In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 25

The next morning.

Clang-

“Oh my!”

The door opened, followed by a short scream.

Startled by the sound, I shot up.

Bright sunlight streamed onto the sofa where I had been lying.

I squinted and looked towards the door, where Min-young unnie [older sister or close female friend] was staring at me with a dumbfounded expression.

“Sae-na, didn’t you go home?”

Huh.

Looking outside, where the sun was high in the sky, my mind went blank.

I was just going to read the script a bit more last night and take a quick nap…

Oh, no, this won’t do.

I quickly got up and approached Min-young unnie.

“Unnie! I want to do this one.”

I grabbed the script from the desk and handed it to Min-young unnie as if entrusting it to her.

Min-young unnie checked the script and frowned.

“You pick this one out of all the options… What about the others?”

“Huh?”

“Weren’t there any other ones you wanted to do?”

I was on the verge of losing my enthusiasm at her lukewarm reaction.

“I didn’t really think about the others.”

At my words, unnie sighed briefly.

Is there some serious problem?

Something external….

“You won’t get cast in this.”

My enthusiasm completely drained away.

She’s talking about casting without even trying.

I sighed, and Min-young unnie gave me a troubled look.

“The casting lineup for this is out. Lee Seok-hyun is the male lead, and the supporting roles are filled with actors who get paid thousands per episode.”

So, they’ve got an S-class male lead, even among top stars, and supporting actors that people trust.

That made my competitive spirit burn even brighter, but I paused at what she said next.

“Decisively, you know Jung Yu-won, right? Her agency put in a contact, but she got rejected.”

Jung Yu-won was the most popular new face actress in Chungmuro [the Korean equivalent of Hollywood] right now.

“….”

“They’re hoping for someone like Seo Jae-yeon or Lee Na-ra.”

That meant they wanted top S-class actresses who were famous in the country.

Actors who make hundreds of millions of won [hundreds of thousands of US dollars] per episode.

In other words, it was realistic advice that if Jung Yu-won got rejected, I didn’t stand a chance.

After this, Min-young unnie continued with a series of perfectly valid points.

“Nam Ji-hye, the writer who’s had three consecutive hits, is on board, and Kang Jung-hwan, the director who debuted with a traditional historical drama, is attached. Since they’re veterans and even the male lead is a top star, it goes without saying that they want a top female lead, and they’ll want someone experienced in historical dramas. But Sae-na, you’ve only just finished one serious drama.”

I closed my mouth at those words.

My thought process paused for a moment.

It felt like some kind of unfortunate verdict had been handed down.

If what unnie said was true…

I had no choice but to nod.

“If what you’re saying is true, there’s no way I’ll get cast.”

“Sae-na, you know I’m not saying this to discourage you, right?”

“Of course, I know.”

A silence fell over the office for a moment.

I looked at unnie’s face, which seemed to be filled with countless thoughts.

My face probably looked no different.

I didn’t think that things would magically work out just because I had come back.

But honestly, I couldn’t help but feel deflated.

I made an effort to relax my heavy shoulders.

I smiled at unnie and asked.

“Unnie, do you think my acting is lacking?”

At my words, unnie’s eyes widened.

“Of course not.”

“Then that’s enough. I’m going to audition for this.”

Unnie’s eyes widened even further.

“You’re going to audition…?”

“Yes. I really enjoyed this. Whether it’s realistically difficult to get cast, difficult to produce, or whatever. I definitely want to try challenging myself with a project that I find fun.”

At those words, unnie laughed as if she was dumbfounded.

I continued to speak.

“Even if I fail, I don’t want to give up my ambition.”

That was really how I felt.

Even if the decision I made last night would fail, I didn’t want to throw it away with my own hands.

I was tired of having to give up because I wasn’t the right person for the role I wanted.

Even if the result was the same, I wanted the process to be different from my past life.

I wanted to at least try with all my heart.

That’s why I’m living a second life.

It’s also why I act….

Unnie, who had been staring intently at my face, burst out laughing.

And this time, I got an unexpected reaction from her.

Min-young unnie grinned.

“I knew I had a good eye for people.”

“Huh?”

“I wanted to see you not giving up in any situation. That’s also our company’s identity.”

“What, were you testing me just now?”

