In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 51

“Far away…?”

Lee Seok-hyun wore a bewildered expression.

It showed that he was acting while considering the later parts of the script, instead of focusing on the immediate emotion of the scene.

The biggest problem with this approach was that he couldn’t progress the story in sync with the viewers.

His emotions were bound to be either excessive or lacking, rather than appropriately timed.

Just then, Director Kang called out to Lee Seok-hyun from the front.

“Seok-hyun, why do you think your emotions are all over the place?”

As I was about to slip away, Lee Seok-hyun grabbed my arm.

“It’s okay for you to listen.”

Lee Seok-hyun began to seriously contemplate the director’s words.

Unexpectedly, the director offered the same assessment.

“I feel like you’re acting like someone who already knows everything that’s going to happen.”

“Ah.”

Lee Seok-hyun looked up, his expression dazed.

“Can we try the scene again now?”

Lee Seok-hyun looked tense at the director’s question.

He understood the solution in his head, but he didn’t seem to have fully accepted it.

Lee Seok-hyun nodded.

“Yes.”

It was a reckless move.

And so, the camera rolled again… but ultimately.

“Cut. NG [No Good – a film industry term for a take that is unusable].”

Several more NGs were repeated.

He tried to cram in several intense emotions at once, resulting in acting that was neither here nor there.

It felt like his rhythm was completely thrown off.

The staff’s faces grew increasingly weary.

The more that happened, the more Lee Seok-hyun was consumed by pressure.

What should he do?

I felt sorry for him.

Lee Seok-hyun opened his mouth.

“I’m sorry. If you give me a little time, I’ll prepare and come back. I promise.”

His voice was desperate and filled with fear.

He’s not even a rookie… how could his mental state collapse so much from a few NGs?

It was an unexpectedly fragile side of him.

Director Kang nodded as if it were no big deal.

“Let’s do that. Anyway, we don’t have any free time tomorrow, so don’t rush. You’re good at this, Seok-hyun. I believe you’ll find your pace soon.”

It was a more gentle response than expected.

Director Kang was showing various unexpected sides of himself as the days went by.

To think he could be so warm….

“Thank you!”

Lee Seok-hyun bowed to the staff one by one, even in his distracted state.

Men are so hard to understand.

There wasn’t enough time to appreciate their human sides.

Soon, it was Sun-im’s scene.

I gave up on the unflattering photos and turned to leave.

* * *

Today’s grand finale scene.

It was all Sun-im’s part.

Lee Seok-hyun stood behind the monitor, watching Han Sae-na’s performance.

‘How can she be so consistent?’

Even though he had done many more projects, he was still held back by the ups and downs in his acting, which was on a completely different level.

Lee Seok-hyun stared intently at Han Sae-na on the monitor.

‘What kind of top star is she if she can’t live up to her name? She’s lucky she has a good personality. If I had to cater to her whims, she would have been kicked out of the industry a long time ago.’

‘She’s just making a living off her face.’

The jeers he had heard from people lingered in Lee Seok-hyun’s ears.

From the harsh words he had heard from famous directors to the gossip he had overheard from the staff.

After making so many NGs, his trauma had completely resurfaced.

He really felt like he wanted to grab anyone and ask for help.

Just then, Lee Seok-hyun saw someone quietly leaving after finishing filming in the distance.

It was Yoon Young-jae.

Lee Seok-hyun instinctively left his spot and quickly approached him.

In front of the parking lot.

“You’ve worked hard, Teacher [a respectful term for a mentor or senior colleague].”

“Oh, Seok-hyun, you’ve worked hard too.”

Yoon Young-jae gave Lee Seok-hyun a good-natured smile.

As Yoon Young-jae was about to open the door of the car he was driving, Lee Seok-hyun didn’t move from in front of it.

“…?”

“Teacher.”

Yoon Young-jae looked at Lee Seok-hyun’s stiff face.

“There’s something I’d like to earnestly ask of you.”

As Yoon Young-jae remembered, the face Lee Seok-hyun was making now was a face he had seen somewhere before.

When Han Sae-na first came to him and begged him to teach her acting.

Lee Seok-hyun was making that exact face now.

“I want to learn acting from you, Teacher. Please help me.”

Yoon Young-jae immediately shook his head at the words that matched his expectations.

“I understand your earnest heart, but I’m just a newbie in camera acting. Whatever shortcomings you feel you have, Seok-hyun, you’re my senior.”

“Teacher, Sae-na and the director both say that I’m looking too far ahead. What do you think?”

Lee Seok-hyun asked without even listening to Yoon Young-jae’s words.

Yoon Young-jae paused for a moment.

Certainly, there were one or two things that had been questionable while watching Lee Seok-hyun’s acting, including today.

However, he concluded that even if he added his words to the advice of the director and fellow actors, it would only break the confidence of the young actor.

“From what I hear, Sae-na seems to be more helpful than me. Especially since she said the same thing as the director. Both in terms of explaining it in words and the depth of her consideration of the character of the king.”

At those words, Lee Seok-hyun lowered his head powerlessly.

‘Is that really so?’

Yoon Young-jae patted Lee Seok-hyun on the shoulder.

“You’re young, so it’s great. You can correct it quickly. It’s hard to change when you’re old like me.”

