Follow Your Heart [EN]: Chapter 110

It was well past midnight when the King finally fell completely asleep.

Replacing her knees with a pillow, she quietly slipped out of bed, holding her breath.

As Lee Jae cautiously opened the door, dozens of eyes turned towards her.

“Your Majesty, Queen, do you need anything?”

“No, I couldn’t sleep, so I was going to the study.”

“…Is His Majesty asleep?”

“Yes, he just fell asleep.”

She stepped completely into the hallway and closed the door behind her.

As Lee Jae began to walk, some of the knights and maids, having finished their discussion, followed behind her.

It was quite late, so she waved her hand dismissively.

“You don’t have to come. It’s right there.”

It really was just around the corner of the hallway.

However, the knights looked very embarrassed.

“Actually, His Majesty really dislikes it when Your Majesty, the Queen, moves around alone.”

“…………”

“Anyway, wouldn’t it be the same whether we’re on duty here or there? You don’t have to worry about anything.”

There was nothing dangerous in this castle except perhaps ghosts, but Lee Jae gave a wry smile and nodded.

The knights, who accompanied her for only a few dozen steps, lined up in front of the study.

And when the maids lit all the candles and left, Lee Jae was finally able to sit at the desk.

She pulled Hailey’s diary, which had been pushed to one side, towards her chest.

Lee Jae had no choice but to immerse herself in this diary for a while.

Because she had discovered a note Hailey had left, as if adding to it.

*Human time flows sequentially, but records can transcend that order, just as a seer’s time goes back and forth between the present and the future in a jumble.*

However, that anticipation was gradually turning into a sense of resignation.

Lee Jae was looking through several years’ worth of diaries, starting from when she was fourteen.

She was looking so intently that her eyes felt strained, but there was no further clue.

The memo Hailey left later appeared only once.

Nevertheless, Lee Jae couldn’t let go of the diary.

It wasn’t to fill the fragmented memories of a soul that had left its body.

It wasn’t to find a clue.

It was out of pure interest.

*Your daily life, your way of thinking, what you liked, the people who hurt you, your precious day.*

Not Hailey Duncan as a seer, but just an interest in you as a human being.

And when we want to know someone deeply and try to reach their world.

People invariably present each other with life’s truths like gifts.

「January 8, 496

Today, I read ‘The Value of Silence’ again.

I actually feel conflicted every time I read that article.

Because I don’t think silence is always the answer.

Nevertheless, I don’t readily say ‘I don’t like it’.

It’s probably because that sentiment has never been accepted at home.

Words are for talking to people who are ready to talk.

Someone’s silence may be a way of expressing a mature personality,

but I’m not a mature person. Some silence sometimes resembles giving up.」

“Hailey, you weren’t a terrible writer after all.”

Lee Jae muttered to herself.

Because her sentences were becoming more fluent as she got older.

Hailey had only deliberately saved her best writing for the three years before her death.

Lee Jae continued to turn the diary pages.

「February 14, 496

A new dessert shop opened in the capital.

The maids had been hinting at it for a while.

Because there are no maids who don’t know that I like sweets.

When I secretly went out to the street alone after dinner, I was greeted by a long line.

A man with a sword at his waist was standing in front of me, and he seemed embarrassed by the unexpected crowd.

I was worried about getting scolded when I got home, and my legs hurt, but I patiently waited for the line to shorten.

And when there was only one person left in front of me,

I also discovered that there was only one cake left in the display case.

*Well, there are days like this,* I thought.

But the man who was about to order was a little embarrassed and turned around.

I quickly lowered my head, but couldn’t hide my disappointed expression?

He looked at me, smiled, and left the store without saying a word.

Shamefully, the last cake became mine.

Who is it?

That kind knight. Will I be able to meet him again if I go to the store?」

“It’s Lawrence. Oh, I first saw him when I was eighteen? So cute.”

But even as Lee Jae said it was cute, her eyes were constantly welling up with tears.

Because the end of the paper was a little crumpled.

Lee Jae could understand a little how sad Hailey must have been when she reread this diary.

She took a deep breath and tried to calm her churning heart.

She closed her eyes for a moment and meditated.

And it was when Lee Jae, who had opened her eyes again, turned a page.

She found a very thin piece of paper inserted between the diary pages.

As if trying to hide it.

“What is this?”

Lee Jae tilted her head and took out the paper.

「To you who are reading this.

Hello.

