Peaceful Bullpen Life [EN]: Chapter 178

“It’s cooler than I thought. And the wind is blowing a lot….”

Somewhere between mid and late September.

I sat on a bench in Apgujeong-dong, sipping iced coffee and waiting for Min-young.

Did I arrive too early?

Looking at the clock, it was around 1:30 PM. I figured that would be about right, since Min-young said she was taking a half-day, but I was way ahead of schedule.

“Thirty minutes….”

A whole thirty minutes early.

“…Should I grab a cigarette?”

I glanced at the smoking booth.

“…….”

I’d only had one this morning after waking up.

Still thirty minutes until Min-young arrives.

Thirty minutes is plenty of time for the smell to dissipate.

“Eh, one won’t hurt, right?”

Min-young isn’t particularly fond of my smoking, but she’s understanding.

She understands because she knows it’s hard to quit… but she still hopes I will.

That conversation, which started with me wondering how Min-young knew it was hard to quit smoking, also led to me hearing a bit about my future father-in-law.

He’s been smoking steadily since before Min-young was even born.

Chiiik—

I don’t know exactly when, but sometime after the issue of smoking bans started circulating in the country, he apparently tried to quit.

“Sss, whoo….”

I think he succeeded for… maybe three hours.

Her future mother-in-law and Min-young witnessed that and have just accepted it ever since.

That’s why Min-young doesn’t directly tell me to quit smoking.

She’s just leaving me alone, even though she doesn’t like it. Just like her future father-in-law.

Tssseuuuu—

“Hmm….”

I stubbed the cigarette butt into the ashtray that looked like it was filled with coffee grounds, came out of the smoking booth, and sat back on the bench to wait for Min-young.

Sniff sniff—

“…I don’t smell it as much as I thought?”

I was wondering if I should go to the car and spray some more cologne, but thanks to the cool breeze, I didn’t really smell any cigarette smoke.

Still, to be safe, I slightly spread my arms to increase the surface area exposed to the wind.

“It’s cool….”

It definitely feels like autumn is coming soon.

The league has only 6 games left. And the Wonha Challengers’ remaining magic number [the number of wins needed to secure a championship] is only….

“Han-ul!”

“Wah!”

Ugh, you scared me.

“Ahaha, why are you so surprised?”

“Ah… I was spacing out for a second. You really startled me.”

“Were you really surprised?”

“Ugh….”

She’s so happy that she surprised her boyfriend!

Min-young, who always expresses her feelings openly, laughed and came over to me.

“…Ugh!”

And then frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

“…….”

She glared at me.

“Han-ul, you’ve been smoking, haven’t you?”

Uh….

“Ah, I smoked a little while ago. A little while ago.”

“How long ago?”

“It’s been quite a while….”

“Why does it smell so much like cigarettes?”

She was holding her nose with her fingers, looking like it was really bad.

Sniff sniff—

I smelled myself to check.

“…I don’t smell anything.”

“I do!”

…I really don’t smell anything.

“People who smoke usually can’t smell it. Back in the day, Dad… I mean, my father, right? When I was really young, he kept trying to kiss me, but he smelled so much like cigarettes. I kept saying I didn’t like the cigarette smell, and he got hurt.”

“Uh….”

“But my father said he didn’t smoke. So I asked him when he smoked most recently, and he said it was an hour before that.”

“Hmm….”

“I smell it. You smell like cigarettes right now, Han-ul.”

“…….”

Um, I have absolutely nothing to say.

“Well, let’s go eat. Aren’t you hungry?”

So, I subtly try to change the subject.

“Hmm….”

“…….”

She must have noticed my intention because she’s glaring at me, and I feel like I’m sweating on my back.

“Okay, let’s go eat. I’m hungry.”

But she quickly turned back into the Min-young I knew. Feeling relieved, I reached out my left hand to hold Min-young’s hand….

“No way.”

“Huh?”

“You smell!”

“…….”

…But I was rejected.

“Uh… okay….”

“You can’t hold my hand until a lot of time has passed.”

Oh my god.

It feels like the sky is falling, but,

“No way!”

