In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 8

Kim Eun-seo, under the spotlight, began her performance.

“Hamlet! What would you do to your mother? Would you kill her? Help, someone!”

‘Yeah, she’s not doing great.’

As soon as I saw Kim Eun-seo’s strained acting, I immediately noticed the shortcomings.

Kim Eun-seo was definitely pretty and suited the Gertrude role of ‘a beautiful woman that Claudius would want, even if he had to kill his brother to have her.’

However, her acting didn’t have the same impact as her looks.

Kim Eun-seo was too busy emphasizing the accents in her lines, and there was a sense of urgency in her delivery.

You could tell she practiced a lot.

I could see the movements and changes in tone that she probably wrote down in her notebook.

She seemed desperate.

Kim Eun-seo seemed to want to do very well right now.

However, at least as far as I know, Gertrude is a woman who remarried her husband’s brother a month after his death to protect her position, and there were various perspectives on her.

Among those diverse aspects, Gertrude’s key characteristic is ambiguity or duplicity.

She needs to highlight the character’s traits while leaving room for interpretation by the audience….

Oh! What do I do?

Kim Eun-seo’s acting was closer to not knowing Gertrude herself.

Sometimes she was passive and weak, and other times she suddenly became spiteful… there was no rhythm.

If we had at least rehearsed together, it would have been better than this….

The lights dimmed.

It was Ophelia’s turn.

I shook off my *jap-saenggak* [雜생각, idle thoughts] and calmed my mind.

I walked to the front of the stage.

* * *

A spotlight shone on Han Sae-na’s head.

From the backstage, Kim Eun-seo watched her with a crooked sneer.

‘How well can she do?’

The audience was filled with bustling movements.

Coughing, vibrating phones, rustling sounds…

Amidst them, Han Sae-na closed her eyes and focused on her emotions.

Ophelia, with a harmless and radiant smile, clasped her hands together in front of her chest.

There was a sad thought floating in that smile.

Ophelia began to sing.

“The rosemary is for remembrance. Please, don’t forget me.”

Ophelia approached the king, who was barely visible in the darkness, and gently handed him something.

“For you, rue.”

But there was nothing in Ophelia’s hands.

Ophelia also approached Queen Gertrude and handed her an invisible flower.

She carefully gathered the air with her fingers, as if handing over a truly soft flower.

“I give you this flower of repentance.”

There was tragic beauty in Ophelia’s delicate gestures.

Ophelia, who was singing about the language of flowers, calmly continued the lyrics.

“…He is dead and gone, lady,

He is dead and gone;

At his head a grass-green turf,

At his heels a stone.”

“White his shroud as the mountain snow,

Larded with sweet flowers;

Which bewept to the grave did go

With true-love showers.”

After finishing the prayer, Ophelia walked towards the boat with graceful yet unsteady movements.

The boat was leaning diagonally on the stage.

Ophelia climbed onto the boat, grabbed the hem of her skirt, and spread it wide.

The rustling sound of the skirt brushing against the boat was sad.

Ophelia slowly lowered her head.

“And I hope all will be well. We must be patient: but I cannot choose but weep, to think they should lay him i’ the cold ground: My brother shall know of it: and so I thank you for your good counsel. Come, my coach! Good night, ladies; good night, sweet ladies; good night, good night.”

Ophelia slowly laid down inside the boat.

Ophelia’s farewell to the world was kind and gentle.

The lights slowly dimmed.

After Han Sae-na’s exit, the audience was as quiet as a mouse.

Everyone seemed to have forgotten to breathe, captivated by Han Sae-na’s gentle charisma, which portrayed the protagonist’s deep sadness, fragility, elegance, and madness.

Everyone didn’t break the silence as if they had promised.

Some audience members wiped away tears, immersed in the lingering emotion left by Han Sae-na.

Sniffling sounds were heard from here and there in the audience.

Professor Lee Seong-jin, who was sitting in a corner of the audience and watching Ophelia’s performance, also couldn’t help but admire her.

‘This isn’t the Han Sae-na I knew.’

Han Sae-na’s Ophelia seemed different from the performances he had consistently seen.

Previously, the actor was seen before the role because of the *bonche* [본체, true self]’s greed, but now, only the character itself remained on the stage, and the other unnecessary elements had disappeared.

Like Han Sae-na, who got into the large audition, even the students who were rumored to be *nalda ginda* [날다 긴다, ‘flying and crawling,’ meaning exceptionally talented] often looked like mere amateurs when he watched them in front of him.

However, this case…

‘How can she grow so much in such a short period of time?’

Breathing, interpretation, creativity, control, stage gestures, everything was perfect….

She was originally one of the better students, but now she looked like a professional actor with years of experience.

No matter how expensive the private lessons or special training she received, there would be a limit to what she could change.

‘How did that child do it?’

It was impossible to act as if her soul had been changed in the short time she was preparing for the audition.

Professor Lee Seong-jin stroked his chin.

While everyone’s attention and interest were focused on Han Sae-na, Kim Eun-seo, who reappeared on the stage, had a problem.

Overwhelmed by Han Sae-na, Gertrude forgot her lines.

