Surviving the Game As a Barbarian [EN]: Chapter 579

Not even once.

Is there truly a person who has lived without ever committing a single wrong, someone completely flawless?

Misha Kalstein didn’t think so.

Even the greatest saints would make mistakes at some point in their lives. There would be times when things went awry, leading to bad outcomes, even with good intentions.

Surely… they too would have hurt someone.

Yeah, that’s right, so it can’t be helped.

Even such great people would make mistakes at least once, so it’s only natural for a half-wit like me to—.

“I…”

Misha Kalstein quietly murmured to herself.

“What am I even doing…”

It was a routine she had been repeating for days.

She would rather be fighting monsters than this.

There wasn’t much she could do, cooped up alone in her room all day.

She wanted to just live like a dead person, without thinking, but that wasn’t something she could do just because she wanted to.

So, during the long days, she thought and thought again.

The thoughts were always different, but always similar.

She would resent someone, feel disgusted with herself, and sometimes, like today, she would have thoughts that allowed her to rationalize herself.

Ah, of course, the end of those thoughts was always the same.

“Let’s leave.”

Let’s leave the Anabada Clan.

No, she wasn’t even officially a member of the clan in the first place. That made it even easier to leave.

So, after this exploration is over and they return to the city, let’s leave. Let’s disappear from Bjorn Yandel’s side and never appear before his eyes again.

He… would want that too.

The conclusion she had reached hundreds of times after hundreds of worries.

The moment she reached that conclusion again, Misha Kalstein curled up and clutched her chest with both hands.

“Ah…”

It hurt.

Her chest was tight, and she couldn’t breathe properly. It was so painful that she wondered if the pain would lessen if she just closed her eyes and stabbed something sharp into her chest.

However, Misha Kalstein couldn’t turn that imagination into reality.

It wasn’t because she lacked courage.

She just knew.

‘That won’t do…’

That kind of ending was not what he would want.

All the memories she had with him would be tainted with darkness, turning into terrible memories that would torment him.

‘Dwarki…’

Suddenly, he came to mind.

The noble mage who saved everyone’s lives in the labyrinth and breathed his last. Misha knew the feelings that mage had for her.

It wasn’t something she knew from the beginning. She heard it from the dwarf warrior Hikurod Murad a long time after Dwarki had left her side.

That he had been secretly in love with her….

At first, she couldn’t believe it. If he really had such feelings, why did he hide them from her?

Even until the very moment his last candle was extinguished.

It didn’t make any sense.

If it had been her, she would have definitely seized the last opportunity given and confessed her hidden feelings.

However, Hikurod answered her question.

As if asking what was so obvious.

[Isn’t it obvious what that friend was thinking? He didn’t want to remain as a dark shadow.]

An uncertain, speculative answer.

But she accepted it.

Of course, she accepted it because she thought that he might have done that, but it wasn’t something she could truly empathize with.

At least, not until today.

“So… that’s how he must have felt…”

Strictly speaking, she and Dwarki were different.

He gave his life to save everyone, while she was just struggling with the weight of her mistakes, trying to find a way to escape.

If this place wasn’t in the labyrinth in the first place.

If there wasn’t even the hope that he might forgive her, she would have run away a long time ago—.

Knock, knock, knock.

Then, a voice was heard from beyond the tightly closed door.

“It’s me, Misha. Let’s talk for a bit.”

It was Bjorn.

Joy and fear surged at the same time at his visit. However, she tried her best to calm down and do what she had to do.

She couldn’t show him this state she was in.

She washed her hair and quickly washed her face. And then, she quickly cleaned up the messy room.

Fortunately, since she had spent the time in her room doing nothing, there wasn’t much to clean up.

“Can I come in for a bit?”

Soon, when she opened the door, he, whom she hadn’t seen in a while, strode into the room.

Her heart was pounding for some reason.

Thump-

Why did Bjorn come?

Just because he was worried about me?

I hope there isn’t a strange smell in the room?

Even though she had been withering like a wilted flower in this dark room until just a moment ago, for some reason, the moment he came, her body was filled with life.

***

“Before we talk, I want to turn this on first. Can you allow it?”

It would have been nice if he had just come to see her face and talked about trivial things, but Bjorn went straight to the point as soon as he entered the room.

In his thick hand, he held an object.

It was a familiar object.

Misplaced Trust.

The name attached to that object felt as if it was proving the current state of their relationship, making her uncomfortable.

But she was also happy.

This was an opportunity.

He, who had turned away coldly that day, was giving her a chance.

A golden opportunity to undo all her mistakes and return to the way things were before.

…And perhaps Bjorn also wanted to return to the way things were before.

“Then… okay. Start.”

That’s why Misha had no intention of missing that opportunity.

After all, how did they end up like this?

Let’s answer honestly, no matter what Bjorn asks.

