Peaceful Bullpen Life [EN]: Chapter 69

※ 69. Mental

[Awesome!]

[Rabbit shaking its head and clapping emoticons]

On the bus back to Daejeon,

I got a message from Min-young. I replied with a giggle, thanking her and saying we’d win again today.

I felt uplifted by her offer to meet again after the post-season.

“Who is it?”

“Hehe.”

“Okay.”

Gyu-jin hyung, sitting in the front seat, seemed to have noticed how elated I was just from my laughter.

Elation.

A state where one’s spirits are raised by one or even two levels. Everyone on this bus was feeling that way.

Just one more win to the playoffs!

We had secured an absolute advantage by winning both games at home.

Naturally, everyone’s spirits were high.

“Why that expression?”

Only one person,

“Ah, well…”

Except for Jun-hyuk, who was starting tomorrow.

“I’m a bit nervous…”

“What’s there to be nervous about? It’s not your first time.”

“But it feels different… Last year, it was just… going with the flow, but this time, we’re right on the verge of winning, and I feel like… I can’t lose…”

You could lose. So what if you lose?

It was unusual for me to think that way. Abnormal, even.

“Just do it. What does it matter?”

“But if I lose…”

“Just win. You just do what you have to do. Didn’t I tell you before? Just do what you’ve been doing.”

“Yes…”

“Then the guys behind you will take care of the rest.”

I craned my neck and turned my head back.

Not many of the players were asleep, as we hadn’t been on the road for long.

Instead, they were chatting quietly.

“Sunbae-nim [senior/mentor],”

“Huh?”

“How do you have such a… good mental game?”

“Mental game?”

It hasn’t been that long since I realized I had a good mental game. Maybe 4 years? 5 years?

No wonder the first trait I received when I encountered this system or whatever it was, was ‘Enlightenment’.

“I just got beat up so much that I got used to it.”

“You got used to getting hit?”

“I guess so. I got hit more than you think. I’d get hit with back-to-back pitches all the time, and you know what? I’m the only one in Korea who’s been hit by three consecutive pitches three times, right?”

“Wow.”

“That’s how you train your mental game. You have to get hit to get used to it. If you don’t know anything, all you’ll feel is resentment.”

I thought the conversation would slowly wind down at this point, but Jun-hyuk was still curious.

“But when you were getting hit that much, weren’t your stats… not so good?”

“Um… yeah.”

“Are you the same even after your stats got better? I feel like you’d be really upset if you got hit then…”

“Ah…”

That’s a valid question.

“Um…”

But the answer didn’t come quickly. I had to filter it a bit before I could start speaking.

“It was fun.”

“Pardon?”

“Wow, he’s hitting me! And he’s getting past me like that.”

“C-can I have that kind of mental game too?”

A person whose ears flap in the wind, swayed even by X-perts, let alone amateurs.

Perhaps that’s why he has a longing for the mental aspect. Just like I have a longing for fastball pitchers.

“Sure. Get beat up a lot. Then you’ll get it automatically.”

That was the best answer I could give. Could there be a better answer than that?

“Didn’t you ever feel like giving up after getting hit so much?”

“Why would I quit?”

“Like… I’m not good enough, or something. Didn’t you ever think that way?”

“I did once. No, not exactly that thought, but… a similar thought.”

“How?”

“If they tell me to quit, I’ll quit.”

“Not of your own volition, but by someone else’s?”

“That’s right.”

I do what I can do. In other words, I quickly give up on what I can’t do. Because that’s more comfortable for me.

“So you always wanted to keep playing baseball, Sunbae-nim.”

“…I guess so?”

Han-wool, you really love baseball!

Min-young had said that once.

Do I love baseball?

The bus was quietly heading to Daejeon, carrying me, who hadn’t found a proper answer to that question.

* * *

We arrived at Daejeon Hanbat Stadium.

Sitting on the third base side bench, I quietly looked around the field. It was still early, but there were already some fans who had come into the stadium and taken their seats.

Lots of people.

The first game after suffering two losses. If we lose here, it’s a bad ending, so what kind of mood did these people come to watch the game in?

Did they come thinking that even if we lose, it won’t be like today?

“…Not my problem.”

I got up from my seat and turned my head.

I’m so grateful that they’re baseball fans, but I’m just a petty citizen who’s struggling to repay even our own team’s fans properly.

I didn’t have the *yeoyu* [mental余裕 or余裕, leeway/capacity] to take care of the opposing team’s fans.

The batting lineup was the same as before. Myung-jin, Sung-hyun, Ki-sung, Jin-hyung, Seung-joo, Sung-hoon hyung, Sung-moon, Gyu-hak, Hoon-i.

The positions were also the same as they usually played. Only the starting pitcher’s spot changed every day, and today Jun-hyuk was taking that spot.

Whack!

“Ah, it’s okay, it’s okay!”

