You Have Been Defended [EN]: Chapter 503

The surgery stretched on for well over an hour.

During that time, Kang Su-il and I stood rooted in front of the operating room, staring blankly at the electronic board displaying the surgery’s duration, neither of us uttering a word.

The initial estimate for the surgery was five hours, with the caveat that it could take longer depending on what they found.

We hadn’t even reached a third of the way, let alone the halfway point.

I desperately hoped time would accelerate, the operating room doors would swing open, and we’d receive news of a successful surgery. Yet, a part of me dreaded the doors opening prematurely.

What if they emerged to pronounce him dead, declaring he’d succumbed during the operation?

“……”

Why did he have to rush in like that?

It’s basic knowledge that in a collision between a dump truck and a passenger car, the latter invariably suffers the most catastrophic damage.

Regardless of the fact that my car is a mid-size SUV, it’s essentially a toy when compared to a dump truck.

So why the dump truck, why him?

Yes, intellectually, I grasp the reasoning.

If Kang Min-jae hadn’t intercepted the dump truck, altering its trajectory, Tae-shik and I would have been killed instantly, without question.

He might have reasoned that sacrificing one life was preferable to losing two.

Perhaps, given my constant assertion that I was the team leader, he believed I needed to survive to witness the culmination of Wooshin’s downfall.

No, honestly, I can’t comprehend it, not logically or emotionally.

I’m acting recklessly, risking my life to dismantle Wooshin, but Kang Min-jae has no obligation to do the same.

Certainly, he had a compelling motive to avenge his grandfather, but if he ceases to exist, that desire for revenge will ultimately dissipate into nothingness.

“Lawyer.”

It was Kang Su-il, who had been leaning against the wall opposite me, who broke the extended silence.

I slowly lifted my gaze to meet his.

“Don’t blame yourself.”

“……”

“Min-jae asked if you were okay, didn’t he? Min-jae is probably relieved that you’re safe.”

That’s precisely what fuels my anger.

The fact that he would genuinely think that way, that he wouldn’t want me to shoulder the blame, only intensifies my distress.

Yes, Kang Min-jae saved Tae-shik’s and my lives.

But that doesn’t imply that the mortal danger destined for me should now be borne by Kang Min-jae.

Kang Min-jae must be an idiot.

If he genuinely believed he’d be unharmed colliding with a dump truck, he’s an idiot, and if he thought his well-being was inconsequential, that’s equally idiotic.

Does he possess no sense of fear?

Wasn’t he frightened?

Does he lack an understanding of death because he’s never confronted it?

Of course, barring exceptional cases like myself, no one has firsthand experience with death, yet the fear of death has been a universal constant across all cultures throughout history.

I was already aware that Kang Min-jae was a passionate individual.

When I was falsely accused of murder, he fearlessly initiated a full-blown confrontation with President Shin’s faction, achieving favorable outcomes, but even then, he suffered injuries.

The extent of suffering he’s willing to endure to achieve his desired results is excessively broad.

I was caught off guard.

I should have exercised greater caution.

Damn it, I’m uncertain what additional precautions I could have taken at that moment, but I still should have been more vigilant.

I shouldn’t have instructed Kang Min-jae to come to Munyeok.

I should have bought him *kalguksu* [Korean noodle soup] and told him to stay home.

I should have been the one lying there.

“I told you not to blame yourself.”

Kang Su-il urged, as if reading my thoughts.

“How could I not know? You have such a pained expression on your face. It’s the first time I’ve witnessed you looking like that.”

I must have even displayed an expression of surprise, as if questioning how he knew.

I didn’t perceive myself as someone who openly displayed their thoughts, but apparently, I do.

“You remained remarkably composed even when facing a murder charge, but this situation is different.”

Did he even have the presence of mind to observe me?

“Looks like you’ve gained some 여유 (*yeoyu* – breathing room/composure).”

As soon as I uttered the words, I realized my tone was excessively sharp.

But I couldn’t restrain myself.

