In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 118

“Ugh, I hate talking about work.”

“Oh, sorry.”

Hwang Yu-seon smiled, raising her hand as if to acknowledge it.

I smiled back and took off the stuffy life jacket.

Then, something suddenly came to mind, and I looked at Hwang Yu-seon.

“Sunbae-nim [senior colleague].”

“Yes, Hubae-nim [junior colleague].”

Hwang Yu-seon replied with a cute, nasal voice.

“Do sunbae-nims think viewership ratings are important, or is your own will more important?”

“Own will?”

“Well……”

I felt embarrassed even asking, and scratched the bridge of my nose slightly.

“Like… passion, ambition, things like that.”

A silence fell over the boat.

I wondered if I had asked the wrong question and scanned the expressions of the three people.

But then.

“Pfft.”

Hwang Yu-seon burst into laughter.

Then, she laughed uproariously as if she had heard a truly funny story and slapped the bottom of the boat.

Ha Seong-jun and Park Eun-gi next to her also burst into hearty laughter.

“Sae-na-ssi [term of endearment], you’re such a romantic.”

“Sae-na-ssi, you’re making me feel like I’m seeing a rookie for the first time.”

Park Eun-gi stopped laughing to be considerate and not embarrass me.

Ha Seong-jun looked at me and answered.

“Who in this industry hasn’t had passion? Especially in this field.”

I smiled bitterly at those words.

“I guess so.”

“If we only considered things like the ‘own will’ that Sae-na-ssi mentioned, Yu-seon-ssi would have gone to the independent film scene a long time ago, Eun-gi-ssi would have debuted as a director, and I would have announced my retirement.”

What nonsense is this?

I looked at Ha Seong-jun, bewildered.

Are they saying that what they each want is independent films, a directing debut, and retirement?

Hwang Yu-seon crossed her arms and leaned back.

“Sae-na-ssi, you haven’t learned how to lose yet. The people who succeed in this industry don’t succeed just by learning how to win. You have to learn how to lose properly too. Especially to your own passion.”

Hwang Yu-seon’s words sounded like a secret, unwritten rule that successful people have known all along.

An unwritten rule that only I don’t know.

How to lose.

It was the first time I had considered that defeat didn’t have to be entirely negative.

The tiresome sense of defeat was already deeply rooted within me.

Perhaps it was too deep.

When I thought about it, I only knew the feeling of losing or being defeated, but I didn’t know how to lose well.

I sighed deeply and leaned back, tilting my head back.

The hot sunlight enveloped my face.

The world seemed to be telling me to lose a little.

To stop being stubborn.

That an easy and fast path is also a path.

That now is the time to learn that.

“Everyone, get off.”

The boat quickly arrived at the dock.

* * *

That evening, at the kitchen table.

“But still, I want to do it.”

“……”

“Because I’ve already become interested in this project.”

“……”

Mom, covered in patches all over her body, didn’t even look at me as I chattered on, and just peeled fruit.

“Do I really have to lose? Do I have to lose even to myself?”

Mom put a Korean melon in my mouth as if to tell me to be quiet.

“Who said you did?”

I immediately chewed the melon.

“No one.”

I had already finished reading the script Seo Jae-yeon had sent me.

The script was, as expected, interesting.

A 16-episode mystery comedy about two female detectives working together on a joint investigation.

But while reading that script, the script for kept flashing in my mind.

Unlike this light and fun script, those heavy, sticky emotional lines kept coming to mind.

And I thought.

“That script is more interesting.”

Even if it’s difficult.

Winning and losing, personal will and viewership ratings, difficult and easy.

I decided to break away from those headache-inducing criteria and just look for the easy reason.

Fun.

That’s more fun for me.

Then I’ll do that.

It seemed pointless to keep looking for reasons not to participate in this project.

My mind had already been paralyzed by thoughts of that script for days.

If I’m going to worry this much, I should just do it.

In my own way, I should just go for it.

As expected, gambling suits my personality better than calculating.

I called Min-young unnie [older sister or close female friend].

* * *

“Oppa [older brother or close male friend], Sae-na wants prime rib.”

“……”

“Can’t Sae-na get prime rib, oppa? Huh?? Hmph.”

“Noona [older sister], what’s wrong with you.”

Seon Yu-seok looked at me with a terrified expression.

“Ugh.”

Kim Eun-seo pretended to vomit next to me, as if she couldn’t stand it.

With the determination not to give in to their rejection, rather than my passion, I glared and rested my chin on my hands.

Then, I winked coyly at Kim Eun-seo.

“Why are you doing this? What did we do wrong? Please let us beg for forgiveness.”

“Isn’t Sae-na cute?”

“You’re like a crazy woman.”

Kim Eun-seo’s rejection was particularly strong.

I changed my target back to Seon Yu-seok.

I looked at Seon Yu-seok with a seductive gaze and twisted my body.

“Shall we go out alone, just the two of us, oppa?”

Seon Yu-seok’s ears quickly turned red.

Then, Kim Eun-seo looked at Seon Yu-seok in disbelief.

“No……”

Seon Yu-seok replied.

Oh, is it working?

I was about to smile even more adorably when.

“I don’t like it. Please don’t do it……”

I see.

I sighed briefly, leaned back in my chair, and swept my hair back.

“This isn’t easy.”

“What is it? Are you going on a comedy show?”

“Is that the character you’re going to play this time? It’s really terrible……”

Seon Yu-seok covered his mouth with a look of genuine pity, his brow furrowed.

“Yeah, it is.”

The character I just played was one of the personalities of Yoo Da-yang, the main character of .

The lightest, most comedic personality.

“Are you practicing and testing it on the people around you, by any chance?”

Kim Eun-seo shook her head, looking horrified.