As she clenched both fists tightly with that resolve, Bjorn’s questioning began.

“After I disappeared from Parune Island, how did you end up following Baekho?”

Starting with a question she had already answered before, he poured out questions that could only be answered with ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ and Misha answered all the questions truthfully.

The current Bjorn was like the watch repairman she had seen before.

Like a watch repairman who took out all the parts to find the cause of a broken watch, Bjorn tried to check everything, even the smallest things.

“Baekho… didn’t do anything bad to you, did he?”

“Bad things…?”

“Like… did he touch your body or anything…”

“…N-no, he didn’t! Nothing like that! I swear!”

There were questions that made her feel wronged and happy for some reason, but that wasn’t important.

“When using the Stone of Rebirth, did you really not know that you would lose your memories?”

“I didn’t know…”

“Then why did you hide it from me?”

“Like I said back then… because I thought something bad would happen if you found out…”

That was the part where Bjorn’s emotions had flared up that day.

At that time, he had been furious, saying that she had hidden it from him just because she believed Baekho’s words.

The memory suddenly came to Misha’s mind, and she quickly shouted before Bjorn could say anything.

“I, I thought it was worth a shot!”

“…Worth a shot?”

“W-well, I didn’t know that I would lose my memories back then… No, even if I had known, it’s the same…! It’s better than you dying…”

“So you believed those words?”

“…Baekho, he’s strong. And he’s broken somewhere.”

That was the real reason she accepted Baekho’s offer.

She didn’t know what that guy would do if she refused the offer. Maybe ‘something bad would happen’ was what he meant.

So, she received the Stone of Rebirth and returned to Bjorn. It was an item that could save the person she loved, so she thought it wouldn’t hurt to have it.

But….

“Haa… So, is that all?”

There was one more thing she hadn’t said.

How on earth should she say this?

What if everything really ended if she said it?

She didn’t know, but Misha closed her eyes tightly and opened her mouth.

“I, I agreed to give information in exchange for receiving the Stone of Rebirth.”

“…Information?”

“He told me to watch you from the side…”

Misha opened only one eye slightly and looked at Bjorn’s expression. So far, his expression showed more confusion than anger.

“D-don’t misunderstand! I haven’t given any information yet. I haven’t even met him again since we parted ways back then.”

“What if he had come looking for you? What would you have done then?”

“…I don’t know. I just thought I’d get through the situation first and then think about it later.”

Misha added hastily, as if her answer sounded too much like an excuse.

“But… I think I would have given it. O-of course, with trivial things that everyone knows…!”

“Hmm…”

After hearing Misha’s excuse, Bjorn let out a long breath and rubbed his chin.

Fortunately, he didn’t seem too angry.

He just nodded a few times as if he had listened well and moved on to the next question.

And how much time had passed?

“This is the last question.”

Soon, Bjorn said, looking into Misha’s eyes.

“Is there anything else you’re hiding from me?”

A comprehensive question that encompassed everything.

No.

She had confessed everything honestly.

That’s what she had to say, but for some reason, her lips only twitched and couldn’t make a sound.

“…”

The atmosphere, which seemed to be slowly healing the broken relationship, was momentarily replaced by a silence that couldn’t be described as uncomfortable.

Bjorn only murmured two words.

“I see…”

“…”

“So there is something.”

A murmur that sounded as if he had given up, as if he had prepared himself inwardly.

Misha, who was breathless at this, tried to speak quickly.

That it wasn’t true.

That everything she had said so far was everything.

That there was absolutely nothing else she was hiding.

That’s what she tried to say, but her mouth wouldn’t open.

Why?

Was that object broken?

Misha, who really had nothing to hide, was genuinely flustered.

But….

‘Ah…’

Soon, she realized.

‘Misplaced Trust’ was normal. It wasn’t broken, and it was working properly even at this moment.

The only reason she couldn’t speak was because there was something she wanted to hide from him.

“Can’t…”

In the suffocating silence, Bjorn opened his mouth again.

“You can’t say it?”

She felt it instinctively.

That the moment she remained silent to this question, everything would be over.

“I-I’m not hiding anything related to Baekho.”

“Then?”

Looking at Bjorn’s eyes, which seemed to still hold onto hope for her, Misha took a moment to catch her breath.

“Then you’re hiding something in another way?”

“Yeah…”

Even as she nodded as if possessed, her mind was full of hesitation.

Was it really okay to say this?

In the time she was gone, his side was already filled with much better people.

Also, there were the promises she had made with them….

Maybe it would be much better for Bjorn if she just disappeared.

“I…”

Yet, her mouth opened on its own.

Her lips, which hadn’t moved even when she had tried to force them a moment ago, opened and spat out the truth, stained with long regret.

“I lied to you before, Bjorn.”

“…?”

Bjorn’s eyebrows furrowed at the word ‘lie.’

Come to think of it, Bjorn was always like that.

