In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 7

That’s where I headed during that week of floating time.

Seowon Arts University.

It was an unexpected turn of events.

‘Emergency! Final Exam D-5!!!’

The notification I checked as soon as I opened my eyes in the morning was truly terrifying.

It was the semester final exam notification that I had set up 20 years ago.

“Right, I was a college student.”

I arrived in front of the school, and the feeling of being in my twenties, which I had forgotten, washed over me like a wave.

The cold but clear December winter air lingered around the school.

Many students, each showing off their individuality, were passing by.

From students carrying various musical instruments to students showcasing trendy and outdated fashion, students gathering on the lawn to practice singing, and professors smoking with students.

Seeing the campus scenery for the first time in 20 years made my heart flutter.

“What’s going on? What’s going on? Han Saena.”

However, as I approached the lecture room, the repertoire from 20 years ago, which I had forgotten, began to repeat itself.

The gazes that scanned me from the entrance were fierce.

As I entered the lecture room, my classmates greeted me, though their remarks felt more like a backhanded welcome.

“Treat us, Han Saena. Let’s go to Daepo House today!”

Daepo House—the familiar name made me laugh.

We really were old people, weren’t we?

At the same time, some sarcastic remarks poured out.

“I thought you wouldn’t even come to school now that you’re a celebrity. Unexpected.”

“You’re going to be even more arrogant in the future.”

The whispers were sharper than I thought.

I think I used to shrink back from these reactions….

But now, this was nothing to me.

I had been rolling around in the industry for 20 years, experiencing more intense psychological warfare than land, sea, and air battles.

“It’s just a *makjang* drama [Korean drama known for its exaggerated and often absurd storylines], that’s all. What’s so great about it?”

Then, a scathing attack pierced my ears.

“What kind of actor is that? Can we even consider *jaeyeon* [reenactment] actor-like acting as acting?”

“Exactly, it’s a disgrace to the acting department. And it’s on a *jongpyeon* channel [general programming cable channel].”

Hmm, the lines are quite good.

When I turned around, there were familiar faces.

Among them, the face of a girl who didn’t avoid my eyes and looked straight at me was familiar.

That’s… Kim Eunseo, I think.

She was a classmate who was famous for being street-casted because of her face.

She had never acted before the casting, but she had a natural talent for bringing out the atmosphere of a work with just her face.

I remembered that she had been quite successful for a while with a moderately successful drama.

But, is me getting the audition something to be angry about like this?

Then, a memory flashed through my mind, and I realized.

Kim Eunseo was next in line after the audition.

20 years ago, on the day I enjoyed my first debut while suppressing my overwhelming emotions, Kim Eunseo glared at me with gritted teeth.

My classmates had told me this.

Back then, I thought it was just gossip….

Kim Eunseo continued to sneer.

“A *makjang* with no artistic merit.”

I stared intently at Kim Eunseo.

Since the audition order was after me, she wouldn’t have even had a chance to show her acting.

Still, this wasn’t right.

To make derogatory remarks just because she wasn’t cast.

She must have prepared hard too.

As Kim Eunseo opened her mouth again, I took the lead this time.

“Hey.”

Kim Eunseo glared at me without answering, her expression unpleasant.

“Is it okay for the acting department to lump *jaeyeon* actors and *makjang* dramas together and make derogatory remarks?”

“Oh my, are you upset? Did it hit a nerve?”

Kim Eunseo smirked.

I smirked back at Kim Eunseo.

The saying ‘a puppy knows no fear of a tiger’ is exactly what I should use in this situation.

After rolling around in the industry for a lifetime, Kim Eunseo’s level of rudeness felt cute.

“If I’m at the level of a *jaeyeon* actor… what are you, who failed the *makjang* audition?”

Kim Eunseo’s pupils trembled at my words.

“What?”

The friends sitting next to Kim Eunseo looked at Kim Eunseo with startled eyes.

“You auditioned for too, didn’t you? Why did you audition for that *makjang* drama with a *jaeyeon* actor-level actor who doesn’t even seem like an actor?”

Silence flowed through the lecture room.

