Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 372

“That’s right.”

Lee Hyun-jae finished speaking and took a sip of his cocoa.

*Wow, this is subtly sweet too. How did he know I don’t like things that are overly sweet? He must have figured it out by observing me again.*

Even now, he only added small interjections when I spoke, and mostly just silently watched my every move in detail. Then, he nodded as if he understood.

“So, the homelessness.”

*Um, he looks like he understands. How mysterious. Usually, people would criticize me for being so extreme.*

“…Of course, if you ask if I really intended to do it, maybe not. It was closer to a whim.”

“Then, do you have any affection left for your parents?”

My body stiffened. That’s a direct question.

When I managed to meet his eyes, they were just like a doctor’s cold eyes diagnosing a patient. There was no worry or pity. He was nothing more or less than a scholar trying to understand the phenomenon.

And surprisingly, unbelievably to myself, I felt relieved.

*It’s comfortable because there’s no pity.*

*I’m glad he’s trying to understand the situation first, rather than giving hasty advice. He probably wouldn’t say anything until I asked for advice.*

*It’s just right. He understands and maintains the comfortable distance that I want.*

*Honestly, it’s scary. How much has he figured out in that short amount of time…?*

“Ha, I don’t know.”

Therefore, I can’t help but wonder. How much does this person really know?

“Honestly, it’s inhumane, isn’t it? I feel like I should take care of them because they’re family.”

A complete lie. Those naive thoughts disappeared long ago. Now, all I’m worried about is being a minor and what to say to the people around me.

*They can take care of themselves, and I can give allowances to those in extramarital relationships, so that’s enough.*

“…Um.”

The ticking of the clock sounds exaggerated. A strange tension filled the air, like in a horror movie.

“Well, it’s hard to say everything…”

*He must think we’re not close enough yet,* I interpreted the omitted words.

He seemed disappointed. At the fact that our relationship was too shallow to reveal everything.

He noticed the lie a long time ago, but he must have misunderstood the reason for it.

It was a reasonable and common-sense misunderstanding, which was absurd. Where did all the unconventional behavior he showed today suddenly go?

“If you feel like it, tell me again.”

Ji Dong-hwa simply summarized today’s conversation. He got up from his seat, took the finished cocoa cup, and walked to the sink.

“…Wow, hyung [older brother or male friend] is really scary.”

“That’s the first time I’ve heard that.”

*Isn’t that because there aren’t many people who have gotten that close?*

Chae Ha-min is an exception. That guy is strangely friendly to everyone.

He’s like a herbivore who has lost his fear, but fortunately, it’s a modern society, so he’s safe. If he fell on a deserted island, he’d say, ‘Wow, this looks delicious,’ and eat poisonous plants.

“I want to tell you a secret too.”

He took a cup of water and returned to his seat.

“Unfortunately, I don’t have any secrets.”

“…Is this also a matter of intimacy?”

There’s no way a person has no secrets. Originally, all humans have something they have to hide.

“Ask me anything you’re curious about.”

Distrust of humans is a basic attitude. I’m psychologically broken because I was not recognized by my parents.

The short phrase ‘Ask me’ sounded like an invitation to find a secret, which was due to my twisted heart.

Maybe, he just wanted to know more.

“…Your parents.”

“They’re dead.”

“Have you ever committed a crime?”

“Just jaywalking in the early morning.”

“Who do you hate the most?”

“I don’t.”

“Is that possible?”

Ji Dong-hwa raised his hand as if to cover his mouth. It was obvious that he was smiling behind it.

*What’s so funny? Isn’t this conversation frankly unpleasant bullshit? He came forward and blurted out a secret, and now he’s grilling me.*

“If I had to choose now, it would be your parents.”

I flinched at the unexpected answer.

Ji Dong-hwa’s eyes narrowed slightly. The curved corners of his eyes looked good, but there was also a slightly chilling feeling.

*Ah, this is the real smile. The smile he showed before was fake.*

“…Anything else?”

I didn’t back down and dug even deeper.

“Once your problem is resolved, I’m going to hate Chae Ha-min’s department people.”

He’s speaking plainly with a refreshing expression, but can you say that ‘things’ are ‘resolved’ in this kind of situation?

The relationship between parents and children is too complex and sticky to simply call it a ‘thing,’ and it’s inhumane to say it’s ‘resolved.’

The same goes for the phrase ‘going to hate.’ Is that an expression that can be easily used?

I calmly organized my thoughts.

Just when I was about to get a sense of who this person was, he would say strange things and push me away.

I have a habit of lightly analyzing people like characters in a novel, but I really don’t know this person.

“…What do you think I should do?”

I ended up allowing it. I directly broke down the distance I had been maintaining with Ji Dong-hwa’s consideration.

From Ji Dong-hwa’s point of view, I am directly saying what I ‘couldn’t ask because we weren’t close enough yet.’

“Whatever you want.”

Ji Dong-hwa lowered the hand that had been covering his mouth. As expected, beyond it, his lips were drawing a beautiful line.

I stopped speculating about how he would feel if all of this conversation had gone as Ji Dong-hwa intended.

“I can’t be of great help, but I can lend you a room. It’s hard to sign a real estate contract without involving your parents.”

He seems to know what I want. The small wish to cut ties with my parents and live alone.

“…Why.”

Do people usually do this much for someone they haven’t met in a long time?

“Why?”

Various expected answers flowed through my head.

When I reached the suspicion of ‘…Could this person be trying to sell me off somewhere?’

“Because you’re the same age as my younger sibling.”

Again, he’s giving a common-sense answer all by himself!

I was chilled by a subtle sense of betrayal.

