In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 64

I’ll Die as an Actress Instead of a Villainess – Episode 64 (64/135)

-Seon Yu-seok: Noona, what are you up to? Why aren’t you telling me?!

“Oh.”

At my words, Min-young unnie [older sister or female friend], who was looking at the monitor, looked up again.

“Why?”

“Yu-seok contacted me. Who did he hear it from?”

“Didn’t he hear it from Eun-seo? She’s a classmate, right?”

“Ah….”

They seem to be in touch quite a bit more than I thought.

As I was wondering how to reply, Unnie offered her opinion.

“Yeah, Seon Yu-seok isn’t bad.”

“Yu-seok?”

“Yeah. Assuming his acting has improved.”

Seon Yu-seok started to go wild when there was no reply after reading the message.

-Noona, I was just kidding. Don’t feel pressured!

-…But since when have you been thinking about it?

-Still, how can you not tell me such news?

-I should have insisted on leaving the company with you back then….

I typed ‘Calm down’.

Another reply came right away.

-Noona, can’t you at least let me audition for it?

I sweated at those words and sent a reply again.

-Hey, why an audition between us? No way!

The reason I couldn’t readily say okay to Seon Yu-seok wasn’t just because of his acting skills.

When it comes to acting skills, Kkot-byeol [character name] is also still lacking.

However, Kkot-byeol is in a position to prepare for her debut step by step, and showing her face in the video would be an experience for her.

If she’s lucky and gets good word-of-mouth, it will lead to good things.

However, Seon Yu-seok’s case is different.

Seon Yu-seok is a trainee being raised by a large actor management company and is about to debut after investing a lot of time.

Showing his face for the first time in my amateur work could be a disadvantage compared to the effort put in.

Even when I refused the audition, Seon Yu-seok repeatedly insisted.

-Then, just let me do it as if you’re checking how much my acting has improved.

My head throbbed, so I sent an okay emoticon in a fit of anger.

Unnie, who saw my expression, smiled as if she knew without hearing.

Two hours later.

“You said that. You said trust is like poison here. Why do you trust me after saying that?”

In the company’s practice room, Seon Yu-seok delivered the last line with a fierce look and voice that I had never seen before.

“…….”

Silence filled the practice room.

Min-young unnie’s eyes, who was watching Seon Yu-seok next to me, widened rapidly.

I couldn’t say anything either at the unbelievable sight.

It was an impromptu performance that was conducted after only making him aware of the basic situation.

When and how did his acting improve so much?

Seon Yu-seok showed a 모습 [appearance/figure] that he had instantly assimilated into the character I had created.

He always looked kind no matter what role he played.

Yu-seok’s kind self was so big and solid that the character in the script couldn’t easily break it.

Seon Yu-seok smiled in the silence as he looked at our expressions.

“It worked. I did well, right?”

Then Min-young unnie erased her surprised expression and shrugged her shoulders.

“The trainer who changed this time must be quite good?”

Seon Yu-seok narrowed his brows as if he was 섭섭 [disappointed/sad].

“How much I practiced! Saena noona, how was I?”

I hesitated for a moment at that question.

I liked him more than I expected.

I was so eager to work with him.

But there was still one thing that bothered me.

“I like it. Only if you can get permission from your company.”

Then Seon Yu-seok replied with a face that said, ‘That’s nothing’.

“Actually, I already got permission.”

“What?!”

Min-young unnie 반사적으로 [reflexively] asked back.

“I was just wondering, so I asked the company. I asked what it would be like to do my first work with something like this, and if I could audition. I didn’t want to move recklessly on my own.”

I couldn’t understand at all.

“Why would they allow it… ?”

Seon Yu-seok scratched his head as if he didn’t know either at the words that came out unconsciously.

“At first, they threatened me that it was absolutely impossible, but when I mentioned the noonas’ [older sister or female friend] names, they suddenly gave me permission.”

Min-young unnie and I made eye contact at the same time after hearing this story.

Both I and Unnie were making expressions that we didn’t know what was going on.

“Then… am I cast?”

* * *

The next day after casting Seon Yu-seok, a cafe in Gangnam [district in Seoul, South Korea].

I was recruiting actors one by one and sitting face to face with the last player to join our film.

Senior Won Hye-rim.

“So, I’m trying to shoot a video like this.”

I spoke quickly out of anxiety.

I started working with 호기롭게 [ambition/grandeur]….

“…So I really need 선배님 [senior/mentor]. Can I ask you for a favor?”

I looked at 선배님’s [senior/mentor] face with a 떨리는 [trembling] heart.

I never expected to meet this person so often and for so long on the day I first saw them.

How did we end up connected like this again?

선배님 [senior/mentor] sipped her tea as if she was 잠긴 [immersed] in thought for a moment.

My heart was 괜히 콩닥거렸다 [unnecessarily pounding].

But unexpected words flowed from 선배님’s [senior/mentor] mouth as she put down her teacup.