“Kang is lying there because of me. His survival rate is less than 40%. And I was completely oblivious, merely assuming the damage on the driver’s side wasn’t severe, that he had simply lost consciousness from the impact. Honestly, when I requested authorization to use the helicopter, I recognized the danger, but I didn’t realize it was this critical.”

“You’re not a doctor. You acted to the best of your ability as a non-medical professional. Min-jae was able to undergo surgery without delay because you advocated for the helicopter. The director acknowledged that as well. He said it was thanks to you.”

“……I instructed Kang to come to Munyeok. In truth, it wasn’t necessary for all of us to retrieve a single high school student. I anticipated a potentially hazardous situation. That’s why I had all the employees accompany us. Given that, there was even less justification for Kang’s presence.”

“Even if you had told him not to come, Min-jae would have insisted anyway. You know Min-jae’s personality.”

“I told him to meet a friend named Dae-cheol and then come. But upon reflection, Dae-cheol wasn’t at the scene. When Kang mentioned that it would be late if he met Dae-cheol first, I should have persuaded him more forcefully. I should have insisted he meet Dae-cheol regardless, even if it meant making some ridiculous threat like firing him if he didn’t, so that Kang wouldn’t have been at the accident scene at that time. Then he wouldn’t have even considered intercepting the dump truck, no……. Even if he had arrived at the scene at that time, Dae-cheol would have been driving, so he wouldn’t have taken the dump truck. Then something like this…….”

“Lawyer.”

I was aware that I was rambling incoherently, but Kang Su-il regarded me with a slightly surprised expression.

He, who had been leaning against the opposite wall, moved to stand beside me.

“It’s absurd to suggest that you could have prevented Min-jae, knowing his personality. Rather, if you consider it that way, isn’t Min-jae lying there precisely because he couldn’t overcome that personality, despite being repeatedly told to? It’s not your fault.”

“Just blame me. Don’t try to comfort me.”

“Why? Are you trying to escape from guilt?”

“……”

“You told Min-jae not to act foolishly out of guilt, didn’t you? When Min-jae blamed himself for failing to prevent what happened to the elder, you questioned how Min-jae could have foreseen that. You became angry, asserting that the Wooshin bastards were the ones at fault, not Min-jae.”

That’s precisely my point.

I also recognized the absurdity of demanding something from Kang Min-jae that even I couldn’t accomplish at that time.

I understand too.

I know that my current thoughts are irrational, and even now, after the incident, I have no idea how I could have predicted the existence of the dump truck from the outset.

I didn’t anticipate such an event, and I know that no amount of self-blame will benefit anyone.

But I’m the kind of person who can’t relinquish guilt, so I’m living this life like this.

The reason I urged Kang Min-jae at that time was because I didn’t want him to live like me.

I’ve already existed in this state for too long, so I’m unsure how to change.

“You asked if I’ve gained some 여유 (*yeoyu* – breathing room/composure). No, I don’t have any 여유 (*yeoyu* – breathing room/composure) at all. My heart is pounding so intensely that it feels like it’s about to explode. I’m drenched in sweat, and my vision is blurred. I’m on the verge of collapse thinking about what happened to the elder, right now.”

Kang Su-il wiped the sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief and showed it to me.

“Min-jae is the only family I have left. The debt I owe the elder is so immense that, if I could, I would gladly be lying in that operating room with a hole drilled in my skull instead of Min-jae. I’m consumed with worry about what will happen if something goes wrong with Min-jae. Honestly, if even Min-jae is gone, I lack the confidence to continue living in this world alone.”

Only then did I notice that his hand was still trembling slightly.

He hadn’t regained his composure, from the moment he completed the consent form until now.

“……I apologize for asking if you’ve gained some 여유 (*yeoyu* – breathing room/composure).”

“I’m not saying it to receive an apology. I just, I just……. As I mentioned earlier, Min-jae respects you more than you realize. I once jokingly asked him if he would die if you told him to, and he said that if it was you, you would provide a valid reason for his death, so he would consider it and decide.”

