In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 34

The same routine as the first day repeated itself.

The only difference was my condition.

I was deeply subdued, on edge, and constantly scanning my surroundings.

No smile would grace my face anymore.

Soon, as scheduled, the ministers’ protest would begin around the time the snacks were being cleared away.

I rose first and slipped out through the side gate.

The Head Eunuch hurriedly followed behind.

As I walked quickly towards the Hongmungwan [Royal Library], I saw Sun-im walking some distance away.

“Your Majesty!”

Sun-im rushed towards me.

“The high and low-ranking officials are now in front of the Pyeonjeon [Council Hall]…”

“I know. Let’s go that way.”

I didn’t even listen to all of Sun-im’s words and led them to a secluded place.

After walking for a while, I asked Sun-im without giving her a chance to catch her breath.

“What happened to what I asked you to find?”

“Not yet…”

Sun-im bit her lip.

“What do you intend to do if you find it?”

Sun-im paused and looked at me.

The Head Eunuch also looked surprised.

“Didn’t you say it was a way to persuade Kim Ik-jae of Mansong?”

Persuade?

I stared blankly at Sun-im’s face.

That meant there was still someone who could be on the King’s side….

I should have asked sooner.

Han Sae-na, you fool.

“So you did. Then tell me, Assistant Scholar, why is Kim Ik-jae important? Is there really no one else besides him?”

The Head Eunuch looked at me anxiously as I asked sharply.

And as soon as I finished speaking, the Head Eunuch quickly opened his mouth.

“He is the idol of scholars buried in the fields [respected scholars who have retired from public life]. And wasn’t he Your Majesty’s teacher during your Crown Prince days? In my humble opinion, there is no one more suitable than him.”

That’s it.

I got the information I wanted.

I tried to ignore the strange looks from the two of them.

“It’s urgent. We need to find the evidence quickly. Tell me as soon as you find it.”

I was in a hurry.

Now that I’ve returned to the beginning.

My goal was only one thing.

The fiery emotions made my head feel like it was spinning.

I didn’t know why my emotions were suddenly surging like this.

“Your Majesty. Are you alright?”

The Head Eunuch and Sun-im looked at me with worried eyes.

I also looked at the two of them.

As the Queen Dowager said, there was no more complacency in me.

Because I realized that their lives were in my hands.

Just because this was a world in a script didn’t mean that people’s lives were fake.

They were so vivid in front of my eyes.

I was going to do my best to protect the Head Eunuch and Sun-im.

And stand up to the Queen Dowager properly.

Not only that, but this time, I was planning to strike the Queen Dowager first.

* * *

The place I secretly slipped out to under the guise of a secret excursion.

I decided to stop being dragged around and start exploring the palace in earnest.

I had already wasted a lot of time trying to shake off the guards.

It felt lighter without the dragon robe [royal robe].

Hiding awkwardly among the pillars under the main hall, I slowly moved towards the Secretarial Office where the Seungjeongwon [Royal Secretariat] was located.

I was going to look through the records myself.

Then I stopped when I heard a familiar voice from one side.

“Are you really going to betray His Majesty?”

It was Sun-im’s voice.

Betray…?

“You’ve been deceiving His Majesty and me all along! Please say something.”

Unlike Sun-im’s voice, which was burning with anger, the unknown person remained silent.

An unidentified sense of unease crept up my back.

Sun-im’s lowered voice of reproach felt unfamiliar.

I was surprised by the unfamiliarity, but a more surprising voice was heard.

It was the Head Eunuch.

“…It’s true that I started as a spy for the Queen Dowager’s Palace.”

It was a subdued voice I had never heard before.

Spy….

My head went blank.

If he was a spy, did that mean he was a secretly infiltrated agent…?

Before I could grasp the situation, Sun-im’s voice was heard again.

“Then was all the sincerity you showed while serving His Majesty a lie? All those caring gestures?”

My hands trembled.

Was the Head Eunuch… was the Head Eunuch a traitor right now?

“It was at first. But….”

After the Head Eunuch’s short answer, a moment of silence followed.

And then, a random remark followed.

“Do you know what my dream is? It’s to live in an ideal Joseon [Korean dynasty]. A country with national power, a master worthy of that country, wise officials who assist him, and young people who serve their lord and are protected….”

The Head Eunuch’s voice was full of strength.

“I dared to judge that His Majesty, who had been weak-hearted since childhood, did not have the strength to do so. So I took the hand offered by the Queen Dowager’s Palace. But while watching the Queen Dowager’s endless purges, unlike that… I regretted seeing His Majesty’s upright heart, which, though weak, did not treat anything or anyone carelessly.”

The Head Eunuch’s words did not register well.

“The things His Majesty has shown me have made me ashamed.”

Sun-im calmly replied to the Head Eunuch’s words.

“Then tell His Majesty honestly. He is different from the Queen Dowager, so if you sincerely repent, he will surely….”

Surely, he would forgive him?

The following words echoed faintly in the distance.

My hands trembled from the shock.

Even though we had been living together for several days and he was the only person I relied on in this palace.

I thought those two were the only people I could trust in this script.

I was angry again.

At the Head Eunuch, at the Queen Dowager who had seduced the Head Eunuch.

And at myself for continuing to wander.

‘Can I even get out?’

What am I supposed to do?

Even the Head Eunuch is a spy.

At that moment, a red light turned on in my head.

The thought of striking the Queen Dowager first became a little more concrete.

I knew it was something I should never do….

But for now, this was the only way.

I turned around and headed back to the royal residence.

* * *

Inside the royal residence, where I was alone with the Head Eunuch, sitting face to face.

