In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 60

For a long while, each word I spoke caused a stir in the audience, a mix of joy and disappointment.

I could hear the sighs of fans who hadn’t completed their bingo cards.

I knew it.

Soon, gift baskets appeared from backstage.

I grabbed the microphone.

“Sixth place was ‘What perfume do you use?’ I’m more of a soap person than a perfume person. So, this is the soap and hand cream I use, so now all my Geunbonies [a term of endearment for my fans] will smell like me.”

“Oh, how thoughtful, Saena-ssi [a polite honorific].”

I could hear the fans’ touched voices from the audience.

After wrapping up the bingo game, I started reading fans’ letters on stage, chosen through a random draw.

“Hello, Unnie [older sister or female friend]. Actually, I’m five years older than you, but I’ll just call you Unnie. Today is actually my wedding day. Huh, who is this person?”

While reading the letter, I was surprised and looked at the audience. A woman shyly raised her hand.

“No, the wedding… the wedding is…?”

“I postponed it because it overlapped with the fan meeting date!”

The audience collectively buzzed.

I was also a little panicked.

“No, still… Oh my, I don’t know what to do. Thank you so much!”

Starting with this letter, letters filled with either excessive flattery or touching stories continued.

‘I’m someone who dreamed of becoming an actor after watching your performance. It’s a bit late, but I’ll work hard.’

‘Hello, Nuna [older sister or female friend, used by males]. Please look at the second page. It’s our marriage certificate.’

‘We are a couple in our 50s. Our daughter, who we lost in an accident a long time ago, looks so much like Saena-ssi. The first day I saw a drama with Saena-ssi, I sat in front of the television for hours.’

My heart ached at the last story.

Soon, the audience was filled with tears.

I burst out laughing and teared up several times, and my throat was hoarse.

“Geunbonies, thank you so much for the letters. I’m going to take them all home and read them one by one.”

The fans nodded, their eyes also red.

Then, the MC [Master of Ceremonies] clapped and changed the atmosphere.

“Now, everyone. The climax starts now!”

At the MC’s words, I thought, ‘Here it comes,’ and closed my eyes tightly.

“Everyone… this is the most requested wish from all of you. I’m really doing this with my eyes closed!”

A familiar vibration flowed from the speaker.

Now that the song was playing, my body moved on its own as if possessed.

Flashes went off in the audience, and various screams erupted.

It was literally a chaotic sea of laughter.

Now that my mental state was so tattered, I was under the illusion that I was okay.

I waved my arms and legs haphazardly and danced.

If our Geunbonies are happy…

That’s enough.

After a long three minutes, I sang my favorite songs and ballads that I had rewritten for the fans without a break.

I was quickly out of breath.

It was a moment when I respected so many singers and idols.

After finishing all the songs and performances, it was time to say goodbye in the blink of an eye.

“Why is time so short! I’m so sad, everyone.”

I really couldn’t take my feet off the ground because I was so sad.

But for some reason, the fans didn’t pretend to be sad.

What, was a 3-hour event too much after all?

Am I the only one who’s sad?

I smiled at the fans and waved my hands as much as I could.

“Then let’s meet again!”

As I turned around, all the lights suddenly went out with a thud.

What, is it a stage accident?

I stopped walking towards the outside of the stage.

I tried to turn on the microphone again to explain to the audience, but suddenly a small fire lit up in the audience.

I could see a faint light like a firefly in the distance.

As I slowly walked towards the stage, the small lights gradually increased and filled the entire audience.

Between the lights, I could see each of the fans holding slogans in their hands.

Suddenly something like this…

When I saw the audience full of beautiful lights, tears filled my eyes without me even realizing it.

A calm song flowed from the speakers behind me.

The fans smiled and started singing an answer song all at once.

It was a very old famous ballad.

I only met you today.

There were so many things I was curious about and so many things I wanted to say to you.

It’s okay if I can’t ask everything.

It’s okay if you don’t tell me everything.

The warmth of you staying by my side

That alone is enough of an answer

With just my heart loving you

I’m already full

Every time I heard the lyrics in the fans’ voices, tears flowed uncontrollably.

The feeling of being loved filled my fingertips and toes.

As I watched myself crying like a child for the first time, I realized again.

That I wanted this moment so much.

That I wanted to be loved.

As an actress, and as a person, I wanted to be loved by people.

For a long time.

The fans’ ballad continued for a long time.

* * *

That night.

I uploaded two photos to the fan cafe [online forum for fans].

They were photos uploaded by the staff, a photo taken from the stage towards the audience and a selfie of me.

Looking at the photos, my heart was still full.

“It’s a touching first group photo with Geunbonies, but only my eyes are swollen… My manager oppa [older brother or male friend] is teasing me, saying I look like a goldfish and asking if I can see the phone screen. I’m sad. But I’m still going to stay up all night and read all the fan letters. Thank you so much for coming, and I love the Geunbonies who couldn’t come today too.”

I looked at the photos several times and lay down on the cozy bed.

I should print out this photo and hang it in my room.

It felt like it would be a warm night.

* * *

A few days after the successful fan meeting.

