In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 6

The staff’s energetic cheers of encouragement echoed around.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes for a moment, and recalled that day.

Everything was vividly etched in my mind, as if I had witnessed it just yesterday.

I moved towards the prepared set.

It was a similar intersection to the one in the script.

The scene to be filmed was from the moment I got out of the car, saw Se-ra collapsed on the street, and then got back into the car.

I quickly reviewed the script in my head.

‘If it weren’t for you! I could have lived a normal life. You said your dream was to become special. You were sick of your life, your family, your parents, and you just wanted to shine. My dream is to be normal, you know?’

‘I have nothing compared to you. I have no one! Why are you trying to take away the last thing I have left?’

When I first read it, the lines were so good they made my head spin.

I closed my eyes again and remembered that time.

When I was inside the script.

When I met Yoo Ji-an.

I took a long, deep breath and cleared my head.

The surrounding noise gradually faded away from me.

I thought of Yoo Ji-an.

I opened my eyes when it felt like only Yoo Ji-an and I were left in this space.

After a while, the director, who had finished preparing, spoke.

“Ms. Sae-na, Ms. Yu-ri, are you both ready? Let’s do it as we practiced.”

The atmosphere on set became solemn.

Click- clack-

As I slowly walked towards the prepared car, the sound of my heels echoed through the silent set.

I sat in the driver’s seat and grabbed the steering wheel.

For some reason, I felt like Yoo Ji-an’s warmth lingered on the steering wheel.

My hands began to tremble slightly.

* * *

“Ready—Action.”

With Director Moon’s voice, the surroundings became deathly silent.

Everyone watched Han Sae-na in the car, her forehead against the steering wheel, on the monitor.

Han Sae-na raised her head with her eyes closed.

Her hands gripping the steering wheel trembled violently.

Han Sae-na’s unfocused eyes turned towards Jung Yu-ri, who was collapsed beyond the windshield.

And soon… Han Sae-na opened the car door with a frantic gesture.

Smoke was rising from the car wheels.

As soon as she opened the car door, Han Sae-na’s body collapsed onto the street.

Han Sae-na, struggling to get up, approached Jung Yu-ri with trembling legs that looked as if she would fall at any moment.

As if her strength had given out, she collapsed and sat down in front of her.

One of the staff members watching covered their mouth with their hand.

It was a desperate gesture that took the breath away from the onlookers.

Jung Yu-ri, still conscious, opened her eyes and turned her head.

Han Sae-na made a terrified expression as she met Jung Yu-ri’s eyes.

And then, she burst into tears that she had been holding back.

Wiping the tears flowing down her face with both hands, she cried like a child.

The eyes of some of the more sensitive staff members watching the scene welled up with tears.

Writer Lee Si-young was also watching the young actress’s raw performance with great tension.

Han Sae-na shed tears for a long time in front of her.

At the moment everyone was waiting for, Han Sae-na spoke.

“I want to be loved too.”

With those words, Han Sae-na cried out loud like a child.

The sound was so fragile and sad.

Director Moon, who had been holding the walkie-talkie close to his mouth, slowly lowered it.

Every staff member’s face went blank.

It was a different line from the script.

The numerous lines written in the script had evaporated.

However, Director Moon blankly watched the young actress crying.

It was the first time for him to experience being in the position of a viewer on set.

His heart ached.

Writer Lee Si-young, who had been watching anxiously, also stopped abruptly after seeing Han Sae-na’s performance.

She felt a shock as if she had been hit in the head.

The lines she had created over several sleepless nights were summarized in just one word.

The word that she also wanted to be loved.

The words that young actress had just created.

She felt a sense of futility and awe at the same time.

That’s right, that one word was enough….

Writer Lee quietly sat down on a makeshift chair with weakened legs.

At that moment, Han Sae-na, who had been crying her heart out, suddenly stopped crying and captured Jung Yu-ri’s face in her vacant pupils.

The blood flowing from Jung Yu-ri’s body was soaking the asphalt.

Han Sae-na’s face was pale.

Han Sae-na took a step back while sitting down, then stood up and hurried towards the car.

Han Sae-na, who closed the door and sat in the driver’s seat, looked at Jung Yu-ri lying far away once, and then at the side mirror once.

Han Sae-na, looking at her own face in the mirror, covered her face with both hands as if she had seen something terrible.

Han Sae-na sobbed, trembling like an aspen tree.

How much time had passed like that…

The intersection road where only Han Sae-na’s crying echoed.

“Cut.”

The director’s cut sound came.

But no one moved.

As if they had forgotten to move.

Even at that moment, Han Sae-na was still crying in the car.

Jung Yu-ri, who was lying on the street, was also shedding tears.

Han Sae-na’s face, crying in front of her, was so sad, and their situation was so painful that it was difficult to escape from the role.

Jung Yu-ri never dreamed that this would happen on the first day of filming.

Usually, it was rare for someone to have difficulty escaping from a role until the last episode.

‘Who on earth… is that actress?’

Moreover, a rookie who was the same age and had much less experience than herself.

Jung Yu-ri calmed down for a moment and got up.

And then she approached Han Sae-na.

Meanwhile, writer Lee Si-young got up from her seat.

Then, she hurried to Director Moon and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Director, I have something to discuss with you.”

“Yes, writer.”

The director still looked at the writer with a slightly dazed face.

“I want to revise the script a bit.”

“Yes??”

Director Moon almost dropped the equipment he was holding.

