Magic Is Learned For Nothing [EN]: Chapter 135

Magic is Learned in Vain – Episode 136

# 136

Looking for a Bidet (1) [A bidet is a plumbing fixture used for washing after using the toilet.]

Ah, this is really uncomfortable.

“Ahem.”

Legion cleared his throat.

The Dark Elves were surrounding him. Elderly Dark Elves were closely encircling him, while younger Dark Elves watched with curious eyes from a distance.

This has been going on for 30 minutes already.

Natalia and the others who went to call the elders haven’t shown up. Because of that, Legion was stuck among the Dark Elves.

He didn’t know why they were leaving the acolytes alone and only doing this to him.

If they showed any hostility, he would just bash them with his Reinforced Steel Staff, but he couldn’t do that, which made the situation frustrating.

They were looking at him like he was a forbidden fruit.

Sniff sniff-

They were even smelling him.

Am I like spoiled meat? Why are they smelling me?

Poke- They poke him.

Don’t do that. I’ll get angry.

“Those people are over there too…….”

Legion pointed to the acolytes standing far away. Those guys were covering their mouths with their hands, trying to suppress their laughter, as if something was extremely funny.

The Dark Elves didn’t answer.

They were said to be Dark Elves, stronger than light. He didn’t feel that at all. They just seemed like people from some rural village who didn’t know about civilization, suddenly encountering a fancy city person and being amazed.

“The elders are coming.”

Someone shouted.

Only then did the Dark Elves part like the Red Sea. Three middle-aged men and women were approaching through the gap.

They were three middle-aged men and women with simple, worn clothes.

The moment he saw them, he knew they were stronger than him.

Their eyes were full of vigor. They were exuding an aura that said, ‘Ask me anything.’

“Is this the human?”

The middle-aged man in the center asked.

“Yes.”

Natalia answered politely.

“I am called Ssenka.”

Ssenka extended his hand. Legion carefully took his hand. As an elder of the Dark Elves, he must have lived for at least several hundred years, so Legion had no choice but to show respect.

“I heard you are looking for an Elf with the skill to increase height.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Unfortunately, there are no more Elves with such skills.”

“Did it ever exist?”

“It’s an ancient skill. But…….”

Legion reached into his subspace pocket and took out a fist-sized gold nugget. Judging by its size, it was worth at least 2,000 gold.

“Please accept this first.”

“W, why are you giving this to me?”

“It’s just a token of my sincerity. Please keep it for now.”

Legion forcibly placed the gold in Ssenka’s hand. Ssenka received it with a blank expression.

“We have no use for it in our village, but it could be useful when buying things in human villages. Have you eaten? If it’s before dinner, let’s talk while having dinner.”

“Alright.”

Legion nodded and looked at the two Triangular Minotaurs who were bleating ‘Moo’ from behind.

“You guys go back. Come running whenever I call you.”

-Moo (Understood).

The two Minotaurs then left the Dark Elf village as if they were relieved.

They ran away fiercely, as if they didn’t even want to pee in this direction. They probably wouldn’t show up even if Legion called them.

On the long dining table, about a dozen Dark Elves were seated.

And Legion and the acolytes faced them from the front.

There was quite a lot of grass placed in front of them. Grass is for cows to eat, not for people…….

“Eat. It may look like that, but it’s edible.”

Ssenka said.

Legion nodded and poked the grass with a fork, putting it in his mouth.

Crunch crunch.

Well, it is edible. Ugh, it’s not tasty.

“Haha, as expected, you eat well according to your physique. Have more.”

Ssenka piled a lot of tasteless grass onto Legion’s plate.

“I eat less than I look.”

Legion forced a smile and waved his hand. They didn’t seem to believe him.

The atmosphere during the meal was quite friendly.

They were said to be exclusive to other races, but it didn’t seem to be the case. They were friendly and considerate.

It seemed to be thanks to the gold he had given to Ssenka. After eating fruit for dessert, Ssenka finally started to get to the point.

“Because we are in the Devil’s Forest, we have very few opportunities to come into contact with civilization. Well, I don’t particularly have any complaints. It’s just a little inconvenient.”

Legion took out two more gold nuggets from his pocket.

Gold is the best in terms of convertibility, no matter where you go on the continent.

No mineral can keep up with gold. This amount of gold could feed a small village for a month.

Ssenka was expressionless, but he was definitely showing signs of being a little happy. Seeing that, Natalia frowned slightly.

“Didn’t you tell me to regard gold like a stone?”

“Did I?”

“Yes.”

“No. Remember well. It wasn’t me. I like gold.”

“It was definitely you, Father.”

“Ahem, anyway, there’s no way we can turn away such precious gold.”

Ssenka cleared his throat and asked Legion.

“You want to know the skill to increase height?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“To be clear, there is a similar skill in our village.”

“Really?”

Legion’s expression changed brightly at Ssenka’s words. If he played his cards right, he could save that expensive Lactorerium [a fictional material].

“It’s one of the plastic surgery magics.”

“Plastic surgery magic is famous, but I heard that there are very few people who have mastered it.”

“That’s right. Plastic surgery magic is a legacy left by the ancients. Of course, there are few people who have mastered it. Even if they have mastered it, it will be a partial magic. Originally, plastic surgery magic was a technique created to transform the human body to its best. Nowadays, there are humans who use it to make women beautiful, but the original meaning is to make the human body closer to God, which is more accurate.”

