In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 124

I opened my eyes to see the white ceiling of a hospital room.

What happened?

A weeping middle-aged woman suddenly thrust her face into my view.

“I almost had a heart attack because of you. Why did you go to the lake, huh? And who is that Kang Jio guy? Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

It was Yoo Da-yang’s mother.

I was definitely at the lake as Jung Se-eun.

“Did you go to the lake to die?!”

As I listened to the storm of nagging, I suddenly thought of Min-young unnie [older sister or close female friend, a Korean term of endearment and respect].

I miss her.

I wonder whose personality it will be this time.

I wonder if I’ve returned.

I slowly raised my hand towards the ceiling.

Fortunately, my body moved as I intended.

I breathed a sigh of relief and jumped up.

I was so annoyed all this time.

Just then, the hospital room door opened.

Thinking it might be Kang Jio, I quickly checked the face of the person who opened the door.

It was someone else.

Strangely, disappointment washed over me.

“You’re awake?”

A tall, brown-haired doctor walked towards me.

The doctor’s name was written on his white coat.

Nam Woo-hyuk.

Nam Woo-hyuk was Yoo Da-yang’s psychiatrist.

At the same time, Nam Woo-hyuk, who was also Kang Jio’s high school classmate, had a secret crush on Yoo Da-yang.

Hmm, so that’s what he looks like.

His light brown eyes were impressive.

As I stared intently, observing him, Nam Woo-hyuk asked with concern.

“How are you feeling?”

And Nam Woo-hyuk looked at me with eyes that seemed to be trying to figure out who I was.

“It’s Yoo Da-yang.”

Upon hearing my calm voice, both my mother and Nam Woo-hyuk let out short sighs.

But then, Nam Woo-hyuk began to speak with a slightly serious expression.

“You both need to brace yourselves. She can’t last long like this. If there’s no progress in her treatment, it will be difficult for Da-yang to continue her entertainment career.”

As soon as she heard those words, Yoo Da-yang’s mother seemed to lose strength and collapsed.

“Mother!”

Nam Woo-hyuk quickly supported her.

Watching that, I also felt the seriousness of the situation anew.

Yoo Da-yang’s life without being an actress was no different from death.

She had been active for so long, and Yoo Da-yang, who had an unusually strong obsession with acting, focused more on the life created on set than on her daily life.

After seating my mother, Nam Woo-hyuk opened his mouth again, as if he hadn’t finished speaking.

“Jio told me. The last personality she was with was Jung Se-eun.”

Then, Nam Woo-hyuk brought up the reason why he continued to speak while taking care of my struggling mother.

“I think that maybe ‘that personality’ that had been dormant has begun to intervene in earnest.”

“…!”

That personality?

I was startled and looked at Nam Woo-hyuk.

From here on out, it was content I didn’t know at all.

Due to the writer’s stubbornness, I hadn’t read the six episodes worth of content after part 10 yet.

It was difficult to guess the content of the later parts based on the content of the earlier parts alone.

But suddenly, a dormant personality.

“That personality…?”

As I asked, Nam Woo-hyuk looked at me with a somewhat determined look.

“Brace yourself, Yoo Da-yang. That personality is the most dangerous to you.”

“……”

“It’s a personality that might even destroy you.”

As soon as I heard those words, my heart sank with a thud.

Destroy the main personality, me?

Next to me, my mother was almost on the verge of fainting.

“Then what… what should I do?”

As soon as I got the new information, a vague fear gripped me.

If I am dominated by the last personality here, I may not be able to get out of the script forever.

Not only Yoo Da-yang but even I am in danger.

Nam Woo-hyuk looked straight at me.

“Let’s not put it off any longer.”

“…?”

“The other personalities, we really need to let them go now.”

Nam Woo-hyuk brought up the story of personality integration therapy.

But it’s not like Yoo Da-yang is trying this for the first time.

How can I do what Yoo Da-yang herself hasn’t been able to do?

“Can I suddenly do it in an instant…?”

I asked a question without confidence.

It wasn’t a question I asked expecting answers like, ‘You can do it,’ or ‘You will do it.’

A vague fear came first.

But at that moment, why?

Suddenly, Kang Jio came to mind.

The only person besides the doctor and family who knows about my condition.

The person that all my personalities want.

The person who has been with me in the moments when the personalities are most honest.

What would Kang Jio say to me in a situation like this?

What would that person, who always spat out cold words but was always by my side in dangerous moments, do in a situation like this?

Could he help me?

I needed Kang Jio.

* * *

The manager, whom I faced after two days, had half given up on me.

“There’s a limit to postponing schedules and blocking scandals now.”

After being discharged from the hospital, a few days later.

I was listening to the manager’s words, feeling very dejected.

“Look at this, look at this, you only pretend to listen when things are like this.”

The manager, who doesn’t know about my condition, snorted.

Still, Kang Manager is the only one who sincerely cares about Yoo Da-yang.

No one at work, at the company, or on any set said anything to Yoo Da-yang.

Of course, no one mentioned scandals, and no one even spoke to her directly.

Does she really not have any close friends besides the manager?

How can she live so lonely with no one around her?

I smiled slightly, feeling the bitter side of a top star.

I still couldn’t say ‘I’m sorry,’ as if I was being controlled.

“I’ll take care of it myself.”

And I left my seat, leaving only those cold words behind, regardless of my own will.

* * *

After finishing another grueling filming schedule.

My manager oppa [older brother or close male friend, a Korean term of endearment and respect] followed me to the door, worried that I might stray somewhere else.

It felt like the plea to please refrain from doing anything until the end of the drama, even if the contract renewal was uncertain, was echoing in my ears.

“Go in, quickly!”

“Okay.”

I slammed the door shut and went inside.

