Lazy Genius Striker [EN]: Chapter 128

< Episode 127 – Malmö When Thirsty >

The thirst I had to feel for two weeks.

To Johan’s eyes, Malmö’s blue uniform felt like the water of life.

As soon as the game started, Johan rushed in like someone who had found an oasis in the desert.

From the start, it was a shock to the home fans who came to Stadion Malmö.

Like a racehorse with its side vision blocked, Johan took the first touch and then ran forward.

And, he started running towards the goal, knocking down everything that stood in his way.

One, two, three, four,

<1-on-1 chance! Shoot-! Gooooal!>

After single-handedly defeating five people in an instant, Johan scored the opening goal with an accurate shot.

That time was the 2nd minute of the first half.

The moment the goal went in, all the West Ham teammates covered their heads, and even Capello unconsciously shook his hands up and down.

That gesture that Italians often make when they see something absurd.

He came to his senses a moment later and pretended to be calm.

It was a goal that even Capello would be speechless at. That was.

However, Johan’s rampage was, of course, not the end of it.

In the 11th minute of the first half, Johan’s second goal was a cool long-range shot.

The shot from the front of the arc was low, bounced once in front of the keeper, and stuck in the corner.

It was fast and the height was the most difficult for the keeper to block.

“I’m getting anxious.”

“We have to take him out at the right time.”

It wasn’t Malmö’s bench that was showing anxious expressions at Johan’s rampage, but West Ham’s bench.

Johan is capable of destroying even if the opponent is Barcelona or Paris if he puts his mind to it.

What if the opponent is Malmö?

He might score the most goals in a single Champions League game.

“How many goals is that?”

“Five goals.”

“Five goals? Hmm. Then, we should change him if he scores six goals.”

“You’re still letting him set a record.”

The current record for the most goals in a single Champions League game is 5 goals.

A record set by Luiz Adriano and Lionel Messi.

But looking at Johan’s momentum today, it’s a ridiculous record to even consider.

In fact, there was also a record that was destined to be broken even before that.

Johan’s third goal came in the 17th minute of the first half.

So, a hat trick was completed in 17 minutes.

It was a new record.

The previous fastest hat trick record was 23 minutes set by Robert Lewandowski.

In fact, this was also a record that would not be easily broken in the future.

It is not easy for a hat trick to be scored in 23 minutes in the Champions League, where champions from each league compete, not a league game.

However, Johan set a new record by advancing the time by 6 minutes from that record.

It’s unfortunate,

Today, Malmö was just a record vending machine.

*

“Now that it’s come to this, let’s see how far it goes.”

“I feel sorry to take him out.”

Coach Schmidt also raised both hands as Johan flew around.

What should I say? It’s like feeling sorry to wake someone up if they’re sleeping too soundly.

I felt sorry to take out Johan, who was scoring goals in a trance.

So Johan added goals one by one as time went by and reached a new record.

The double hat trick, Johan’s 6th goal, came in the 15th minute of the second half.

Today’s game was no longer a Champions League game, but a one-sided assault scene that was hard to watch with both eyes open.

Most of Malmö’s fans had already left the stadium, and coach Sigurdsson had no choice but to sigh and replace the players.

The funny thing is that the first player to be replaced was the goalkeeper.

It was something I couldn’t do humanly.

It was ridiculous to leave him while watching him continue to concede goals.

When the 7th goal went in, the commentators also clicked their tongues and tried to comfort the Malmö fans.

In the end, the only thing that could stop Johan today was Johan himself.

“Hoo, hoo.”

“I’ve never seen you panting like this before.”

In the 27th minute of the second half, Johan was substituted because he didn’t have the strength to run anymore.

The expression that he was tired of hitting was perfect.

How hellish was the A-match period [international break] that he scored goals until his stamina ran out?

“Hmm.”

Coach Schmidt thought as he looked at Johan lying on the bench.

Later, I should use this method again before an important game.

The method of starving him until he is eager to run.

Today, coach Schmidt was realizing another way to train Johan.

ㆍㆍㆍ

-Preview of winning the Ballon d’Or [best player in the world award] for the second year in a row? Johan Ban, 7 goals in one game… Achieves the most goals record in a single game

-It wasn’t a Champions League game… West Ham defeats Malmö 7-0 and maintains the lead in the group

-Paris Saint-Germain draws with Barcelona at home… Maintaining the fight for 2nd place

2028/29 Champions League Group E

1st place West Ham utd 3 wins 0 draws 0 losses 9 points

2nd place Barcelona 1 win 1 draw 1 loss 4 points

3rd place Paris Saint-Germain 1 win 1 draw 1 loss 4 points

4th place Malmö FF 0 wins 0 draws 3 losses 0 points

West Ham defeated Malmö and won 3 consecutive Champions League games, and Paris and Barca drew each other.

The group stage is a schedule of a total of six games per team.

In other words, there were still 3 games left, and the rankings could be reversed at any time during those 3 games.

However, it was true that West Ham had already advanced a lot.

First of all, it was a good thing that the remaining two games against Paris and Malmö were home games, and it was also a good picture that Paris and Barca were drawing each other and flowing into a fight for second place among themselves.

In the future, there seemed to be only one thing to pay attention to in the group stage, the away game at Camp Nou [Barcelona’s home stadium].

Barcelona was determined.

To return the humiliation they suffered at the London Stadium at Camp Nou.

Certainly, Camp Nou is not an easy place for away teams.

No, the reputation is too high to just say it’s not easy.

The maximum capacity is only 99,000 spectators.

Because Camp Nou is the largest football stadium in Europe.