“Are you saying that you, Ssenka, have mastered that plastic surgery magic?”

“I know it, but…… it’s impossible to realize.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s close to alchemy. In other words, there must be a medium to realize the magic.”

“A medium?”

“You’re also looking for a dwarf named Bidet, right?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“He’s quite an interesting fellow. Do you know about toilet craftsmanship?”

“I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never seen it in person.”

“Some of the toilets he made remain here. You should check it out later. It’s a toilet that doesn’t even exist in the human world.”

A toilet that doesn’t even exist in the human world?

I wonder how he made it.

“His usual theory is simple. All races in the world feel the most comfortable in the toilet. Therefore, the toilet must be the most comfortable.”

“He’s a unique person.”

“That’s right. Very unique. In order to complete his special toilet, he needed a mineral called ‘Soul Lactinium.’ I don’t know what it’s used for. He headed to the dungeon to find it.”

“Dungeon? Not a mine?”

“Soul Lactinium is known to be a jewel artificially created by the ancients. Of course, it doesn’t come out of a mine. It can only be found in ancient dungeons. That’s why that friend came to our village. We were the only ones who knew the location of the ancient dungeon. He asked us to tell him the location of the ancient dungeon in exchange for building a toilet for us.”

“You taught him.”

“That’s right. Thanks to that, we got a great toilet. He said he would build a bathhouse when he came back…… it’s a pity. The important thing is not that. ‘Soul Lactinium.’ That is necessary to realize the body transformation magic.”

“So, to find that gem, I have no choice but to enter the ancient dungeon.”

“To be honest, don’t go.”

“Is it dangerous?”

“Very dangerous. The number of ancestors who have entered the ancient dungeon so far is over 50. If you include outsiders, it’s over 300. Not a single one has returned alive. The same goes for Bidet. We dispatched 12 Dark Elf warriors to find him. He was quite a good friend. But…….”

“They couldn’t come back.”

“That’s right. I’ve never seen such a dangerous dungeon. Give up your greed.”

“I really need that magic.”

Ssenka stared intently at Legion.

It’s very burdensome.

“You…….”

“Yes.”

“I think I know why you’re risking your life for that magic.”

Could it be that he noticed that I have acquired the passive skill ‘Exploding with Coolness’?

“People don’t like you, do they?”

“Pardon?”

“That appearance! Burdensome jowls! Slit eyes! Unique high-pitched voice! And you’re rich. People hate you very much, but they have no choice but to respond. If you had a good personality, it would be bearable, but that’s not the case either. You’re a pain in the ass. You must have realized that people hate you someday. You must have been angry and in pain. Then, you must have accidentally learned about body transformation magic.”

What the hell is this old man saying?

“That’s not it.”

“I’ve lived for 300 years. Don’t ignore my insight. You are that kind of person.”

“What kind of person?”

“A recluse. A man who has enough money to live on.”

Legion closed his eyes for a moment. His teeth were chattering.

My children and father are screwing me over one after another. Why the hell are they doing that? Did we have a bad relationship in our past lives?

“Father, I told you not to say it so bluntly. I told you that he would understand well enough even if you talked in a roundabout way.”

Natalia said to Ssenka in a very small voice, as if whispering.

That crazy bitch!

“Enough, just tell me the location of the dungeon.”

“Are you really going?”

“I’m going.”

“Are you really going?”

“I told you I’m going.”

“Are you really going?”

Legion realized why that old man was doing that. He took out two more gold nuggets from his subspace pocket and placed them on the table.

“Our daughter will take you to the entrance of the dungeon.”

Ssenka grabbed the gold nuggets and tucked them into his arms.

Wow, I’m something, but you’re really greedy.

Who said Elves are pure and innocent?

If anyone utters that kind of nonsense in front of me again, I’ll pluck out all their corn.

* * *

The journey to the ancient dungeon takes a day.

But it’s a day in the Devil’s Forest. That day is completely different from an ordinary mountain path. All sorts of monsters attack non-stop. Even a small ant has poison that can instantly take a human’s life.

In this place, carelessness is directly linked to death.

Natalia was sure that Legion would give up.

He is very strong, unlike his appearance. He is a man who can take on four Dark Elf intermediate warriors at once. It was not an easy task for even knights with 4-star top-tier skills.

In other words, Legion has skills above 4 stars.

What’s even more surprising is that Legion also knows how to use magic.

He is definitely a great skilled person.

And what’s even more surprising-

“Ah! Ouch!”

Legion took a step. A poisonous spider bit his ankle.

“Oh no! We have to cut off his ankle quickly. It’s called the Thousand-Year Spider. The poison reaches the heart within 1 minute. The only way to live is to cut off the bitten area.”

Natalia grabbed Legion’s ankle and tried to chop it off with an axe.

Surprised, Legion grabbed her wrist.

“Are you trying to kill someone? Don’t do it.”

“This is not the time for this. I’m telling you to cut off your ankle.”

“I’m telling you I’m okay.”

Legion applied saliva to the ankle bitten by the spider.

Surprisingly, Legion was fine. It was the first time she had seen someone who was fine even after being bitten by a Thousand-Year Spider.

In addition, he was attacked by spiders several times. But Legion endured all the spider’s poison with his body.

“Ah, the spider’s poison is more refreshing than I thought. It’s making my body feel refreshed.”

Natalia and the young Dark Elves were speechless.

Does that make sense?