*Why does he sometimes lose his mind! I’d rather he be crazy from beginning to end!*

“People need time to grow up like children.”

Huh?

“…Like children?”

“Yeah. You’re in early childhood education.”

“I feel like my pride has been hurt a little.”

Even so,

“If you don’t have a sense of being protected during the growth process, you become psychologically unstable. If we talk about it psychoanalytically, there’s no end to it.”

In an instant, my twisted heart was straightened out.

A shock swept over me, as if the Leaning Tower of Pisa had been pushed up from the side and straightened.

No matter how I listen to it… it’s an experience. I never thought I would realize the idiom ‘misery loves company’ like this.

I feel like I’ve been grabbed by the hair.

From beginning to end, Ji Dong-hwa understood me so accurately that it was creepy, and the fact that he realized that distance without meeting me for long was actually because he was the same….

“…Have you ever been homeless?”

I asked another stupid question.

“Yeah. I did something I shouldn’t have done to my younger sibling and was shocked.”

Bang, I was startled and turned around.

Ji Mok-hwa was standing there. The cell phone was spinning on the floor as if it was trying to crawl.

Even if I threw it on purpose, it wouldn’t turn out like that.

“…Is it true?”

“Mok-hwa, eavesdropping on a conversation between two people…”

*I’m convinced. It’s not right to eavesdrop.*

“I wasn’t eavesdropping! I was going to ask when you were going to sleep! I came out for a moment!”

*Ah, I’m convinced again. If that’s the reason.*

The gentle and soft appearance from when we first met today is nowhere to be found, and he has a serious expression as if he was asked, ‘How about X *tteok* [spicy rice cake] today?’ to a lover who doesn’t like spicy food.

I held back my laughter while listening to the sibling quarrel that had nothing to do with me.

Watching the fight end with the words, ‘It’s annoying to pick on past things, so don’t do that again in the future,’ I was thinking about the joke, ‘That *hyung* is a suppressor for his younger sibling.’

“And, Hyun-jae, you too.”

“…Huh?”

I raised my head, which had been lowered, at Mok-hwa’s address.

*Why me? I was quietly holding back my laughter.*

“You asked if you’ve ever been homeless. You must never do it. Don’t do that while saying nonsense like you’re going to be like that *hyung*!”

Why did the target suddenly become me?

“No, I’ve never thought about wanting to be like him…”

“Mok-hwa, we picked him up today when he was about to be homeless.”

Quick betrayal.

Look at that cunning tongue. Where did the broad tolerance that seemed to accept anything go?

Where did the ‘sense of being protected’ disappear to?

Then, Mok-hwa widened his pupils and also showed that his teeth were quite even.

“Absolutely not.”

Mok-hwa knelt on the floor and gathered my hands.

“I can’t ask yet what the reason is, why you thought that way.”

*Your hyung has already heard everything.* But Ji Dong-hwa kept his mouth shut and looked at the two of them with satisfaction.

“If you have such thoughts, come to our house instead. There are empty rooms.”

It was strange that he was begging so earnestly while holding on tightly.

Why are the brothers in this house so kind to me, who was no different from a stranger? They don’t know how scary the world is! What if I decide to steal money from this house?

“…What if I say I’m going to move in and live here starting tomorrow?”

I felt stubborn.

“Then do that. Our *hyung* earns money well…”

“…What if I steal something!”

“A person who steals wouldn’t say that, and even if they did, they’d be doing it out of spite.”

What, why are you so wise when you’re the same age as me?

I was dumbfounded. Mok-hwa’s upright eyes were different from Dong-hwa *hyung*’s.

Mok-hwa acted like he didn’t know anything about distance. He rushes in headfirst, simply colliding his worries with me.

If I die somewhere, the brothers in this family will be heartbroken and blame their incompetence.

And in order not to do that, they would try to know that I am safe.

The realization that I had been caught up in something was like lightning.

I looked at Ji Dong-hwa as if making a creaking sound.

A satisfied smile disappeared naturally as if a light had been turned off when he received my gaze.

He planned everything. I don’t know what he did, but he led the conversation while keeping in mind the timing for Ji Mok-hwa to come out. *Isn’t he a crazy bastard.*

Even for the sake of the rationality of inevitably telling Ji Mok-hwa the short fact that ‘this kid was thinking about being homeless.’

He reassured me through a meal, made me reveal all the facts myself, and then made me form a relationship with a person who, unlike himself, had no intention of adjusting the distance, so that I wouldn’t even have time to feel uncomfortable and would answer, ‘I will.’

“So, which room do you like, Hyun-jae?”

“That’s right, decide! Even if it’s not good today, I’ll prepare in advance so you can come anytime you want to be homeless in the future! Absolutely!”

“…Huh?”

I’m getting caught up. He’s subtly using Mok-hwa like a pawn, that human.

No, I was caught up. It was too hard to shake off Ji Mok-hwa’s hand. Even though he didn’t know my family history at all, pure worries poured out.

“And *hyung*, why are you telling me such an important thing now!”

*That’s because I wanted to give you time to get emotionally close to me. Mok-hwa, you are naturally good at making people around you open their hearts easily.*

“You should have told me sooner!”

But Ji Mok-hwa, who doesn’t know such a fact, was just angry.

In front of that anger towards Ji Dong-hwa, my will cannot be expressed. Because the cause of that anger is ‘worry for me.’

“…By any chance, was meeting in the park also planned?”

“Of course not.”

Ji Dong-hwa answered leisurely. However, it was not easy to shake off the suspicion that it might be.

“Hyun-jae, that human has nothing that goes according to plan.”

And as expected, Mok-hwa doesn’t know anything.