Assistant director Jung Chae-sung, who was standing next to him, spat out the coffee he was drinking.

“…?”

“It won’t take long. It’s the original draft version that I had planned. It’s the draft that the director has already seen.”

“Writer, why suddenly….”

“I’m greedy. Because of Ms. Sae-na.”

Director Moon stared at the writer.

It was a face that seemed to have made a decision.

“B-But director. If you revise the cuts, there are hundreds of cuts now….”

Assistant director Jung hurriedly interjected.

However, Director Moon cut off Jung Chae-sung’s words.

“The Yoo Ji-an character is going to change, right?”

Director Moon somehow understood the writer’s intentions well enough.

This time, writer Lee Si-young nodded.

“Then I’ll make a full revision to the back as soon as you give me the script.”

In an instant, Jung Chae-sung’s face went blank as if his soul had left his body.

“I’m sorry for the trouble. I know I shouldn’t be doing this….”

“It’s okay, I understand. It’s the writer, not someone else. You must have your reasons. Then.”

Director Moon bowed his head and walked on his way.

Jung Chae-sung looked at the director’s back as he walked away, sighed deeply, and followed him, trudging along.

Lee Si-young, who was left alone, captured Han Sae-na’s back as she headed to the waiting room.

* * *

I took a moment to catch my breath in the break room.

I was still out of breath.

I didn’t remember how I had acted a little while ago, my head was blank.

The staff gave me time to be alone to allow the actress to come out of the immersion.

Tears welled up in my eyes.

I pressed the script against my hot face.

My heart wouldn’t calm down.

If Yoo Ji-an were watching me now, what would she say to me?

Would she say I did well?

Would she say I was a little better than in my previous life?

At least I hope I didn’t disappoint her….

Then someone came up to me and handed me a warm tea.

It was actress Jung Yu-ri.

“Ah, senior [term for someone with more experience].”

“It’s okay, stay seated.”

She stopped me from getting up and sat me back down.

“And what do you mean by senior? Do you know we’re the same age?”

“Yes.”

I smiled slightly at actress Jung Yu-ri’s words.

“But you’re a child actor. My experience is… well….”

Actually, I’m also a 20-year veteran.

No, is it 21 years now?

“Let’s drop the honorifics, between friends.”

I answered awkwardly to actress Jung Yu-ri’s words.

“Shall we?”

“If it’s awkward, Yu-ri-ssi [polite title], Sae-na-ssi [polite title]. Shall we call each other like this?”

“Okay.”

I smiled and nodded at those words.

No sooner had my answer ended than Yu-ri-ssi’s storm of questions followed.

“Sae-na-ssi, do you have any previous work experience?”

“No… well, just school projects?”

“So, is this your first time doing this in front of a camera?”

“Uh-huh.”

“But how… are you just a genius?”

“Huh?”

I scratched my head sheepishly at those words.

“I had a hard time holding back my tears because of Sae-na-ssi earlier.”

I was flustered and didn’t know what to say.

“I was envious, Sae-na-ssi. You’re so good.”

I carefully examined Yu-ri-ssi’s expression as she said that.

It was a face filled with sincerity.

“My parents debuted me when I was a baby, so since I was young, all I knew how to do was act.”

“Ah, yes….”

“I wanted to do the only thing I knew how to do well, so I made sure to do one project every year without resting. That was my own ambition. But…”

Yu-ri-ssi paused for a moment.

“Sae-na-ssi, who is acting for the first time today, is better than me, who has been acting for over 10 years. I was surprised. I was envious.”

It was such an honest statement.

My head went blank.

Looking back on actress Jung Yu-ri from my previous life, she really did do various projects every year as a child actor, regardless of the role.

When we reached our forties together like that, I was a fading villain on TV, and actress Jung Yu-ri was a middle-aged woman dreaming new dreams.

I was now hearing those words of envy from such a person.

“Let’s be friends. I’m a child actor, but I don’t have many friends in the industry. I want to be friends with Sae-na-ssi.”

I was a little surprised by Yu-ri-ssi’s words and nodded.

“Uh, uh, friends. Shall we…?”

Friend.

It was an embarrassing word.

Because this side hasn’t had any friends for over 40 years.

I was naturally introverted, and after debuting, I kept getting rejected and chasing after other roles while playing villain roles, so there was no time to make friends.

I was comfortable being alone.

“Just saying it isn’t enough! Exchange numbers right now.”

Yu-ri-ssi forcibly took my phone and typed in her number.

“By the way, Sae-na-ssi, do you have an agency?”

“I don’t have an agency yet….”

As soon as I heard the word agency, my expression instantly crumpled.

It was one of the worst nightmares I didn’t want to remember.

Yu-ri-ssi looked at me with a puzzled expression.

“I’ll have to find one slowly now.”

I added calmly.

Then Yu-ri-ssi nodded.

“I guess you’ll be getting a lot of calls from all over the place after the broadcast? Choose well.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

I have to.

I have to choose well.

Unlike my past life.

My clenched fist tightened.

Then the assistant director came over here.

“Sae-na-ssi, you can go home first.”

“Yes? The scene behind…”

“The writer said she’s going to start revising the scenes with Yoo Ji-an. She said she’ll finish within a week. All the Yoo Ji-an scenes have been canceled for the time being.”

At those words, Yu-ri-ssi and I stared blankly at the assistant director.

I Will Live As An Actress In This Life