Lee Seok-hyun stepped back.

“Thank you, Teacher.”

Yoon Young-jae received the greeting with a wink and got into the car.

The car quickly drove away…

Lee Seok-hyun remained alone in the parking lot, looking at the filming set in the distance.

* * *

“You’ve worked hard!”

In the dark night.

Finally, the filming was over, and the staff began to busily dismantle the equipment.

Han Sae-na exchanged greetings here and there and started to leave, but Lee Seok-hyun blocked her way.

“Help me.”

“Yes?”

Han Sae-na looked at Lee Seok-hyun with a bewildered expression, still not having changed her clothes.

“I want to get some acting coaching from Sae-na.”

“Huh?! No way, I don’t want to.”

Han Sae-na shook her head violently as soon as she heard Lee Seok-hyun’s words.

“It’s presumptuous for me to coach Seok-hyun with my little experience. How about Yoon Young-jae, Teacher?”

“You’re passing the buck to each other, master and disciple, that’s too much.”

At those words, Han Sae-na’s eyes widened.

“You’ve already been there. The teacher told me to learn from Sae-na, and Sae-na is saying the same thing as the director.”
Han Sae-na’s face gradually became embarrassed.

Then Lee Seok-hyun threw out strange words.

“Lee Seok-hyun is just a flashy piece of trash.”

“…Yes?”

Han Sae-na stared blankly at Lee Seok-hyun.

“Lee Seok-hyun is a pretentious guy who can’t act at all. He’s insignificant….”

“W-wait a minute. What are you doing now?”

“Evoking sympathy.”

“…Not threatening?”

A look of absurdity appeared on Han Sae-na’s face.

As if to say, ‘Is he crazy?’

“I’ll give you a hundred unflattering photos of me. So please help me.”

“I don’t need Seok-hyun’s unflattering photos!”

“Then help me for free. I… might cry here?”

“Oh my….”

* * *

And so, I brought Sae-na to my personal practice room without any plan.

Sae-na was walking around, looking at the practice room in every corner.

I felt a little sorry seeing her back, which was full of fatigue.

She’s someone who’s been filming all day.

However, I wasn’t in a position to be picky right now.

I had no pride to maintain in front of a junior actor.

“Is collecting figures Seok-hyun’s hobby?”

Sae-na picked up this and that in front of the shelf and asked.

“Do you want it?”

“No, thanks. A personal practice room…. Nice.”

“Do you want it?”

“No! Seriously.”

“I’ll buy you anything you want. You know I have a controversy over my acting skills, right?”

Sae-na made an embarrassed expression again.

“The ups and downs in my acting skills that are often pointed out don’t match my name value and experience. This follows me like a label. My acting failed in my previous work, and I was very distressed because of it. Frustrated.”

Sae-na began to listen seriously.

“The more my value rises, the more the ups and downs in my acting choke me. Now I really feel like I’m standing in front of a cliff. Seniority doesn’t matter to me. Teach me frankly and sternly, without holding back. Sae-na is my last lifeline right now.”

Then Sae-na smiled briefly, after making a troubled expression.

“Those ups and downs will disappear someday. Don’t worry too much.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because Seok-hyun is so desperate. You’ll be able to do it if you try.”

It was a simple answer.

Somehow, those words felt like a small comfort.

“Shall we sit down and talk for a bit?”

Following Sae-na, I sat across from her at the table and held a warm teacup.

“What were you thinking when you were acting in today’s scene?”

Sae-na began to point out things step by step from the beginning.

Following her question, I slowly reviewed what had happened during the day.

“I have to be angry but endure it, I’m upset but I have to wait for the right time. But in the end, I’ll win?”

Sae-na nodded while drinking her tea.

“What about after you received the direction [feedback from the director]?”

“I know I have to endure it, but I can’t… something like that.”

“Seok-hyun’s king is an iron man.”

“Hmm, that’s right.”

That’s really how it was.

The king I interpreted was somewhat ambiguous.

Based on the changed script, Sangseon is also a changing character, and Sun-im is also a growing character.

Since the king brings out their changes, I instinctively thought that the king should be strong.

“But… since they say I’m looking too far ahead, wouldn’t the king look too stupid? Can he be shaken so easily? I didn’t have confidence while acting while thinking about that.”

Moreover, since I was acting without confidence, the connection between various emotions such as anger, fear, and the will to be calm disappeared.

That’s how panic came, and when my vision went white, my acting became a complete mess.

“Didn’t you have many ups and downs when you were filming romantic comedies, Seok-hyun?”

It was the story of the works that made me rise to stardom.

“At that time, I had resources to draw on.”

Shallow dating experience.

Even if the interpretation was a little off, it was an acting database that any man in his 20s who had lived in modern Korea with moderate dating experience could draw on.

Something to refer to in the flow of emotions or the situation in the script.

“But this work is a situation I’ve never experienced… and also, because I haven’t lived like a king…….”

The more I talked, the more I felt it in my skin.

I’m disqualified as an actor.

I’m just making lame excuses that I can’t act because I haven’t experienced it.

“Why can’t I interpret characters, and why am I so indecisive?”

I was falling into self-loathing like that…

Clap!

A clear clapping sound rang out.

Sae-na opened her mouth.

“That’s it!”