Elqueeness [EN]: Chapter 195

195.

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a pair of black eyes staring intently at me. Startled, I instinctively sat up, resulting in a loud crash and a flash before my eyes. At the same time, a terrible headache struck.

“Ugh! What—what is it!”

“Kuh-huh! Ah, damn it! That really hurt! What do you mean, ‘what is it,’ you son of a b*tch! I came to wake you up myself because you wouldn’t get up even though it’s lunchtime!”

The other person seemed to have taken a hit as well, judging by the groans coming from above me. Although it was hard to understand the meaning of those words. Anyway, it was quite a blunt reaction. I don’t think anyone has talked so rudely to me recently. Did my true nature come out because it hurt so much? This kind of response was so rare that I felt more strangely pleased than offended.

“Jeez! Are you a blockhead? How can you be so hard? I thought my nose was going to shatter.”

“Who’s the blockhead… Huh? Who are you?”

Still rubbing my throbbing forehead, I looked up to see the grumbling person. But their face was unfamiliar. No, was it not unfamiliar? It felt strangely new, yet strangely familiar. Confused, I asked, and the other person groaned before giving me a look as if I had eaten something wrong.

“Who are you? Ha, look at this bastard trying to be clever? You’re pretending to have amnesia to avoid the crisis in front of you. Showing off won’t work, Kang Jihoon? Do you think that kind of thing will work on me?”

“Huh? Kang… Jihoon?”

“Yeah, Kang Jihoon! You, you!”

Recoiling involuntarily from the face suddenly thrust in front of me, my eyes widened. The face so close was too familiar. Not just someone I’d seen a lot, but someone I used to be with all the time, to the point of being sick of them….

“Uh-oh? Could it be… Ha Taejin?”

“What do you mean, ‘could it be’? What, are you still not fully awake?”

I gasped at the words that shot back at me as if it were absurd.

Good heavens, what’s going on? The guy in front of me was definitely Ha Taejin, my best friend from my past life. Neat school uniform and tall height. Even the slightly brownish hair, resembling his maternal relatives who had light pigmentation. He looked a little younger than the last time I remembered, but it was definitely him.

Judging by the gray uniform, it must be around middle school. If we were in the same class, it would be third grade. Quickly looking around, familiar scenery came into view. Familiar classrooms and messy books, chairs. Familiar kids were sitting around eating lunch. Why am I here, when I was just in the dungeon? Huh? Dungeon? What’s that? And the last image I remembered? Best friend in my past life? Then did I die and get reborn or what?

“Ugh! I don’t know what’s going on.”

The thoughts that had been flowing so naturally just a moment ago suddenly seemed to cut off. I clutched my head and groaned, feeling like I was about to remember something but couldn’t. Taejin clicked his tongue at me and gave me a look of pity.

“That’s what happens when you sleep all day. Snap out of it, man. What kind of dream did you have that you’re still half asleep?”

“…Dream?”

“Yeah, dream. Haven’t you been awake since first period? Even when Mr. Mathematics was glaring at you like he was going to eat you alive, you didn’t budge.”

Taejin’s eyes gleamed with an impure light as he scanned me up and down. It was the look he gave to a tough guy. Well, sleeping from first period to lunchtime was a lot, indeed. Even I was embarrassed, so I could only smile awkwardly. Taejin, who had been watching me with a dumbfounded expression, soon let out a burst of laughter.

“Laughing because you have nothing to say. Anyway, I’m starving. Let’s go eat quickly. Minsik packed a lunch for you too. If we make him wait any longer, he’ll eat it all himself.”

“Ah, okay. But hey, did I really dream all that?”

“What?”

“Well, something feels strange… It felt so real. I was definitely in a dark cave until just now. Fighting strange monsters and everything…”

At those words, Taejin shrugged his shoulders as if he couldn’t help it. Then, he began to ask questions with a serious expression.

“First, where are we?”

“School.”

“Second, what time is it now?”

“Uh… Lunchtime?”

“Third, so are you going to be a brave student fighting monsters during lunchtime at school?”

“…No.”

“You definitely dreamed it, right?”

“…Yeah.”

Unconsciously nodding at the voice that sounded like he was coaxing a child, I couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong. But the moment I saw Taejin smiling as usual, I didn’t care how I felt. If it was a dream, it was a dream. After all, what else could it be if I was in the classroom? I shook off the lingering images in my head and stood up. Then Taejin picked up something that was on the corner of the desk and handed it to me.

“Huh? What’s this?”

“What else, it’s glasses. You can’t see anything far away without these.”

“Hmm, that, was that so? I remember my eyesight getting really good?”