“I’m jealous.”

“…?”

I was 깜짝 [startled] surprised and looked at 선배님 [senior/mentor].

“Why couldn’t I think like that when I was your age? I should have done more of what I wanted to do freely.”

I was 당황스러워 [embarrassed/flustered] and couldn’t think of anything 적당히 [appropriate] to say.

I was just talking about casting for a small video.

선배님 [senior/mentor] also started telling her own story as if she didn’t 던진 [throw] the words with the intention of hearing an answer.

“I was always 급급 [anxious/eager] to be recognized as an actress. My family was also in an environment where I had to take responsibility, so I was 심적으로 허덕였달까 [mentally struggling] until I made a name for myself.”

It was the first time I heard this story.

“Ah….”

“I’ve always lived 독하게 [fiercely/ruthlessly] and busily. That’s why I can’t get married and I’m like this. 에휴 [sigh].”

선배님 [senior/mentor] 장난스레 [playfully] sighed.

I also 어색하게 [awkwardly] smiled.

I just heard a few words, but my heart was 주책스럽게도 일렁였다 [foolishly wavering] a little.

Because I know better than anyone else the busy heart of having to chase reality rather than dreams.

This person was someone who always looked 빛나 [shining] in my past life.

A mid-career actress who is 당당하고 [confident] and 기세 좋게 [spiritedly] expanding her acting spectrum anywhere.

In fact, there was 악착같음 [tenacity/determination] underlying the 유지함 [maintenance] that 당당함 [confidence].

“So, it’s 참 예쁘다 [very pretty] to see you, Saena. How can I 거절하겠니 [refuse] when your 젊음 [youth] is so 예쁜데 [pretty]?”

My nose 찡해졌다 [tingled] at those words.

I’m just someone who 우연히 [accidentally] got a special opportunity, but do I deserve to hear these words?

At least in my opinion, this person’s 악착스러움 [tenacity/determination] is more 아름답다 [beautiful] than my 젊음 [youth].

I didn’t say these words out loud.

I 애써 [forcefully] smiled and 장난스레 [playfully] replied to 선배님 [senior/mentor].

“선배님 [senior/mentor] can do whatever you want from now on! Well, for example… like Senior Lee Jin-gyu.”

Lee Jin-gyu was a comedian-turned-actor who had 말아먹고 [ruined/failed] film production several times.

A figure called a 거대한 마이너스의 손 [huge minus hand] in the film industry [meaning someone who brings financial ruin].

Then 선배님 [senior/mentor] laughed out loud.

“That 선배 [senior] is amazing too. He 시원하게 말아먹어도 [coolly ruins it] tries again. Still, that 선배 [senior] started directing when he was as 젊을 [young] as you, so everyone just assumes that’s what he’s doing. If I suddenly 나서면 [come forward] to direct now, I’m likely to hear things like ‘He’s 부린다 노욕 [showing greed], 꼰대가 후배들 동원해서 일 벌인다 [an old person is mobilizing juniors to start a project]’.”

“어휴 [oh my], 선배님 [senior/mentor]. Your 자아 성찰 [self-reflection] is too 지나치십니다 [excessive].”

“지나치긴 [excessive]. Anyway, I think I should just 살던 대로 살다 [live as I have been] in this life. I’m just going to 숟가락 얹어 볼래 [piggyback] on your 패기 [spirit/ambition] this time.”

I 불끈 쥐어 보였다 [clenched] both fists at those words.

“I will 모시겠습니다 [serve/attend] with all my heart, 선배님 [senior/mentor]!”

* * *

A remote island on the 남해안 [South Sea coast].

The 뜨거운 햇빛 [hot sunlight] was 내리쬐고 [shining down] the old 선착장 [dock/pier].

“You 잘도 골랐네 [chose well] a place like this!”

“The boat really only comes twice a day. I’m a little 무서워요 [scared].”

The actors who got off the boat, led by Senior Won Hye-rim in the distance, approached with 부치며 [fanning] faces.

선배님 [senior/mentor], who had arrived on the island in advance with me, 삼켰다 침 [swallowed saliva] as if she was a little 긴장한 [nervous] 보고 배우 군단을 [watching the actor group].

The actors also approached, 확인하고 [checking] the face of the person standing next to me, and their eyes 휘둥그레 떴다 [widened].

“어?! [oh?!] Hello, 선배님 [senior/mentor]!”

“Hello. Please take care of me.”

“Oh my, Hee-young oppa [older brother or male friend]!”

Senior Won Hye-rim ran up to Senior Jang Hee-young with a 발랄한 [cheerful] face that I had never seen before and 덥석 안겼다 [hugged tightly].

“징그러워 [disgusting], why are you doing this!”

Senior Won Hye-rim 개의치 않고 [without caring] 잡았다 [grabbed] Senior Jang Hee-young’s hand.

“How many years has it been, 응 [huh]?”

