Surviving the Game As a Barbarian [EN]: Chapter 580

Suddenly, my mind goes blank.

Even when I had to undergo a coming-of-age ceremony in the body of a strange barbarian, not even knowing my own name, my mind worked just fine. But now, it’s as if my brain is soaked in alcohol, unable to process any thoughts.

A moment of silence stretched out.

“……”

Misha looked up at me with eyes full of fear, yet also with a hint of expectation. Unable to bear her gaze, I finally managed to speak.

“……I see.”

A meaningless murmur that was neither an affirmation, a denial, nor a question.

To utter just ‘I see’ after such a long silence… it had been a long time since I felt so pathetic.

But thanks to that, my frozen mind began to return to normal.

‘Yes’ and ‘No’.

First of all, what I need to do now is not to choose between those two.

If what Misha said is true.

No, since a skewed trust is at play, it must be true…

That’s why there’s something I don’t understand even more.

“Then.”

“……Huh?”

“Then… why did you draw a line between us back then?”

It was a question I had held onto for so long.

Why did Misha push me away that day? Back then, there was room to interpret it as simply not liking me as a man…

But from what she’s saying now, it doesn’t seem like that’s the case.

“Ah… that…”

The answer to my question came from Misha’s slightly opened mouth.

“That’s because I found out you were a demon… ah, no… a player back then…”

“A player…?”

As I tilted my head, Misha cautiously asked.

“I heard you didn’t like being called a demon… is that not true?”

Well, I’ve never really thought about it, but ‘player’ does sound much better than ‘demon’.

But did I hear that from Baekho? If so, I feel strangely bad again.

“If… if you don’t like it… I won’t. Sorry…”

I returned to the main topic and continued the conversation.

“…Never mind that, what does me being a demon have to do with it? Okay… did you think that regardless of your feelings, you couldn’t be with a demon?”

I tried my best to suppress my emotions, but did some of it inevitably leak out?

Misha, upon hearing my words, screamed in horror.

“N-No, it’s not like that!”

She was so flustered that her old self was showing.

Misha, who had raised her voice for a moment, avoided my gaze, embarrassed by her own behavior, and continued.

“It’s just… it was hard to watch… you weakening because of me…”

“That needs a bit more explanation.”

When I asked for details, Misha explained the situation in a flustered voice, without any order.

To summarize, it was a simple story.

“You thought that me pretending to do ‘duty’ by changing my appearance with Charon was because of you, and that those actions wouldn’t help me, so you did that? Because it might reveal my identity someday?”

“U-huh…”

Misha lowered her head like a student who had done something wrong, but her eyes were still on me.

“But… did I misunderstand…?”

Ugh, how should I answer this?

Strictly speaking, the reason I changed my face with Charon using the golden mask that day was because of the GM [Game Master]. I needed to create an alibi to avoid suspicion of being a demon.

But…

‘It’s not entirely wrong, though.’

I have never once fulfilled my ‘duty’ in the holy land. The first reason was that as a modern person, I found it uncomfortable, and the second was Misha.

It felt like I was committing a great sin, so I did that.

“It wasn’t a misunderstanding… that’s a relief…”

Misha let out a sigh of relief, as if she had heard the answer through my expression. Suddenly, after confirming the skewed trust, I realized that there wasn’t much time left.

I wondered how much meaning this had now…

Even if it might seem a bit cowardly, I wanted to clear all doubts through this opportunity.

“So, is that all?”

“Huh…?”

“Maybe… there might be more reasons why you pushed me away…”

As I trailed off and looked at her, Misha showed signs of panic.

Yes, there’s something more.

I gave her a look that urged her to speak, and Misha finally opened her mouth with a flushed face.

“Well… you know…”

“……”

“I can’t have children either…”

For a moment, my mind went blank.

Even if an ogre hit me with a wooden club, I don’t think I would have been more shocked.

“Children…?”

“O-Oh, don’t misunderstand! I-It’s not that I can’t have them, it’s just that the child I have wouldn’t be a barbarian…”

I understood what she meant.

She was talking about the racial characteristics of barbarians.

Only barbarian women can give birth to barbarians.

But even though I understood the context, I still didn’t understand.

“Why does it matter if my child is a barbarian or not?”

I said in a dumbfounded tone, and Misha flinched.