“He seems crazy.”

“I know. Honestly, I don’t fully understand why Min-jae respects you so much. I blindly followed the elder because he saved my life, but you’re not quite on that level, are you?”

Kang Su-il smiled faintly.

I share the same sentiment.

When he approached me as soon as I established the law firm after embarking on this life, I didn’t comprehend it, but I considered it plausible.

I’m unsure what he found so appealing about me, but I speculated that he might want to collaborate with me because he liked me.

Simultaneously, I wondered why he was absent in the previous life despite his deep respect for me, but I could rationalize that in my own way.

I worked as a prosecutor throughout the previous life, and due to the nature of the profession, we couldn’t maintain a working relationship, so he seemed to have resigned himself to that.

Of course, I have questions about why he didn’t attempt to cultivate a personal connection with me in the previous life, but if I search for an answer, it’s not entirely absent.

I didn’t cultivate personal relationships with individuals in the legal field in the previous life.

Of course, I had connections with Office Manager Oh and Lee Ye-jin, but even those were sporadic because I frequently changed departments.

At least Office Manager Oh remained with me continuously after I was stationed at the Central District Prosecutors’ Office.

So if I assume that he didn’t dare to approach me, I can understand.

But setting all that aside, I genuinely don’t know what kept Kang Min-jae by my side when I only consider this life.

I don’t know why Kang Min-jae came to the conclusion that it was preferable for him to be injured than for me to die.

I was even resentful that he was so brazen as to appear before me and instill this guilt within me.

“I’ll have to ask Min-jae the reason later when he wakes up, but anyway, if Min-jae respects you similarly to how I treat the elder, I think I can understand Min-jae a little.”

I can’t understand.

If Kang Min-jae successfully completes the surgery and wakes up, I will explain to him how misguided this decision was.

“So what I want to say is……. At least Min-jae wouldn’t want you to blame yourself like this. He would probably be happy about you worrying about him, but he would feel sorry if it was too much. You feel sorry for Min-jae, right? Then shouldn’t you do what Min-jae wants?”

“I’m not worthy of receiving that much from Kang.”

“Well, I’m reminded of what the elder said in the past. He said that he became a politician by chance and ended up leading a large political party, and when that happened, he was afraid because people sacrificed themselves for him. Like the chief of staff who investigated the Gongnyeo incident with him during his term.”

“The elder and I are too different. The elder was the president.”

“That’s right. But anyway, didn’t people gather around you to bring down Wooshin? All those people gathered with the purpose of ending Wooshin, but they must have also been charmed by you as a person. Is it strange to think that they thought they could bet their lives on you? The elder said that enduring such feelings is also the fate of a leader.”

If that’s the fate of a leader, I don’t aspire to be one.

Many individuals collaborated to reach this point where I held a blade to Go Sang-jun’s chin.

I can confidently state that we wouldn’t have succeeded if even one of us had been absent.

I may not express it outwardly, but I’m eternally grateful to them.

But if they harbored the same sentiments as Kang Min-jae, and if I knew they would act upon them, I wouldn’t have associated with them from the beginning.

My capacity is too limited to contain the emotions they bestow upon me, I’m unworthy of someone risking their life for me, and I’m too weak to dispel even a trace of guilt, despite knowing better than anyone that guilt is a self-destructive emotion.

“The elder once said it was something he wanted to say to you, but sadly, I’m the one saying it. And even at a time like this…….”

Kang Su-il smiled bitterly.

“So how about we simply hope that our Min-jae successfully completes the surgery now? And when Min-jae wakes up, you can give him a flick on the forehead. Maybe Min-jae is scared of being scolded by you.”

Kang Min-jae characterized sharing his guilt with us as a form of acting spoiled.

I squeezed my eyes shut at the realization that I had committed the shameless act of acting spoiled and receiving comfort from Kang Su-il, who was worried as much as I was, perhaps even more.

If others perceive me as a leader, perhaps I lack the qualities of one.

I gathered people too impulsively.

How terrible, this thing called me.