“…Okay.”

Her expression is so firm that I can’t help it.

Hung.

Without a choice, instead of holding Min-young’s hand, I stuck close to her shoulder and wandered around looking for a restaurant, when,

“…Han-ul, you know.”

“Yeah?”

“How about you try quitting smoking this time?”

The most difficult quest imaginable appeared out of nowhere.

“S, suddenly?”

“Hmm….”

Min-young glanced at the nearby smoking booth once.

“It’s not that I don’t know what cigarettes mean to smokers. So I didn’t really care. I could just avoid the smell.”

She subtly pushed my shoulder in the opposite direction.

“But a thought suddenly occurred to me… You know how I talked about my father earlier?”

“That… when you were little?”

“Yeah.”

We went into a Chinese restaurant that appeared as we moved away from the smoking booth.

We discussed what to eat, decided on a dish to share, and sat facing each other, waiting for the food.

“Do you want to have kids, Han-ul?”

“Uh….”

The water glass I was bringing to my lips stopped as if it had been hit by a time-stop potion.

“…Yeah.”

When the effect of the time-stop potion wore off, I had unknowingly blurted out a truthful answer.

“Would you prefer a son or a daughter?”

“Uh….”

Seeing her throw out difficult questions so casually, Min-young is definitely a sly one.

“I’ve thought about it once before… I thought it would be nice to have a daughter who looks like Min-young.”

“Then, later—I don’t know when we’ll have a child, but later—what would you think if a daughter who looks exactly like me tells you, ‘Daddy, I hate the smell of cigarettes!’?”

If a child is able to clearly distinguish smells and even chatter, it must be after I’ve retired.

I don’t know what I’ll be doing then, but I roughly imagine coming home from work in the evening….

As soon as I open the door and come in, my daughter will shout, “Daddy’s home!” and come running out, “Waaaa! Daddy’s home!!”

Then Min-young will be behind her, saying, “Hey… I don’t know her name yet, but whoever she is, don’t run!” but she’ll be smiling contentedly.

Thinking, ‘This is what a happy family looks like,’ I’ll try to hug my daughter who’s coming towards me, but suddenly she’ll shout,

‘Ugh! Daddy smells like cigarettes, get away!’

How would I feel then?

“…If my daughter told me to get away because I smelled like cigarettes, wouldn’t I be really sad?”

“I, I didn’t exactly say ‘get away’….”

Min-young flinched noticeably, probably because she was taken aback by my intense reaction.

“A, and also!”

And then, to change the subject,

“Cigarettes, they, like! They lower your sperm count!”

“…….”

I just blurt out whatever comes to mind.

“…That….”

She probably realized what she said a little late.

“Anyway, so, yeah. Quitting smoking is supposed to be really hard, right?”

“Haa… yeah, it’s honestly hard.”

Don’t even associate with people who have quit smoking. [A Korean saying implying that quitting is so difficult, those who succeed are almost superhuman.]

There’s a saying that tells you how difficult quitting smoking is, and how tough the person who did it is.

“I know, but thinking about the future, even starting to try now would be good, right? It’s hard now, but it might be even harder when you get older, right?”

“…….”

Every single word and letter that Min-young says is right, so I have nothing to refute.

“It’s not like something terrible will happen if you can’t quit today. Wouldn’t it be good to try calmly and comfortably?”

“Trying is….”

Haa….

“…I’ll try.”

“Great, good thinking!”

Definitely, if we have a child later, Min-young will be a really good mother.

Swish, swish—

It feels so good to be praised and have my head patted.

* * *

Waking up late in the morning, I space out for a while… then get out of bed. I stagger to the chair, fumbling to put a cigarette in my mouth.

Thanks to the potential nicotine boost, I grab hold of my briefly sharpened mind and go to the bathroom to shed my shell, then turn on the water.

If I nimbly strengthen my sharpened mind while showering in the shwaaaaa-ing water, then I’m ready for the day.

“…Ugh.”

But today is a little different.

“Haaaahm….”
The cigarette I smoked right before meeting Min-young yesterday was the last one I’ve touched.