“Huh…? It doesn’t matter?”

Of course, it doesn’t.

I’m not a real barbarian either.

Whether my child is a barbarian or a catfolk, I will give all my love to that child.

However, Misha couldn’t easily believe my words.

“That’s a lie… don’t all men care about that…?”

Well, it might be a natural thought for Misha, who was born and raised in this world.

But.

“The world I lived in was different.”

“But… now you’re also a noble… S-Surely everyone will think it’s strange and gossip—”

“Stop.”

I ended the topic there.

It was awkward to be talking about children already, and it was also a bit embarrassing.

“Let’s stop talking about this.”

“Ah… u-uh… R-Right? Y-You don’t even like me anymore…”

“To be precise, it’s before I give you an answer.”

“……Then? What is your answer… going to be?”

“Before I answer, let’s do this first.”

I checked the remaining time once more and said.

“Is there anything else you’re still hiding from me?”

Misha answered without hesitation, her voice relieved.

“No.”

Right, so that’s really all of it.

I was almost ridiculous for not believing her, thinking she was hiding something.

Click.

The second hand of the skewed trust reached the end and the light faded.

“Then… will you answer… now?”

For some reason, it was hard to make eye contact.

Misha was looking at me as if nothing in this world was more important than my answer.

‘I have to answer…’

The skewed trust had already gone out.

Even if it was still working, it wouldn’t have meant anything to me.

“My answer is…”

I honestly revealed my true feelings.

***

It’s like being under a spell.

And it must be a very malicious curse spell.

[Bjorn Yandel. I… I like you too.]

[Bjorn Yandel. I… I like you too.]

[Bjorn Yandel. I… I like you too.]

Even if I pour cold water on my head, or bang my head against the wall several times while wearing an iron helmet, that voice keeps echoing in my ears.

Ah, and also the words Bjorn said at the end.

[……I see.]

It wasn’t an affirmation.

But it wasn’t a denial either.

However, Erwen felt a deep sense of relief in that voice. If what she felt was right, Bjorn was relieved at that moment.

At Misha Kalstein’s, that ungrateful woman’s answer.

“…………”

I wonder what happened to those two.

And what was the meaning of ‘I see’?

As Erwen was now, no matter how much she pondered, she couldn’t figure it out.

As soon as she heard Bjorn’s voice from inside the room, she had fled the scene as if running away.

“…………”

Why did she do that?

Why did she have to run away without listening?

She regretted it belatedly, but even if she went back to that moment, it was uncertain whether she would act differently.

She was scared even at this moment.

It was as if something terrible and irreversible would happen the moment she heard the truth.

“Erwen Fornacci di Tersia.”

So, she didn’t go to Bjorn right away and ask. And after a long time of worrying and fantasizing alone, she fled to this place.

“How long are you going to keep doing that?”

Amelia Rainwales.

A plunderer from Noark, but a woman who was living a new life under the name Emily Raines after being connected to Bjorn.

“If you have a problem, tell me quickly. If it’s about listening, I’ll do it.”

“………It’s nothing.”

Erwen eventually turned away, and Amelia simply told her to come back if she felt like talking, and didn’t hold her back.

However, Erwen had no intention of coming back here.

Coming here today was just a coincidence, as she was momentarily out of her mind.

“……”

Erwen returned to her room again and suffered alone. And finally, she came to a conclusion.

That can’t be.

For Bjorn to be in that kind of relationship with that catfolk woman, it’s absurd.

Come on, what is she worse than that woman?

Once she came to that conclusion, she felt much better, and she was able to leave her room.

But…

“Huh…?”

What she saw when she came down to the first floor was the sight of two men and women sitting at the table, chatting.

“Agh… don’t laugh! Isn’t that what you asked me to make? It’s been a while since I made it, so I, I might make a mistake… Th-There were no ingredients in the labyrinth either… But… i-is it too salty?”

“Don’t worry. It’s delicious enough.”

The woman seemed to have made something like a nostalgic dish for the man. While she was standing still on the stairs, blankly watching the scene, she suddenly made eye contact with the woman.

“Ah, Erwen…”

The woman, who had briefly stiffened her expression when she made eye contact, began to put food on a plate.

“If you haven’t eaten yet, would you like some? I… I made a lot, so there’s some left…”

For some reason, that sight reminded her of old memories.