I watched closely. Gyu-hak was showing his mitt close to the right-handed batter’s body. I couldn’t see Jun-hyuk’s sign, so I didn’t know what he was going to throw, but

Twick!

“Ah, close! A little more, a little more inside!”

I could tell it was an impossible ball. It looked like a slider, judging by the way it was curving to the side… The ball that came out of his hand flew so far away that he couldn’t even think about hitting the batter.

As I kept watching, it seemed like his control in general wasn’t very good.

The slider was slipping out of his hand, and the fastball was slamming straight into the ground. At least the sinker seemed to be listening.

“Hey.”

“Ah, yes. Sunbae-nim.”

“Is it not going well?”

“Well…”

He seemed to be trying to sugarcoat his current situation,

“You can just tell me what’s going on. Why?”

“…Yes. It’s not going well.”

Why bother? What a waste of time.

After hearing Jun-hyuk’s answer, I scanned him from head to toe.

His legs were shaking, though weakly. His hands were fidgeting with the ball. His expression was tight-lipped and helpless.

“…You’re nervous.”

It’s nothing. I chuckled.

“Hey, we talked about it so much yesterday. Are you still nervous? It’s nothing.”

“I know it in my head, but my body… is shaking.”

“Are you more nervous than when you started your first game?”

“I think it’s about the same.”

If it’s as nervous as his first start, that’s quite a bit of nervousness.

“Jun-hyuk.”

“Yes…”

“If you start shaking while you’re pitching, look at me.”

“At you, Sunbae-nim?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t matter if it’s during the game. Look at me, and think about what we talked about on the bus yesterday. Do you remember what we talked about yesterday?”

“Roughly…”

“That’s enough.”

The reason people have religion is simple. They want to create something to lean on.

Whether it’s Jesus or Buddha. Or even if it’s not a god, but an object with some meaning.

“I understand.”

I decided to be that kind of person for Jun-hyuk today. Com-fort-able. I have it for once, I should use it.

“Ah, you were here?”

“Huh?”

While I was silently watching Jun-hyuk’s pitching, Jjomul-ttak-i [a nickname, possibly referring to someone who’s always fiddling with something] appeared.

I wondered why there was a camera in the corner.

“Why are you here, Eun-seo ssi?”

“I came to film today’s starting pitcher.”

I’m serious when I’m working.

Eun-seo ssi picked up the camera again with that expression and was filming Jun-hyuk.

Jun-hyuk, who was being reflected in the camera lens, was gesturing his glove to the left.

Whump!

“Ah, good ball! Coming in!”

The thrown ball became a sharp slider that curved to the side. This time, he gestured upwards once,

Whump!

“Good, good!”

A fastball heading to the outside.

It was a ball that was far from being called a strike, but it wasn’t as absurd as before.

“Oh… he’s getting it, he’s getting it.”

I heard Jjomul-ttak-i chattering next to me, so I turned my gaze towards her.

Shhh…….

I tried to say something, but she put her finger to her lips and cut me off.

I’m going to pout.

“Last!”

“Last, fastball!”

Whump!

The zero point that had been gradually catching on was finally caught on the last ball. Right in the body. Perfectly.

Jun-hyuk smiled brightly, as if satisfied after throwing a ball that would make you say, “Ah, you can’t hit that.”

“Ah, Han-wool ssi. What were you saying earlier?”

Eun-seo ssi turned off the camera and approached me after the starting battery’s promotion was over. But I was already pouting.

“Hmph.”

“Eh.”

“Hmph.”

“Ah, what is it?”

“That’s it. I’m not appearing anymore.”

“…….”

She made a disgusted expression, then pressed the button on the camera and took a picture of me.

“Kim Han-wool player, it’s the third game of the *jun-playoff* [semi-playoff] today! Please say a word to the fans.”

“We will definitely win today and send you a gift that is more valuable than anything else.”

“…….”

“…Why?”

“You sound like an *ajae* [middle-aged man].”

Suddenly throwing facts like that…….

“What were you saying earlier?”

“I wanted to see it too. Being filmed.”

“Ah.”

Look.

I looked at the camera she lightly held out. In the unedited video, Jun-hyuk’s balance was a mess.

Hmm…….

I thought about how today’s game would go, watching Jun-hyuk talking to Gyu-hak in front of the bullpen.

“He’ll do well.”

“Isn’t that too irresponsible?”

“There’s nothing I can do. He has to do well, what else can I do?”

I said that and left the bullpen. Jjomul-ttak-i kept following me even as I headed towards the dugout.

“But Han-wool ssi, were you really pouting because I told you not to talk earlier? Really?”

“Ah, why would I pout? At this age.”

“It seemed real.”

“I’m not.”

Poke― Poke―

“You were pouting, weren’t you?”

“Aaa, I’m not!”

That’s right, kekeke.

