In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 32

A chilling wind swept through the silent palace.

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have dreamed of causing such a ruckus, but…

I thought back to the flat shoes incident.

Since I knew I’d be repeating the same day over and over to complete the quest anyway, I felt emboldened.

I committed the act, relying on that inner confidence.

“Your Majesty, please reconsider!”

The old minister replied, his voice hoarse with dismay.

“So, what is it you want me to reconsider?”

“That… that is already in the memorial submitted separately to Your Majesty…”

“Listen here.”

The hand of the old minister, which was gradually reaching for the ground in supplication, began to tremble at my words.

“How old do you think I am now?”

“Your Majesty?”
The minister asked back, seemingly puzzled.

“Answer me. How old am I?”

Actually, I was genuinely curious.

“It has been twenty-five years since Your Majesty first saw the light of this world…”

“Then isn’t my age quite sufficient…?”

Behind me, I heard the sound of the shocked Chief Eunuch collapsing.

But really, isn’t it?

“If a twenty-five-year-old ruler entrusts the nation to a regency, what will the people think of me?”

Then, from the back, I heard cries as if wailing.

“Recon-sider, please Your Ma-jesty!”

“No, I mean, what more do you want me to do…?”

Just then, I felt the Chief Eunuch rushing over to stop me.

The Chief Eunuch trembled as he spoke softly beside me.

“Your Majesty, it would be best to leave this place first…”

Then, about a dozen royal guards blocked my path, cutting off my view.

I… is this not it?

“I will guide you.”

Following the Chief Eunuch, who was leading me, I avoided the courtyard where the ministers were kneeling and slipped out through a side gate.

To think that I, as king, am being swayed by ministers in such an unsightly manner.

The dignity of the king was utterly ruined.

Did I misunderstand how to play the king?

How exactly does the drama’s plot unfold in the later parts?

There was no way to find out the later parts that I had only read in the synopsis.

After walking for a while, I stopped, frustrated, and called out to the Chief Eunuch.

“Chief Eunuch, have I done something wrong?”

The Chief Eunuch stopped at my words.

Then, he turned towards me and bowed deeply.

“Your Majesty, this old eunuch knows better than anyone how 답답하고 억울한 심정이옵니다 [frustrated and wronged you must feel]. However, acting emotionally without a plan will only worsen the situation.”

The Chief Eunuch’s voice was subdued.

I was taken aback.

I really did something wrong.

No, the drama’s ending was supposed to be about an inexperienced king driving out the Queen Dowager’s faction and regaining true royal power.

Is that not it?

“Now is the time when each move must be calculated thoroughly, Your Majesty.”

The Chief Eunuch gave me one last meaningful piece of advice.

With those words, someone approached us.

“Your Majesty!”

It was a clear voice, like jade beads rolling.

Turning my head towards the voice, I saw a handsome woman wearing a male official’s uniform.

Without needing to think, it was Song Sunim.

“Wow…”

The moment I saw Sunim’s face, the events of earlier faded from my mind.

And admiration flowed out.

She resembles me…

I stared blankly at Sunim’s face.

She really does resemble me in a subtle way.

Sunim had a slender face with more refined features than mine.

How could the palace people be so blind to her delicate beauty?

How could they not know she’s a woman?

Just then, I felt like I’d been struck in the back of the head.

‘[Reward: Casting]’

Could it be…

I don’t know what’s going on yet, but if I complete this sequence…

Does that mean I’ll get her role?

That role is mine…

Could this be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to observe Sunim from another person’s perspective?

From that moment on, I blankly began to scrutinize Sunim’s attire, actions, voice, gait, and gestures.

“Your Majesty, are you alright?”

Sunim looked up at my face with concern.

Only then did I come to my senses and play the role of the king with all my might.

“Oh, has Vice Minister Song arrived?”

Unlike the carefree words that came out of my mouth, an unprecedented desire began to rise from the depths of my heart.

If I get out of here…

I can act as Sunim perfectly, better than before, no, beyond comparison.

Just then, Sunim reached out and gently took my hand.

“Why are you being like this? There’s no one watching.”

Surprised by Sunim’s reaction, I looked at the Chief Eunuch, but he had already turned his back to us.

What, did she reveal that she’s a woman already?

As I looked down at Sunim’s clasped hand, Sunim spoke again.

“I have searched the palace thoroughly, but I cannot find it… I am sorry to Your Majesty.”

“What are you talking about?”

I asked, examining Sunim’s darkened complexion.

Then, Sunim looked at me with a bewildered gaze and replied.

“The evidence that the Queen Dowager falsely accused my family of treason a long time ago.”

“Ah, that’s right.”

Sunim’s story suddenly came to mind.

Sunim was a person who harbored the story of her unjustly killed family and entered the palace disguised as a man to find that evidence.

It was a past that I had engraved in my mind while preparing to play Sunim.

So she still hasn’t found it even in the later part of the story…

Sadness was etched on Sunim’s face.

Seeing that sadness directly in front of me, I felt the emotions I had to portray coming to me as they were.

But… what should I say to her?

I stood there blankly for a while, watching Sunim’s expression.

In Sunim’s two eyes looking at me, there was full of loyalty and love for me.

Sunim had no idea what kind of person I was now, what I was thinking.

Sunim hid her sadness and smiled brightly.

“I don’t know what will happen when all of this is over, but… I dare to dream of being with Your Majesty.”

