Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 340

“This is where my babies sleep.”

He must be talking about the reptiles. I haven’t heard of Chae Hamin having any children. The size of the enclosures is quite large, but there are only four of them. To think they have this entire room to themselves.

“When we remodeled, I had my father’s golf practice area completely torn down.”

*Father, are you alright?* I’ve never experienced anything like this, so I don’t know how you must feel.

I knelt down in front of an enclosure with a name tag that read ‘Sijak.’ (Decorated with Chae Hamin’s unique sense. Subtly elegant.) Wow, Sijak-ssi, you were this big of a species.

“He’s grown a lot.”

“Yeah.”

The one who was so stressed that he used to bite his own tail has grown up so well. I knew he was a kingsnake, but I didn’t expect him to get this big.

“He eats the best. I can’t come often, so I hired a caretaker, and they said the same thing.”

Chae Hamin squatted down next to me.

The terrarium, which is duplex so that he can live with other snakes like Saebyeok, is too big for just one kingsnake, even just looking at one floor.

He’s living in luxury. I can’t know what the animal is thinking, but he doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of stress, so probably.

“I still remember the fairy tale I wrote after seeing our baby sick….”

Chae Hamin seemed oblivious to my words, carefully placing his hand on the glass so as not to startle Sijak. Then, an affectionate smile. *Crazy bastard.*

If you say it like that, it makes me sound like the guy who ignored his sick wife on a lucky day and went out to drink, you crazy rabbit.

The song with the cringe-worthy title ‘The Last Beginning: the First Last.’ Looking back, I was crazy. I caused so much trouble, suddenly wanting to work at that early hour.

It’s a strange coincidence that I wrote a song after seeing a snake back then. A traditional symbol of eternal life, shedding its skin to gain a new body, but the essence remains. That’s Lee Hyunjae in our universe.

While the other members were gaping at the giant lizard in the large enclosure behind us, I suddenly asked.

“Can I ask why you like snakes, Hamin?”

I’ve never asked, and you’ve never told me. Chae Hamin, who was quietly watching Sijak, tilted his head once.

“Well….”

His brow furrowed as if contemplating. How is it that this guy’s face is the same as it was in his childhood photos, or when he was 20, or even now after all that hard work?

There have been changes in his bone structure, but rather than feeling changed, it feels like his features have been perfected. Like Kant’s *Critique of Pure Reason*, only completing a system of thought when all three volumes are gathered.

“Was it a fairy tale?”

*What.* We met around the age of 17, and I was even your AI.

“I read a fairy tale when I was young.”

…Oh dear. I barely maintained a straight face. How much stupidity has rubbed off?

[It’s not that stupidity has rubbed off, it’s that you’re convinced that the ‘fairy tale’ coming from Chae Hamin’s mouth refers to you, so, well, that’s stupid.]

Shut up, Gijisaeng.

“The story was about how snakes regenerate when they shed their skin after being hurt. So they keep crawling…, something like that.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s cool. I wondered how they keep crawling.”

Chae Hamin gently stroked the glass. His eyes sparkled. Like a child with their idol in front of them.

“I don’t know if it was exactly from then, but, just.”

I can roughly imagine the content of the fairy tale. Snakes are creatures that are naturally stoned when they appear. It’s a familiar story of a soldier who was reincarnated as a serpent, not being recognized by his parents, and being stoned when he went down to his family home.

A story about a creature that washes away the wounds it receives from someone by shedding its skin and crawling again. It’s fairy-tale-like, but the aftertaste is bitter to be a story recommended to children.

“I see.”

So, you’re saying you want to live like that too.

No matter who betrays you, no matter who takes advantage of you, instead of resenting them, you wash it away yourself, becoming clean as if shedding your skin, and continuing to live.

Chae Hamin’s tear ducts are very fragile, but I’ve rarely seen him cry about his own problems. He cries so easily for others, but he doesn’t cry when he’s having a hard time.

“…That must have been hard.”

Chae Hamin quietly looked at Sijak and then suspiciously fiddled with his ear as if wondering if something was in it, while smiling.

“…Huh?”

And of course, there’s nothing there. He quickly turns around.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.”

Then he met my eyes as if trying to gauge my thoughts. I could see the trust that he could read me if he did that.

“You’ve changed a lot, Donghwa.”

“What do you mean?”

“If it were the old you, you would have definitely said, ‘That fairy tale is a bit much for kids.’”

That’s creepy, damn it.

“Secretary?”

An unusual look in his eyes, and then Chae Hamin’s announcement of his observation results.

Accurate. It feels like a stalker is tracking my every move. Of course, if it were actually a stalker, it wouldn’t be such a beautiful story.

“If you unfairly fire me, I’ll report you to the labor board, Hamin.”

“Huh? Did you ask me to keep it a secret? It’s okay.”

He hugs his knees. He rests his chin on them and nodded.

“What I realized while working together is that, including hearing your secrets.”

I sat down next to him. Sitting cross-legged, Sijak quietly peeked out of his hiding place, wondering what those giant beasts were, and then stopped caring.

“I wondered how you endured it, you.”

Um, that’s cringy.

“I don’t know.”

We heard rustling footsteps behind us. The sound of the other members running away towards the door.

It seems like Ryu Ideun or Lee Hyunjae noticed first and made room for us.

