Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 369

After getting dressed and having my hair styled by Mok-hwa, I rushed to the meeting place.

Arriving at the entrance of Korea University Station, I couldn’t help but sigh.

Ha, I’m going through all this trouble just to make one friend again.

Exiting from Exit 2, there was an alley of bars and a street of food stalls. Near that damned shoe store, there was a smoking area established by social consensus (basically meaning it was tolerated even though technically illegal), and from that point, the night air felt strangely young.

Although I hate cigarette smoke, it effectively served as a marker that the street started there.

Each and every one of those people is walking forward of their own volition, thanks to Ji Dong-hwa.

Meanwhile, the damned me had to ask my younger sibling for a dress-up? Is this my free will? Seriously. The shame washed over me belatedly.

[It suits you well.]

‘Clothes are a means of survival; I don’t think there’s anything else to it.’

In the Contrebandiers Cave in Morocco, bone tools, presumed to have been used to make clothes from animal skins about 120,000 years ago, were discovered (based on the genetic gap between lice inhabiting clothes and lice inhabiting human heads, it could be seen as 170,000 years ago, but it is not empirical).

This period overlaps with the beginning of the Ice Age, lending credence to the assumption that clothing was made and worn for ‘survival’.

Thick clothes are worn to survive in colder regions, and thin clothes are worn to protect the body from direct sunlight in hotter regions.

It’s unclear when it was disguised under the name of ‘fashion,’ but its origin is definitely in survival.

[You’re all twisted.]

Are you one to talk?

[At least more than you.]

A slightly chilly air pricked the tip of my nose.

Um, around this time, freshmen gather to meet in advance, under the name of ‘Mokkoji’ [a pre-orientation gathering for university students].

Lee Hyun-jae either skipped two years, or skipped one year and then formed a relationship with Ryu Iden. That’s impressive, Hyun-jae.

Walking further, a shabby-looking Korean BBQ restaurant appeared, often chosen by college students who don’t have much money for gatherings.

The number of times I’ve been here is 0. In other words, the number of times I’ve participated in gatherings is 0. Just looking at it, it seems like there will be endless noise.

Opening the door and going inside, I saw the table where Ryu Iden was sitting.

Waving his big arms around.

“What, what. Why are you so dressed up!”

Ryu Iden, shouting in a fuss, looked like a typical extroverted human being. I felt it from seeing him on screen, but how can I get close to him?

“Were you so excited to see us! Actually, were you worried about coming to meet me looking shabby! So you know how to dress up! The rumor was that you were just a clothes hanger! You’re different in front of someone you want to be friends with!”

Shut up, you damned dog.

“Wow… you always wore whatever when you hung out with me.”

Ignoring everything, I sat down.

Lee Hyun-jae greeted me with a nod and happily accepted the meat that Ryu Iden grilled and handed over. On the table, bottles of cola were lined up, as if being mindful of Lee Hyun-jae’s age.

He’s holding a spoon cutely now, but someday, if things go wrong, he’ll reach the point of smashing someone else’s door with a hammer.

“Skipped a grade?”

He flinched, his pupils widened, and he raised his head. Of course, it was only for a moment; he was always quick-witted, so he knew I was talking about him.

“Ah, yes! One year early. It feels a bit strange. The other kids are still in high school.”

So he’s a freshman this year. If he skipped a year, he’s probably from a science high school, but Korean Literature…? That combination of words is truly bizarre. Even if I overheard it, I’d probably stop for about 3 seconds to think about the story behind it.

Sizzle, the meat went up. While Ryu Iden and Chae Ha-min were talking, a situation naturally unfolded where I had to say something.

Lee Hyun-jae glanced at me, waiting for a topic of conversation to emerge.

Ah, what should I say, damn it. This is like a kid who doesn’t know what to do when they first go to kindergarten. Give me a social skills lecture, Ryu Iden.

[It would have been nice if you had done it with me when I did.]

Don’t laugh, I want to die too.

“…Hyun-jae.”

