Descent of The Demon Master [EN]: Chapter 136

Kang Jin-ho brushed the dust off the notebook he had retrieved.

It was an ordinary, unremarkable notebook.

Yet, he hesitated to open it, a sense of unease washing over him at the thought of what it might contain.

“Hoo,” he exhaled softly.

Clutching the notebook, Kang Jin-ho first stepped out of the gun emplacement. Though it was dark and unlikely anyone would see him, he still took precautions.

Finding a secluded spot, he sat down, placed the notebook beside him, and lit a cigarette.

It was time to regain his composure.

Regardless of what the notebook held, he couldn’t afford to become agitated. Agitation was a poison that could ruin everything.

Slowly, Kang Jin-ho opened the notebook.

The initial pages were unremarkable, filled with unit specifications and memorization notes—the kind of things everyone jotted down in their notebooks.

The real content began about halfway through.

‘Corporal Noh Su-gwang and Private Kim Hak-cheol seem to dislike me. I’ve been trying my best, but they constantly get angry because my movements are slow. I’ve never experienced anything like this in civilian life; since coming here, I feel like I’ve become an idiot.’

The journal entries were sporadic, some written three days apart, others a week or two.

‘Before enlisting, I couldn’t understand why guys would silently endure abuse from their seniors. I thought a man should have pride, and if they didn’t like it, they should just fight back and go to the brig [military jail]. But that was something only someone naive could think.’

‘I realized that the real ordeal began after going to the brig. The seniors were laughing and talking about how a guy in the next unit was treated like an invisible man after he went to the brig for assaulting a senior.’

‘Can I endure that kind of treatment? These are the only people I can talk to, but can I live while being completely ignored by them?’

‘The remaining military service is too long.’

‘I thought it would get better if I endured it, but nothing is improving. It’s still so hard being the lowest rank. I’ll have to treat my juniors well when they come.’

‘Today, I was slapped for the first time. I always vowed to beat the crap out of anyone who hit me first, but when I actually got hit, I couldn’t do anything. I was dumbfounded and dazed. I couldn’t even tell if I had been hit properly. I couldn’t think of anything but apologizing because of the continuous yelling. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…’

‘On the way back from guard duty, I had an urge to run into the barracks. The moment I realized there were bullets in this gun, I imagined running into the barracks and shooting those bastards in the head. I heard everyone thinks like this at least once, but am I normal right now?’

‘My confidence is disappearing. In civilian life, I thought I was someone who could do anything well. But here, I’m just a slow and clumsy piece of trash. I should have realized it when I almost killed someone with a grenade at the training camp. Maybe the confidence I had in myself was because I hadn’t properly experienced society. I miss Min-gi.’

‘When I got hit in the head with a pickaxe handle at the gun emplacement, I felt something snap. I had endured enough, and without realizing it, I threw the hammer I was holding at the seniors.’

‘And then it started.’

‘It’s been three days since I’ve slept. They haven’t touched me since then. However, they take turns waking me up every three days. Not being able to sleep for three days makes me feel like I’m going crazy. I hear a buzzing sound in my ears.’

‘Surrendering isn’t a strange thing. Continuing to resist those you can’t deal with is too difficult. But it seems they took my surrender as giving up resistance. They raise their hands whenever they feel like it. Getting kicked by military boots has become a daily routine.’

‘In the beginning, I was aware that I was being scolded for doing something wrong, but now I don’t know. It feels like they say I’m doing something wrong even when I’m just breathing. I don’t know if I’m being scolded because I’m doing something wrong, or if I’m being scolded even when I’m not.’

‘It hurts. My body hurts so much. I couldn’t walk properly since morning. But I can’t rest. The moment I said I was in pain, I was dragged down to the boiler room and beaten. I couldn’t even argue with Kim Hak-cheol when he said, “If you rest because you’re in pain, does that mean I have to do your work?”’

‘I’ve reached my limit.’

‘Until now, I thought that if I endured it, I would somehow get promoted, and they would be discharged. But if things continue like this, I had a sense of crisis that I would go crazy before they were discharged.’

‘I can’t endure it anymore.’

‘Next time, I will kill them. I have to show them what I’ve been enduring until now. Otherwise, I’ll just be a cripple. I’m already a cripple, though.’

‘I got a call from home.’

‘My grandmother is sick. Then what will happen to Min-gi? That crazy bastard of a father won’t leave Min-gi alone. What will happen if even my grandmother is bedridden? My head is too complicated.’