“Good my foot, when you’re about to hit the negatives. Stop talking nonsense and put them on quickly. Everyone’s waiting because of you.”

Unable to resist Taejin’s urging, I reluctantly put the thick glasses on my face. Then, the surroundings that had felt stuffy suddenly became bright. Was the reason my head felt fuzzy because I couldn’t see well?

“…I can see now.”

“Right? I don’t know why you’re getting dumber. Was your dream that fun? So much so that you couldn’t even recognize your friend’s face for a moment when you woke up?”

“No, it’s not that…”

“What do you mean, ‘it’s not’? Well, I can guess. You said you fought monsters, so you must have become a legendary hero and had some grand adventure. I knew it when you were always carrying around fantasy novels. I wonder when you’re ever going to grow up.”

“That’s not it!”

At that moment, I shouted without realizing it. Taejin’s surprised gaze and the embarrassed gazes of the other kids instantly turned to me. Ah, this isn’t good. Overwhelmed with belated dismay, I didn’t know where to look. Then Taejin carefully spoke to me with a slightly subdued face.

“Hey, okay. Why are you getting so angry? I was just joking. Sorry. Are you really upset?”

“Ah, no. I just… suddenly felt a bit suffocated. It’s not that I’m angry at you…”

“It’s okay. It looks like you haven’t fully shaken off the aftereffects of your dream yet, but this *hyung* [older brother/male friend] isn’t such a petty person that he can’t understand that. Instead, I’ll make sure you wake up properly. Eek!”

“Uwaaak! You jerk! What are you doing!”

I screamed in horror as Taejin suddenly hugged me and started tickling me. The guys around us were just giggling, not even trying to stop Taejin. Everything else aside, what’s with the guy whistling!

“You better surrender willingly? Or I’ll raise the stakes?”

“Uwaaak! Okay! Surrender! Surrender! I was wrong about everything! I surrender, okay?”

“Heh, you should have done that from the start.”

Taejin’s expression as he dusted off his hands and stepped back was truly devilish. I glared at him with a disgusted feeling. Anyway, this guy is just as annoying as Lapis….

‘Huh? Who’s Lapis?’

My head tilted at the name that suddenly came to mind. It felt very familiar, like I had definitely heard it somewhere, but I didn’t know who it was. I can’t even remember alphabets, so there is no way I made a foreign friend. Was it the name of the main character in a movie I saw recently? I tried to recall for a moment, but nothing came to mind, so I shook my head wildly.

Why do I feel so strange? Everything around me is familiar yet unfamiliar. I feel like something is wrong, but I don’t even know why. It felt like I had been to another world.

“I’m home.”

There was no response to the greeting I carefully gave at the front door. It’s not that there’s no one home. It’s just that my existence is being completely ignored among them.

After staring at my family, who didn’t turn around, for a moment, I slowly looked around the house. A 30-pyeong [approximately 1,076 square feet] apartment. Passing through the hallway connected to the entrance, you’ll find a cozy living room a little further ahead. To the left is the kitchen, and on either side are balconies with glass windows, with rooms arranged one by one beyond that space. The black TV installed on the front wall of the living room was showing a drama that had recently become a hot topic. The four-seater leather sofa opposite it was newly replaced a few months ago. It was definitely the same sight I saw this morning, but it felt strangely like I hadn’t seen it in a long time.

“Hey.”

A voice with a confrontational tone brought me back to my senses. I hurriedly looked up to see my older brother with a sullen expression.

Ah, come to think of it, I had an older brother. It’s really strange. It’s not something I should forget, but the moment I saw my older brother, that was the first thing I thought. Moreover, it wasn’t like I only had one older brother. As soon as I thought that, I saw another older brother glancing over from the living room. He’s the first older brother, and the person in front of me now is the second older brother. This fact also came to mind a little late. Could it be that I’m finally going crazy? My reaction was delayed due to the phenomenon that I couldn’t understand myself, and the face of the second older brother quickly turned fierce.

“What are you doing?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t just stand there blankly, get out of here. Do you want to get hit?”

“Ah, no. Sorry.”

Seeing the cruelty in his glaring eyes, I quickly turned around. Unlike the other rooms arranged around the master bedroom, my room is attached to the hallway right in front of the entrance. Normally, I would have gone straight into my room without even going to the living room. Even though this house felt unusually unfamiliar today, it was unlike me to go inside when my family was all there. My brothers must have also been wondering, as I heard them sneering behind me as I walked away.

“What’s with him? Is he putting on a show or something?”