And I stood still for a long time.

After a while, the lights in the hallway went off, and the vast house was enveloped in black silence.

I watched that scene for a while and slowly took off my shoes.

My ankles were swollen from wearing shoes all day.

I walked across the cold living room floor and sat on the sofa.

Then suddenly, I thought of Kang Jio again.

I took my phone out of my handbag.

Kang Jio, who had been so accommodating to the other personalities, hadn’t contacted me once since I returned to being Yoo Da-yang.

“Seriously, I guess a top star isn’t his type.”

Who does he think is looking for him because I like him?

I’m looking for him because of the mission.

Start with the treatment talk and slowly get closer.

I don’t know if it will work, but let’s give it a try.

As I was looking for Kang Jio’s number and about to press the call button.

Thud-

My hand lost strength.

The phone fell to the marble floor.

‘No.’

I couldn’t control my body again.

While I was panicking, my body staggered across the dark living room floor.

And headed to the dressing table.

My right hand took out a red lipstick.

And smeared it on the mirror as it was.

No… I smeared it to write letters.

‘Don’t touch.’

“What?”

Wasn’t I Yoo Da-yang just now?

Trembling with fear, I met my eyes in the mirror.

But… I, trembling with fear, was staring at myself expressionlessly in the mirror.

I was startled and tried to scream, but no sound came out.

I instinctively realized.

It was the last personality.

I wanted to avoid her eyes, but my head wouldn’t turn.

I had to forcibly stare at her eyes, distorted with unknown sadness, resentment, and anger, for a long time.

I struggled to escape…

Then, a drop of tear fell on one of my cheeks with a thud.

Soon, my body tilted to one side.

My body fell to the cold marble floor.

* * *

Inside a bar in Cheongdam [affluent district in Seoul, South Korea].

“Why did you ask to meet?”

In a corner of the bar, Kang Jio asked, wetting his throat with whiskey.

I had called Kang Jio as soon as I woke up after collapsing alone at home.

But now, with that chilly comment, my heart, which had been happy for a moment, cooled down.

Seriously.

But I couldn’t show it.

Because there was one thing I had come here determined to do.

I slowly crossed my legs and stared intently at Kang Jio.

And ran the leg with the shoe over Kang Jio’s shin.

Then Kang Jio paused for a moment.

Only for a moment.

Kang Jio asked nonchalantly.

“Are you trying to seduce me right now?”

“….”

Uh… why isn’t he flustered?

Feeling a slight thirst, I picked up my glass and took a sip.

Red lipstick marks remained on the glass.

I was imitating Baek Jang-mi right now.

I even styled myself to look exactly like her.

I couldn’t give in here.

“Are you not even moved by this much anymore?”

As I asked in a languid voice, Kang Jio smiled slightly.

And answered.

“What if I’m not?”

Hull [Korean slang expressing disbelief or shock].

As soon as I heard those words, my head stopped turning.

I can’t do it anymore either.

Oh, what should I do?

While I was flustered and just rolling my eyes, Kang Jio burst out laughing in front of me.

“Are you really an actress?”

“What?”

“Can’t you act better than that?”

“Huh?”

“Baek Jang-mi is not a woman who makes appointments and meets. She’s a woman who breaks into my front door.”

“Ah….”

That’s right.

Realizing my fatal mistake, I slapped my head inwardly.

Han Se-na, you idiot.

Then Kang Jio asked again.

“Why did you ask to meet?”

I decided to give up trying to use my brain after all.

When there’s no answer, use the direct approach.

“Why do you keep your distance from me alone?”

“What?”

“You seem to get along quite well with the other personalities.”

Then Kang Jio made a flustered expression and made a gesture that was disheveled for the first time.

“Can the personalities communicate with each other?”

“I know by instinct.”

At my answer, Kang Jio hesitated for a moment and then answered.

“I feel uncomfortable when I see Yoo Da-yang.”

“Why?”

“Because you saw my weakness.”

I was at a loss for words for a moment after hearing those words.

I recalled the first meeting between Kang Jio and Yoo Da-yang written in the script.

At her first meeting with Kang Jio, Yoo Da-yang witnessed Kang Jio’s situation of being despised by his family.

In fact, Yoo Da-yang interfered in other people’s affairs in a fit of anger at that time.

‘Thank you for saving me. But why do you interfere in other people’s affairs?’

Even the person involved gave a blunt remark.

It wasn’t a very pleasant first meeting between the two.

“……”

But as I thought about it, there was something strange.

In the script, Yoo Da-yang didn’t remember that first meeting.

‘You told me I was a dog, not Kang Jio. A son of a bitch.’

Clearly, Yoo Da-yang was embarrassed by this line.

Suddenly, something flashed through my mind like a lightning bolt.

It was a point I had never thought about before.

“Kang Jio.”

“Why?”

“That day we first met. Who was I?”

“…?”

Kang Jio, who heard my question, also put down his glass as if surprised.

Kang Jio had never thought about who the first meeting partner was.

“Baek Jang-mi? Jung Se-eun? Lee Eun-jae? Or…”

“….”

Neither of them knew the name of that last personality.

After thinking for a moment, Kang Jio slowly opened his mouth.

“That day, you said something like that. Why can’t you recognize me? And then you cursed at me.”

I certainly thought it was a bit of a strange line.

“I just thought you were just suffering from celebrity disease and asking why I couldn’t recognize you. But you called me a dog very familiarly. A son of a bitch.”

“….”

I had only thought of this as a line with Yoo Da-yang’s rudeness added to it.

I was too naive.

Kang Jio had met my last personality.

And perhaps, Kang Jio and my last personality may have known each other from the start.

So, is that why the last personality left me a warning not to touch him?

I looked at Kang Jio, who was confused.