Kim Eunseo’s face quickly turned red.

Looking at her, I thought it was a waste of Kim Eunseo’s outstanding appearance.

Looks are also a talent.

Looking back, Kim Eunseo only filmed a few commercials with her exceptionally pretty face and was soon consumed by acting controversy after a few years.

In the end, Kim Eunseo couldn’t quell the acting controversy and gave up acting, disappearing from the industry.

“Why are you so eager to put others down when you’re so pretty? If I were you, I would know I’m pretty and lock myself in the practice room to sharpen my skills for my debut.”

At my words, Kim Eunseo pushed the table and stood up.

“Are you saying I’m a newbie who relies on her face?”

Kim Eunseo’s sharp voice filled the lecture room.

That’s not what I meant. Why suddenly….

As if some button had been pressed, Kim Eunseo quickly approached and raised her hand over me.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

Do I have to get slapped by a little thing at this age?

Reflexively, I cowered, but a long shadow fell between us.

Someone gently snatched Kim Eunseo’s wrist.

I slowly opened my closed eyes.

“Oh, come on, ladies. Why are you doing this here?”

A handsome man with a gentle smile separated Kim Eunseo from me.

I carefully looked at the face of the man, or rather, the boy(?).

“…Seon Yuseok?”

“*Noona* [term used by younger Koreans to address older sisters or female friends], are you okay?”

I was momentarily stunned by the face I hadn’t seen in so long.

Seon Yuseok…

He was a popular kid with a tall height, a small face, gentle eyes and a soft impression, and a voice to match.

Thanks to this face, he became quite a hot topic immediately after his debut.

“Eunseo *noona*, why are you making life difficult for people who are working hard, huh?”

Kim Eunseo shook off Seon Yuseok’s hand.

“Okay, let’s see what happens to . But before that, your *unppal* [luck] will wear off next week, and your skills will be exposed.”

After saying that, Kim Eunseo stormed out of the lecture room.

I stared blankly at Kim Eunseo’s back as she walked away.

“What’s next week…?”

At my words, Seon Yuseok widened his eyes.

“*Sunbae* [term used to address senior colleagues or students]…? Our final play.”

I slowly turned my head and looked at Seon Yuseok.

What did you just say?

Now I remembered the notification I saw in the morning.

“Ah.”

“How can you forget the semester-end play performance, *sunbaenim*. You’re really slacking off!”

Speaking of the final play…

It was a classical work that I had completely forgotten about.

The task was full of difficulties, including a vast amount of lines, modern reinterpretation, and delivering emotions like a serious drama.

I suffered from it 20 years ago too.

“Ugh…”.

Suddenly, I shuddered.

“*Noona*?”

“Our team… is doing a Hamlet adaptation, right?”

“Yes.”

Suspicion continued to surface on Seon Yuseok’s face as he looked at me.

I had a feeling… and I was right.

It’s not like a drama where you can reshoot if there’s an NG [no good take], it’s a live play.

And that’s exactly one week from now.

Besides, it’s been a long time since I’ve lost my sense of acting.

This is not the time for me to be doing this.

Then, the professor opened the lecture room door and entered.

“Okay, is everyone preparing well for the performance?”

I quickly sat down in my seat.

My head became complicated.

* * *

Right after class ended.

I was rushing out of the hallway with the intention of going to practice right away, but Seon Yuseok followed me.

“*Sunbae*, I was a bit reliable earlier, right?”

Seon Yuseok kept chattering, unaware of my urgent pace.

“Wow, how did I block that hand right away? I’m kind of like a prince on a white horse, that’s me.”

Get back on that white horse and go away.

I was annoyed by the chattering while my mind was in turmoil.

But Seon Yuseok’s friendly appearance was a bit strange.

We weren’t originally close…?

Seon Yuseok and I were just acquaintances who greeted each other lightly at school.

In fact, I was like that with everyone, not just Seon Yuseok.

A so-called outsider.

It was easier for me to not have friends from the beginning.

After both Seon Yuseok and I debuted, we only knew about each other’s well-being through the media.