After rolling around for days, I finally got up and sat in front of the dressing table.

Then the door burst open.

“Daughter, let’s eat. Huh? Are you going out?”

“Yeah, how do I look? Pretty?”

Then my dad’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What, do you have a boyfriend?”

“Everything is about boyfriends. I’m just trying to make some friends.”

“Is it a celebrity social gathering, something like that?”

Dad crossed his arms with a ladle in his hand, and Mom ran from the living room.

“Is Jang Donghyuk coming there too?!”

I shook my head at the words and picked up my handbag.

“Why would such a senior actor come… It’s a place for actors my age. I’m going there for the first time today too.”

“Should Dad pick you up after the meeting?”

I smiled at the words and shook my head.

“It’s okay. You two have dinner today.”

“Why, I’ll pick you up. Huh?”

Dad followed me to the front door.

“It’s okay, I said. Eat dinner quickly.”

I barely left him behind and closed the door.

I pressed the elevator button and waited, but I felt nervous for some reason.

In both my past and present lives, I had been so busy working that I hadn’t really gone to social gatherings.

But…

‘A thank you for the fan meeting? Saena-ssi taught me how to act. Let’s just call it even. Ah, no. Come to our meeting. Mandatory attendance!’

Lee Seokhyun suddenly recommended the meeting.

I would have thought about it a little if it were other actors, but I felt like it was worth going because it was Lee Seokhyun.

Not just because Lee Seokhyun was a top actor, but because he seemed to have an eye for people.

He was a strange person the more I knew him.

Half an hour later, I arrived at a small restaurant without a manager.

When I opened the door and entered, the group of people sitting in the center greeted me.

Lee Seokhyun waved his hand happily towards me.

Except for these people and a few staff members, the store was empty.

“Saena-ssi, hello! I wanted to meet you.”

Familiar faces greeted me here and there.

What is this like?

It felt like I had entered an old TV.

From idols I had forgotten to actors whose old news was the latest news.

I sweated profusely as I watched the actor couple who were known to be in a public relationship through the media.

That guy is going to cheat soon and marry another woman.

I tried to ignore it and turned my head…

“Huh?”

There was a face that was surprising.

“We’ve met before, right?”

Seo Jaeyeon sat leisurely and tilted her head to the side.

Wow, she’s so damn pretty, really.

I felt like I would be captivated by her face.

I bowed slightly to Seo Jaeyeon.

Seo Jaeyeon was in a state of friction, not friction, with me because of the Gyeolkkot casting issue.

From Seo Jaeyeon’s point of view, I took the lead while she was negotiating her appearance fee for the Soonim role at the same time as Lee Nara, so it was canceled.

I tried to sit calmly and smiled.

“You can be comfortable. We rent this place entirely every time we meet. It’s my acquaintance’s store.”

After briefly introducing my name and age to the people, I received a glass of alcohol.

“Is there anything interesting in the script these days?”

“That was fun. Layback.”

The atmosphere was more comfortable than expected, and a lot of information was exchanged.

“But that writer’s personality is ugh.”

“Don’t even mention it… Saena-ssi, have you decided on your next work?”

People’s attention was focused on this side.

“No, I haven’t decided yet.”

“Oh, come on. You have to row hard when the water comes in [strike while the iron is hot]!”

I laughed at the words.

“That’s right. But I used so much energy on Gyeolkkot that I couldn’t even look at other scripts.”

“Oh my, what? Really? I thought you had already started filming your next work. Then give me Saena-ssi’s contact information!”

The actress sitting far away suddenly held out her phone.

Seong Minhee.

Her career as an actress is not very long, but she swept various leading roles during the golden age of Korean cinema.

When I actually saw her, her long and cool eyes were even more attractive.

She was looking at me with those eyes, sparkling.

What?

I didn’t know what was going on, but I pressed the number first and handed the phone back.

The conversation continued again.

Acting feedback on the works they were appearing in also came out naturally.

I thought it was more… academic here?

“Hey, you look so much better when you do romance. You should have done it sooner. Then you would have completely eaten Lee Seokhyun [outshine].”

“I get a stomach ache just thinking about Lee Seokhyun, really.”

Everyone laughed as they drank a glass or two of alcohol.

“But the role is too young. I still don’t want to be called an old man.”

Then Seo Jaeyeon, who was drinking quietly, opened her mouth.

“Oppa’s [older brother or male friend] diction is too orthodox. It’s an advantage if you go somewhere else, but if you change your current style of speaking, people will suddenly say you’re acting badly, right? Just compete with your acting skills.”

It was quite an accurate eye.

Then, Seong Minhee asked Seo Jaeyeon a question.

“Jaeyeon, are you going to do that? Detective story?”

Then Seo Jaeyeon looked straight at me and answered.

“Yeah. I’m sure this time.”

Then I felt people being conscious of me one by one.

That’s real, just believing in her face. Making people uncomfortable.

I tried to maintain my composure as if nothing was wrong.

“The company was trying to reconsider and bounce again, but I told them not to. I learned from someone. That if you want to do something, you have to jump in for sure.”