‘My grandmother was hospitalized.’

‘I explained the situation to the company commander, but he just said that it would be difficult to get discharged because I have a father. Father, father… How can a man who is addicted to alcohol, beats his children, and destroys the house be called a father?’

‘If only that father didn’t exist, I could go home now, but I can’t leave this place because of that man. Then what will happen to Min-gi?’

‘Min-gi hasn’t even graduated from school yet. Who will take care of him? What about my grandmother?’

Kang Jin-ho closed the notebook and lit another cigarette.

He couldn’t read any more.

If he read any further, he felt like he would charge into the barracks right then and there.

He had always considered himself an unemotional person, but it seemed that was a delusion.

‘I have to read it.’

It was painful to read, but he had to know. He had to know what happened to Joo Young-gi. He had to understand what he had gone through. That was the only atonement he could offer to Joo Young-gi for not reaching out to him when he was alive.

The conclusion he reached was that all he could do was endure and get discharged as soon as possible.

What if he assaulted a senior and ended up in the brig or got arrested? Min-gi, his only younger brother, would be left to fend for himself.

He had to endure it.

No matter what happened, he had to endure it. As a brother, that was the only thing he could do for his younger brother. Right now, Min-gi would be taking care of his grandmother and enduring the violence of that bastard of a father alone.

He was scared. He was terrified. The remaining time was too long. He felt like he was going crazy every day. He felt like he was hearing hallucinations when he closed his eyes, and he kept having nightmares.

He hoped he would feel better after his leave.

He had no strength in his body. He felt helpless in everything. He didn’t know if the violence was getting worse, or if his body was getting weaker, making it hurt more.

He was scared.

The seniors looked like devils.

Why wouldn’t they understand that he was in pain? He was having such a hard time. The faces of those guys who were laughing while hitting his thigh looked like devils.

Was he like that to someone else?

He was beaten in the shower for dropping the shampoo bottle. He was used to being hit, but when they stepped on him, he felt something indescribable. For the first time, he wanted to commit suicide. Why did he have to endure this and live? It would be easier to die.

No.

He had to think of Min-gi.

He couldn’t get weak. If he endured it, they would be discharged, and he would be able to leave this place. He would.

He was told to smile.

He didn’t know how to smile when he didn’t feel like smiling. When they saw that he couldn’t smile, they shoved a toothbrush into his mouth, saying they would make him smile.

He had to sleep with the broken toothbrush in his mouth all night.

He felt like he understood what it meant to say that it was better to be beaten.

He had heard that pain becomes familiar if you experience it, but that was just a delusion. Repeated beatings didn’t make it familiar, but rather increased the fear. He knew too well what it felt like to be hit. Fear came before he was even hit.

He was terrified of opening his eyes in the morning.

Every time he went to sleep, he wished he could just close his eyes and not wake up.

What good would it do for Min-gi if he returned to society? He was trash.

Maybe the reason he had been going through this was because he was a piece of trash. Not only Kim Hak-cheol and Noh Su-bong, but other guys also started treating him like trash.

If everyone said he was trash, wasn’t it true that he was trash?

Was he worth living?

He hadn’t slept for five days.

He didn’t even know what he was living for. In the early morning, he screamed in terror at the flashlight of the guard on duty and was dragged back to the boiler room.

He wasn’t beaten. Now he wasn’t beaten. He just had to stand in the boiler room until dawn.

He wanted to sleep.

Trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash.

He found out that Noh Su-bong’s father was a powerful man. He heard them say that his grandmother was very sick, and they asked if he was okay. He was scared. How did they know about his family? He was afraid that even if he was discharged, he might not be able to escape from these guys.

He vomited while eating. Then Noh Su-bong treated him kindly, asking if he was okay.

He couldn’t forgive himself for being moved by that fake kindness and crying. He was no different from a dog that just took whatever was given and got beaten whenever he was hit.

He was exhausted.

He couldn’t tell anyone. No one.

He tried to subtly hint at it to the supply sergeant, but all he got was a cold stare. That made it clear. The problem was him. Not them….

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Scary… It’s scary.

The journal ended there.

Thud.

With a blank expression, Kang Jin-ho closed the book and got up. He shoved the book back into the camouflage net inside the gun emplacement. Then, as if nothing had happened, he slowly walked back to the barracks.

A dark shadow was cast over Kang Jin-ho’s back as he walked towards the barracks at a pace that was neither slow nor fast.