There are still a few weeks left until the game, but the home supporter seats are already sold out, and black market trading is rampant in the away seats.

It seems like they want to show a bitter taste by decorating the stands with home fans as much as possible.

West Ham fans are not easy either, so I think we’ll have to wait and see.

Anyway, the Premier League was resumed after the Champions League game.

West Ham’s 7th round opponent is Leeds United.

In this game, all the players who rested in the Malmö game played, and Johan rested instead.

To be honest, I was worried for a long time.

When I was given the choice of playing or resting before the Leeds game.

Leeds is a difficult team in its own way, but it is not a strong team, so if I play, I thought I could earn a lot of attack points.

However, there were too many training exemptions earned in the Malmö game.

Enough to rest before and after Sunday, when there is a game.

I was so annoyed to go to work for one day during that golden holiday.

In the end, Johan chose to rest, and West Ham played against Leeds without Johan.

As a result, Johan’s choice was a good choice for everyone.

Because West Ham easily defeated Leeds 3-0 and took the victory.

The main character of the victory that day was Capello.

Perhaps because Johan was not there, Capello showed more forward movement and aimed for goals himself.

Thanks to that, Kane’s expression was a bit ambiguous, but Capello carried the game by scoring two goals.

This seemed like a pretty big gain.

It was confirmed that Capello is a player who can not only pass but also score.

But the funny thing is that Capello’s expression was not good after the game.

“Hey, Yo-eop-ka-wang!”

“What did you say?”

“When Johan is not there, Capello is the king. That’s what I mean. Capello is flying around because Johan is not there.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m the king even if that guy is there.”

“You punk, you’re pretending to be strong. When you play with Johan, you look for Johan as soon as you catch the ball. Because you want to assist.”

“I told you not to be ridiculous.”

Yo-eop-ka-wang [Europe King, in a mocking tone].

Could there be a more self-deprecating nickname for Capello than this?

“Yo-eop…”

“I told you not to.”

“Okay. I’ll stop.”

“Puhaha.”

Capello shook his head and thought.

I’m going to turn it upside down soon.

ㆍㆍㆍ

There is one pattern that Premier League fans are familiar with.

As summer comes in August and winter comes in December.

A scenery as familiar as the change of seasons.

That’s the Manchester United fans who get noisy when the season opening is near.

-[Official] Manchester United appoints Jeroen Hauer as new manager

-‘110 billion’ Man U signs PSV Eindhoven’s genius midfielder Frans van der Velden

-Reinforcement is not over yet… Kai Heitinger, Dortmund DF [Defender], who was about to go to Munich, moves to Man U in a surprise move

It was true that Manchester United had the hottest summer ahead of the season opening.

Manchester United, who sacked James Hiddleston, who had a disappointing performance last season, appointed Jeroen Hauer as the new manager.

Coach Hauer led PSV Eindhoven until last season, raising the team to the Champions League semi-finals.

Man U fans expected that he would change everything from A to Z because they brought in coach Hauer, who became one of the hottest coaches in Europe at once with his achievements.

In addition, they signed PSV Eindhoven’s Frans van der Velden, who is Hauer’s crown prince and the main character of the Champions League semi-finals, and even signed defender Kai Heitinger, who Munich was aiming for, to strengthen the squad.

So, it was natural for Man U fans to be active online ahead of the new season.

Of course, it’s not the first or second time they’ve done that, and everyone knows that they’ll be quiet soon.

Most fans of other teams just blocked their ears, thinking that’s what they were doing.

After the season opening.

Now, after 7 rounds.

People’s expectations were wrong.

└Did you say this season is real? LOL

└Great Man U

└Manchester is Red!!!

└The Hwangyu [derogatory term for Man U fans] is back. Empty house robbers [referring to Liverpool] should run away now

└Just give Man U the trophy and start the season again ㅋㅋㅋ You’re so good

└If you win the treble [winning the league, Champions League and FA Cup], you’ll break even. If you win the double [winning two of the major trophies], you’ll fail. The current Man U is just that good

└Hauer is a real master…

When I opened the lid, Man U was really different.

In 7 rounds after the opening, Man U was undefeated with 6 wins and 1 draw.

Even considering that the only draw was against Man City.

Man U was showing the best start ever.

Thanks to that, Man U fans were looking forward to the 8th round.

In the 8th round, Man U’s opponent is West Ham.

Man U had a major disaster against West Ham last season.

In that game, they lost 1-5, giving up five goals to Johan at home.

Man U fans were raising their voices, saying that they would return the humiliation at that time in this 8th round.

└I feel sorry for West Ham. They were in good shape, but they met a natural disaster here.

└Anyway, we’ll give 1 loss to all 19 teams fairly, so don’t be too upset ㅋㅋㅋ

└I warn West Ham fans. If possible, don’t let children watch this game. Because it will be such a cruel game.

└The true colors of Capello, a fake genius created by the media, will be revealed to the world in front of the real genius Van der Velden

Man U fans gathered on their fan sites and made all kinds of provocations as if they had already won the game.

To what extent was their momentum so high that they even started posting comments provoking Johan.

└[Breaking News] Johan Ban, sleepless nights due to nightmares… Appealing fear ahead of the Man U game

└Johan, bring the Ballon d’Or when you come. You have to return it to the owner.

└Are you watching Heitinger rip Johan Ban’s soul apart?

└Johan, I’m sorry, but it’s too late. There’s no place for you now even if you come

The funny thing is that those comments didn’t last long.

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Even though it’s a place where they talk among themselves, it’s not right.

Anyway, Man U was so confident and was looking forward to the 8th round starting soon.