You don’t know me,

I’m a little embarrassed that I’m calling you a friend all by myself.

But when I think about dying, I’m scared and lonely.

Please forgive me if you feel bad.

But if you really wanted to know me, if you didn’t hate me that much, wouldn’t you be able to find this letter someday?」

As soon as Lee Jae read that sentence, she knew it instinctively.

This was a letter Hailey wrote to Lee Jae just before she died.

Crying while longing for her happiest moment.

「It’s a long and boring story, but I’ll pour it out here.

You know. I’ve actually been dreaming every day for a while now.

Usually, I could see what would happen tomorrow, but sometimes I could see what would happen a month later.

Sometimes I could see it all in one night’s dream, and some days I could see a scene from a year later.

Sometimes people don’t realize that the day that will unfold tomorrow is the most important, and the days a year later can be much more trivial.

And when I realized that this wasn’t just a dream, I became greedy.

The greed to change a bad future.

But once I saw the future, even if the process changed, the result didn’t change much.

When I realized that, I didn’t want to say anything. Actually, I couldn’t say anything.

Am I too weird and stupid?」

Lee Jae shook her head several times. *No. Not weird. Not stupid at all.*

The hand holding the letter began to tremble more and more weakly.

「My father used to say things like that sometimes.

Our Duncan family has always been at the center of history and has always made the right choices.

I knew what that meant since I started dreaming, but my father was wrong.

In the past, the seer’s predetermined future did not have a picture of Duncan.

But did I do something wrong?

One day, my dreams started to become more and more scary. As my father became greedy for a royal marriage, I saw a desperate future.

Our family will be ruined because of the terrible things my father did. Of course, me too.

His Majesty is suffering from madness and is a really scary person.

But His Majesty also suddenly passes away one night, and civil and foreign wars break out in Cayenne [the kingdom] at the same time.

The person I love dies there.」

Lee Jae could understand what Hailey meant by the terrible thing.

It meant that the King would realize that the Duke had murdered his fiancées.

And the fact that the King would die for no reason was probably because of the evil spirit that visited him every night.

Lee Jae remembered what that black evil spirit had said.

*Both the King and you should have died a long time ago.*

「I had already given up a long time ago, but I wanted to change the future again.

I thought I had to accept my death, but Lawrence was dying too… painfully.

I thought about it every night.

Should I tell my father about this ability? Should I tell him about this future? Can my father’s choice change fate?

Then I had another dream.

My father gives up the royal marriage, and our family flees to Daimon.

His Majesty passes away, and the war breaks out, and Lawrence dies anyway.

Me and my family survive, but a few years later, we are betrayed by Daimon and eventually ruined.

But I couldn’t give up, so I looked for another way.

Should I tell Lawrence all this and beg him to run away with me?

When I worried about that, I dreamed of being caught before I even crossed the border.

After that, everything was the same.

In the end, I couldn’t tell Lawrence the truth.

That’s like this story.

No matter what I do, I, Lawrence, His Majesty dying, our family’s downfall, and the war cannot be stopped.

This future is set in stone.

I gave up on everything and despaired. I only resented it.

I can’t choose any of the three.

I never wanted this kind of ability.

Lee Jae felt that despair completely.

*Hailey. That was the stream that ran through your life. You can’t avoid it. Is this destiny?*

Lee Jae’s hands continued to tremble.

「But you know what? A few days ago, I had another dream.

Me throwing myself into the river crying. People saving me.

I opened my eyes in my room, and I instinctively realized that it wasn’t me.

It was the first time.

It was like a fog, and I couldn’t see anything after that.

At that moment, the situation surrounding everyone around me became uncertain.

Do you know what that means?

The moment the future, which was desperate when I knew everything, became invisible, why it turns into hope.

I’m not sure if this method is right.

I’m really sorry that I seem to be passing on too much pain to you.

It’s natural to resent and hate me, but if you read this, can you forgive me just a little… just a little?

A certain but unchangeable future and the possibility that it can be changed no matter what dangers lurk.

I hope that only you will understand the foolish me who had no choice but to choose that slim possibility.

Good luck, you who are better than me.」

Lee Jae put the letter on the desk and covered her face.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

“Hailey, I’m sorry… sob, I’m really sorry.”

*For not recognizing you. For not finding you sooner. You shouldn’t have died so pitifully, so lonely.*

Lee Jae sobbed quietly until the light of dawn brightened.