George Bush’S Great America [EN]: Chapter 37

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Of course, fundamentally, a nation’s expression of its position hinges on whether or not the statement aligns with its national interest. Therefore, George Bush’s unexpected behavior left every government on Earth uncertain about how to respond.

Frankly, it was debatable whether a statement was even necessary. At best, the reaction would be, ‘This is a grave diplomatic discourtesy! Therefore, the government condemns America’s arrogant and insolent diplomatic tactics!’ So what? How does that serve our national interests?

Honestly, is there any country that can truly stop the U.S. if it decides to act unilaterally?

“The heinous reality of the wicked American jackals! Yesterday around 5 PM, the insane old man of the American imperialists invaded South Korea aboard a fighter jet! The respected Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il has declared that he will respond independently, without yielding to the reckless war maneuvers of the wicked American madman!”

Well, there was one. To be precise, not a country that could stop the U.S., but one that found fault with everything America did.

‘I’ve seen all kinds of news in my life, but come to think of it, I’ve never actually encountered North Korean news.’

Indeed, it would be quite problematic if one could easily access Korean Central Television news in South Korea. However, the National Library of Korea’s Unification Research Department provided access to the Rodong Sinmun [Workers’ Daily, the official newspaper of North Korea’s ruling party] for research purposes. Of course, Bush had neither the time nor the inclination to read it.

‘Wicked jackals? If you have a problem, come down here and say it to my face.’

Bush smirked at the television broadcasting the news.

The first news he saw upon waking up was this, and it seemed the South Korean media was divided: one faction fueled anti-American sentiment and criticized first, while the other highlighted his arrival on a fighter jet, leaning towards pro-American views. However, the latter often harbored doubts about the current Kim Ji-hoon administration’s policy of reconciliation and cooperation with North Korea.

‘It’s fortunate that anti-American sentiment hasn’t exploded yet.’

In South Korea, anti-American sentiment had begun to spread across the Korean Peninsula following a certain incident called the ‘Armored Vehicle Incident’ [a series of protests sparked by the accidental deaths of two South Korean schoolgirls by a U.S. military vehicle in 2002]. Currently, it was merely the usual discontent of residents near the stationed areas. Such complaints were common even in the U.S.’s own military base vicinities.

Rather, the discontent was erupting from an unexpected place. Bush had implemented various measures to prevent incidents from occurring within the U.S. Forces Korea (USFK), but as a result, complaints from within the USFK were immense.

‘I’d hate political education if I were still in active duty.’

However, it wasn’t as if there had been no previous criminal records within the USFK, so it ended with, ‘Soldiers have grievances and complaints due to excessive education.’ Since the president had directly ordered it, the higher-ups were keeping it quiet.

Still, these educational efforts wouldn’t be entirely ineffective. The mind is honest, even if the body resists. They were forcibly reminded of the potential consequences if a situation occurred. It was so intense that it felt like PTSD.

‘Wait, should I really tell them to come down? Should we have a three-way summit between the U.S., South Korea, and North Korea?’

Frankly, what’s stopping him? If he gave them a good smackdown, saying, ‘If you don’t come out, we’re going in!’ they would crawl out on their own.

‘Hold on, then there’s the issue of public opinion.’

Even if it wasn’t the reality, public opinion currently perceived it as a complete reconciliation effort. The fact that anti-American sentiment was gaining strength and splitting into two factions was also because George Bush had arrived in a fighter jet. President Kim Ji-hoon’s policy was one of appeasement towards North Korea, so in short, Bush’s actions were like throwing ashes on a nearly prepared meal.

Of course, in reality, not even water had been added to the rice, but that’s how it appeared to the public.

‘Should I give him a call?’

If he just told them where the nuclear test site was, they would be wetting themselves. Even if Kim Jong-il played dumb, it wouldn’t matter.

Already in the U.S., under Bush’s orders, they were openly designating several locations suspected to be nuclear test sites and orbiting satellites, and the CIA was operating with full force in China. Probably in a month at most, or as early as a week, they would be able to secure evidence that North Korea was violating the treaty and resuming nuclear tests.

However, what Bush overlooked was that Kim Jong-il’s anxiety was ignited by the fighter jet visit. He was already firmly convinced that nuclear weapons were the only way to survive, and creating such a dramatic environment only reinforced that belief.

It was questionable whether he would willingly give up the nuclear weapons he hadn’t abandoned even during the Arduous March [a period of intense economic hardship and famine in North Korea during the 1990s]. However, if the U.S. exerted its full power, it could force him to give up nuclear weapons or pressure the countries guaranteeing North Korea’s independence. Then, as a result, they could control North Korea.

“This would be good, I think.”

Bush’s consciousness, which had been immersed in deep thought, surfaced at the words of the dress code 담당자 [person in charge]. His head and body felt completely disconnected.

Bush’s preferred color was blue, but the color of the tie that would be around Bush’s neck was red. This was because there was a dress code in diplomacy. For example, the reason why the tie around Bush’s neck was red was to overwhelm the other party.

However, in line with the saying that sufficient power doesn’t require technique, if the clothes look good on you, you can overwhelm others no matter what you wear. The pinnacle of that was, unexpectedly, North Korea. Especially Kim Jong-un’s physique was the most outstanding, and he had gained 40kg to appear overbearing.

‘Wait, then I can see Kim Jong-un, who has lost 40kg now?’

