a stamp. Originally, we were supposed to give it to you when you were a professor, but we know you raised the white flag because you wanted to receive it now.”

When I unfolded the paper, it turned out they had made the research center look like an amusement park and even left a stamp area. Even a high school field trip would be more sophisticated than this.

“Ah, that expression is good too. We’ll show it in a close-up for 3 seconds.”

You crazy bastard.

“Do I just have to fill it up?”

“Yes, you have to fill all the stamps. Simple, right?”

“That’s really great.”

Just hurry up and give me Simba. I haven’t even been able to contact the zookeeper lately.

* * *

“Hello, Professor. Welcome to our lab.”

A person I was meeting for the first time greeted me cheerfully.

They wore rabbit ears on their head, drew rabbit whiskers, and wore a white gown.

I respect their taste, but if they were wearing this outfit in everyday life, I would have no choice but to suspect a mental illness.

“Hop.”

Goodness, this is a matter of human dignity.

“…This has become an example of how money greatly helps maintain mental health. I will refer to it in the next study. Thank you.”

Then, the person, presumed to be an actor, bit their lip hard. They were intensely holding back laughter.

Then, with a depressed expression, they dropped their gaze to the floor. Deep self-loathing.

“Actually, I don’t get paid much.”

Oh dear.

“Then I have learned about the structural problems of the social system. I’ll pass it on to a fellow professor.”

“Please do.”

“Yes, definitely. I will reform the situation so that the exploitation of human dignity for low wages is not repeated.”

Moved, nodding vigorously, but soon realizing their duty.

“Oh, right. We’ve come to the Hopping Enclosure, but what should we do?”

“You hesitated when you said the enclosure’s name.”

“I lost a carrot inside the enclosure.”

“You hesitated just now, didn’t you?”

“I can’t stamp it for you right now!”

I gave up trying to talk and nodded. I can’t see it, but the PD must be giving them a warning with his eyes from behind.

“Ah, please be careful. My family inside, *sob*.”

And self-deprecation that even those eyes can’t stop.

“…Later, let’s rebel against the PD together.”

I quietly left a whisper and opened the door to the enclosure.

Safety education…

In that instant, something rushed at me at an absurd speed.

Cutting through the air, a pure white object, towards my solar plexus.

Cough, a strong impact.

A sound like a meteorite falling on the moon rang in my ears. The shockwave that started from my solar plexus shook my head.

“…My family is a bit ferocious!”

I heard the explanation that the actor struggled to spit out as I fell backward.

While monitoring the broadcast, I knew they had bad tempers, but I didn’t expect them to act like this as soon as I opened the door.

I stroked the back of the creature in my arms.

“…You’re impatient.”

Then, as if dissatisfied, the creature kicked my chest plate.

I gently stroked its back once.

“How about you talk to me if you have any complaints? I’m actually quite good at counseling.”

The actor, who was blankly watching me trying to form an emotional connection with the client, momentarily forgot their concept and muttered.

“…Crazy person.”

I don’t want to hear that from someone wearing that kind of makeup, and who claims that rabbits are their family.

For about 20 minutes, I tried to talk to the rabbit.

There were moments when I came to my senses and realized what I was doing, but money isn’t easy to earn.

“Yes, I see, Momo.”

I learned that this large rabbit’s name was Momo.

Tap, tap, tap, it seemed like it felt annoyed by me talking to it as it repeatedly hit the floor.

However, if I left it alone according to my original personality and ignored it whether it hit or not, and the actor found the lost carrot, the broadcast wouldn’t work.

“So, you were so dissatisfied that a human came in wearing rabbit makeup and claiming to be your family.”

“…Yes?”

“Please understand. Humans can’t eat if they just sit still. Shall I explain the capitalist system to you?”

Tap tap.

“Ah, Momo, you’re not sitting down and eating either, but being used as research material for people? Amazing. You have a sense of calling for your job. A Protestant church will be created.”

Tap tap tap.

“I understand. I will request the Ministry of Agriculture, Food and Rural Affairs and the Ministry of Employment and Labor to improve treatment and the quality of food distributed. Especially, I will deal with the person claiming to be your family myself.”

Then, surprisingly, the sound of hitting the floor subsided.

“Then I’ll be on my way to find some carrots.”

Those damn production staff put a carrot model in front of the house. If it looks like trespassing, I’ll be plagued with endless tackles.

Finally, when I arrived in front of the burrow and picked up the carrot, I pretended to be relaxed and prepared for the upcoming collision.

One step. Two steps. Walking, not even thinking about dusting off the dirt on my clothes.

And finally, when I opened the door and came out of the enclosure, I realized.

“…Oh my god.”

No one attacking me.

Since communication is impossible, even if I look at it with the best reasoning, I can only say it’s a miracle.

There must be countless situations in this natural world that cannot yet be explained by rationality.

Suppressing my surprise, I act like it was expected.

In this broadcast, there is only an irrational situation and the logic that rationally connects it.

“Huh?”

I gave the dazed actor and production staff a smile of victory while tidying up my clothes.

“I actually minored in Animal Communicating.”

It’s rational. Sartre would applaud if he saw it because it satisfied the plausibility of the novel.

“…Really, what I’m dissatisfied with is, I.”

The actor looked confused.

Knowing the violence of those rabbits, they must have been shocked by the plausibility in the broadcast that their makeup was the real cause.

“Next time, I’ll pray every night that you will be accepted into the family as a rabbit.”

“…Yes?”

Among my friends, there is one, no, one creature who has been recognized as a rabbit by those children, so it’s not an impossible story.

* * *

“…Are you really majoring in Animal Communicating?”

The PD, who was raising a white flag, asked.

“No. There are no double majors or minors yet.”

I was always a philosophy major who followed my father’s wishes, and I have never even been interested in animal-related subjects.

“…The stamps are being collected too quickly, which is very different from what I expected. How can you talk to a giraffe?”

I collected all the stamps after going through giraffes, turtles, and even a snake pit-like place.

My feet naturally became lighter and I felt a little excited.

“Because I minored in Animal Communicating.”

A word that cuts off the conversation.

The PD was playing outside the concept, so I grabbed him by the hair and dragged him into the concept.

I could clearly ignore the crazy sound of ‘I should have prepared real *Kasu Marzu*.’

Right now, my mood is like a person on a train going home, fiddling with a basket of apples, like in a verse of a poem [a reference to a common image of contentment and homecoming in Korean literature].

A thrill that seems to be out of reality, even though I only spent three days together, the ‘unconditional affection’ that the cute creature sends me still remains as a strong memory.

“Let’s go.”

“For reference, Professor, this is Simba’s first time meeting you.”

“I’ll try my best.”

I’ll just get punished if I fail.

My heart beats faster in proportion to the decreasing distance.

He may not even remember me, but it’s okay because I remember him.

Just being able to watch a being grow up is valuable enough.

Bang, the door to the room opened.

A space divided by glass, beyond that, a huge tiger.

As if there was no need to be cute, sharp fangs and strong claws, and eyes that seemed bored with the world.

“…Simba.”

“First meet… no. I’ll raise the white flag.”