“Yes?”

Ah, damn it, I feel like I’m going to cry again. I wanted my ankle to be crushed by you, but I just needed about thirty more seconds to talk.

“Are you doing well?”

Damn it, that’s a sentence that presupposes we know each other in a pragmatic way. Turn back time, immediately.

[Crazy person.]

“…Uh, yes?”

Wow, they’re broken.

If I recorded Dong-hwa breaking down, it would be amazing, I don’t know Dong-hwa well yet, so that’s his style.

Ryu Iden and Chae Ha-min’s words were stuck in my eardrums.

“Yes, I’m doing, well, right? I’m not not doing well.”

“…Yeah.”

“……Uh, yes.”

Ha-min, he’s really broken.

It’s okay, even if Dong-hwa looks like that, he’s surprisingly quick-witted when talking to others.

He doesn’t look like it at all now.

I know, he looks like he’s broken, does being too smart make you like that, how many languages does he speak?

He makes a lot of money tutoring with that.

Wow, that’s cool, if he had used half of that communication skill, he would have already started talking to Hyun-jae by now.

Looking at his appearance now, he’s the most popular in the department, but he looks like he’s going to cut it off coldly.

Pfft, Lee Hyun-jae chuckled. Or, was it a sneer?

“Um, Dong-hwa hyung [older brother/male friend]? You’re shy.”

Lee Hyun-jae neatly wrapped a lettuce wrap and put it in his mouth. He’s alive. He’s full of vitality.

Wow, he exists. Sharing the same world, and even this small table in this small store.

“…Hyung?”

It’s a miracle. What was I planning and what was I so confident about?

Even if I knew that this was the future in front of me, would I have been able to face the end calmly?

My hands trembled again. I grabbed the pants that Mok-hwa had carefully bought for me.

It’s too much. What should I do? My mind is scattered.

“…Um, hyung?”

I raised my right hand. I slapped my cheek hard once and took a deep breath while looking at the ceiling.

Only then was I able to blend into the noisy atmosphere of a Korean BBQ restaurant near the university.

Okay, let’s get a grip. Don’t act like an idiot.

I know that Lee Hyun-jae and Ryu Iden are all good people.

I lowered my head and straightened my expression. I have to smile to leave a good first impression.

“Yeah.”

A moment of silence envelops us.

Lee Hyun-jae and Ryu Iden were also surprised, but Chae Ha-min dropped the spoon she was holding in her mouth, as if in shock.

“…Wow, Ha-min, is Dong-hwa okay?”

“I have no idea. I’m seeing him for the first time. Him smiling like that.”

“I don’t know what it is, but is Dong-hwa hyung out of his mind? He looks so perfectly fine.”

“Suddenly slapping his own cheek and trembling all over, and then smiling brightly as if he’s okay…”

“His impression is even different. Just now, he really looked like a kind church brother.”

Ha, I can’t do this.

I ruffled my hair once and dipped lettuce in soybean paste and ate it.

The meat is of poor quality and not good for my stomach, so I can’t eat it. My sense of taste is half dead, but my sense of taste is too painfully alive.

Whether I can get close to them or not depends on the flow. I have to show my true self as it is now, and if they don’t like it, there’s nothing I can do.

Damn it, it’s a shame, but it’s terribly a shame.

“Look, he’s enlightened in an instant this time.”

“Ah! I’ve seen that sometimes. It’s the expression he makes when he’s doing a group project alone.”

“By that logic… are we as burdensome as free riders [someone who benefits from a group effort without contributing]? Free riders that I’ve only heard rumors about.”

Your logic is weak, Hyun-jae. If it were a long time ago, you would have quickly cut off the words ‘Hyung, you just haven’t been diagnosed with a mental illness…’.

“No, it’s fun.”

I said firmly so that there would be no misunderstanding.

“Those things are incomparable.”

This time, I dipped a cucumber in soybean paste.

Anyone would think I’m a vegetarian. Crunch, crunch, I closed my eyes and focused on the sound. Ah, it’s delicious.