“I don’t know. That pathetic bastard is starting to crawl up now that he’s grown a little. I’m going to take care of him soon. He needs to have his eyes swollen again to know how scary *hyung* [older brother] is.”

“Hey, hey, you learned martial arts, so take it easy, take it easy. If you hit him wrong with your fist, that bastard will go straight to the afterlife.”

“Tsk, if he had the size, it would be fun to hit him. Anyway, he’s useless.”

They don’t particularly lower their voices. The words, clearly meant to scare me, followed me until the moment I entered the room. My mother in the kitchen was silently cutting fruit for my brothers, with no reaction. It was unlike her, who would usually bring a broom and scold us if the brothers were even arguing. Or maybe it was natural. Because in this house, it’s not a sin to bully me.

It was something that always happened, but the reason it felt awkward today must be because of the dream I had at school today. In that dream, I seemed to be loved. So much so that I didn’t want to wake up, if possible. So much so that I even forgot it was a dream.

But why did I wake up? I suddenly wondered, but I soon smiled bitterly.

‘Well, it must be because I realized it was just a dream.’

No matter how beautiful and happy a dream is, in the end, it’s just a dream. Once you wake up, it’s nothing. Rather, the brief illusion made reality feel even more overwhelming, leaving a bitter aftertaste.

I stood in front of the mirror and looked at my pale face. Today, my ugly face was particularly annoying. My somewhat angular face and rough, pale skin. My black and cloudy eyes like Go stones [black stones used in the game of Go]. Even my shaggy hair felt like it wasn’t originally mine. Was my face always like this? I stared intently at the mirror for a long time.

Then, I suddenly heard a commotion outside. It seemed that my father, who had come home from work, was arriving.

Just as I thought that, there was a thud! The sound of a sharp object hitting the door. I instinctively flinched and stood close to the wall. I had a bad feeling.

“You son of a b*tch! Are you not coming out right now? Oh, yeah, now you don’t even see your father in your eyes, huh? That’s why you shouldn’t raise unlucky kids!”

A sigh escaped at the endlessly rising high-pitched voice. The slurred voice was clearly that of someone who was drunk. My prediction was correct. These days never passed smoothly.

“Honey! I told you not to drink today?”

“Shut up! Go get Jihoon! He doesn’t even come out to greet his father? Why do we keep such a thing in the house as a son! Kick him out right now, right now!”

“If you want to kick him out, you do it! Really, I can’t live like this! When are you going to stop?”

“What did you say? What have you done so well that you’re raising your voice? Then who told you to give birth to such a thing?”

“Who wanted to give birth to him? Whose fault is this! If you were going to be like this, you shouldn’t have stopped me when I said I was going to abort him! Why are you making a fuss now? Why now!”

A voice filled with resentment and sobbing. I had known for a long time that most of the conversations at times like this were curses directed at me. That this situation has been repeating for several years since I was born.

It was inevitable that my brothers hated me. The reason my parents fought was almost always because of me. The father they knew was a caring head of the family who rarely got angry and loved his children dearly. The mother in places where I wasn’t was said to be a virtuous woman who always smiled and comforted her children. It was a harmonious family that everyone couldn’t help but envy. Yes, if it weren’t for me.

But I also don’t know the reason why they’re angry. Not once has anyone given me a satisfactory answer to that question. I wish someone would at least tell me the reason. Then wouldn’t it be a little easier to endure this miserable time?

“……!”

A strange voice was heard from somewhere. Startled, I looked around, but I was still sitting alone in the dark, narrow room. What, is it a hallucination? I tilted my head with a bewildered yet embarrassed feeling.

“…….”

Again, someone spoke from an unknown direction. This time it was a different voice than the one I heard a moment ago. If the voice I heard earlier was just a little embarrassing, this time the voice that followed made my heart flutter for some reason. Even though it was a blunt and condescending tone, it wasn’t scary. Rather, I wanted to hear more.

My heart started beating fast.

A scene slowly unfolded before my eyes. Someone was standing in a dreamlike, cozy, fairytale-like space. Even the hair fluttering in the wind was beautiful, a person resembling a painting slowly turned their head towards me. The gaze that had been as cold as ice softened when it found me. As if it couldn’t be helped.

I closed my eyes tightly without realizing it. I felt like I was suffocating from the warm air that filled my whole body. I knew that all of this was a dream. There’s no way something this beautiful isn’t a dream. But who was that person who carefully reached out to me, hesitant as I was? And why do I feel so sad and longing?

I swore I didn’t want to have this kind of dream. Because I realized once again that it was just an unattainable delusion.

I pulled my knees up and buried my face in them. I felt like I wanted to cry for no reason.