Follow Your Heart [EN]: Chapter 38

#38.

Lee Jae was sitting on a chair, carving, when the King visited. It was a statue of King Yeomra [a deity who judges the dead in East Asian mythology], intended for her room.

“I heard you went ‘Ugh!’ again today,” Roderick said.

Lee Jae chuckled, already suspecting the reason for his visit.

Sitting across from her, Roderick continued, “I take back what I said about you not knowing how to get properly angry.”

“I told you I have uncontrollable anger inside me. But I didn’t get angry.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Lee Jae had simply blurted out the inspiration that struck her upon seeing the Duke’s face.

In fact, such negative words should not be spoken carelessly. They can affect the human world and sometimes even connect with the celestial realm.

However, people with spiritual sight sometimes blurt out words involuntarily.

Roderick, carefully observing Lee Jae’s somewhat bitter expression, asked, “Hailey, do you perhaps harbor any ill feelings towards Saga?”

Her tone was like that of a counselor guiding a runaway teenager, and Lee Jae burst into laughter.

“Not really. I don’t have that much interest.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Did I cause any trouble for Your Majesty by doing this?”

Not really. In-laws were a headache for all kings, and the king would benefit if the Queen became estranged from the Duncan family.

But what was strange was Roderick’s attitude.

The more coldly Lee Jae treated her family, the more he refrained from speaking ill of Duncan in front of her and the more cautious he became.

“It’s not that, but take it easy. At that rate, their bones would be broken.”

“Why? Your Majesty doesn’t like my father, does he?”

“That’s true, but…”

*Your heart is getting hurt too.*

Roderick, who swallowed his words, scratched the end of his eyebrow and asked, “Hailey, is it because you hate your father so much?”

If she had answered yes, Roderick would have reacted simply.

But Lee Jae was lost in thought, fiddling with the piece of wood.

In the end, she let out a self-deprecating laugh. Because what came to her mind was not the Duke and Duchess, but the parents who had abandoned her in her previous life.

A child born with bad luck can overcome that bad luck if their parents take good care of them. They can look forward to the next ten years.

Because there was no support, Lee Jae’s childhood was the most unhappy in her life.

Not hating would clearly be a pretense and a lie.

But our anger can only end if there is an object.

What power would there be in resenting someone you don’t even know? Does that anger really have power?

In the end, it’s like a phone call that the other person won’t answer no matter how much you try.

It means you only become pathetic.

Then there was only one thing she could do. She had to stop calling. She had to put the phone down now.

Lee Jae’s past life was a series of torments because she couldn’t do that well.

“I don’t know.”

“…”

“Your Majesty, I don’t really want to talk about this.”

Lee Jae cut off the conversation. People looked around, taken aback, but Roderick was not very embarrassed.

Because he thought the Queen would answer like that.

*Not really. Not exactly. A little. Sometimes.*

If you put together the words she uses, you can vaguely see something. Not her, but the mask she inevitably wants to wear.

He stared at Lee Jae with one jaw clenched and said, “Hailey.”

“Why?”

“I’m curious about you.”

“…”

“Really… curious.”

*You, as described by countless people, and you in front of me are like completely different people.*

*Then you are the only one who can answer whether my feeling is right or wrong.*

Lee Jae, who hesitated, looked at Roderick for a moment, but couldn’t say anything and avoided his gaze.

Roderick could definitely tell that the Queen’s mood was not the same as usual. Not because she cut off the conversation, but because there was a tremor in the hand holding the carving knife just now.

Perhaps it was difficult for her to concentrate; she eventually stopped carving for a while.

The observing gaze was too piercing to bear.

After hesitating for a long time, Lee Jae opened her mouth.

“Your Majesty.”

“Yes…”

“It’s not a very interesting story, but do you still want to hear it?”

“Yes. Tell me.”

She chuckled.

“I thought there was righteous anger and unjust anger in the world.”

“…”

“There are people who are born unhappy in the world. And I didn’t want to be like that. So I am innocent, I look for the object that made me suffer, and I thought this resentment was so justified.”

People held their breath and looked at Lee Jae. She smiled faintly.

“But Your Majesty. There was also beautiful anger and ugly anger in the world.”

“…”

“When I realized that my emotions couldn’t comfort anyone, couldn’t even save myself, and only ruined my future, I realized that any righteous emotion becomes ugly.”

The process of accepting that would be difficult for anyone.

*He who fights monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster.* [A quote from Friedrich Nietzsche, warning against becoming like the evil one fights.]

Lee Jae bit her lip hard.

She tried to carve the King Yeomra statue again, but he pulled up a chair and gently took Lee Jae’s hand away from the piece of wood.

Roderick placed the carving knife and the piece of wood on the table.

“Let’s do this later and talk and play a little more.”

Roderick ran his hand over Lee Jae’s lips to prevent her from biting them.

“What can I do to make our Queen feel better?”

“Are you going to make me feel better, Your Majesty? I’m really sorry.”