Seon Yu-seok was startled.

“Don’t tell me you’re doing this in front of other people?!”

“Why, is it that weird?”

I asked, feeling a little dejected.

“I did different things to other people.”

“What else……”

* * *

Before coming here.

“Manager Lee, clear my schedule for today. I’m going to get a Thai massage.”

“As you wish.”

Lee Seok-hyun respectfully put his hands together and bowed.

“Also, reject the advertisement that came in last time. I don’t like that company.”

“Yes.”

“And I’m going to start dating now. What’s the point of being a superstar top actress? I’m not a nun. Do I have to live like this?”

“Oh, give me that honor!”

“……”

I stopped acting and stared at the top of Lee Seok-hyun’s head as he bowed.

“I didn’t say I was going to date you.”

“……Weren’t we going for the mistress and servant concept?”

Lee Seok-hyun raised his head with a puzzled expression.

“……”

I shouldn’t have tried it with someone who is already crazy in their daily life.

Realizing my mistake, I quickly turned around.

“What, are you just leaving like this?!”

Lee Seok-hyun shouted urgently from behind.

* * *

I shook my head, recalling the events of the morning.

Seon Yu-seok and Kim Eun-seo had puzzled expressions.

I changed the subject and asked how they were doing.

“Yu-seok, I heard you’ve decided on your next project? And Kim Eun-seo, I heard filming is almost finished.”

The two nodded.

I looked at Yu-seok and asked again.

“What kind of role are you playing?”

“I’m the second male lead in a rom-com. It’s a rookie writer’s script, but it’s quite fun.”

“Oh ho.”

Kim Eun-seo and I both showed positive reactions at the same time.

It was not only a role that suited him well but also a good choice for making a full-fledged start.

“If you do well with that, it would be perfect to take on the main male lead in your next project.”

Seon Yu-seok smiled shyly at my words.

“Well, I’d be happy.”

“Everyone’s going to be busy now.”

“By the way, I heard that Kkot-byeol took a leave of absence from university as soon as she entered? Because of filming.”

Kim Eun-seo asked about the news she had recently heard about Kkot-byeol.

“Yeah, that’s right. She’s a little sad that she can’t go to school.”

“Our Kkot-byeol is already a star.”

Yu-seok smiled contentedly.

Kkot-byeol, who had become a junior at Seowon University of Arts, barely attended for a year and took a leave of absence as soon as the new semester started.

Because she was fluent in foreign languages and left an impressive image in the North American version of , she was receiving love calls from overseas.

“Everyone’s going to be busy now.”

Kim Eun-seo smiled pleasantly.

I smiled as I watched her smile.

“Let’s all do our best.”

* * *

At that time, Studio Haechi.

The production company, gaining momentum from the successful casting of Han Sae-na, was accelerating the securing of the remaining roles and staff.

Having crossed the biggest mountain of securing Han Sae-na, two other big mountains remained.

The director and the male lead.

The production PD [Production Director] sighed and looked at the list of male leads requested by Han Sae-na’s side.

Kim Se-min, So Hyun-woo, Lee Seon-ho.

In particular, Lee Seon-ho was already close to being a discarded card.

Lee Seon-ho, who receives dozens of rom-com scripts every season, was as difficult to bring in as picking stars from the sky.

At that time, the PD’s phone rang.

The PD, confirming the caller’s name, became very nervous.

It was the director they were most diligently contacting.

“Yes, Director-nim [Director]. Hello!”

-I heard the female lead is confirmed as Han Sae-na?

“Yes, yes… Have you seen the script?”

-This is no ordinary task…….

The production PD smiled, sweating profusely at the director’s words.

Every day has been an arduous journey since taking on this script.

“If it were an ordinary task, we would have entrusted it to someone else. We wouldn’t have contacted Director Seo for no reason. You’re the only one who can make this well, Director Seo.”

-Well, I’ve been discussing doing the next project with Lee Seon-ho these days. If Lee Seon-ho says he’ll do it, I’ll take it on, but if he doesn’t, I can’t guarantee anything.

The PD’s eyes widened as soon as he heard Lee Seon-ho’s name.

“Lee Seon-ho?!”

-Yes, we worked together on the previous project. It went well, and our working styles match well.

The PD mouthed ‘Ah, that’s right!’

“Please say good things to him!! Our script is really going to be a hit.”

-Yes, yes, I’ll contact you again.

The director left such amazing news and hung up the phone indifferently.

As soon as he hung up, the PD put his hands together.

He felt like he had found enlightenment.

If he does really, really well, he can catch Lee Seon-ho.

He can film a two-top project with Lee Seon-ho and Han Sae-na.

The PD closed his eyes and prayed to countless gods.

“Please bless our project.”

* * *

Min-young unnie’s office, which I’ve been frequenting lately.

For some reason, Min-young unnie didn’t bring up the next project and listed other schedule candidates.

“Choose one. Going on a blind date, participating in a game voice acting, doing a guerrilla fan meeting.”

“Huh? What are those?”

“Things that would be good for you to do during the off-season.”

What kind of strange choices are these?

Besides, a guerrilla fan meeting?

“Isn’t a guerrilla fan meeting totally 90s style? Suddenly in this day and age.”

My unnie shook her head with a look that said I didn’t know anything.

“Trends come and go. Don’t you know? It’s an item created by a UBN entertainment PD. It’s confirmed to be made, and they want to cast you as the first one.”

“Oh?”

I think there was a program like this in my past life too.

My memory was hazy.

“You were so busy this year that you glossed over your birthday. The fans are waiting for this kind of event too. Feel the reactions of people on the street up close.”

Unnie smiled contentedly.

Ooh, meeting fans up close?

This is good.

It was tempting.