Then Senior Jang Hee-young also 휘며 웃으셨다 [smiled] his eyes as if he was 내심 반가운 [secretly happy].

“Let’s see, it’s already been 10 years since we filmed <그대 내 품의> [In Your Arms]?”

“That’s right. How come I haven’t seen you since then?”

Senior Won Hye-rim, who was 웃던 활짝 [smiling brightly], 돌아보셨다 날 [looked back at me] with a 의아한 [questioning] face.

“But how does Saena know Hee-young oppa [older brother or male friend]?”

All the actors’ 시선이 쏠렸다 [attention was focused].

I 답했다 [answered] while 웃으면서 어색하게 [smiling awkwardly].

“I previously received acting 티칭 [teaching] at Teacher Yoon Young-jae’s 극단 연습실 [theater group practice room]. I 잠깐 뵀었어요 [briefly saw him] then.”

“Oh my, is that so? But why didn’t you 모시고 [bring/invite] Teacher Yoon Young-jae this time?”

Senior Won Hye-rim 물어오자 [asked], 장난스레 [playfully] Senior Jang Hee-young 답했다 [answered] this time.

“I 꿰찼어 [snatched] it. How 부러웠는지 [envious] I was when Senior Yoon Young-jae was filming a video saying he was preparing for 궐꽃 [Gwol-kkot]! 배 아파 [stomach ache/jealous].”

Everyone 웃음바다가 됐다 [burst into laughter] at the 호쾌한 [cheerful] answer.

I was 걸어가는데 [walking] to the 펜션 [pension/guesthouse] that I had 준비해둔 [prepared] in such a 화기애애한 [harmonious] atmosphere, and Kim Eun-seo 던졌다 [threw] a question.

“But is this script the 최종본 [final version]?”

I 슬며시 웃었다 [smiled softly] after hearing that question.

I was wondering why these words didn’t come out.

Then, next to me, Ms. Yoo-ri also 갸웃거렸다 [tilted] her head while 살살 부채질하며 [gently fanning] with the script.

“Ms. Saena, the 스토리라인 [storyline] is good, but in my opinion, the 대사 [lines/dialogue] is a bit 평이해 [plain/ordinary].”

“That’s exactly it, everyone.”

정적이 흘렀다 일순 [silence flowed for a moment] at my answer.

꽃별이가 [Kkot-byeol] 삼켰다 꿀꺽 침 [swallowed hard] as if she was 당황한 [embarrassed].

“…?”

“My script is 초점이 맞춰져 [focused] on the 흐름 [flow] rather than the 대사 [lines/dialogue]. I wrote the 대사 평이하게 [lines plainly] on purpose.”

Then Jae-hyung 씨도 [Mr. Jae-hyung] 들었다 손 [raised his hand].

“On purpose?”

“Yes. I 모셨는데 [invited/brought] such talented people, so I felt sorry to give them a 빡빡한 [tight/strict] script. From now on, you can 연기하시면 [act] freely.”

Then Senior Jang Hee-young 끄덕이셨다 [nodded] his head as if he 알아들었다 [understood].

“Well, 애드리브 남발 [ad-libbing]. Is that what it is?”

“I think you can 해석하셔도 [interpret] that way. My work is to 이끌어내야 [draw out] the 배우’s 내공 [actor’s inner strength] to the 최대치 [maximum]. To 유발하기 긴장감을 [induce tension].”

“It seems like it will be a 아주 재미있는 작업물 [very interesting work]!”

Seon Yu-seok 외쳤다 [shouted] with a 긍정적인 [positive] voice.

“Yes. It would be nice for 배우들 [actors] to 찍어봐도 [film] at least one film for 배우들 [actors], right?”

And I continued to explain the 촬영 방식 [filming method].

From the moment you arrive at the 펜션 [pension/guesthouse], the 스탠드 카메라 [stand camera] that was 설치되어있던 [installed] in the room was the 메인 카메라 [main camera] that will 따라갈 [follow] the person 치는 대사 [saying lines] and there was only one.

Other than that, I was going to 잡고 [hold] the camera myself and 따라갈 [follow] the actors depending on the situation.

The remaining scenes will be 잡을 풀샷 [capture full shots] with eight 거치형의 저가 DSLR [fixed low-cost DSLR] installed in the 방 모서리 [room corners] and 앞마당 [front yard] of the 펜션 [pension/guesthouse].

And as I said before, you can 쳐도 애드리브 [ad-lib] to your heart’s content as long as the 대사 [lines/dialogue] doesn’t 벗어나 [deviate] from the script.

Senior Won Hye-rim 피식 웃으셨다 [smirked] after hearing the explanation.

“Good. Then I’ll from now on.”

And she 꺼내셨다 [took out] the 촌스러운 헤어 밴드를 [old-fashioned hairband] that she had 준비해온 [prepared] from her bag.

“I’m 영실이가 [Young-sil].”