But why now.

‘Seon Yuseok, he knows exactly who is helpful to him and who is not, and he distinguishes them like a ghost.’

A word that someone had told me a long time ago suddenly came to mind.

‘He only acts kindly to people who can pave the way for him.’

Seon Yuseok cautiously spoke.

“So, *sunbae*, would you mind helping me prepare for the audition?”

……So that’s what it was.

As rumored, he calculated me as someone who would be beneficial to him.

“But Yuseok, even if I got the audition first, I’m still a student?”

“You’re still an audition *sunbae*, *noona*.”

“Can you… stop calling me *noona*?”

Suddenly, I got goosebumps on my arm.

Seon Yuseok laughed as if he found it funny when he saw me scratching my arm.

“So that’s your character, Saena *noona*.”

“Huh?”

“I’m a bit… annoying, right? Like I’m sucking up to you.”

Seon Yuseok smiled awkwardly.

“Good that you know. I’ll help you practice.”

“Really…? *Noona*, you have to keep your promise!”

Whatever the case, I didn’t want to judge people based on rumors alone, as I had a long history of suffering from numerous rumors during my villainous life.

And it was true that I was grateful that he had stopped me from getting slapped earlier….

Seon Yuseok grabbed my hands with both of his.

“*Noona*, thank you so much. Really.”

His eyes were sincere.

He somehow looked pitiful.

It was because I knew how thirsty Seon Yuseok was to improve his acting skills.

Seon Yuseok, like Kim Eunseo, was a case who had risen to fame with his looks but was criticized for his *balyeonki* [poor acting skills].

After having a not-so-short hiatus, Seon Yuseok made a splash with a 180-degree changed appearance by strengthening his acting skills.

In his mid-30s, he naturally rose to the ranks of top actors.

However, no one but the person himself would know how dark the time he spent during that hiatus was.

“First… let’s see after the play is over.”

I slipped my hand out of Seon Yuseok’s grasp.

* * *

The weekend passed in the blink of an eye.

During the weekend, I memorized lines, practiced, and recorded myself to watch….

The school life, which was quite difficult, was once again engraved in my bones.

Final exams as soon as I came to my senses.

It would have been better if my body was younger.

Today’s play, , is one of Shakespeare’s four major tragedies, and it was like a gateway that art students attending the acting department would go through at least once.

The role I played was Ophelia.

Ophelia was a woman who lost her father to her lover among the royal family who were blinded by desire, lost her mind, and went crazy.

In the play, Ophelia takes her own life, and her death embodies the youth, purity, and immaturity that this character symbolizes.

Ophelia’s death became the essence of creation for many artists, and many paintings and poems about girls who drowned were created.

The most important thing in acting was how richly you could convey the rigid classical serious drama with emotion, and how you could interpret and reveal the symbolism of the character.

The important factors in evaluating an actor’s capabilities in a play performance were so difficult.

And I was secretly curious.

What would it be like to do a play again now?

While I was warming up backstage, Professor Lee Seongjin gathered the students on stage.

“Okay, today is the Hamlet team, right? Everyone has prepared hard, so don’t be nervous on stage today. Enjoy it to the fullest!”

“Yes!”

Everyone gathered in a circle and put their hands in the center.

Kim Eunseo, who played Gertrude, glanced at me and smirked.

She still seemed to be very upset.

Even during rehearsals today, she didn’t even look at me and only performed her own acting.

And that, as if she didn’t want to show everything in the rehearsal, was half-hearted.

That’s not a good thing….

I closed my mouth because I was afraid that something unfortunate would happen like last time if I added even a word.

Above all, at that age, pride comes before anything else.

It wasn’t that I didn’t understand Kim Eunseo at all.

Whether it was in the lecture room or now, my feelings were the same.

It wasn’t that I hated or disliked her, but I just felt sorry for her.

First of all, I have to do well right away.

The audience seats in the theater were soon filled.

Seeing the lively sense of reality in the theater made my heart flutter pleasantly.

That’s what makes a play so interesting.

A thrilling sensation that I had forgotten was blooming.

The performance began.