“…What time is it….”

I check the time on my phone with a cracked voice, and it’s 10 AM.

I’ve been abstaining from smoking for over 20 hours now.

“Ah, cigarettes….”

I know I shouldn’t smoke, I shouldn’t touch them, I shouldn’t even look at them, but when I happen to see the cigarettes scattered on my desk,

“…….”

My hand wants to reach out.

“Ugh, I should just move.”

I quickly shake my head and get out of bed.

To sharpen my mind, I turn on the cold water instead of the warm water I usually use, and shower in it.

“Ack, son of a bitch!”

My body violently rejects it.

I dared to be presumptuous, I dared to be arrogant, and I slightly turned the shower faucet towards the warm direction.

Is it because I deviated from my daily routine?

“Ugh….”

Even though I’m showering in warm water, I can’t seem to wake up.

I blankly stand in front of the showerhead, staring at the falling water for a while.

“…Ah.”

I was surprised to realize that I had been spacing out for quite a long time, and quickly started showering.

I wipe the water flowing from my body with a towel, shake my head to dry my hair. I fumble to put on my clothes, eat, look at my phone, and pack the necessary items.

“Haa….”

Every movement I make inside the house includes a glance towards the cigarettes on the desk.

No.

I’ve endured for more than a full day; I can’t let the tower collapse here in vain.

I abandon my lingering feelings and quickly leave the house.

Beep—

I get in the car and start driving, the route familiar.

“Ah, where did I put it?”

While stopped at a light, I unknowingly looked for the cigarettes that would be in the center console.

“I’ll stop by the convenience store on the way….”

Ah.

“Crazy, no. Get a grip, you idiot. How long has it been since you started, and you’re already doing that? Get a grip, please, please get a grip….”

About 30 minutes from home to Jamsil Stadium.

“Oh, Han-ul. Long time no see.”

“…Yeah.”

“Is something wrong?”

I must have become quite haggard in the meantime, because as soon as I arrived at the stadium, Young-jin, who I met, immediately expressed concern.

“No, not really….”

“You look really tired for someone who says that.”

Does my condition look that bad?

“Want a smoke?”

“Ah, I’ll pass….”

No.

“Ah, no. I’m okay.”

“How can you be okay? You’ll feel better if you have a smoke.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s that… I started quitting smoking.”

School ties, regional ties, family ties—the best of them all is smoking ties.

“…Huh?”

The two men, formerly connected by smoking, rapidly began to feel a sense of distance.

“…Hey, Han-ul, you’re telling weird lies again.”

“No, really. I’m really trying to quit.”

Smokers’ trait: when someone next to them says they’re quitting,

“Those kinds of jokes don’t work these days.”

Instead of helping, they dismiss it as nonsense.

“Really. Really. I’m really trying to quit.”

Is that karma coming back to me?

“Did something happen? Why the sudden quitting?”

“Well, the thing is… I had a conversation with my girlfriend about cigarettes….”

“Did your girlfriend tell you to quit?”

“It’s not like she said she’d break up with me if I didn’t quit, or that I absolutely had to quit. You know how it is. It’s scarier when they talk gently.”

“Ah….”

“Han-ul, wouldn’t it be good to try quitting smoking this time because of this and that?”

“Oh dear….”

“…Yeah. That’s how it happened.”

With the future daughter coming up, it was too difficult to say I didn’t want to!

“Haa… then who am I going to smoke with from now on?”

“…Sorry.”

“Hey, what are you sorry for? It’s right to quit.”

“Hey, what does your wife say?”

“My wife? We smoke together, so, whatever.”

Wow.

“It’s a shame, but it can’t be helped. Since you’ve started, try to quit properly this time. I won’t bring up cigarettes in front of you from now on either.”

Even though he lost his closest comrade, Young-jin smiled brightly and patted me on the shoulder.

“Well… I’ll go in first.”

“Yeah. Good luck today.”

“Yeah….”

Young-jin smiled, waved his hand, and headed towards the smoking room.

Looking at that….

“…Haa.”

I feel like today is going to be very difficult.