“If you’re sorry, tell me. It’s hard because I don’t know what you like besides carving and meditation.”

“I don’t know either. And I really don’t feel anything.”

But when Lee Jae made a thoughtful expression, Roderick’s heart felt much more at ease. He smiled mischievously and asked, “Should I dig another pond in front of this and cut down some pieces of wood from Arthur’s Forest?”

Of course, the King was joking.

But at that moment, Lee Jae was startled and jumped up.

She grabbed Roderick’s hand.

“No! You can’t touch Arthur’s Forest!”

It was an act that would be punished by heaven. Even cultural assets with souls attached to them would be haunted if damaged.

Even a king would be cursed if he touched such a sacred place. Lee Jae’s abilities could not handle that.

Meanwhile, Roderick stared at Lee Jae’s hand, which was desperately holding his hand.

*She grabs my hand when she’s surprised.*

“Why not?”

“…”

“Hailey. I’m asking. Why not?”

“I… guess I have sympathy for the trees?”

Roderick looked at Jade this time because he was so dumbfounded.

Judging from his expression, the commander of the Knights seemed to be thinking the same thing. Jade shook his head.

*If you say that, what about the trees that were sacrificed because of the Queen’s monstrosities?*

“Hailey. Don’t you think you were carving too hard until just now?”

“…Anyway, Your Majesty. Arthur’s Forest is absolutely not allowed.”

“I was joking too. It’s a royal treasure, Hailey.”

Lee Jae, who had been jumping up and down, was very embarrassed and finally said, “Your Majesty, then can you grant me one other request?”

“Yes, tell me.”

“Would you like to go for a walk in the forest with me?”

It had been a while, so it seemed like a good idea to go and receive some energy.

Roderick nodded immediately.

“Let’s go.”

He stood up from his seat and immediately pulled Lee Jae up.

She used the suddenly acquired wish for the king, not herself.

Roderick and Lee Jae walked slowly through the forest. Unlike before, they went quite deep, and Roderick did not forget to hand her a branch.

“Here, I brought you here, so you should go play in the dirt quickly.”

She chuckled and asked, “If I ask you to come here often, will you grant that too?”

“Do you like this forest that much?”

“Yes.”

In the end, it was all a routine for the king. Roderick, who had no idea, said mischievously, “If you kiss me once a day.”

“You still haven’t answered that.”

“What should I do? This negotiation has broken down.”

Roderick let out an exaggerated sigh.

“You keep hurting me these days. But I’m in big trouble too.”

“What is it?”

“I think I’m getting used to being rejected.”

The two chuckled as if they were having fun. Lee Jae, who was taking in the fresh air, asked, “Your Majesty, why did King Arthur create such a forest in the castle?”

Roderick stroked his chin.

“Well, the first king seemed to think that sacred power protected the royal family. I heard that he wielded the Holy Sword most freely in history. Well, it’s all a long time ago.”

“I see.”

“Why? Are you curious?”

“About what?”

“You, I heard you borrowed the royal family genealogy from the historian before. Why did you borrow that when you can’t even read it?”

The king seemed to have kept that in mind.

Lee Jae, who was taken aback, closed her mouth, but Roderick, who was thinking hard, took her hand and led her out of the forest.

The place Roderick took Lee Jae to was a spire in the castle. Lee Jae, who was puzzled, realized the purpose of this place only after climbing the spiral staircase for a long time.

There were twenty-seven paintings on the wall, and they were portraits of the past kings.

When the 27th king, Roderick, appeared at the very bottom, she burst out laughing. Roderick immediately raised his eyebrows.

“If you laugh at a person’s portrait, how should the person next to you react?”

Lee Jae pressed down on her lips and belatedly composed her expression.

“I’m sorry if I offended you.”

“No. But why did you laugh?”

“Because the painting doesn’t capture the reality.”

It wasn’t that the painter’s skills were lacking. It was originally impossible to capture such great fortune and energy in a painting.

It was just that kind of meaning, but Roderick, who accepted it as a compliment, was embarrassed.

“Wow, the 15th king painted with the Queen.”

“Oh. I heard he was a great lover. I heard that no matter how busy he was, he always ate meals together. There is an anecdote that the 15th Queen couldn’t wake him up when she overslept, so breakfast became lunch.”

“He was a very romantic person.”

Roderick glanced at Lee Jae and asked, “Shall we paint together and hang it up?”

After thinking for a while, she shook her head.

“I’ll pass. I don’t want to leave myself in a painting.”

“…Why am I getting annoyed again?”

Roderick, who was getting more and more used to being rejected, looked like he didn’t know what to do with this fox.

Lee Jae smiled, stroking his arm a few times.

They continued to admire the portraits and climbed the stairs.

Finally, Roderick and Lee Jae reached the top of the tower.

There was only one painting left now.

And the smile gradually disappeared from Lee Jae’s face, which had been wearing a faint smile.

Roderick said jokingly, “How can you look at another man with more infatuation than your husband’s portrait?”