“Put poison in the Queen Dowager’s sura [royal meal].”

As soon as my words fell, the Head Eunuch prostrated himself and put his forehead to the floor.

“Your, Your Majesty. That is absolutely impossible! How could you!”

“Why? Can’t you betray the master you served?”

The Head Eunuch’s hand on the floor trembled at my answer.

The Head Eunuch’s face, which had lifted his forehead from the floor, was distorted with dismay and guilt.

“However… However, Your Majesty, this is a path that Your Majesty must not take.”

At those words, the Head Eunuch’s confession I had heard a little while ago came to mind.

‘I regretted seeing His Majesty’s upright heart, which, though weak, did not treat anything or anyone carelessly.’

“That doesn’t matter anymore. If you are truly my person, do as I say.”

At my command, the Head Eunuch closed his eyes as if he had met his death.

The Head Eunuch’s clenched fist tightened.

It was the same on this side.

The veins bulged on the back of my hand.

“From the first day I saw you, the Head Eunuch was the only person I relied on in this palace.”

The Head Eunuch’s eyes turned red at my words.

It would sound much bigger to the Head Eunuch than the meaning I said.

Because the Head Eunuch had really taken care of this king since he was young.

It was funny that I, who had only seen him for a few days, felt betrayed by the Head Eunuch….

Sometimes, when I looked at the Head Eunuch, I wondered what it would have been like if my grandfather, who had passed away when I was young, was still alive, and if we would have been closer than this.

I thought that since there was someone who thought of me like this, I could rely on him and get help to get out.

Above all, I had become attached to him in that short amount of time….

“I hate the Head Eunuch so much.”

The Head Eunuch couldn’t answer.

And from the depths of my heart, the question was asked again.

Is this the right direction?

Is acting like this the best thing to do?

I was confused.

Then the Head Eunuch answered.

“I will obey your command.”

* * *

The result was a miserable failure.

That night, I faced the Queen Dowager again.

A Geumgun [Royal Guard] standing next to the Queen Dowager held a sword to the neck of the Head Eunuch, who was kneeling.

“Head Eunuch….”

“I should have cut off the buds of betrayal early on.”

The Queen Dowager was laughing as if it was nothing.

I guessed that the Queen Dowager’s Palace had been suspecting the Head Eunuch for a long time.

The Queen Dowager gestured to the Geumgun, and the sharp blade shone in the air.

“No!”

My words scattered into the air as if no one could hear them.

Then, the Head Eunuch opened his mouth.

“Please allow me to bow to His Majesty one last time.”

During that brief moment of silence….

The Head Eunuch got up, tidied his clothes, and bowed to me four times.

My head went white as I watched the Head Eunuch.

Because of me.

Because of my hasty emotions, the Head Eunuch….

The sword that had risen into the air again headed for the Head Eunuch’s neck.

“No!!”

* * *

“No!! Hah, hah….”

Again, inside the royal residence, which had become as familiar as my own bed.

The Head Eunuch approached with quick steps.

“Your Majesty! Are you alright?”

“Ah!”

The sight of his neck falling off overlapped with the Head Eunuch’s face, which was looking at me with concern.

I instinctively took a step back.

“Your Majesty! You’re in a cold sweat…. I’ll call the royal physician.”

“Don’t call him!”

I shouted involuntarily in an overly excited state.

“Your, Your Majesty….”

“What if the Queen Dowager’s Palace finds out that I’m not feeling well?”

“I, I was short-sighted. Please kill me.”

“Why do you keep asking me to kill you?”

I sighed and took a slow, deep breath.

Then I looked at the Head Eunuch’s face again.

A feeling of guilt washed over me like a wave.

If there was no such thing as a loop….

I couldn’t even control my emotions and killed such an important person.

Even though I knew that the Head Eunuch would move with a heart of atonement to me.

Now that I think about it, maybe the Head Eunuch seemed to have expected things to go wrong.

The detached attitude in the face of sudden death and the four bows he gave me were proof of that.

Even though the Head Eunuch may have started out in another place, he had directly proven that he was my person in the end.

I shouldn’t have been swayed by emotions.

I made eye contact with the Head Eunuch.

The thoughts that had flashed through my mind deepened more and more.

I still couldn’t understand why the Head Eunuch’s importance was so great.

‘Why isn’t this person in the script?’

I wanted to grab the Head Eunuch and shake him and ask him.

Where did you come from?

Then, the Head Eunuch said.

“Your Majesty, I will bring you some warm tea.”

After a while.

I was sitting blankly, staring at the steam rising above the teacup.

It was time to think again.

Since the suspicion of the Head Eunuch had been lifted on its own, I had to choose another method now.

First of all, it seemed like I should hear the confession directly from the Head Eunuch first.

Because I had burst out in anger last time.

I felt sorry again.

I shouldn’t have blamed him so much.

The Head Eunuch’s heart must have been the most hellish….

I needed a way to draw out the Head Eunuch’s confession.

In a gentle atmosphere.

“Head Eunuch.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

The Head Eunuch, who was kneeling, lowered his head.

“My legs hurt so much.”

Then the Head Eunuch smiled and replied.

“I’m old, so my grip strength isn’t very good, but may I massage them for a while?”

“I would appreciate it. I trust the Head Eunuch’s old hands the most.”

When I deliberately joked, the Head Eunuch approached awkwardly, smiling.

Now I could see the worry that had settled under that smile.

I slowly grabbed the Head Eunuch’s hand, which was massaging my legs.

“Whatever happens, I trust everything that comes from the Head Eunuch’s old hands.”

At my words, the Head Eunuch raised his head and looked at me with trembling eyes.