In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 30

I’m Going to Die as an Actress This Time – Episode 30 (30/135)

‘It’s Sun-im…. Sun-im, whom I’ve written about for years and only seen in my dreams, is right there.’

The director was also watching the shot, which had been running through his head countless times.

‘Too perfect…?’

And more than anyone else… Lee Seok-hyun’s heart, who had worked with Han Sae-na for a short time, was beating fast.

Lee Seok-hyun looked down at his hand that had grabbed Han Sae-na’s arm.

For a moment, he felt like a king who truly loved this woman.

The feeling of touching a spark that flared up hotly for a brief moment.

Such chemistry was rare enough to count on one hand during his acting career.

Other staff members also stared at Han Sae-na as if their breath had stopped.

And everyone simultaneously thought the same thing.

‘If only Han Sae-na were a little more famous.’

* * *

“Hoo….”

After finishing the acting, I felt dizzy.

I briefly examined the expressions of the people in front of me.

Everyone was silent.

They were faces that had watched the situation as intently as I had.

Only then did I relax and bend at the waist.

“Thank you.”

I had a good time.

That’s exactly how it felt.

I felt like I was being sucked into the scene, and after that, I just went with the flow.

When I looked at Lee Seok-hyun next to me, he was staring at my face with wide eyes.

He must have been surprised that we worked so well together.

I was also very focused.

When I made eye contact and smiled, Lee Seok-hyun seemed to come to his senses and offered a handshake.

I didn’t expect Lee Seok-hyun to be so receptive.

I didn’t expect him to act so passionately with his body movements.

He’s an ambitious person, just like the rumors said.

When I shook Lee Seok-hyun’s hand lightly, applause poured out from the judges’ seats.

I was surprised by the bigger-than-expected response and smiled as I looked at the judges’ seats.

“Wow, you’re really good.”

“It’s good enough to start shooting right away…?”

“No, I saw a pond in front of my eyes, you know?” [referring to the depth of emotion conveyed]

The outpouring of compliments made me feel proud.

As expected, the preparations I had made were not in vain.

For a moment, Yoon Young-jae’s face came to mind.

What would he say if he were watching this scene right now?

‘You rascal, there’s too much force in this line.’

The vivid scolding of the teacher rang in my ears.

I opened my mouth energetically.

It was too early to let my guard down.

“Then next time….”

At that moment, the director cut me off.

“No. There’s nothing more to see.”

“Yes?”

Another unknown judge nodded and continued.

“It would be rude to ask you to show us more. Hahaha.”

Everyone burst into laughter.

“Yes…?”

Something’s strange?

I’m definitely being praised, but something’s too much…?

“Sae-na, you can go out now.”

“Ah….”

I hadn’t even shown a third of the scene I had prepared.

Something…

The atmosphere was trying to finish the test in a hurry.

I pondered for a moment what the situation was.

Then I felt like I was hit in the head.

Of course, I might have been so good that there was nothing more to see.

But usually, when they only praise you like this and rush to finish…

It was a rejection.

“Yes. Thank you.”

I bowed to the judges’ seats.

It was big data obtained from various auditions.

None of the production team in this place was showing that they didn’t like me.

However, there were no orders to give more direction and try acting, and no requests for character interpretation.

People who don’t ask about the schedule but only praise you….

I had to accept it at times like this.

These people really acknowledge me, but they’re not going to use me.

I bit my lip tightly.

It would be a lie if I said I wasn’t disappointed, but I felt relieved.

I poured everything out.

I already knew the result, but I tried to hide my bitter smile.

“Thank you. I really want to do this work. Really. Please take good care of me!”

I bowed my head once again and left the audition room.

After saying goodbye like that, I leaned against the hallway where the waiting room was visible.

Seo Jae-yeon was seen fixing her makeup.

I bit my lip as I watched her.

“That’s it… Let’s go.”

I tried to comfort myself.

* * *

NBS conference room.

After an audition that lasted more than half a day.

The production team was exhausted from the casting meeting that followed the audition without a break.

Most of them were slumped in their chairs like laundry.

It was because the debate over who to choose among the three finalists was not over.

“Seo Jae-yeon is perfect…. When a historical drama virtual casting comes up, Seo Jae-yeon is overwhelmingly the female lead.”

One of the veteran assistant writers said in a tired tone.

“That’s right. And her nickname is eldest daughter-in-law. She’s elegant, tall, and how great is that?”

The staff member sitting next to him agreed with the assistant writer.

As soon as he finished speaking, the assistant director sitting in front of him retorted.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. No matter how many virtual castings you do, you can’t beat a career person, can you? Look at Lee Na-ra. She’s already done two historical dramas. Let’s go with a safe bet, a safe bet.”

Then the assistant writer sighed and rubbed his forehead.

The writer and director had been silent for a long time.

Both were confused.

At that time, the door opened and Chun In-soo walked in.

The staff quickly sat up straight.

“Why isn’t there any talk about Han Sae-na?”