Since he had just returned to North Korea from Switzerland in 2000, he wouldn’t have gained much weight yet. If he could get some dirt on Kim Jong-un, it would be really interesting when Kim Jong-un took power in North Korea, wouldn’t it? Who knows, everyone has at least one or two skeletons in their closet.

‘Since he’s the next leader of North Korea anyway, it wouldn’t hurt to tell the CIA to pay attention. Then, take some pictures while you’re at it.’

It was purely out of personal curiosity, but Bush chuckled, saying that this was why he was president.

‘That reminds me, I feel like I’ve gained a lot of weight lately.’

He felt like he knew the secret to why Americans were all so plump. The food was all salty and extremely high in calories. But since meat was incomparably cheaper than vegetables, they ended up eating only meat day and night. So, it was inevitable that they would gain weight.

Fortunately, George Bush’s body had been honed through years of aerobic exercise for health. Since the foundation was so solid, he could quickly build muscle if he wanted to. However, to do that, he would have to adjust his diet as well, and meals were arguably his last remaining pleasure.

He had no intention of gaining weight, but he also had no intention of seriously building his body.

‘Should I cut back on eating?’

By the time those miscellaneous thoughts were over, Bush’s body was already in Cadillac One.

* * *

While Bush was having silly thoughts, the National Intelligence Service (NIS) was in an uproar, being torn apart in a cauldron of chaos.

“Hey, you bastard. I told you to take some pictures, but all you bring back with the people’s tax money is a video of the Yankee president eating 국밥 [Gukbap, a Korean rice soup]? Why don’t you just film Kim Jong-il’s porn while you’re at it?”

The clear and beautiful sound of being kicked in the shin echoed through the NIS. It wasn’t as if that sound wasn’t always there, but today, the speed and impact of the rhythm were unparalleled.

However, the NIS Director’s anger wasn’t quelled by kicking shins.

The NIS’s duties absolutely did not include secretly filming or tailing the heads of other countries.

No, normally, when someone visited, whether it was the head of state or a diplomatic ambassador, they would simply lightly check the route while comparing it to the submitted schedule. If they deviated significantly from the notified route, it was sufficient to respond or issue a warning.

Therefore, paradoxically, this was an extremely abnormal situation. He had visited by fighter jet, and there was talk of North Korea, but the NIS knew nothing, which was driving them crazy. They needed any data, really, any information at all, so badly that their hands were reaching for their throats.

‘It’s like we need to set up a George W. Bush analysis team again.’

According to the data released by the analysis team, even though he had a rough personality, he was definitely not someone who would go this crazy.

‘Especially, there was no mention anywhere that he liked 국밥. But why 국밥 of all things? Damn it.’

Even though he kept trying to forget, he couldn’t forget that image. He looked more like a Korean construction foreman than a Western gourmet accustomed to Michelin stars. Especially the feeling that he was stuffing it in to survive rather than to enjoy the taste was the most amazing. If it weren’t for this situation, he would have gone to eat 국밥 right away, he inwardly lamented.

But the important thing wasn’t that. The personality analysis released by the analysis team was completely inconsistent. According to the data, he was like Liu Bei [a benevolent and virtuous leader in Chinese history], but when you looked at what he was actually doing, he was like Lü Bu [a fierce and impulsive warrior in Chinese history] riding the Red Hare [Lü Bu’s famous horse], except the Red Hare was America.

“Do you know what I heard from the VIP? Do you know what I heard from the VIP!”

“I don’t know.”

“He asked me what the hell was in my head. Hey! Park Young-cheol! What do you think is in my head?”

He kept his mouth shut. He had learned from years of experience that physical sanctions would be imposed the moment the same words were repeated twice.

“Patriotism! It’s full of heart-stirring patriotism! That’s what I’m saying!”

His voice was nothing short of a presidential speech.

“In other words, my head is a computer that derives the answer to how you guys should move to contribute to the country!”

Then he closed his eyes and imitated the sound of a computer hard drive spinning, and then opened his mouth and shouted.

“Answer derived! Damn it! The conclusion is that even the time you spend getting kicked in the shin is a luxury! Are you guys not moving!?”

At the man’s stern command, everyone went into combat mode. But all that came out were useless old data or strange rumors. At least something decent had to come out so they could show it to the VIP, right?

After digging and digging again, something did come out.

That North Korea was accelerating its nuclear experiments, that George Bush had suddenly changed so drastically that it was hard to know him even in the U.S., and that China was being unusually and intentionally quiet.

‘That Yankee Lü Bu is driving me crazy.’

He carefully observed George Bush, who was filming a 먹방 [Mukbang, a live online audiovisual broadcast in which a host eats large quantities of food while interacting with their audience] that transcended eras in the monitor.

‘But why is he eating so deliciously?’

The way he ate was art, pure art. It almost created the illusion of watching a CF [commercial film], and by the time he thought it looked delicious, his salivary glands were already exploding unconsciously.

‘But why this restaurant of all places?’

No matter how much he searched the data, it was a restaurant that could be seen anywhere in the neighborhood. Just how delicious could it be for him to go there after enjoying a full course meal?

‘Damn it, if I weren’t in this state, I would have gone to eat right away.’

Even though his body was open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, the only new customers who had entered his stomach during the all-nighter were Maxim coffee and leftover bread crumbs.

No matter how much his body insisted, ‘I’m Korean. I live on rice,’ all he could give it was tar.

‘Agh! Why am I, a Korean, eating bread, and the Yankee president is eating rice?’

It goes without saying where the disgruntled man’s anger was directed.