‘When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions. Laertes, your sister is drowned.’

That was what Gertrude had to say.

Kim Eun-seo, who had to deliver the news of Ophelia’s death, was flustered and chewed on her lips with a flushed face.

The other actor was also staring at Kim Eun-seo, stiffened.

As silence continued on the stage where Kim Eun-seo appeared, the audience began to murmur.

“Did she forget her lines?”

“What is she going to do, just standing there… ?”

Kim Eun-seo, who was very embarrassed on the stage, stood frozen, enduring the gazes focused on her.

* * *

“What are you doing….”

My heart sank.

Eventually, what I feared happened.

Kim Eun-seo grabbed the hem of her skirt and kept looking at the audience with unsteady shaking eyes.

My heart tightened even more as I watched Kim Eun-seo from the backstage.

I quietly cleared my throat.

And opened my mouth.

“When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions. Laertes, your sister is drowned.”

I calmly lowered my voice and delivered the next line just loud enough for Kim Eun-seo to hear.

Kim Eun-seo, who was on the stage, looked at me in surprise.

Her mind was probably blank.

I made eye contact with Kim Eun-seo again and delivered the line clearly.

“When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions.”

Because it was a script I had been holding onto all week, all the lines were already memorized in my head.

Only then did Kim Eun-seo seem to come to her senses and said the line while looking at the other actor.

“When sorrows… come, they come not single spies, but in battalions. Laertes, your sister is drowned.”

The other actor seemed relieved and recited the next line.

After that, a tense atmosphere continued for a while, and the play headed towards the ending.

Kim Eun-seo’s nervous acting was so stiff that it made even the viewers nervous.

I just watched the stage until the end, hoping that there would be no more mistakes.

The stage ended without me even knowing how time went by.

The curtain fell, and I went on stage with my teammates and bowed to the audience.

As each person bowed in turn, an unexpected standing ovation poured out when it was my turn.

Most people stood up and applauded.

The cheers of the people filled the small theater.

“As expected, it’s Han Sae-na! The best!”

“Ophelia!!”

I looked around in a daze, and my teammates were also applauding me.

Kim Eun-seo was also applauding me with a strange look on her face.

I couldn’t grasp the situation… and bowed to the audience again.

Suddenly, my nose tingled.

Even though it was just a school final exam play, my heart was full.

At that moment, I felt it once again.

‘I’ve been wanting this moment.’

I wanted to act.

Not as a villain, but with various faces.

I wanted to receive new applause from people every time, just like now.

I smiled brightly and waved my hands at the people.

I bowed to the audience several times.

After finishing the play, in the department office.

Before going to the after-party, I leaned against the wall and took a breather.

This department office is also after 20 years, it’s a memory, really.

“Hoo….”

I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment.

I had been nervous because of various things, so I was completely exhausted.

But the more I thought about it, the stranger it was.

In my previous life, I didn’t remember Kim Eun-seo well, but she never made a mistake on the stage we stood on together.

It was a strange variable.

Why did she suddenly do that…?

Then the door opened and Kim Eun-seo came in.

Kim Eun-seo stood with her lips tightly closed and stared at my face for a long time without saying anything.

“What.”

Even though I spoke to Kim Eun-seo, there was no answer for a long time.

“Why are you looking at me so scary? I have a weak heart.”

At my words, Kim Eun-seo finally opened her mouth.

“I’ll apologize for what happened last time. And thank you for what happened today.”

It was Kim Eun-seo’s usual prickly tone.

A laugh burst out.

“Why are you laughing when someone is saying sorry?”

Kim Eun-seo glared at me.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, and nothing to be thankful for. I was a bit over the top in the lecture hall back then, and today’s incident was something I had to do as a team member.”

At my words, Kim Eun-seo hesitated for a moment and then replied again.

“I hate to admit it, but you’re good. Good enough to make me panic and forget my lines.”

Huh?

Suddenly, Kim Eun-seo’s attitude and voice were different, like a different person.

“Congratulations on getting the audition. I was jealous, that’s why I was *yok-hago danin* [욕하고 다닌, badmouthing] you. After seeing you today… you deserve to get it.”

I was speechless listening to Kim Eun-seo’s words.

I never thought she would put down her pride like this.

“I failed the Flat Shoes audition and got another role.”

“… ?”

“I’m telling you this for the first time. I wanted to do Flat Shoes, but this time again, it’s a role that needs a pretty face.”

I stared at Kim Eun-seo silently.

“I’m tired of being called pretty. No, now it scares me. It’s like I’m nothing special except for my face.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just looked at her…

Kim Eun-seo continued.

“I’m going to work hard, practice like crazy, and not get called a bad actor. I’m going to build a filmography that I want, not just roles that need a face.”

“…That’s the same plan as me.”

Kim Eun-seo’s eyes shook at my answer.

“I’m the same as you. I want to become an actor who can get the roles I want.”

I added again.

Then Kim Eun-seo nodded.

A moment of silence flowed.

“Then. See you later.”

Leaving those words behind, Kim Eun-seo opened the door and left again.

I was left alone in the department office again, looking at the spot where Kim Eun-seo had been standing.

I Will Die as an Actress in This Life