“Ah! If it’s because of that iron helmet, you can take it to your room—”

“I don’t need it.”

Erwen coldly cut her off and went back up the stairs. Just enduring the urge to throw the plate was enough of a good deed.

Clank.

Erwen, who had gone up the stairs, opened Amelia’s door and entered. Amelia had a questioning look on her face when she returned after leaving a little while ago, but that wasn’t important right now.

“Amelia Rainwales.”

Erwen spoke the woman’s real name, which she didn’t usually call.

Back then, when she was learning from her sister after leaving Bjorn.

Back then, when the catfolk woman treated her like a guest, as if she were the mistress of the house.

“…I need help.”

She couldn’t go back to that time.

***

After Erwen went back up the stairs and disappeared, Misha looked at me with a worried face.

“I… is she going to be okay…?”

“I’ll talk to Erwen, so don’t worry. And… you did well.”

“…Huh?”

“I mean, trying to give her food. It wouldn’t have been easy to do that, knowing she hates you.”

“Ah, that… It’s nothing. We can’t keep living like this forever… We’ll have to keep living together…”

Misha scratched the table awkwardly. To me, even that looked admirable.

I had just told her not to be an outsider and to get along with the other members of the clan, and she was already trying to keep that promise.

Well, it has become a bit awkward, though.

“……”

“……”

A silence that was far from natural, but not uncomfortable. In that silence, I recalled my last conversation with Misha.

Even thinking about it again, it was a bit pathetic, but my answer back then was ‘I don’t know’.

[You don’t know…? What does that mean?]

It’s definitely not that I dislike her.

The remnants of the feelings I had back then still remain.

But, it’s just that, remnants.

[Because a lot of time has passed since then…]

Since that day, I had tried countless times to shake off the feelings I had for Misha, and I had actually succeeded.

I don’t know what will happen in the future, but the feelings I have right now are closer to those of a comrade than those of a man and a woman.

Amelia, Erwen, Ainar, Raven…

If any of the four were in Misha’s situation, they would have had a hard time and acted similarly.

Anyway, that’s not the important thing.

[Ha, ha-ha… W-Well, then it can’t be helped…]

Misha, after hearing my honest words, seemed hurt and shrank back, but she finished the situation maturely.

[But… we can still be friends, right?]

[Huh?]

[Right? B-Back then too… we started as friends…]

[Ah, uh-huh…]

For reference, back then I made a stupid sound and answered, ‘Y-Yeah, right?’

Even thinking about it again, it was a pathetic scene that made me want to throw something I could grab.

But what can I do?

It’s already in the past.

“You’ve finished eating? Should I bring you more?”

It was when I had finished all the food on the plate in silence.

“Yandel, you were on the first floor? I was looking for you.”

Versil, who had gone out in the morning, appeared at the entrance and delivered the news.

“There’s a summons from Count Saintred. It seems the research on the monument is finally over. He’s asking you to come there.”

“The research is over… Do you know how it went?”

“I don’t know exactly, but I think it failed.”

“I see… Well, I’ll find out when I go there. Then, I’ll be off.”

“Okay… be safe.”

As I got up from my seat, Misha greeted me, and Versil, who was watching this, tilted his head.

“You two…”

“Do you have something to say?”

“…No. It’s nothing.”

I chuckled at Versil’s words.

Come on, it’s not nothing.

“When you come back, can we talk for a bit?”

“Sure.”

It was obvious what he wanted to say when I returned.

He would be worried about Misha, who was suspected of being a traitor, and he would also naturally want to share what happened in the community yesterday.

‘I guess I’ll tell them that they don’t have to worry anymore then…’

After that, I headed to the mansion where the dimensional monument was located, and the village chief was waiting for me on the first floor.

“You’ve come.”

“Enough with the greetings, just tell me what you have to say.”

When I pressured him to get to the point, the village chief informed me that the ten-day research on the dimensional monument had failed, and therefore, they had decided to leave the village today.

“Today?”

“It was a hopeful thought, but it was a complete failure, so we can’t waste any more time.”

Well, that’s true.

I didn’t expect to be resting this long in the first place.

“So, I wanted to hear your opinion before we leave. I have no intention of interfering with your exploration. Where would you like to go next?”

I’ve rested more than I intended.

It was time to go exploring again.