“Testing? I was just trying to let you know. That you’re this prepared. And I want to take on the challenge too.”

“….”

At unnie’s words, my nose suddenly tingled.

“Yeah, you should audition. Why wouldn’t you, if it’s a project you want to do?”

Unnie’s words stirred my emotions.

It was as if she recognized that it wasn’t an easy decision for me either.

Unnie immediately continued.

“But what I said before, I wasn’t just trying to scare you. It really will be less than a 1% chance. Nevertheless.”

Unnie walked over to the table and took off her coat, hanging it on the coat rack.

“Let’s do our best to find a way to break through the audition. Together.”

A huge smile naturally spread across my face at those words.

I ran to the table and hugged Min-young unnie, who was a head shorter than me.

“I really like you so much, unnie.”

“Ugh, you’re gross. Get off.”

“I’m really going to work hard.”

“Yeah, me too. If you fail, let’s think about something else then.”

I nodded vigorously at those words.

* * *

And so, after a long three-hour journey, I arrived here.

“A scholar… experience?”

A traditional etiquette experience center.

The receptionist’s eyes darted around.

‘Surely, she misspoke and meant a women’s quarters experience.’

I could read his thoughts so well from his expression that I wondered if I had a talent for mind reading.

I emphasized again, speaking clearly.

“Yes, a scholar experience.”

It was one of the courses to enjoy the pleasure of preparing for a role.

It was a process I had gone through every time I prepared for an audition to escape the mediocre villain roles in my previous life.

Even if the results were disastrous, the process was enjoyable, and I gained a lot.

I took violin lessons, visited boxing gyms, and learned dialects from locals….

‘Because of her image, I can’t cast her as the main character… but her violin playing is no joke. It’s a shame. I wonder if I can’t make use of that?’

In a previous project, I was cast as the rival supporting character of the main character because of this one comment from the director.

Even if it wasn’t the result I wanted, there were definitely achievements from my hard work.

My preparation practice was used somewhere, somehow.

This time was the same context.

As I moved my steps to the experience center, the eyes of the people sitting inside widened.

From the instructor with the aura of an old-fashioned teacher to all the men of various ages who had come to receive education, they all looked at me with confused expressions.

“Oh? It’s Yoo Ji-an!”

In the midst of it all, a male student who looked like a middle schooler suddenly pointed his phone at me.

“Ahem, raising your voice and pointing fingers at others is not the etiquette of a gentleman.”

Nice shot, teacher.

“Please, sit down.”

I took a seat on one side, guided by the teacher.

“Now, then, here are the things you need to know first for proper posture. Jokyongjung [足容重], the movement of the feet should be heavy and deliberate….”

There was a booklet on each of the small tables placed at each seat.

The teacher recited the words written in the booklet and added explanations.

It was Yulgok Yi I’s ‘Gyeokmongyogeol’ [Essentials to Expel Ignorance].

After this, the teacher’s teachings continued non-stop for three hours.

* * *

And that evening.

“Teacher Yoon Young-jae…?”

“Yes, I want to learn acting from that teacher.”

At the agency office.

Min-young unnie sat at her desk and looked at me with a dumbfounded expression.

I had suddenly come to her and was urging her to arrange a meeting with Teacher Yoon Young-jae.

“If you want to learn historical drama acting, there are many good actors and coaches. Why don’t you try actors Park Hyun or Hwang Min-sik?”

Unnie calmly persuaded me.

“They are veterans of historical dramas and I’ve heard that they’ve taught rookies before. I’ll bring them to you by any means possible.”

“No, it has to be Teacher Yoon Young-jae no matter what.”

I answered firmly again.

“So… why exactly?”

Unnie tilted her head to one side.

I couldn’t easily answer her words and was lost in thought alone.

These were words I couldn’t explain to unnie.

* * *

It was quite a long time ago from now.

My first memory of seeing Teacher Yoon Young-jae was at the Chungmuro Film Festival awards ceremony.

At that time, I was mixed in with the crowd, watching my fellow actors receive awards.

From afar.

I, who was playing such a villain in dramas, was not even invited to the awards ceremony and was watching the big screen from afar.

One of the people nominated for Best Actor that day was Teacher Yoon Young-jae.

For the role of Yeongjo, the protagonist of the movie .