Before entering, he had been listening to the staff’s stories outside the door.

At that moment, the conference room became quiet as if cold water had been poured on it.

“Well, what….”

“She was good.”

At the director’s question, Kang Jung-hwan CP [Chief Producer] cleared his throat and chose the right words to answer.

“To be honest, if you only look at the acting, Han Sae-na was the best.”

“Then why is she out of the question?”

“We concluded that she doesn’t have enough name value or fandom size to beat the other two.”

At those words, the director replied firmly.

“Then give her the rejection notice quickly. Don’t give her false hope. When I saw her leaving earlier, she already knew she had been rejected.”

“Yes?”

Chun In-soo recalled the face of Han Sae-na, who had said her last goodbye in his heart.

It was the look in the eyes of a person who knew all her endings after pouring everything out.

That was what kept bothering him.

The CP fought back without giving in.

“Director. No matter what, we have to start filming with either Lee Na-ra or Seo Jae-yeon to be sure. They’re such top stars that they might suddenly say they’re doing another project.”

Another staff member also nodded.

“We don’t know what will happen, so let’s have some leeway with the entry….”

Then the director cut him off with a slightly annoyed voice.

“Anyway, we’re not going to pick her, so don’t drag it out. It’s the season when a lot of good scripts are circulating, so tell her to go play in other waters quickly so she can prepare for something else!”

Only then did everyone shut their mouths.

Nam Ji-hye, the writer who had been listening quietly, said as if trying to lighten the mood.

“Wow, Director. You must have really liked Han Sae-na. Her acting was good.”

Chun In-soo glanced at writer Nam Ji-hye.

“Since the director has picked her, it would be nice to work with her later if a work that suits her comes in.”

Then the director nodded and revealed the inside story.

“I went to see a late-night movie last time, and she was there. She was watching , as if she was going to prepare for our work. She was writing something so hard.”

“Wow, was that so? What a coincidence.”

“That’s right. So let’s not exhaust people who work hard for nothing and let them go play in other waters quickly.”

At those words, the staff all answered, “Yes!”

* * *

“So… I was rejected.”

Min-young said, watching my reaction.

We had promised that if I failed, I would find another work without complaining.

It was because she knew so well how hard I had prepared for this work.

Seeing her feel sorry made me feel sorry for no reason.

Not only me, but also my sister was enthusiastic about my support, so she must have been disappointed.

I held her hand.

“It’s a shame, isn’t it?”

At my words, Min-young tried to smile.

“You said you felt like you did well yourself. There will be other good news, and you will definitely pass other auditions.”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

Both of them didn’t bring up words that were regrettable.

That’s how it turned out…

I wasn’t as desperate as before I went back in time.

“It’s okay, sis. Age is a weapon. I’m still too young.”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

I really thought so.

I was loved much more as Yoo Ji-an than in my previous life, and there were many more options left.

I believed that if I steadily built up my filmography with other works, I would eventually overcome my ticket power [star power/box office draw].

Then I wouldn’t be rejected because of factors other than acting ability.

But…

Inevitably, only one last question continued to confuse my mind.

‘Would I have been rejected even if my acting was overwhelming?’

Was my acting lacking?

Not in the area of ​​good or bad.

If I had shown overwhelming acting that would make popularity and experience all meaningless.

Wouldn’t I have been chosen then?

I let go of my sister’s hand.

As if possessed, I packed up my luggage that was scattered in the office.

“Sis, I have to go to the practice room.”

“Huh? Practice room? What are you going to practice? Should I bring you other scripts?”

My sister looked at me with a bewildered face.

“It’s okay.”

“Then why are you going to the practice room?”

I didn’t answer my sister’s words and put on my bag.

As I opened the door and came out of the office, I felt my sister’s gaze staring at my back.

* * *

So back to the practice room.

I put on my official uniform again and stood in the middle.

Silence flowed in the practice room.

Standing where I had taped the T, I stared straight into my eyes in the mirror.

I was determined to have overwhelming acting skills.

I had come to review the audition acting as if I were making a wrong answer note [analyzing mistakes to improve].

The camera was already running.

“I am sorry, but I cannot drink it. Drinking strong liquor and getting drunk is not the way of a gentleman.”

I felt like I was being sucked into the scene and the lines, just like on the day of the audition.

From the first line, I became Sun-im and recited the audition lines, reaching out to the next scene and the scene after that.

When my concentration was disturbed, I turned off the camera for a while and slapped my cheeks hard.

Without drinking water or moving from my seat…

After what seemed like hours.

“Your Majesty! The dragon robe is all wet…”

Suddenly, as I was reciting my lines, I felt that the lights in the practice room were too bright.

When I looked at the ceiling, I was blinded.

“Uh…?”

It wasn’t the ceiling.

Brilliant light poured out from the script I had placed on the floor.

Just like that day.

Suddenly I felt dizzy.

At that moment, the pure white light that poured out seemed to swallow my body and filled the practice room.

My eyes closed.

I’m Going to Die as an Actress This Time