He hated being deceived the most.

Besides, wasn’t this a situation where she had to say what she was hiding?

Yes, so….

‘This isn’t cowardly.’

She continued to speak, erasing even the last bit of lingering attachment.

It was what she had originally intended to say on Parune Island.

She had tried to kill her feelings for him, but she had tried to reveal her heart at the thought that he might die.

“That I thought it would be better to just stay as colleagues with you.”

Well, it just so happened that she was saying it after such a long time had passed.

“That’s a lie.”

It’s never too late to start, right?

Didn’t he say that to her once?

“Come to think of it… I couldn’t give you an answer back then, could I?”

Soon, Misha raised her head, met his eyes, and spoke as clearly as possible, paying attention to her pronunciation.

“Bjorn Yandel. I… I like you too.”

The words she hadn’t been able to answer on the day she first confirmed his feelings because she was too flustered.

No answer came back.

However, she continued to speak.

“I did on the day you said those words to me.”

“I did even before you said those words.”

“And….”

Misha spoke clearly, even in a voice as small as an ant crawling.

“I still do….”

That was the only thing she had been hiding from him.

***

There are days when you feel strangely strange for some reason.

Even though the day is bright and sunny, it’s a day when dark clouds seem to gather and pour down rain.

Today was such a day for Erwen.

“Mister! You’re awake… Huh?”

The empty room she faced after running excitedly early in the morning.

From that moment on, Erwen felt an unknown unease.

She wandered around the mansion, looking for his whereabouts, but Bjorn was nowhere to be seen.

“Are you talking about the Captain? Well… he didn’t give any notice about where he was going… Wouldn’t he be inside the mansion?”

“…Really? I’ve looked in all the other rooms, but I can’t find him.”

“Hmm, then maybe he went out for a bit on business…”

Auyen Lockrove, the navigator of Anabada, reassured her that it was nothing, but Erwen’s lips kept drying up.

In fact, there was one room she hadn’t checked yet.

‘Misha Kalstein.’

The reason she hadn’t checked her room was simple.

Because Bjorn didn’t seem like he would be in there. Moreover, recently, it seemed like something was off between the two of them.

After that, she had been sulking in her room alone every day, as if she was protesting.

But it was a strange and inexplicable thing.

Thud, thud.

Even though she thought Bjorn wouldn’t be here, why was she naturally heading this way?

Even though it was much more reasonable to think that he had gone out on business, as the navigator had said.

Why did the unease that he might be here keep rising?

Thud.

In those unpleasant feelings, Erwen arrived at her desired destination. A room located in the corner of the third floor of the mansion. The door was tightly closed.

She thought about knocking, but she stopped, thinking that it would be awkward if Bjorn wasn’t here.

‘I don’t feel any magic power.’

There was no barrier that blocked voice control or sound.

In other words, if she wanted to, she could hear all the sounds echoing from inside.

Erwen opened her hearing, which she intentionally turned off during daily life.

It was at that moment.

“Bjorn Yandel. I… I like you too.”

A familiar voice reached her ears.

She knew who the owner of the voice was at once, but she couldn’t easily understand the content.

What… what is she saying?

She listened even more carefully, wondering if she had misheard.

“I did on the day you said those words to me.”

“I did even before you said those words.”

“And… I still do….”

She still couldn’t understand it in her head.

After all, wasn’t this a love confession?

Something that she hadn’t even done once in her life….

‘Not knowing her place…’

It was absurd. She was also angry.

Wasn’t she the woman who had disappeared without even trying to get revenge as soon as the news of the Mister’s death was delivered?

Bjorn, who was so innocent and kind, was taking care of her because of their old friendship, but she hadn’t forgotten that incident yet.

But….

[Bjorn Yandel. I… I like you too.]

That one word she had heard for the first time kept echoing in her ears.

It was then that Erwen noticed something strange.

‘Me too…?’

Clearly, that beastkin was saying ‘me too.’

And ‘me too’ is a phrase used to express agreement when you hear the same words.

Then, that meant….

‘…The Mister said it first?’

Was it because it was such an unbelievable story?

Rather, her head, which had been heated up, cooled down in an instant.

As the heat in her head subsided, the situation became more objective.

She laughed for some reason.

Pfft.

It was all that woman’s delusion.

She was having a conversation with the Mister while lost in her delusions.

As proof, no conversation had been heard from inside the room since she had finished saying those words.

‘Still… she’s pitiful.’

It was a bizarre act that was difficult for ordinary people to understand, but in fact, Erwen had done something similar when she was having a hard time, so she could understand it a little.

‘Haa… So where on earth did the Mister go…’

Soon, Erwen turned her back as if she had come for nothing and heard something she shouldn’t have. And she turned her hearing, which she had just opened wide, back to normal.

No, to be exact, she was about to turn it back.

“…I see.”

A familiar voice was heard from inside the room.