“And yet you kept crawling.”

“…Your choice of words is quite [something].”

Perhaps, do you see me as just a snake, Hamin? I can empathize, but I feel a little wronged. You could have at least said a cat.

“But it’s a bit hard to ask, right? I can’t bring myself to ask how you didn’t give up when living like that is so hard….”

Gijisaeng, explain. This is a question for you to answer.

[What noble conviction do you expect from a mere creature who was trying to realize the delusion of turning back time? He just lived because he had nothing else to do.]

“I imagined it. If, as you said, you didn’t become an idol and just lived, what would have happened?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I would have debuted in God’s Eye, right?”

Chae Hamin buried his face in his knees.

“And, I know roughly. They were bad people at first. Sung-ho turned them all into humans like Hwanung, though.”

“He’s a genius in that area.”

If he had gone under Hwayang and only learned the basics of evil humans, a great sociopath would have been born who could manipulate any group to his will.

“And I’m not.”

“Yeah.”

Clear.

“No matter how much I imagine it, I don’t think I could have been happy. I wonder if I could have even done idol activities. Then, I would have collapsed, I think.”

Where will this story end up?

In front of his long monologue, I could only look down at Chae Hamin’s round head.

Then I silently reached my hand back. A slightly reclined posture, a posture I would normally reflexively reject.

“You still would have lived.”

Collapse, really? There might be some occasional regrets, but Chae Hamin is mentally strong. The mindset of admiring the snake in the fairy tale wouldn’t just disappear.

Even if life is hard and sad, Chae Hamin would have eventually crawled on. Whether he ran a foundation to support dancers or ran the company according to his father’s wishes, he would have somehow lived on. Like me.

“While being sadder than now.”

Like me.

Ryu Ideun, Seokjun, and Lee Hyunjae would have lived on like that too. Full of regrets in life, but accepting them completely. All of them couldn’t become snakes and shed their skin, just like that.

Um, then, is this life a kind of molting?

“That’s right. That’s why I’m grateful to you.”

Chae Hamin raised his head. I wondered if he would cry, but there were no traces of tears. Instead, he was full of smiles. Perhaps his desire to express his gratitude to me was greater than the possibility of being depressed.

“I’m going to make this our retirement home. I wanted to show it to you, so I brought you here.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking every day about how to repay you. It’s really nice to have a lot of money at times like this.”

He stood up with explosive energy. Cheerful movements. I chuckled. I took Chae Hamin’s hand and got up from my seat.

This is where I’m going to finish my old age. Thinking that as I stepped on the floor, a bittersweet feeling washed over me. I don’t know who will be the last person to live here, but at least I will be.

“Let’s go to the third floor. I’m going to remodel it again and install an elevator, so don’t worry.”

“That much.”

“You never know when you get old. Look at my father. His physical strength has weakened a lot.”

Then I need to exercise harder than I do now so that doesn’t happen.

* * *

When we followed Chae Hamin to the third floor, the members who had already arrived were standing still, frozen.

“…Hyung, what is all this?”

Understandable. *Crazy bastard,* where did the warm atmosphere from before go?

Photos of the members were plastered all over the walls. Like a timeline depicting the process of growth, Chae Hamin had displayed photos of the members from all ages that he could collect.

“Memories.”

Chae Hamin spun around in a circle with a blissful look, taking in the pillars erected in the third-floor living room and the members’ growth process decorating those pillars.

“No one calls this memories, Hyung. Donghwa-hyung, please try to persuade him. When Hamin-hyung has that look in his eyes, even Ideun-hyung can’t stop him!”

“…Why, I like it.”

“Shut up! Please! Why are you so weak to the members! If Yaeon-hyung did this, I would cautiously say that mental illness is suspected!”

“We are valid, Hyunjae.”

The curse that binds us, our somewhat twisted minds, are all valid.

Everyone is twisted in some way, including me. People like that should be able to understand and embrace each other. It’s the starting point of social solidarity.

“This is our retirement home, our Hyunjae! Our *maknae* [youngest]!”

Chae Hamin still hugged Lee Hyunjae tightly with a blissful look.

“I’m really going to bite! I’m really going to bite like a dog! Let go!”

“Every ten years, we’ll take a picture and hang it here.”

“Just imagining it is terrifying! Of course, of course, I like that Hyung cherishes me and all that! But this!”

Ryu Ideun watched all this and approached the five rooms and the family photos of the members hanging on the central pillar (group photos in the name of family photos, which we went to take every year under the leadership of Chae Hamin and Ryu Ideun) as if he was possessed.

“…It might not be bad.”

At that short word, I walked over to Ryu Ideun’s side.

Honestly, it’s bad, but I can accept this much. I’ve mortgaged the members’ remaining years with my own hands, so this much is cheap in return. Seokjun also came next to me and smiled as he looked at our photos.

“That’ll be fun─.”

“…I didn’t expect anything from you, Hyung.”

“Why, Hyunjae. Hamin-hyung is happy─.”

“What, why, what the heck. Do you want to live in a house like this? You have to look at these photos every morning when you wake up! Do you all want to see me locked up in my room!”

In other words, it’s good to live with us.

“Let’s get used to it, Hyunjae.”

We’re living with abnormal people, so we have to put up with that much.