Even with my outburst, Eun-seo ssi laughed and calmed me down, saying she’d buy me a cup of coffee later.

I sat quietly on the bench and watched what the team members were doing. From time to time, I saw Eun-seo ssi talking to other players.

Right before the game, the manager had a few words. There wasn’t much to say.

Let’s win if we can. Let’s win quickly and rest a lot.

The story that would resonate more than any other pep talk seemed to be enough to raise the morale of the batting entry members.

Myung-jin picked out two of the opposing starter’s pitches first, and on the third pitch, he pushed a poorly thrown slider, and the explosion began.

Hit, home run, walk, hit, double, ground ball to first, walk, strikeout, hit, and then Myung-jin’s fly ball to right field.

The batting lineup went around more than once from the first inning, driving everyone related to the opposing team crazy.

Number 1 hitter, Choi! Woo! Seok!!

After that, Jun-hyuk’s pitching began.

I don’t know where he sold the good mood he had earlier, but he started with four balls from the start.

Completely ignoring the goodwill of the batting lineup that had given him five points, he even gave Kim Sung-hoon a walk.

Thwack―!!

Waaaaaah!!

Myung-gyu’s three-run homer was perfect.

Jun-hyuk, who was blankly staring at the ball that had soared over the right field fence, received the ball from the umpire and stepped back onto the plate.

After exchanging signs with Gyu-hak, he began his windup.

“Who’s he looking at?”

Thanks to being in the third base dugout, I made eye contact with Jun-hyuk.

“I don’t know.”

As if he had made up his mind, he nodded with a determined expression and lifted his left leg.

Thwack!

Fly ball to center field, strikeout, strikeout.

The beginning and end of the first inning defense were too starkly different.

He seemed to be aware of this himself, and he roughly acknowledged the encouragement of his teammates who greeted him in the dugout, and he lowered his head and pondered.

I gave you five points, and you gave up three? Then I’ll give you more, you hear!

Our batting lineup, which welcomed the second inning, was not much different from before.

Sung-hyun, who came out as the lead batter, hit a consecutive home run right away, and the attack lengthened once again, scoring three points.

8 points.

The second inning attack was long. Thanks to that, he had enough time to sort out his thoughts.

Thanks to the reliable batting lineup from the start, Jun-hyuk also began to show a comfortable pitch.

A typical pitch to get them out. In a way, a pitch that knows how to use the defense better than me.

He would sometimes give up walks and get hit with hits.

But every time that happened, when he went into the windup, or when he went into the set position, he would look at me in the dugout.

Thanks to that, he managed to last a whopping 7.1 innings, although he made my heart flutter by getting hit with a three-run homer from the start.

It wasn’t difficult to score points from Sung-woon, who had lost his mind from the start. Even in the second half of the game, while bringing in backup members,

Thwack!

“Catch it… catch it…….”

Out!

“Waaaaaah!!”

“Let’s goooo!!”

12 to 4.

Compared to the tension-filled previous two games, it was a game where the outcome was decided so quickly that it felt anticlimactic.

Hun-hee, who had been substituted in at second base, caught a fly ball that had floated very high and smiled brightly.

Everyone, regardless of infield, outfield, or bench, ran to the mound. They hugged and jumped around, enjoying the joy.

We will challenge a higher place!

*Jun-playoff* score 3 to 0.

After eliminating Sung-woon, who had made it to the post-season for the first time in 6 years, they expressed their confidence in the playoffs to our fans at their home stadium.

Even as they bowed to the fans in the third base cheering section and entered the dugout, our fans sang Wonha’s cheering song, foreshadowing that this joy would not easily fade.

Same with us.

“Ma.”

“Why, ma.”

After the game, Woo-seok came up to me.

“Ah, shouldn’t you give us one game?”

“Shut up with that nonsense.”

It was a brutal tone, but the two friends’ expressions were bright.

After that, I talked to Myung-gyu, greeted some players I was quite close to, and returned to our dugout.

Playoffs!

I tried to suppress the somewhat floating feeling, but it wasn’t easy. Even after arriving at the accommodation I had booked in Daejeon, this feeling did not subside easily.

[Good job!]

-[Rabbit shaking its head and clapping emoticons]

When I arrived at the accommodation, I had a message from Min-young ssi.

[Ah, it’s just the beginning. We have to do well even when we go up to the playoffs.]

[Yes! I believe Han-wool ssi will do well!]

I felt relieved only after talking to Min-young ssi for a while.

There were guys who were going out for a drink, saying, “I can’t waste this joy like this!”, and there were guys who were like hardcore practice bugs, sticking to their routine and swinging.

I was somewhere in between.

I didn’t play in today’s game, but the tension was released and I didn’t bother to stop the sleep that was coming.

Go to bed early, go to Seoul quickly and rest. And, let’s prepare for Media Day again.