And this fact had been heating up the media for days and was a hot topic.

This was because Teacher Yoon Young-jae had been an actor who had only worked in theater until now, and it was his first screen debut.

Everyone who saw the movie said in unison.

“Who is that actor?”

It had two meanings.

That the mask was unfamiliar.

And where had such a gem been hiding until now.

Undeniably, no one could deny that that year was Yoon Young-jae’s year.

In that way, everyone’s attention was focused, and his name was called on the awards ceremony stage where tension was lingering.

“Actor Yoon Young-jae, congratulations on your award.”

No sooner had the host finished speaking than all the actors who participated in the awards ceremony stood up and gave a warm round of applause.

The teacher straightened his clothes and slowly walked up onto the stage.

The teacher, who received the award and held the microphone, slowly looked around the stage for a moment.

I couldn’t read the teacher’s emotions.

What would it feel like?

What would be the feeling of challenging himself tirelessly until an old age and winning his first trophy….

And then, the first words the teacher said were engraved in my heart so that I could never forget them.

“Shouldn’t I receive the Best New Actor award, not the Best Actor award?”

Many juniors laughed at the pleasant joke.

But I couldn’t laugh in it.

Because I felt the teacher’s sincerity that he was not excited and did not seem particularly happy.

It was shocking.

The teacher said calmly.

“The award I received today is with the actors sitting here at the awards ceremony today… actors who have not yet seen the light. They are often called actors who have not received the spotlight. And actors who have not even been invited to this awards ceremony. I share this glory with those actors.”

After a moment of silence, the teacher continued.

“Or people who are not able to shine enough spotlight on their own inner selves as much as they want, regardless of any external results or evaluations.”

Each and every word pierced my heart.

“I want to tell those people that it’s still okay. Because you are not as old as this old Yoon Young-jae.”

The last word of the short acceptance speech continued.

“Everyone, keep striving.”

And with the end of the word of gratitude, the teacher came down to his seat.

I was stunned as I watched the scene.

I thought at that moment.

‘I’m really young….’

There is a person who shouts ‘strive’ as if that age is nothing.

What have I been frustrated with so far?

I, who was in my late 30s, realized that I was still young.

And I became even more desperate for acting.

Of course, I didn’t satisfy that desperation even after that.

* * *

Like that now.

I looked at Min-young unnie, who was still looking at me with eyes that couldn’t understand me.

Min-young unnie wouldn’t know.

Why I burst into a hollow laugh when I said I would bring Teacher Yoon Young-jae to the agency.

How happy I was at those words, and how much I regretted my shortcomings.

There was nothing as reassuring as being on the same boat as Teacher Yoon Young-jae.

I was thinking of running to learn acting whenever I had the chance.

And that opportunity is right now.

“Unnie, please.”

“This kid is really hard to figure out. Teacher Yoon Young-jae is a theater actor no matter what, and I don’t even know if he’s ever done a historical drama.”

“Unnie-! Just trust me one time.”

“I trust you. I trust you, but it’s just strange! Okay, I understand for now. I’ll contact him once.”

Unnie sighed a little with an expression that she still couldn’t understand.

Several days later.

I was learning tea ceremony at the experience center.

“Place the tea leaves on the bowl like this and carefully cover the lid. And grab the handle….”

I watched the instructor with intense concentration and brewed the tea.

The porcelain was heavier than I thought, and my hands were shaking.

It’s not easy….

I might get cursed for being a female lead with alcohol addiction, at this rate.

At that time, a short vibration rang on the phone I had placed under the desk.

I carefully picked up the phone while being mindful of my surroundings.

My heart was pounding when an unknown number appeared in the text message.

‘Hello, this is Yoon Young-jae. I heard the story through Min-young. I was greatly moved by the sincerity and passion of the young actor. However, I am still an actor who has a long way to go and is lacking, so I hope we can work hard in our respective positions and meet in a good project when the opportunity arises.’

As soon as I read it in an instant, I sighed deeply.

It meant that he was humbly rejecting my request.

I expected it, but still.

I poured the tea with a dazed expression.

“Sae-na, your elbow is down.”

At that time, the teacher who was teaching me the tea ceremony pointed it out.

“Ah, I’ll try again.”

While pouring the tea, I started to turn the thought circuit in my head.