“Things like bugs.”

A head that doesn’t understand the definition of a group project is filled with reason, but even that is worthless and has no nutritional value, so it’s not worth boiling and eating.

“Please, drop out.”

Pfft, when I opened my eyes, Chae Ha-min was giggling and hitting Ryu Iden’s arm.

“You have to get used to it! Dong-hwa sometimes becomes ruthless.”

“Take off the early childhood education label! Your words and actions are rude!”

“Children are better at swearing than we are. We have to adapt to them.”

Answering Ryu Iden, I took out a new spoon since I had already used it, scooped up soybean paste, put it on the cucumber, and took another bite.

Who cares. Even if you graduated from early childhood education, you may not choose that path. Everything flows according to free will (the debate about the existence of free will is omitted due to the amount).

“…Wow, your character is unpredictable.”

You were the character I enjoyed the most. It’s a bit bitter, that only I remember it. But there’s no way but to smile.

“So, Hyun-jae, are you participating as an actor in this play?”

New students usually act.

“No, I’m adapting it. I’m also a Korean literature major, and I can speak a little German.”

The theater group is largely divided into adaptation team, actor team, directing team, stage team, and planning team (which is easier to read as miscellaneous affairs in charge), and surprisingly, we are assigned to the same team. Um, this feels good.

“Ah, come to think of it, if you skipped a grade, what kind of high school are you from?”

“Science high school.”

“Um.”

Okay, I did it. I did a conversation.

I ate another bite of cucumber and pushed away Chae Ha-min’s face, who was urging me to eat some meat.

If you eat more than five pieces, your stomach will be upset. I guess your stomach is strong.

“…You’re not asking?”

While continuing the power struggle with Chae Ha-min, Lee Hyun-jae asked with chopsticks in his mouth. Ah, I’m nervous. What kind of dog-like mistake did I make?

Carnegie, is your book really helpful?

“Asking what.”

“If you’re a Korean literature major from a science high school, 80% of people ask.”

I was wondering what else.

There may be a variety of narratives in ‘I wanted to go,’ but the essence is that.

From the beginning, you were a guy who could pick and choose whatever you wanted. Only the timing is different, but you are the one who believes in your own subjectivity dogmatically and produces the best results.

I also know it well because I respected you.

“And get lost, Ha-min. I can’t eat anymore.”

“No, Dong-hwa, you’re going to die if you keep doing that. The meat is still good here.”

“What can’t your stomach eat.”

Noisy, after ending my bizarre behavior and starting to act as I am, the tension on the table finally melted away.

Unbeknownst to me, everyone was embarrassed because I was doing useless things. But since everyone didn’t complain, these guys will only see losses when they go out into society.

[……Are you one to talk?]

Shut up, I know it too. So this time, even if I can’t make a silver town [build a successful business], I have to make at least a rotating credit club [a small, informal group that pools money and distributes it to members in turn].

That’s how I didn’t see Lee Hyun-jae smiling blankly because I was talking to Ji Dong-hwa.

* * *

Ha, I feel like I’m going to die. As soon as I arrived home, I grabbed my collapsing body with mental strength.

What have I done today?

I looked back at my appearance in chronological order and concluded.

I’m just a crazy bastard.

I think my mind went back and forth a few times. Carnegie said that becoming a pleasant person helps with relationships, and usually pleasantness has something in common with seeming insane, so it’ll be okay.

“It won’t be okay, but you’ve worked hard.”

Mok-hwa tapped my shoulder and laughed cheerfully.

Um, how much closer do I have to get for Lee Hyun-jae to break down my door with a hammer?

“Hyung, hold back on that a bit.”

I got up from my seat and went into the bathroom.

On the neglected phone, there were texts from Lee Hyun-jae, ‘Hyung, this is Lee Hyun-jae. I got your number from Iden hyung and contacted you. Let’s hang out sometimes!’, texts filled with sentences that the current Lee Hyun-jae wouldn’t easily say.