In another sense, I felt the same as Sunim.

“I am also dreaming the same dream as you.”

I replied to Sunim.

* * *

After spending such a hectic day, I opened my eyes again.

Blinking my eyes… I stared at the ceiling for a long time.

As I pulled back the silk blanket, a court lady came in and offered a glass of water.

Bringing the glass to my lips, I thought.

‘Why… did I wake up?’

I thought time would turn back soon, and I would be tired from not sleeping for a few hours…?

A premonition that something was wrong came chillingly from behind my neck.

“Chief Eunuch.”

At my voice, the Chief Eunuch approached with quick steps.

“Yes, Your Majesty. Did you have a peaceful night?”

“Yesterday… in front of the palace, the ministers were asking me to reconsider, right?”

“Yes? Yes… Is there perhaps any problem…?”

The Chief Eunuch looked at me with a bewildered expression.

“It’s nothing.”

With a trembling hand, I drank the remaining water in one gulp.

This is a disaster.

The rules of the world in the script I knew have changed.

Last time with the flat shoes, it was definitely reset every day.

Not this time? Has the reset function disappeared altogether?

Why is it so arbitrary? Who is the manager?

Placing the glass down with a thud, the court ladies and the Chief Eunuch watched my reaction.

“Your Majesty, are you displeased by yesterday’s events?”

I didn’t answer the Chief Eunuch’s worried words.

That’s not the problem right now…

In my head, I recalled every single thing I did yesterday to figure out what was going on, rummaging through the palace.

So, losing the dignity of the king and acting recklessly, asking the old minister how old I was, and arbitrarily meddling in important state affairs…

“All of yesterday’s events… everyone remembers them.”

I muttered to myself.

Maybe I need to find the reset button?

Is that it, is this a reset challenge?

I frantically turned my head and started searching for the button, overturning the table.

I jumped up and pushed the folding screen, examining the walls.

Please, save me.

But… the world is a cruel place.

There’s no way there would be such kindness.

A smooth wall with nothing protruding greeted me.

Standing blankly in front of it, I burst into laughter.

In the end, the Chief Eunuch, who had been watching me, knelt down.

“Your Majesty, if it was a problem that I presumptuously stopped Your Majesty yesterday… please kill this one.”

I stared blankly at the Chief Eunuch.

Nothing came to my ears.

Looking at the Chief Eunuch’s back, I fell into thought.

Or maybe…

This time, is it a consideration to learn historical drama acting while experiencing it long-term?

“Oh… that makes sense?”

Jackpot.

Tucking my chin, I nodded.

In that way, I managed to rationalize myself, desperately trying to prevent my mentality from collapsing.

The Chief Eunuch looked at me with a blank face.

* * *

“Wow.”

Inside the 서책 보관소 [Seochek Bogwanso – book storage] located on one side of the palace.

A small pond could be seen outside the window next to the bookshelf filled with books.

And now, Sunim was standing in front of me, looking up at me with sparkling eyes.

The Chief Eunuch had given us a moment alone, secretly from the palace people.

It was perhaps the most beneficial moment for me since entering the script world.

Once again, I scrutinized Sunim from head to toe.

Sunim didn’t know what to do with my piercing gaze.

Her slightly flushed cheeks and round eyes were so cute that even I, a woman, found her irresistibly adorable.

Just then, Sunim smiled and looked at me intently.

Seeing her face full of pure faith without falsehood, I was inwardly flustered.

Sunim looked at the pond outside the window for a moment and then opened her mouth.

“Do you remember that day?”

Sunim lowered her eyes and smiled slightly.

Sunim said in a gentle voice.

“It had been almost five years since I entered the palace, and I couldn’t find a single clue about my family, and when I had no one to rely on and was about to give up everything. When I was about to take off my official uniform and go down to my hometown…”

It was a story I was hearing for the first time because I hadn’t seen the later part of the script.

“That’s when Your Majesty held me back.”

I met Sunim’s deep eyes.

So that’s what happened…

“And you asked me to become Your Majesty’s person. Even when you knew that I was a woman disguised in official uniform, you said that gender was not important in becoming Your Majesty’s person.”

And at Sunim’s last words that followed, my emotions stirred for the first time since entering the script.

“Thanks to Your Majesty holding me back, I am living my life for the first time.”

The moment I heard those words, I realized.

‘Just as the king became stronger by meeting Sunim, Sunim also became stronger by relying on the king.’

Sunim was not a strong person from the beginning.

From what I had thought while preparing for the audition, I had thought that Sunim was a woman who was detached from the times from birth.

Because she was independent, bold, and courageous.

What should I say, I had been drawing Sunim’s image as an 외유내강 [oeyunaegang – seemingly gentle but inwardly strong] style, who had become stronger while experiencing difficult things, and I had been acting.

But that wasn’t it.

“Whether it’s a man’s clothes or a woman’s clothes, I don’t care what I wear. I am just Your Majesty’s person.”

Those words took my breath away.

Shame washed over me.

What I had been acting so far was all close to fake.

Even if I had received praise.

I really didn’t know anything and was just imitating, I.

At that moment, I decided.

To forget everything I had acted before when I went out of the script.

No matter how the audition goes, no matter what happens in the future, I’ll do it right.

I’m going to properly capture the Song Sunim in front of me.

And around that time, I vaguely realized one more thing.